What does boundary mean to you? And how can you set healthy boundaries in a marriage?
Don’t worry, I will answer these questions in a little while.
But let’s start by getting familiar with what boundaries in marriage really means, then I will also show you how to set healthy boundaries in a marriage.
What Are Boundaries In Marriage?
A Boundary is simply anything that shows where your power, freedom, etc ends and where the other persons start.
Boundaries are very important in everything and in relationships in particular.
There’s no successful relationship without a boundary, and no relationship can survive the daily stress without boundaries.
Cloud and Townsend in their book wrote that ” When you have a clear boundary, you know that you’re not at the mercy of your spouse’s behavior or their problems.”
Here is what Townsend means.
For example, if your partner criticizes you for anything you do, no matter how you tried to be good, he still finds faults in that: it happens because you allowed it.
Probably, you never tried to stop him or even stand up to defend yourself. The truth is: those things wouldn’t have happened if you have set some boundaries at the earliest days of your relationship.
At the earlier stage of your relationship, there was no need for any boundaries, meanwhile, you need to draw some limits immediately the love transcends to marriage.
Well, if you didn’t do it then, you still have the chance to do it now.
Setting the guidelines and rules ensures that you and your partner are happy because both of you know where your power end and where your partners begin. Those are the things that keep your relationship healthy and strong for a lifetime.
Setting boundaries for your marriage is just the same thing as building a fence around your compound, so you can have power over what happens in your compound. It doesn’t give you the power to have control over your neighbor.
The way, you set your boundaries in your marriage, is absolutely a personal matter, but understand that no boundary gives you powers over your partner.
It is all about you, what you want to be exposed to, tolerate, or not tolerate. It is not about being a boss to your partner or trying to change him or her.
In this post, I will show you how you can set healthy boundaries within marriage without causing a fight.
But before we get to that, let’s look at some important boundaries you need in a marriage.
What Boundaries Should You Have In Marriage?
The Boundaries you need in your marriage can be divided into important categories, emotional boundaries, and physical boundaries.
Emotional boundaries are those boundaries that are closely related to your feelings. What makes you happy and sad about your relationship. They are not seen, but they matter greatly when you want to have a successful relationship. And they are also easily neglected too.
If you are still not sure what the emotional boundaries in marriage look like, then here they are.
Examples of emotional boundaries in marriage.
– Emotional boundaries of self-control:
One of the recipes for a healthy marriage or relationship is the ability to have control over your reactions to situations at hand as well as your emotions.
It all begins with having self-control, and not about controlling your partner.
Here is an example:
If your partner raises the question his or her voice as you communicate, you can choose to walk out of that room instead of talking back, because you know what will happen when you talk back.
That’s self-control and your actions have helped to solve the impending reactions.
– To Love Exclusively:
You and I know that love is the main foundation of every marriage, so you should set boundaries to enable you to love your partner excessively.
Try to fulfill the promise you made on the alter when you said your wedding voice; you promised to love him/her in good and bad times.
The question is, are you loving your spouse better? If not I implore you to start today. Love her more and unconditionally too.
That You Be Honest:
Your marriage will be stress-free if you choose to remain honest. Let your partner know that you can be trusted in all things. Be open and have no secrets if you want to succeed as a couple.
Boundaries To Be Faithful:
Faithfulness exalts a marriage, but unfaithfulness destroys it. You have to create boundaries for faithfulness because that’s the only tool you need to keep outsiders from destroying your relationship.
When you talk about physical boundaries it means your needs for comfort, your personal space, and all the physical tools you need to make your relationship successful.
It includes the totality of things you put in place to make your partner and the outsiders know what you want and what you don’t want.
Setting physical boundaries in your marriage also means you can tell your partner the things you like and things you don’t like, and that keeps your partner off your boundaries without making them feel they can not fulfill you.
Examples of physical boundaries.
– How to add value to yourself.
– Who can touch you?
– “Resistance and deviations”
– How to forgive and be forgiven. Etc.
Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?
Having boundaries in your marriage has its pros and cons, so before you go ahead setting your boundaries, then read this part carefully to know why boundaries are important in marriage, and why they are not.
– It Helps To Eliminate Blames:-
There are so many reasons why you will want to blame your partner, especially when there are no clear boundaries, but the presence of a good boundary helps to reduce the blame games.
Sometimes, couples use the blame games to avoid the acceptance of the reasons for problems in their relationship, but when you and your partner are able to accept your responsibilities for the conflicts, it makes it easy to deal with the issues at hand.
Clear boundaries make you and your partner understand where your power begins and end and therefore helps you know where you are wrong or right as well.
The boundaries will also help you to determine what you should do to help your relationship succeed big time.
– You Will Feel Protected:
Having boundaries in your relationship makes you understand what you can tolerate or not from your partner.
When this is clearly defined to your partner and you understand your partner’s boundaries too, everyone will feel protected. Especially when the boundaries are not overstepped.
– Boundaries Makes Your Relationship A Fun:
When there is enough space in your relationship, everything becomes attractive and fun. This helps you to feel loved and free to do whatever will bring an increase between you and your spouse.
Don’t stop flirting with your partner, because you can make your relationship sweet at last, you will be proud of creating the best marriage ever.
Keep initiating things that will continually bring fun into your marriage.
– With Healthy Boundaries You will Grow Together:
Because the boundaries give you the peace of mind you needed, you will have rooms to be more flexible, which gives you the power to adjust to diverse situations in life.
This will also help you and your spouse to grow together in peace and happiness.
6 Interesting ways of setting healthy boundaries for your marriage.
1) Consider the effects of boundaries:-
Boundaries are powerful and help a relationship succeed, however, some boundaries can bring se, various pains, anger, and discomfort to your partner.
Pains and discomforts are the major causes of hatred, frustration, and resentment in any relationship.
Those are not the reasons you are setting the boundaries in the first place.
Check the consequences of your actions
However, if you want to set healthy boundaries for your marriage, you should be able to evaluate the effects of your actions.
You also should be able to know the difference between causing pain and causing injuries in all. as it will also help you in getting good results from setting boundaries.
2) Be conscious of your feelings:-
Evaluate your feeling once again to discover what actually has been effecting the ways you feel.
Does your partner’s way of talking or doing things affect you in a special way? Maybe you feel intensely bad or drained when your partner talks.
Understanding these is an important aspect of setting boundaries, as it clearly shows you have finally separated yourself from our partners feeling and actions,
Don’t be engulfed with the feelings
The most important setback we get when we set a boundary is that we are sometimes so engulfed with the other person’s feelings that we forget our own feelings.
Townsend said in his book said that your ability to understand that your partner is not an extension of you is a great way to create great boundaries.
When you are done differentiating yourself from your partner’s feelings, then you have achieved one aspect of setting a healthy boundary.
3) Never set boundary with enviousness:-
One of the challenges in marriage is envy. It can destroy any relationship.
And so it becomes extremely a war when boundaries are set with envy and strife because it will make you concentrate more on your partner’s feelings and not considering your feelings and choice.
The envious spouse always feels unimportant, which makes him or she quit developing or improving the qualities of his or her gifts, limit,s, and abilities.
When you set a boundary with enviousness, it will bring a serious fight in your relationship.
4) Show respect to your partner as you set a boundary:-
Sometimes, we tend to set our boundaries not because we want to get things better, but because we want to deal with our partner.
In setting good boundaries, we must know the difference between selfishness and setting a boundary.
Settings boundary because you are overtly angry or mere selfishness will cause more trouble in your relationship and so show some respects and carry your partner alone.
6) Communicate your boundary to your spouse:-
Tell your partner about your boundaries, and do not think he/she will accept it.
There must be some resistance from him/ her.
Try and explain it in detail and make him/ her understand fully why and what your boundaries stand for.
Understand that setting boundaries help to define who we are and what we stand for. It also shows where you end and where your partner begins.
Having boundaries will help your marriage to succeed.
If you know how to set healthy boundaries for a man, then go ahead and set them now, otherwise, this post was written to guide you on how to do so without causing more problems in your relationship.