This is obviously what I learn from my wife. They are the secrets of a successful marriage, or rather how anyone can stay happily married forever. You can as well inculcate it in your marriage. If it worked for me it could work for you too.
Now we are married, the honeymoon and all the other marriage ceremonies are over. I am now alone with my wife. Now how can we move forward? How can we face the real issues in our marriage to make it work for us?
The obvious truth is that even before the wedding bell rang, every couple already has dreams of how their marriage life is going to be.
There is always a mental picture of how they will make their marriage to be attractive to many other couples, how they will wake up from the other side of the bed, the kind of food they will serve in their home, and vice versa.
I know you had those dreams too; I did too. It started coming to pass the way I hoped from the first year to the eight years, things started going from best to better, and when it came to the time that we had to review our marriage again.
What has happened between the first year of our marriage to this time? Is there anything we could do to get those moments back again?
We had to look for those things we must try to do if our marriage must work for us. These are the steps we took to restore our marriage.
Five Useful Secrets Of A Successful Marriage
1) We Learn the Real Meaning of Love:-
One of the secrets of a successful marriage is to understand the meaning of love in a relationship, and how to let it rule your marriage.
To stay happy in your marriage, you must learn what love means. My wife told me that to love your spouse starts from the very moment you say the word “I love you” and when the word came straight from the bottom of your heart.
This will make you keep yourself from telling other ladies you love them too. Bible says that “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Again love can be expressed through patience, tolerance for the mistakes of your spouse, meeting the needs of your spouse, and avoiding critics.
2) Lay Down the Dreams Of a “Perfect Marriage” and Start Working Towards a “Good Marriage”:-
I know you will be surprised to see that heading? Yes, it is true; there are no perfect marriages out there. My simple reason is that there is no perfect person. There are some more or less ideal marriages, but they are the ones that have been worked out through the years.
Marriage is one of the most difficult and more complex of all human relationships and so it requires skills, patience, emotion, and spiritual growth.
3) Discover Your Spouse Personal, Unique Needs and Try to Meet Them:-
Recognize that your spouse is not precisely like any other person on earth. He/ she is absolutely like you are. He has needs, the same way you do.
Forget about and other things you know about what people are and discover who your spouse is like. You will be unable to meet all your couple’s needs. No one can do so, but you must know and try your best possible best.
4) Abandon All The Plans of Changing Your Spouse:-
Remember this very important axiom: We can change no other person by direct action; we can change only ourselves, and when we can change, then others tend to change in reactions to us. If you have this in your mind, then you will quit trying to change your spouse. Staying happily married starts with you changing yourself first.
5) Pray for patience:-
One of the greatest secrets of a successful marriage is to have patience. Some challenges may come in your marriage, and you will feel the best thing to do is to live your marriage. No! The first thing to do is to ask God for patience to stand the test of time. If you hand everything to God, you’ll see things changing. God is always in the business of doing God.
All will be well again.
6) Take Responsibilities:
Taking responsibility is one of the secrets of a successful marriage. Everyone in a relationship is supposed to take the responsibility for whatever actions he or she takes.
Whether is actions to build or add values to your relationship or your actions when things are not normal.
When you fight or quarrel with your partner, remember you are responsible for whatever you say or do, both good or bad.
- Taking responsibility will help you and your partner to avoid falling into the blame game.
- It will empower you to always determine the strength and power of your relationship.
- And thirdly, to ensure the responsibility and power of positive change on you and your partner.
Once you understand the power of taking responsibility in your relationship, you will also know the principles that guide your relationship.
7) Devote To Learning:
Dear, “nobody knows it all.” You can’t grow when you stop learning and there are so many things you haven’t known about relationships/marriage.
Another secret of a successful relationship to learning and applying new tactics everyday. Don’t think you have arrived, because you may experience the worst if you think so.
However, when you subject yourselves to learning new communication skills, conflict resolution, and other things, you can make tremendous changes.
I implore you to attend seminars, play CDs and videos, and read books on marriage, sex, finance etc.
That will guarantee your success in marriage.
8) Know your Boundaries:
Another secret in my list of the secrets of a successful marriage is boundaries have boundaries.
Having boundaries in your relationship is just a way to know where your power begins and where your spouse’s power ends.
When you have clear boundaries in your relationship, everyone respects it, there will be no room for quarrels and arguments. Now everyone knows the likes and dislikes of the other.
Lack of clear boundaries has caused many relationships to fail, therefore if you have created your boundaries, then read this article on how to create one.
9) Consider Your Attitude.
Attitude matters in Everything in general and relationships in particular. Good and open habits will help Your relationship grow and vise verse.
Take for instance what drunkenness, infidelity, or overspending can do in a relationship. But openness, forgiveness, truthfulness, etc, will always keep love afloat.
Therefore, take your time to measure which category you belong. Check If your attitude is killing or lifting your relationship.
10) Be A Positive Thinker.
It is important to note that so many things will try your faith in your relationship. There are moments you will feel like leaving your relationship. Do not think it is peculiar with you, because it is part of marriage.
It is only your mindset at this point that can determine whether you will fail or stand the test of time. Being positive is the key to surmounting every challenge.
11) Tackle Your Problems Fast.
One of the top secrets of a successful marriage to deal with your marital issues on time. According to John Gutman Ph.D., unsolved marital issues are the main reason relationships crumble.
But, happy couples are always quick to settle their problems on time; in fact, they never go to bed without settling their disputes.
That means you should also improve on your conflict resolution skill, so you have peace in your home.
Here are some of the secrets of a happy marriage. Use it as a yardstick for your relationship. I know you will have positive results if you use most of the points described here.
It is all for the good of your relationship.
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