Welcome to my latest blog post where I delve into what is known as contempt in marriage. We will look at the causes, the effects, and how to deal with contempt in marriage, but, first, let’s look at what contempt means.
What Is Contempt In Marriage:
There may be no common definition of what contempt means because it can mean different things to different couples, however, there are a few traits of contempt in marriage that are agreed upon by many marriage experts.
Contempt is all about when you or your partner do not give a dam about each other’s feelings, or treat each other as though they are not worth anything at all. This can cause complete physical, psychological, and emotional harm to a partner if not properly taken care of.
Sign Of Contempt In Marriage:
As I earlier said, contempt can show itself differently, in different partners, for example, it can show as name-calling, sarcasm, eye-rolling, sneering, and mocking.
It also looks like a complaint about your partner, but it is very different from a complaint, as it takes some steps further to attribute your spouse’s failures to their inherent unworthiness.
Contempt in a relationship or marriage usually stems from unsettled issues and they are very toxic to any relationship. It makes reconciliation and repair of a relationship very difficult, which later results in conflict, disconnection, and eventually divorce.
Other Signs of Contempt In Relationships:
Constant Interruption During Conversation:
If you find out that your partner keeps interrupting you during your conversations, it could be a big sign of contempt.
Well, while your partner helping you finish your sentence could be good, and show much love, it becomes less adorable when he/she is doing it out of contempt.
Again, if you find out that you are eye-rolling and mockingly interrupting your partner during your conversation. That’s contempt and a sign that there are many unsettled issues.
Negative Body Language: When you start noticing negative body language like eye contact avoidance, and crossed arms, that’s a clear sign.
For example, crossed arms mean a defensive barrier and it signifies emotional withdrawal. When he or she avoids eye contact, it indicates disinterest, and discomfort: this attitude hinders effective communication and creates an atmosphere of neglect.
The worst of it all is turning away during your discussion. That shows a literal and metaphorical distancing. All these non-verbal signs reveal more than a lack of interest and they symbolize a subtle form of contempt.
If you allow this to linger in your marriage, it will overwhelm the foundation of connection in the long run, and you won’t be able to either recognize or address that behavior.
It is important to understand the impact of body language, as it is the pivot for rebuilding trust and building a happier, healthier, and more communicative marital environment.
Sarcasm may not be that bad when you use it wisely, but when you are using it your partner’s fault, inability, and weakness, then it is very wrong. It is one of the bad signs of contempt in marriage you need to check.
When sarcasm becomes too much in your marriage, it indicates that you have some unsettled scores. Using this tone can undermine communication in your marriage and create an unfavorable atmosphere in your home.
When it is not checked on time, sarcasm will destroy the trust and mutual respect you have for each other.
This is because it is never a genuine way of engagement and can be seen as hurtful and dismissive. To avoid this, you must know how the sarcasm is affecting your relationship.
Disparagement In The Public:
If you or your partner like to humiliate each other by saying unusual things about you in public places, that’s called disparagement.
It shows a lack of regard for your spouse’s feelings and it can destroy the foundation of trust in your marriage.
Such acts can cause lasting emotional harm to your partner which will make him resent you forever. You know what the result will be, don’t you?
It is good to deal with all your underlying issues in your relationship to avoid this in your marriage.
Fault-finding Has Become The Norm:
Fault finding is all about finding fault instead of good in your partner. This is not a good act and is a big marriage destroyer too. Fault finding a big sign of underlying contempt in marriage.
This stems from the feeling of disdain, superiority, or unresolved issues. Constantly focusing on your spouse’s mistakes or faults affects their self-esteem and your entire relationship. It also makes the affected partner to be defensive and resentful.
If fault fault-finding game is not properly checked, it will lead to communication or emotional breakdown. Successful marriages thrive on empathy, understanding, empathy
You Resolved To Contemptuous Humor:
What do I mean by contemptuous humor? It means making funny jokes about your partner’s flaws, capacities, and vulnerability, to humiliate him or her.
This form of humor affects every relationship negatively by exploiting insecurities, destroying trust, and finally creating a negative atmosphere.
Jests like these often begin as playful banter and mature to create lasting emotional damage, which eventually results in toxic dynamics that diminish the bond you have with your partner.
It is a clear sign of contempt in marriage and it hinders effective communication and intimacy.
Finding this out earlier and addressing contemptuous humor is crucial when you want to maintain a healthy relationship, if not, it can contribute to resentment and detachment.
Another thing to watch in your marriage is selective Memory. This is just a deliberate choice to forget all the positive moments you shared as a spouse but keep tracking the negative ones.
That is not good and it is a sign of contempt. It indicates a deliberate choice to highlight your partner’s shortcomings and flaws and it is normally driven by disdain or resentment.
Selective Memory destroys the overall perception of a relationship, highlights your spouse’s flaws, and destroys the importance of your best experiences.
Behavior like this can weaken your connection with your partner because it creates a negative outlook and hinders the appreciation of shared happiness between the two of you.
Passive aggressive Behavior: This is another elaborate sign of contempt in marriage. This is when you or your partner has something to say in your relationship but don’t know how to convey that directly.
This includes making indirect critical comments, silent treatment, engaging in the act of sabotage, etc. Most times, this happens due to many things like a feeling of insecurity, not being heard, and mostly as a controlling behavior.
The main impact of this behavior in a relationship is that it causes distrust, creates an unfavorable environment in your relationship, and makes both of you unable to express your feelings and emotions directly.
If this behavior is not properly checked, it will result in resentment, and then the whole foundation of your relationship will be affected.
No More Respect For Each Other:
Contempt will also show in your marriage as disrespect. Either you or your partner have completely lost the respect they have for each other. There is a complete loss of trust and confidence in each other.
This shows in your attitude toward each other, especially when you shout at him or her, scold yourselves in public, or criticize him or her, both in and out of each other’s presence.
If all the characters I described above are yours, then it is a clear sign and I implore you today to quit that.
Competition With Each Other:
Another important sign is that you and your partner have stopped seeing each other as soulmates, you are now competing with each other. You are struggling for who will be the head and the tail.
There is no more celebration of each other’s success, instead, you pray for their failure. You are happier when they fail, cry, or lose something. That’s what contempt can do.
How To Deal With Contempt In Marriage:
1. Think Deep:
Congratulations, you wish to put an end to the contempt that is currently trying to ruin your marriage. That’s a good steep, but you have to be careful about it. Think deeply about what steps to take to avoid killing your marriage.
If you are the victim of contemptuous behavior, then consider the best time to see and discuss your contemptuous partner about his or her attitude. Tell them how their attitude is hurting you and destroying your marriage.
Choose the best tone to use during your conversation: don’t blame or judge them, instead be polite. Subtle tell your partner about your love, but their attitude towards you and your marriage.
If you are contemptuous and you find out you are hurting your partner and your marriage, then this is the best time to tell your partner how sorry you are. Remember, a successful relationship works well because both of you are committed to making it work.
2. Communicate Your Needs And Feeling:
The best statement to use when you are conversing with your partner is the “I” statement instead of “You” The statement that being with “you” often shows blame and you don’t need to blame this time.
Your partner must not feel blamed for this post, or else they will be defensive and wind up completely. Focus on letting them know how you feel as well as what you need and be careful not to overuse “I”
Most of the contemptuous behavior also stems from unmet needs and unresolved conflicts, so consider your partner’s needs too. Be more specific about what you are asking from your better half. Don’t assume they know it, or let them guess.
3. Direct Communication Is Better:
Direct communication is the best replacement when you are trying to deal with contempt in marriage, whether you are the culprit or the victim of contempt.
If you are a contemptuous partner, that means you are using sarcasm and cynicism on your partner to ridicule them, which is not a direct form of communication.
Now that you are ready to quit the attitude, you will need to work on how you communicate with your partner
Assuming you are the victim, understand the best ways to respond to their cynicism and criticism because you are committed to making your marriage work better.
4. Accept Your Roles In This:
Now that you realize your mistake and you are ready to deal with deal contempt in your relationship, you have to apologize to your partner. There is no more need for excuses or trying to turn things around
If that will help you solve your marital problems, then do so, remember that people who love themselves lovingly and respectfully hold each other accountable to be their best selves.
5. Therapists Can Help:
You will need to look for professional help if you can’t do it on your own. To learn what the therapists will do for you and how to get the best for the job, you may need to read this post.
However, I am sure that seeing a good marriage counselor will give you the best answers to your problems.
Now you know what contempt in marriage means, the signs, and how to deal with it. If you have found that in your marriage, you know how easily you can deal with it.
Just be aware it is not going to be easy, so you have to be patient and persistent as you use my actionable steps.