There are many reasons you want to separate from your husband, though you are not happy about separating at all. However, If the reasons for separating from husband are cogent, then you must take note of what I will share with you in this post.
Many things can make you think of separating from your husband, including abuse, cheating, lack of intimacy, lack of communication, trouble with finance, etc.
No matter what reasons you have for separating from husband, it is never an easy decision to make. You are going to lose your husband a little while from now, and it won’t be that easy.
When you remember the lives you had together as spouses, the good times you had, and the memories you share, you don’t feel like separating from husband, especially if you love him so much.
However, if there is nothing else you can do about it, then let me share with you some steps you’ll take before separating from husband.
What Does Separation Means In Marriage?
Separation means that you and your partner have decided not to live together again as a couple. Separation is very different from divorce unless you finally decide legally get a divorce.
Sometimes couples can still be under one roof, even though they are not acting as a couple and may have different places, or share in daily activities.
This can happen mostly when there are childcare or money issues. No matter how and where you are during the separation, it is good to note the reasons for the separation and to know how to go about the separation process.
According to Dr. John Guttman, a famous marriage and relationships researcher, and the writer of the seven principles of marriage, separation can’t just happen: there must be a reason, and you must see the signs too.
Below are a few signs that separation is on the way.
Signs Of Separation To Check.
- You have stopped working as a team:- Both cohabiting or married couples see their marriage as a big project, and they work as a team to build it. As the marriage starts dying, the teamwork will cease, and both couples start seeing each other as an opponent instead of a teammate.
- There are unfinished arguments:- Dr. Guttman said that arguments won’t make a marriage fail, but when there are many unsettled arguments, the relationship will be threatened, if not destroyed.
- Unable to forgive and forget:- You were so friendly and bonded when you first started. Nowadays you quarrel and fight for the same reason always. The worst of it all is that you hurt each other every time without remorse and you find it hard to also forgive.
- No more conversation:- Any relationship that lacks good communication is as good as dead. Now, you found out that you don’t have any reason to talk to each other, or even fight; all you want is to throw in the towel.
- All positive emotions have disappeared:- Another sign to know you are about to separate from husband is the complete disappearance of laughter, joy, peace, and even fights. It is resentment and grudges. You don’t have any good things to say about your better half anymore.
What Are The Stages Of Separation:-
Like I earlier said, separation doesn’t happen in a day. It takes time, and it usually starts with little arguments and fights and then gravitates to daily fights, and resentment sets in.
Below are a few stages of separation you need to know about before separating from husband.
What Are The Stages Of Separation?:-
There are about 5 stages of separation. The number one is:-
- Denial:- In this stage of separation, you refused to accept that you and your partner are taking a break in your relationship. The reason is that your relationship is so important to you and you don’t want to talk or think about it. That will make you withdraw from your friends and family. It will finally get to the point where you’ll completely not want to cooperate with any plan at all. This will make your partner even more, and may also make the situation worse.
- Anger Stage of separation:- The second stage of marital separation is anger. It is usually anger against your partner or even yourself. At this point, it won’t be easy for you to make good decisions, because you are not feeling good with the other partner or yourself. This will also make it hard for you to cooperate or come up with any plan to resolve your issues. The anger stage of marital separation is always the reason why issues are hard to solve. This is because you are ready to iron it out in court or want your partner to pay dearly for their action; that will only create more issues and hurts at the end of the day.
- Feeling Guilty:- It is normal when you blame yourself for separating from husband. However, it will be much better to get rid of your guilt so you can move forward with yourself fast. I know it won’t be easy to come to terms with the emotional stress, but you have to treat yourself better and move on with your life. The advice is that you put yourself first and be easy too on yourself.
- Depression Sets In:- This is different from the denial you are feeling as well. It usually comes from deep sadness and especially when you know that your future is been threatened. This will also make you feel emotionally drained and overwhelmed. At this point, you won’t be all right coping with your failing routine, let alone trying to get things working again. It will be nice to seek help from professionals or friends, or else you’ll be overwhelmed by the emotional stress that follows. I advise you to seek a marriage counselor to help you out.
- Accepting The Situation:- At this point of separating from husband, you seem to have accepted the situation as it is. You are now in control of your life once again. This is also when you can make your best decisions and plans. You may feel great about yourself again at this point you have welcomed the coming change.
Separating From Husband: 9 Exclusive Things To Note Now.
Separating From Husband Doesn’t Mean The End To Your Marriage Or Life:-
Yes, you heard that right. Separating from husband may not necessarily mean your marriage has come to an end. Not at all.
Many couples have been in this situation, reconcile, and became very happy and committed. You only need to know how to get your marriage back after separation.
Another thing you must note is that even if your marriage proceeds to divorce after separating from your husband, then it is not the end of life.
Divorcing your husband may be the best decision you made to save both your life and your future. Therefore, don’t let it bother you much. It won’t be easy though, but it will be a thing of the past when you zero your mind to it.
Ponder On These Things:-
As you are getting ready to separate from your partner, it’s important you also ponder on these things below.
- How would you start the separation process?
- Where would you live after that?
- What will be the effect of the separation on your entire life?
- How would you cope after the separation?
Thinking about these things will help you know where to start and how to go about the separation.
Start on time to plan the necessary things like your finance as well as how to live during this time.
Take Things The Way They Are:-
If you are finally separating from husband and it will make you happier, healthier, and great, then there is no need to cry over spilled milk.
This is important when you are in an abusive relationship, your spouse is cheating on you, etc, Or the situation of your relationship has become unbearable to you.
In as much as it is not wrong to keep enduring it, it is important to have relief from all threats. Separation at this point is the best decision.
Don’t Be Stiff With Your Boundaries:–
It is important to have and maintain your boundaries during your separation from your husband. Howbeit, if you are considering getting back together after your separation, you have to be gentile with those boundaries.
If you have children in your relationship, they are the reason you handle your boundaries with ease. Being stiff about your boundaries with your partner may cause anger and resentment.
The more anger you cause, the more unlikely getting back together may be. In that case, it will pay you to be gentle than stiff with your boundaries.
Be Wise With Your Alone Time:-
In marriage, it is a good practice to have quality time together and also have your alone time exclusively.
In the process of separating from husband, you should be wise about how you use both the time together and time alone.
Alone time will be good for you to have the best of yourself: use it to spoil yourself a little bit so you can forget things. However, having too much time alone can also cause you to feel bad.
Your best bet is to just use your time wisely.
Separation is never a good thing to happen in any relationship. It is purely a time of emotional stress.
You have to be emotionally resilient and strong to go through it. In this post, I shared so many things you must know and do when separating from husband.
Although they are my thoughts, they will work for you, so try it out now and see what will happen next.