How to effortlessly reconnect with your spouse

Source: Flickr, photo by
J.K. Califf

Some times in your marriage, you may wonder about how to reconnect with your spouse both physically and emotionally for things to get in place again.

 

Connection in any relationship is that wonderful thing that binds you and your partner as couples; this shows the extent of the intimacy both of you is able to sustain after you have passed the early stage of your relationship.

 

Perhaps now, you have realized how the day to day activities of life, filled with stress, chores, work and taking care of your kids have created a great vacuum between you and your spouse, and have made you to focus on the negative side of your marriage, instead of the things that brought you together as husband and wife in the very first place.

 

Now understand that the disconnections I am taking about do not mean that both of you don’t love each other as before, no the love is still there, however you have seen how it is almost impossible for the two of you to express your love.

 

Maybe, by the time you are through with the work which takes you out in the morning and brings you back late in the evening, coupled with the getting the groceries from the store, getting the children back from school and getting dinner ready for the family, then you have little or no time to kiss, hug, and even have conversation as partners becomes a forgotten issue.

You know exactly what am talking about. : )

 

But you are not alone: everybody is guilty of this; even the happiest couple has in one time or the other fallen for this.
Meanwhile, if you have not witnessed it in your own marriage, then may I congratulate you, because you are just having your honey moon.

 

Maybe your marriage is just two months old.

I said this because I know it is inevitable in any relationship.Though different couple experience it in different ways; but no matter how you experience it, the fact is it is not the end of the road.

 

Just understand that you have the power to restore hope and confidence in your relationship.
We can change whatever we are not comfortable with if we want to.

 

In this article, you are going to learn how you can effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and make you marriage stronger than it was before.

 

But firstly, let us look at those things that can make couple to be disconnected in the first place,t he ways disconnections can manifest in marriage and then how you can reconnect with your spouse again.

 

One of the famous marriage research john guttman and the wife Julie guttman for 25 years now have conducted a study in their “love lab”, using some married couples, which were placed in an apartment and where closely monitored using video and questionnaire.

The reason for this research was to learn more about how couples thrive in their marriage, and more especially to understand the reasons that could make partners feel distance from each Other.

 

From the research, four things were identified to be the reason why couple will feel disconnected in their relationship.

Here they are!

– Criticizing your partner:
– Being defensive:
– Contempt:
– Act of stonewalling:

 

Resources:

How to communicate effectively in your marriage

When these become so much in a relationship, there is no doubt there will be clear manifestations of..

  • Avoidance attitude:

when there is a shutdown or detachment between couples, they start avoiding being close with each other, and avoidance works opposite to the goal of marriage; because it make couple to give up their strength for developing their marriage.

 

Most of the avoidance attitude starts from the unsettled disputes or aggressions in the marriage.

 

  • Interrupting:.Couples stop being a good listener, now they are ready to interrupt the other even at the middle of conversation. As we know, the ability to listen to your partner is one of the main habits possessed by the happy couples.

 

  • Secret keeping: Disconnection brings distrust between couples, and when there is distrust, couples resolve to keeping secrets. Trust is one of the main traits of keeping a successful marriage. No marriage can thrive without that, and keeping secret make things worse.

 

  • Nagging: One attitude that is pure detrimental to marriage is nagging. Nobody wants to be nagged, but when there is a detachment among couples, there will be disagreement, and communication will not flow the way it used to be.

 

Couple then starts nagging each other, because they believed nagging is just that better way to be understood.

 

  • Lookout for problems: Disconnection makes couple to always be on the lookout on how to blame the other. Relationship thrives more when every couple become positive of the marriage; but when blames and problem seeking overshadows trust, then marriage starts crumbling down.

 

  • Threatening:I have seen marriages were spouse threaten themselves at will. It’s either the wife is threatening to leave the marriage, or the man is threatening to leave the house and everything for the wife, just because of little quarrel.

 

 

 

Source : Flickr, photo by
Sarah Fagg

The worst thing you could do in your life is to use your own tongue to destroy your marriage.

 

Remember what the word of God said about tongue. If you really know about the power of what you say with your mouth, you will be careful about what comes out of your mouth.

 

I will advise you to say only those things you want to see; and forget about any type of threat.

 

  • Telling lies:Another way disconnection in relation manifest is through lies. Couples resolve to telling lies to each other, simply because they are now taking each other for granted. One thing about lie is that once your spouse notice that you have been telling lies; he /she will never trust your words again.

 

  • Resentfulness:This is another way disconnection manifests in marriage; resentment undermines the quality which marriage should be instituted and which entails loyalty, trust, and love.

 

The bible said something about putting away every malicious bitterness. in the book of Ephesians 4:31.
When you harbor resentment, it will hurt your marriage, because it will make other things to stop working efficiently.

 

If you see any of these behaviors in your life, then you have to make up your mind to start reconnecting with your spouse, before things go out of hand.

 

One of the effective ways to reconnect with your spouse again is to learn how to be in charge of all your actions. It doesn’t matter if your partner is adamant about the whole issue, just go ahead and start.

Here are few tips to guide you

 

How you effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast. Tweet this

 

1) Redeem yourselves from the effect of time:

One reason almost all the couples want to give for disconnection is time.
When the day to day activities have taken all the time meant for the partners to stay together and enjoy their relationship.
But you can redeem yourself from the whole effects of time as I am going to show you in a minute.

 

 


To redeem yourself from the grip of time simply means to invest your time properly in other to get the best from it.
Tell me: How would you feel if you can.
– You can have more quality time with your spouse and children.

– To make your schedules and follow it and not others.

– To have the things that are more important be done without being trifled.

– Free yourself from clock.

You will like it eh! : )

Now let me show you how.

 

Here are steps you can follow to make the best use of your time.

Now take a note pad and a pen and
– Write down those things that must be done, write those big tasks and the small tasks. Just write them down as they come to your mind.

 

Your proprieties in life: What are the things that are most important to you in life? If you are still trying to be balanced in life, then there are so many things you should not let to be a priority over your health, both physical and mental.

 

Remove the non-important items: This part of the step will be more important to you if you don’t understand where to start from your list.

What you will want to do here is to look at your lists and look at the items that are more important than the other, and set them in the other of their priorities and you should try eliminating the ones that are not supposed to be included in the list.

 

Delegate some of the tasks if possible: I am not asking you to dump some of your responsibilities, but there may be someone who can do them better and faster than you. So why not let him or her take the responsibility, so you can focus on other items.

 

Select some item that can be done by you and your spouse: It can be fun when you do household projects together; as a family, do the cleanings, cutting of weeds and other tasks together.

 

And finally is to stop procrastinating: The best way to get something accomplished is to start doing it immediately. Though starting a thing is the hardest step, but it pays to start immediately than to start later. Procrastination can steal your time if you let it.

 

When you are through with getting your time, another step to take to reconnect with your spouse is to

Remove some thoughts from you: When you take another look at the list of the ways disconnection manifests in a relationship, you will clearly understand that they are all triggered by the thought will have about our companion, about yourself and about your relationship.

 

It will be best if you could pause now, and consider most of those thoughts that made you criticize your spouse in the time past.

 

What did you think was the main trigger of your action? How could you say your spouse was angry from the way he / she looked at you?

 

Now consider turning around those negative thoughts, so that instead of blaming yourself for being responsible for how your partner feels, then think of the best practices to change your thinking and then your behaviors and your emotions will follow suite.

 

2) Get intimacy back:.

Being at intimate relationship with your spouse simple shows that you have fully let your spouse into world completely. At this point both of you can share in your hopes and dreams as well as worries.

 

When intimate relationship exists between couples, that shows that every partner feels protected and safe too.

 

You have to develop a whole heart trust with your companion.
It is the secured environment which was brought by trust and confidence that triggers touch and caress which makes every partner feel good.

 

Another way you can develop intimacy in your relationship is by being kind. Study shows that kindness is one of the reasons for building a strong and happy home. So learn to show kindness and respect to one another.

 

3) Make your marriage a priority:

Let your family be the first thing that matters to you. Let it be obvious from the way you talk; reduce the using of I and me and use more of us when you talk.

 

Understand that the wedding was planned together; you said the vow together even in the presence of many friends and the marriage license was handed over to you together, so why would you start living alone.

 

It is imperative you make efforts to increase and reinforce a new sense of togetherness as well as guarding and protecting it.
Have your marriage in mind anywhere you are, and anything you do and establish healthy and strong boundaries around your relationship.

 

It may not be easy when you want to work on this, but it is worth doing.

 

Try taking a day off and share the day together:Nothing can be compared with when couples have the whole day to themselves without distraction. They will have more time to share quality time together.

 

They will talk about the family and how to move it further. How much time have you spent with your spouse for the last week, last month even since this year? Just purse and think it over. You will realize that the reason you are feeling disconnected is because you have not done what you are supposed to do.

 

Now consider scheduling a time when you and your spouse could just cease the day just the two of you. Tweet This

4) Set up a daily marriage check attitude:

In business, you need to check your stock often to know how the business is fairing, sometimes; you need to check yourself to know how you are doing health wise.

 

Now it is very important you adopt the same attitude in your marriage. It will help you to know where you are failing as couples, and how to reconnect with your spouse again.

 

Conclusion:

If your marriage is experiencing disconnection presently, then it is because you have not done what you are supposed to do as couples.

 

But have in mind that it is not the end of your marriage. When you look at my check lists you will discover how to reconnect with your spouse , it will clearly dawn on you that you have some conflicts that were poorly treated.

 

Look back and try to imagine what they are and start working on it.
You absolutely have nothing to gain when your marriage is in shamble; but you have a lot to gain when there is joy, love and happiness and that is when you are able to reconnect with your spouse again..

 

Start reconnecting with your spouse now and watch your marriage move from glory to glory. Tweet This
It is up to you now.

 

Related articles:

Ten steps you must not fail to take if you want a happy marriage.

3 Amazing questions answered on happy marriage.

How to Have a Happy marriage with a narcissist

 

So many articles have been written on how to have a happy marriage, but not on how to have a happy marriage with a narcissist.

 

Today, I am going to give you a clear and easy steps on how you could do just that.

 

If you are reading this article now, that means you a probably married a narcissist, your friend or someone you know married one, you are planning to marry and don’t want to marry someone like that. This write up will solve your problem.

 

However, if you are not sure of who a narcissist is, and then let me tell you a little about it.

 

Who is a Narcissist? –

A narcissist is someone who is always very full of himself (self-importance) they love to dominate in thing like prestige, vanity and power. One thing about them is the inability to understand the damages they are inflicting to others around them or even themselves.

 

I am sure you now have a little knowledge of who a narcissist is. Does that describe the character of your man? Then you have nothing to fear. The step by step tips will guide you into having a successful and happy marriage your narcissist spouse.

 

   Steps to have a happy marriage with your narcissist spouse

 

Write down your reasons:-

It is not an easy job to live with a narcissist, but if you have made of your mind not to leave that narcissist you love, then you must take a note pad and a pen and write down 3 reasons why you love and not want to lose him or her.

 

These are the lists you will continually look at when the going becomes though and then get refreshed in the things you have planned to have in the near future time..

 

Your list may look something like this

  1. I have made up my mind to stay with my spouse through good and bad times.
  2. I know that my spouse is a wonderful person and will be superb in near future.
  3. As I remember the love that brought us together in the beginning, I promise to stand firm in my marriage.

 

Tell God About it:

You must know that only God has the power to change situation. Prayer is the only weapon we have to talk to God so why not tell God about your spouse’s challenge and believe things will change. It will definitely change.

 

Know what to negotiate with your spouse and the best negotiating style to adopt:

One thing the narcissist believes is that they know everything, and never go wrong. There may be some behaviors that will repel you, what is best for you to do is to overlook it, just allow it to slide.

 

Whenever you want to talk about anything, you must know the best time to do so and the best strategy to use. Always start your negotiations with the key convincing words. You have few minutes to get his/her attention. Never argue.

 

Tell your spouse how your marriage is slowly going down because of his/her lifestyle.

 

Don’t be surprised to see your spouse responding slowly to what you said.

 

Upgrade your self-esteem:-

It is obvious your self-esteem is challenged because your narcissist spouse is constantly wanted to have his ways every moment and not yours. Never mind, just bring out your “Note” and you will remember that you are bent on having a happy marriage with narcissist.

 

Choose to say nice things to yourself at all time. That will help to re-affirm your faith in your spouse.

 

Rapping up

You must always understand that the change may not be imminent, but you are sure the change must come since you are committed in doing the things you are supposed to do to stay happily married with the narcissist you love so much.

Read Also

Role of a husband in building a happy marriage

What makes a man happy in marriage

 

How To Plan A Successful Future As Couples

Marriage is an important step in life, but having a happy marriage is what every couple must strife to attain. This is the reason why careful steps should be taking to to plan a successful future as couples, and to achieve a happier and stable relationship for the rest of your stay together in marriage.

 

Why planning is necessary

How do you feel when you heard the word “planning”? Many usually think it is unromantic when you said anything about planning relationship or marriage.

 

They usually believe that marriage happens naturally. They think one need only to follow his/her instinct, go with their heart, and that is enough to see them through, yes! I guess so too.

 

I believe every marriage must be rooted in love and romance, because they are the foundation for good union between husband and wife.

 

However, I believe also that it is important that a life time commitment as marriage should be carefully planned for a lot of reasons.

 

Every happy and successful marriage is a union of two people who put their professions, personal talents, their aspirations and knowledge together.

 

Two different people coming together from different back ground; it will not always be easy for them to agree on a common opinion that is the reason a careful planning is important, so husband and wife should talk about the ways forward even before it happened.

 

Planning a marriage also strengthens the union between the couples. Everyone sees himself or herself as a valuable member and then get committed in achieving a common goal.

 

How To Plan A Successful Future As Couples

One of the ways you can plan your marriage as husband and wife is to have a heart- to heart chat with your would be partner on the matter before starting the preparations for the wedding.

 

Always have in your mind that though the wedding is a joyous moment and a day affair, but marriage is a long time commitment, so plan yourselves together very well.

 

To make it easier for you during planning, I suggest the following two important steps to help you.

Have a goal written down

It is obviously the most important goal for you to have a stable marriage wherein you and your spouse are both committed to its achievement.

 

It is then more important you make other smaller goals that help you achieve your aim. Success is always the best motivation; those little complementing goals will motivate you the more to achieve your goals because you can see the fruits.

 

You can plan for weekend dates for you and your spouse,that helps to sustain the sparks of love that have been existing. You can also make it a point of duty to talk about your marital issues at the end of the day.

 

Be honest

Be honest from the very beginning. It pays to be truthful when you are planning for a happy marriage. Honesty brings trust and lies bring distrust. Never say the wrong things because you want to win your spouse. Eventually every lie will be noticed and trouble will start.

 

In conclusion I want you to understand that life comprises of pleasant and unpleasant surprises that usually beats even the most careful planning.

 

However making a careful planning together as husband and wife can give you a step ahead in solving the problems that are yet to come.