Getting married is everybody’s dream. But no one desires to get married to an alcoholic. What if you already have a functional alcoholic spouse? and you are for how to help alcoholic spouse, then I have good news for you.
My answer is yes! and in this post, I am going to reveal to you step by step, with no step skipped on how you can contain and live happily with an alcoholic spouse.
It won’t be easy though.
One thing you must understand is that it is not easy when you have an alcoholic as a spouse. It is not also very easy when you could no longer hide the shame you feel due to the pains pain and frustration he is inflicting on your children and everyone even to himself.
However, if you are determined to get yourself committed, then you can find more joy in your marriage and family at last.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse. Step One
Learn how to communicate with your alcoholic spouse:-
Communication is very vital in every relationship, but communication with an alcoholic addict is not that very easy.
There is a proper way to communicate with an alcoholic, if not you will find it hard to live happily with them.
It may not be easy for you when you talk harshly to him/ her.
Bellow are two steps to follow if you want to communicate effectively with this alcoholic.
Keep your words simple:-
Here is what I mean, If he is that type who will come home drunk and late too and starts an argument on how lousy and not supportive you are: and that hurts you so much. Don’t talk back at that moment. Give them time to rest.
Then the next day, he may wake up with a hangover, which is not also the best time to talk about anything.
The best you could do is wait until he or she feels sober and ready to listen.
Then you may choose some words like“Honey you came home drunk last night and started yelling at me”. The reaction here maybe silence or in a defensive mood, never mind.
Tell him or her how worried you are and how your marriage is been affected by the actions. Let them know your plans to leave the marriage if that continues.
This may course a change in his or her attitude.
One thing I know about alcoholics is that they are “sensitive needy people” who find it hard to stand heartache and loneliness, so when you say you may leave the marriage, it will make him change.
Remember the change will be gradual.
Say the truth:-
You must not hide your feelings. Tell everything as you see it. But avoid listing similar incidents. Let all your approaches be simple and apt.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Two.
Take Care of Yourself:-
Remember it is not an easy task to have a happy marriage with an alcoholic. You will have so many burdens emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Take time to seek advice from your friends that have passed through the way before you. Eat good, have enough exercise, have rest when necessary. Never stop doing the things that empower you more.
Relief yourself of the things that will add stress to your life. Know you can’t change your partner’s alcoholism, so don’t even try.
The change will only come from him/her, that’s why you should concentrate on yourself. Invest in your other sources of happiness, build a relationship with your children and other people out there.
Enjoy your life, treat yourself like you are the only person in the world. Life is too short to waste on what you can’t change.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Three.
Make plans to take him/her to a rehabilitation center:-
Always have in mind that you can do anything to save your spouse from this drinking habit so you can live a happy marriage life again with them.
One of the ways is to try taking your spouse to the rehabilitation center. It will not be easy convincing him/her to accept that.
Let your spouse know how much you and your children are suffering from his actions as you are proposing to him.
When you say this, allow him/her to meditate on the idea. Do not be harsh. Though it may be a hard way, it is still a good option if he accepts to go with you.
Finally, you must be praying for your spouse that the word of God will take pre-eminence in his or her life.
With the word of God working in him, you will see your spouse realizing that his actions are not the best for him and his family.
That will bring change and room for you to live a simple, strong, and happy marriage with this alcoholic spouse you love so much.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Four.
Don’t Accept Their Blames;
One thing the alcoholics know how to do best is to blame.
They will blame you for their drinking habit and they will blame everybody around too.
” you are the reason for my addiction.” “It’s because of what you did that I resolved to drink.”
Those words are what you hear constantly from them. If you are not careful, you will accept the responsibility.
Don’t accept it, because you are not the reason. Allow them to speak their minds, but keep praying and supporting them until they change.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Five.
“Don’t Enable Alcoholic Use”
Indeed, you are not the cause of your spouse’s alcoholic addiction, but you may be enabling it unknowingly.
You may be doing things that help your spouse perpetuate the drinking habit. Stop for a while and check your actions.
- Overlooking the problems?
- Taking over his/her responsibilities when he is not able because of a hangover or drinking?
- Drinking with them sometimes?
- Not taking their rehabilitation plan seriously?
- Supporting and making excuses for them when he fails in their responsibilities due to the drinking habits.
If you do all these, then you are not helping matters; things may get worse and out of hand if you continue that way.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Six.
Get Help From Friends:
If you have a functioning alcoholic spouse, you have to look for many alternatives to help him: otherwise, it will be hard to live happily with them.
There are many options to follow, like asking friends who have gone through that way before.
Ask them what they did, and how they did it. There is nothing to hide about it if you want to get a solution.
Moreso, you can take them to the rehabilitation center as I have discussed earlier. There is also an alcoholic support group where you can add him or her.
The next option is to look for is joining alcoholic spouse support groups.
There are many alcoholic spouse support groups online and offline. Search the internet for them and join their discussions. You’ll be amazed at what help you can get from there.
Be active, share your problems, and look for the best answers provided for you.
How To Help Alcoholic Spouse Step Seven
Take It Easy With Them:
I know this is the hardest of all. It won’t be easy to happy with your alcoholic partner. Sometimes you will feel like bursting out when you are pressed to the wall.
Please, wait for a little longer; don’t be angry, and don’t respond to them with hate words.
Remember that the best solution to the problem at hand is love. Keep expressing your love and keep reassuring them that things will be okay.
If you feel so stressed, keep a little distance until you are calm. Things will be okay if you keep loving.
You can live happily with an alcoholic if you follow the steps I listed for you in this article. Although it will not be an easy task, but it is possible.
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