Fighting Fair In Marriage: 11 Best Rules To Follow

Have you ever wondered why other couples become stronger together after a fight but not you?

All couples quarrel, but what you do after those fights is what builds or breaks your relationship. “Fighting fair in marriage” is a positive way to work out your conflicts that stresses respect and understanding over anger and fault. It means the issue at hand, not the person you are fighting with.

Fighting fair in marriage means avoiding hurtful words and actions that eat at trust. It is characterized by active listening, calmness, and the honest expression of feelings without criticizing or showing contempt.

It will also be important to resolve problems in such a way that both of you are satisfied with the solution and feel that you both stand on equal levels, thus developing a sense of partnership and mutual respect.

If you concentrate on the problem and not on blame, it helps you to sort out your disputes successfully and reconcile with each other much better. Ultimately, fighting fair can be a way to resolve conflicts and deepen your emotional connections; its foundation of trust and respect can carry you through future disagreements.

In this post, we will delve into the rules of fighting fairly in marriage and what to do when you are fighting with your spouse. But what does it mean to fight fairly?

Don’t worry; I will reveal everything to you in a minute.

Fighting is fair fighting in marriage?

What Does It Mean to Fight Fairly in Marriage?

Fighting fair in marriage is simply a term used to describe the respectful and open ways couples adopt in handling their disagreements and challenges. It describes the set-down rules, partners, and patterns couples chose to talk about their needs and desires and make sure these needs are properly taken care of to avoid hidden issues that can destroy their relationship.

You and I know that fighting is inevitable in every marriage, although frequent fighting for one or two particular things is no longer healthy. But it is worse when you don’t fight at all. According to Deborah Grody, couples who don’t fight are the ones who end up in divorce. This post is not to teach you how to fight with each other, but to teach you what to do during those fights, so it will be a good opportunity for your relationship to be stronger.

Below are a few things to do.

Rules For Fighting Fair In Marriage:

1) Be focused.

One of the rules of fighting fair in marriage is to focus on the issues at hand and how to address them. It is very important that you concentrate on the subject of the matter and not bring up past issues that will escalate in other areas

By focusing on addressing your current issues, you will have the ability to show your partner that you want solution and not chaos and that you are committed to dealing with the immediate problems.

This method ensures that effective communication gives room for building respect and confidence and thus guarantees that your conflicts will never overwhelm you enough to trigger new arguments. Rather, they will become opportunities for you to be stronger and better

The method ensures much healthier communication, allows for building confidence and respect, and thus guarantees that each conflict will not turn into the kind of event which may trigger a new batch of arguments but will become an opportunity for growth.

2) Be A Good listener.

One of the greatest causes of fighting in marriage is when a partner believes their voices are not heard and their emotions are not taken care of. In that case, fighting fair in marriage means you should make plans to be a good listener.

Being a good listener is all about giving your partner the chance to say what they want without interrupting them. Always acknowledge their own perspectives, as that makes them know that you value their contributions.

3) Mind Your Words As You Speak:

Now that you have paid attention to your spouse, it’s okay. However, you shouldn’t spill the beans now that you want to add your contributions or comment on what they said. It is therefore important that you watch your words closely to avoid compounding the matter at hand.

“I” statements work better than “you” statements. Your statements sound accusatory and may put your partner in defensive mode, which can make the matter worse. “I” statements will help you describe what you are going through without blaming your partner.

For example, I feel bad whenever I come back and everywhere is unkempt, instead of everywhere being messed up and you are here pressing your phone. So, fighting fair in marriage is about minding your words.

“I” expressions leave your listener to say either yes or no and it works better than your statements in fair fighting.

4) Always find common ground:

In a marital fight, whenever possible, look for common ground. Disagreements seen as opportunities for growth are rearranged to understand each other’s perspective. How one approaches a disagreement will no longer be about winning but finding the right solution to satisfy both of you.

It not only brings respect but also strengthens your bond. Visualize the disagreement as a chance to collaborate on creating a win-win situation.

By giving way to empathy and compromise, you give a new dimension to permanent harmony. As they say, it is less about defeating the partner at all levels in marriage but more about improving the relationship through mutual understanding and cooperation.

5) Choose the Best Time and Place to Talk:

Another rule for fighting fair in marriage is to be careful when and where you discuss your matters. Choose the right time and place to discuss sensitive marriage issues so that you can communicate fairly and constructively. Look for private settings where you will be free from distractions and interruptions for it to be calm.

Avoid times when one or both of you are under heavy stress or extremely tired, such as during busy periods at work. Set up discussions only when both are really able to engage themselves in the conversation and be there emotionally, too.

Keeping the conversations within a supportive context reduces the degree of misunderstandings and defensiveness, increasing respect and productivity for the conversation. This approach will help create mutual understanding and deepen your connection, whereby both partners feel heard and valued in the relationship.

6) Quit the conversation for a while.

Time-outs in marriage discussions are very important to take when dealing with heightened emotions. If the heat in a conversation is too great, then both of you should be able to agree that the conversation can be tabled to resume at another time.

This timeout will allow us to avoid saying hurtful things in the heat of anger and frustration, causing damage to trust and respect. Return to the matter with a cooler mind to understand it better and come to a solution.

This will be the key to fighting fair in marriage: knowing how disagreements are dealt with, whether constructively or destructively. This time-out produces healthier communication and strengthens the relationship in the long run.

7) Try humor:

Proper humor can be one of the strongest techniques for fighting fair in marriage. If disagreements do crop up, light humor can diffuse tension and permit constructive discussion. However, there should be no sarcasm or belittling remarks, for these are sure to further divide and hurt feelings. Instead, gentle and playful comments are to be relished by both parties.

Humor should be inclusive, not one that will drive a wedge. They’ll be able to rise above disagreements more easily and find common ground if they keep light and cheerful. As they say, if you laugh with each other, your relationship is strong; if you laugh at each other, your relationship is weak.

8) Agree to Disagree:

Every couple must understand that the odds cannot always be resolved with a clean resolution. Sometimes, it is okay to “agree on disagreeing.” It means understanding that everyone has their own views, and it is quite okay if they are different.

You both respect each other through continued good regard for each other’s opinions while also avoiding the need to argue in instances where it might be unnecessary. Defeat is not when people agree to disagree; it is a mark of maturity in understanding.

That facilitates the maintenance of peace and harmony within one’s life by recognizing that valuing relationships is more important than winning arguments.

9) Seek external help:

If your best efforts for fighting fair in marriage did not succeed or if the conflicts just keep on mounting, then it is of absolute necessity that you seek the help of a counselor/therapist for the provision of effective methods of conflict resolution, thus keeping your relationship balanced.

Fighting fair in marriage involves engagement in constructive rather than destructive conflict resolution. A skilled therapist can facilitate this. Remember, seeking help is not weakness; it is a sign of strength and commitment to the relationship itself.

Again, it will help ward off any noxious factors that may be keeping you from attaining your aspirations in your relationship. For further, extensive consultation in choosing one, see my article on how to choose the right marriage therapist who can help secure the right kind of support for your needs.

Things to note:

Fighting fair in marriage can transform conflicts into growth opportunities characterized by respect, understanding, and a stronger partnership. With solution-focused behaviors and active listening to common ground, you build a strong and resilient bond that will be able to positively face any storm.

Recall that healthy disagreements offer a chance to deepen your emotional connection with your partner and build trust. Want to shake up your marriage with some fair fighting? Then begin today to practice the rules asked of you and watch all the good changes come your way.

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Aik: AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers have been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed by coming to this site.