If yes, then this post is for you.
Here is why I said that
If you left your first marriage for a reason then understand that you have not committed any sin.
You are not the first or last. A lot of relationships have crumbled. Some lasted for a few years, while most others ended as soon as it began.
I know couples are happy to divorce, but there are so many things that can make you want to leave your first marriage.
And probably you have tried your best to make things work and didn’t succeed.
Maybe that’s why you left the relationship or your partner left you, It is not the end of the road,
Now you have found a new partner and you want to learn how to have a successful second marriage with him/her.
You are welcome; because today I will show you how to do just that.
It is important we evaluate your first marriage, so we can see why it didn’t work out well. What were the mistakes you or your partner made?
If you don’t know what made you lose your first marriage, it may happen again. and I know you don’t want it to happen. Do you?
8 Main Reasons For Divorce:
– Money Issues:
I don’t know about your marriage, but it has been proven that money is about the number one issue many marriages have broken today.
If you can look back to your past relationship, you could be able to tell if money was among the reasons you left, but really, money must be among the reasons.
Many surveys proved that many American marriages (48%) ended in divorce because of money related issues.
If your marriage is not counted among that 48%, then that’s a great win for you; however, you have to fortify yourself with knowledge about money before going into your new marriage.
Were you and your partner compatible in your last marriage? If not, that may be among the reasons you had issues and probably separated.
An adage said that” two can’t work together unless they agreed.”
There is no way you could have stays with your partner if you don’t have things in common.
When there is no compatibility between you and your partner, you will live as an enemy, you will never experience happiness, and your relationship becomes boring and uninterested.
– You Got Married Unprepared:
The truth is that marriage is not for everyone; it is only for those who are matured in mind and physically.
If you married at 20 years or below, then you were not riped for it. Those that got married matured or prepared know what it takes to handle the storms which are inevitable in every relationship.
I, therefore, Implore you to be you sure are ready for this new marriage before you take the step, if you are not, then expect to have the same issues you had in your first marriage.
How did your partner treat you? Was he good or abusive? If he/she was abusive, then be sure to look for someone better this time.
Although there is no way to know in the beginning, once you are observant, it will be easy for you to tell.
Make sure you don’t make such mistakes again this time. Know your would-be partner well before accepting to marry each other.
You can read the rest of the articles about the reasons for divorce here.
Let’s look at how you can have a successful second marriage.
How to have a successful second marriage;
1) Go For A Pre Marriage Counseling?
This is the first thing to do if you want to have a successful second marriage, don’t think that seeing a marriage counselor is only for the newlywed or for those having problems in their marriage.
You are free to see any marriage therapist, who will advise you on what to do. You may not understand what happened to your first marriage by yourself, but the marriage counselor will be able to advise you.
From the series of questions, they will ask you, they will know what area you need help, and tell you what to do next.
The counselors are trained for that, so don’t be afraid to be open as you tell the stories of your past relationship. However, you should make sure to look for the best counselor to help you solve your problems because all counselors are not equal.
To find the best marriage counselor near you, read this post.
2) Drop Your Old Baggage:
If there is one thing that will make your second marriage look uninteresting to you, then it the baggage you are taking into it.
I know that dealing with old relationship baggage is not easy, and I know that there are so many reasons you might carry them, but you really have to drop them so you can move on with the new one.
Old baggage can lead to so many problems in your new relationship if you are not careful. It will make you enter your new relationship with your bad characteristics and old flaws instead of learning from your mistakes.
You will also find it hard to trust your new partner even when they are different from you ex. Just find a way to drop that bad side and move on with your new relationship.
3) Don’t Compare Your Spouse With Your Ex.
Everybody is not created the same: even the people that are born of the same parents are different from each other.
Simply put, it is not advisable to see your new relationship or your new partner the same.
Although there are triggers that can remind you of those bad relationship days, it will be best you don’t compare your partner with the old.
Understand that comparison and learning are two different games; while you want to learn from your ex to improve your current relationship, you shouldn’t compare them.
Again, if your wish is to have a successful new marriage, you must disallow yourself from comparing your spouse or your new relationship with the new relationship.
4) Conflicts are Part Of The Game:
You had conflicts in your last relationship right? You are going to see so much of that too in your second marriage, and here is why I said that; in relationships, conflicts are part of the game.
Even the researchers were able to prove that no marriage can thrive well without conflict, because It helps you and your partner understand your likes and dislikes and therefore abstain from that.
Now let me make this clear to you: expect to have more conflicts as you go into this relationship, don’t avoid it, and don’t run away when they come.
Learn how to deal with them effectively and above all, understand that your relationship didn’t fail because of conflicts, it failed because you didn’t manage it properly.
5) “Know Your Limitations”:
It is important you know your limitations and table it to your partner in the beginning. You know your mistakes in your first relationship and you also know your contributions that helped to an extent.
At this point, you should consider what sacrifices and compromises to make so your relationship will work this time.
Also, think of what you are not willing to compromise in and share them with your partner and let him /her do the same thing.
Should there be any children from your past relationships, then discuss how to take the responsibilities of those children and make sure both of you are okay with the modalities.
You really have to be clear on how to assist your partner in making your relationship successful.
6) Communication Effectively:
The most important recipe for a successful relationship is communication. This is not just about conversing with your partner but being able to know what communication skills that build or destroy your relationship
Understanding this will help you communicate effectively because you know what works and what wouldn’t.
Learn to be open to your partner and ask for clarity when there is a need for that.
Few Second Marriage Problems And Solutions:
-You Are Holding On To Your First Marriage: It may be hard to forget your first relationship, especially if you loved your partner dearly, and if the course of your relationship failure was little.
My second marriage advice to you is to let go of the past and move forward.
Those memories can hold you back from giving your best for your new relationship.
– Are You Ready To Be A Step-Parent? This is a question only you can answer, but frankly, this will determine to a great extent how successful your second relationship will be.
If your partner had children from the last relationship, and both of you knows about it and went on with the marriage, then you must be will to accept then and nurture them as your own children.
– Old Debt: It is imperative to know that your new partner may have some debts, and they may become big issues in the future.
Try and talk it over with your partner and then plan how to handle it together.
If you wish to know how to have a successful marriage, then I have provided some second marriage tips you can learn from here.
One important advice you have to take very seriously is to discard anything from your past relationship from your mind because it can hinder you from moving forward in your second marriage.
Discuss your personal details with your new partner; let him /her know if you have children and how to take care of then.
Consider what will bring problems for you in the future and prevent them.