Narcissistic Spouse: 7 Outstanding Ways To Succeed With Them.

I have written so many articles about how to have a happy marriage and you will read them here. Today’s post is about how to have a happy marriage with a narcissistic spouse. 

In this post,  I will give you clear and easy steps on how you could deal with and narcissistic spouse. 

If you are reading this article now, that means you are the spouse of a narcissist, your friend or someone you know is married, or you are planning to marry and don’t want to marry someone like that.

You will learn so many things from this post, including what narcissistic spouse abuse is, ways of dealing with a narcissistic spouse, and some important support groups for narcissists

However, if you are married to one and not sure, then let’s find this out. 

Who Is A Narcissist? –

A narcissist is someone who is always very full of himself (self-importance) they loves to dominate in things like prestige, vanity, and power. One thing about them is their inability to understand the damage they are inflicting on others around them or even themselves.

I am sure you now have a little knowledge of who a narcissist is. Does that describe the character of your man? Then you have nothing to fear. The step-by-step tips will guide you into having a successful and happy marriage with your narcissistic spouse.


Here Are A Few Signs Of Narcissistic Spouse: 

There are many different signs each narcissist can exhibit, however, marriage experts’ research said that all narcissistic partners have all the below narcissistic traits in common. They are: 

Excessive Self-Importance:

A narcissistic spouse often exhibits an inflated sense of self-worth. 
 This inflated sense of self-worth becomes a defining characteristic, where they consistently seek affirmation, admiration, and validation from those around them.
This continual quest for acknowledgment can manifest through various behaviors, such as persistent self-promotion, a preoccupation with achievements, and a constant desire for praise.
The ongoing need for external validation can impact the dynamics of the relationship, often leading to a one-sided focus on the narcissistic spouse’s desires and aspirations while potentially neglecting the emotional needs of their partner.
In essence, this excessive self-importance becomes a central aspect of the narcissistic spouse’s identity, influencing their interactions and contributing to a dynamic that revolves around their constant pursuit of affirmation.

Lack of Empathy:

A significant hallmark of a narcissistic partner is the conspicuous absence of empathy, a fundamental quality that involves understanding and sharing the feelings and needs of others.


In a relationship, this lack of empathy becomes pronounced as the narcissistic partner consistently struggles to connect emotionally with their significant other.

This emotional disconnect is evident in their inability to genuinely comprehend or respond sensitively to their partner’s experiences, concerns, or emotional states.

The lack of empathy often translates into a self-centered approach, where the narcissistic spouse may prioritize their own needs and desires without genuine consideration for the impact on their partner.

Consequently, this emotional void can contribute to so many challenging dynamics in the relationship.

For example, the partner’s feelings may be overlooked or dismissed, fostering an environment where emotional support and understanding are notably lacking.


Manipulative Behavior:

Within the intricate dynamics of a relationship, a narcissist frequently resorts to manipulative strategies, strategically utilizing charm or guilt as tools for exerting control over both situations and individuals.
This calculated behavior involves a conscious effort to sway circumstances to align with their preferences. The charm they employ can be disarming, creating an illusion of benevolence, while guilt serves as a means of subtly coercing compliance.
This manipulation extends beyond overt actions, subtly influencing the partner’s perceptions and decisions, thereby shaping the relationship in a manner that predominantly serves the narcissistic spouse’s agenda.

Jealousy and Envy:

A noteworthy trait in narcissistic spouses is their propensity to grapple with envy, leading to bouts of jealousy concerning the accomplishments or attention received by others, including their partner.
This envy-driven jealousy can manifest within the relationship, and create a tense atmosphere as the narcissistic spouse may perceive any external validation or success of their partner as a threat to their self-esteem.
This will make him or her intensify competition, which potentially undermines the overall harmony in the partnership.

Boundary Violations:

In the realm of interpersonal dynamics, narcissistic spouses often exhibit a marked tendency to disregard personal boundaries, transgressing into the realms of privacy and personal space without a discernible sense of appropriateness.
This intrusive behavior can manifest in a range of actions, from unwarranted scrutiny of personal belongings to an encroachment on emotional space.
Such boundary violations contribute to an environment where the autonomy and comfort of the partner are compromised, fostering a sense of unease within the relationship.

Intense Need for Control:

In a relationship, a narcissistic partner often wants a lot of control. They want to dominate many parts of the partnership.
This controlling attitude can affect everyday things, like making decisions and personal choices, leading to constant power struggles.
The need for dominance might go further, with the narcissistic spouse trying to manipulate situations and people. This creates an imbalance where they aim to have more power, which can harm the teamwork needed for a healthy relationship.

How To Deal With A Narcissistic Spouse Fast.


1) Write down your reasons:-

The first thing to do to deal with a narcissistic spouse fast is to write your action plans down.

It is not an easy job to live with a narcissist, but if you have made up your mind not to leave that narcissist you love, then you must take a notepad and a pen and write down 3 reasons why you love and not want to lose him or her.

These are the lists you will continually look at when the going becomes tough and then get refreshed in the things you have planned to have a short time.

Your list may look something like this

  1. I have made up my mind to stay with my spouse through good and bad times.
  2. I know that my spouse is a wonderful person and will be superb shortly.
  3. As I remember the love that brought us together in the beginning, I promise to stand firm in my marriage.
  4. I will not try to change my spouse, God will someday make him/her change.
  5. Marriage is for better or worse, so I will be with my spouse through thick and thin.

Declare these words daily, things will fall into place as time goes on

2) Tell God About it:

You must know that only God has the power to change the situation. Prayer is the only weapon we have to talk to God so why not tell God about your spouse’s challenge and believe things will change? It will change.

Prayer changes things and will work for you too. But you have to have faith that it will. It has worked for others and it will work for you.

3) Know what to negotiate with your spouse and the best negotiating style to adopt:

One thing the narcissist believes is that they know everything and never go wrong. There may be some behaviors that will repel you, what is best for you to do is to overlook it, just allow it to slide.

Whenever you want to talk about anything, you must know the best time to do so and the best strategy to use. Always start your negotiations with the key convincing words. You have a few minutes to get his/her attention. Never argue.

Tell your spouse how your marriage is slowly going down because of his/her lifestyle.

Let him or her know that you are being affected negatively by your actions. It may take a little while but don’t be surprised to see your spouse responding slowly to what you said.


4) Upgrade your self-esteem:-

Your self-esteem is challenged because your narcissistic spouse constantly wants to have his way every moment and not yours. Never mind, just try and bring back your self-esteem.

Here are a few things you can do to improve your self-esteem.

  • Use Words Of Affirmation:- Speak good words of encouragement to yourself every day. Reassure yourself that you are strong and intelligent and nothing can take away your strength.
  • Be Nice To Yourself:- Be attentive to those little inner voices that always tell you that you are a weakling and disregard it. Change it to a good prophecy for yourself.
  • Always Strive To Be Your Best: Think big, and do big things. Even when it is a must for you to do small things, then do it in a big way.
  • Keep Moving:- Many things will want to stop you. You will fail also, but get up and keep moving.

Choose to say nice things to yourself at all times. That will help to reaffirm your faith in your spouse.

5) Learn Proper Negotiating Skills:-

Another way to deal with your narcissistic spouse is to learn how to negotiate effectively. One of the things that bring great problems between you and your spouse is the ways and many you communicate with each other.

Most times you may want to negotiate with them on certain things, but fail because you don’t know how to do that. Learning how to negotiate will show you what is negotiable and what is not.

Look away from the things you don’t like about them, especially when it is not threatening your life.

However, don’t let everything slip under the table unless you will become a slave. When you know what is negotiable, feel free to negotiate. You can succeed as you try.

6) Learn To Enforce Your Boundaries:

Never accept or do anything you don’t want to do just because you want to please, your narcissistic spouse. Keep enforcing your boundaries from the beginning.

It may not work in the beginning, but they will get tired of trying to manipulate you when they see that you are firm on your feet.

They will feel bad and frustrated about that but don’t feel perturbed and don’t look at their faces. Be sure not to cross his boundaries and maintain that yours should be respected.

7) Don’t Allow Them To Gaslight You.

One of the things the narcissist know best to do is to humiliate and undermine their prey.

That means you have to be observant of your spouse’s actions every time. Whenever they say things and deny they didn’t or blame you for not hearing what they said when they didn’t say anything, you are being gaslighted.

If you are not careful you will be thrown off balance. So don’t allow that. They will give up trying when you resist it. Once you succumb to that, it becomes his winning strategy for you.

Don’t Keep Quiet:-

it is not always good to discuss your relationship outside. But it is important when it comes to letting people know how much or what you are going through with your narcissistic partner.

Let your friends, family, and your spouse’s family be aware. This is not the best time to isolate yourself. Your partner will force you to do that, don’t allow him.

When you let the cat out, you will get some advice and suggestions that will empower you to deal with your narcissistic spouse.


Rapping up:

Living with a narcissistic husband or wife won’t be easy, meanwhile, If you insist on living with them, then the points in this post are enough for you to deal with your narcissistic spouse.

It may not change immediately if you keep pushing, you will scale through.

You must always understand that the change may not be imminent, but you are sure the change must come since you are committed to doing the things you are supposed to do to stay happily married to the narcissist you love so much.

Read Also

Role of a husband in building a happy marriage

What makes a man happy in marriage

Aik: AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers have been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed by coming to this site.