In this post, we will be looking at separation in Christian marriage, steps to take to separate as a Christian, and what the Bible says about separation.
In the last month, I have written several articles about marriage separation, including how to avoid separation anxiety, the best way to go about the separation process, important separation boundaries you must have, and how to create a good separation agreement.
Today, let’s look at how to go about separation in a Christian marriage.
This post will make more sense to you if you are a Christian. Your marriage has been plagued by emotional pain and conflict for a while now and you are looking for a way to navigate separation.
Let’s work on this together.
However, I will like you to think properly before you take any action you want to take now.
Understand that separation can have a great impact on your children too and because of that, I think you need more time to deliberate about it before taking your next step.
The question is: Should Christians separate?
The truth is that whether it is a separation in Christian marriage or normal marriage, we at happy marriage builders will not encourage you to indulge in it unless you are physically or emotionally unsafe in the marriage.
Another reason you can consider separation in Christian marriage is
1) Your Marriage Is Unsafe And Your Partner Is Abusive: No one will blame you for staying in a marriage if you feel unsafe or are abused by your partner.
If you remain with an abusive partner, one day you may be killed. The funny part is that your abusive spouse can justify his or her actions in self-defense, especially if your wife is the abusive partner and the court will see it that way
Therefore, whenever you notice any form of abuse, whether physical or emotional, your first step should be to find a safe place immediately.
Also, find a safe, good shelter for your kids to avoid blame in the future.
2) When You Want To Just Take a Break From Your Relationship So Your Marriage Can Be Saved:- This type of separation is just for a while. It happens when one of the spouses who wants to see the marriage healed just steps out of the marriage with the intention that each of them will work on their issues.
The chief goal here is to get back again after some time. This type of separation usually comes as advice from a therapist or a professional counselor. It will also be good to have a series of counseling sessions during this moment.
3) Your Partner Is Unrepentant About His Actions:- You decided to separate from each other for some time (trial separation) with the intention that your marriage will be healed after that. And
One of you may decide to just leave the house for the other spouse, and then there will be a wake-up call to the other for repentance.
This can come up only after the two spouses have searched their hearts and genuinely evaluated their flaws and motives.
If you must separate as a Christian, let your separation plan be to use it to heal your hurting relationship and not for any other reason.
Although you may feel bad that you are separated from your spouse, there are so many ways you can make separation work for you effectively. Below are a few of them.
The first thing you will do to make a separation in a Christian family work for you is to take time to check what has caused the problems in your marriage.
Check if you are the one that your partner left behind and see if you can identify what prompted him/her to leave. That will let you know what to stop or start doing.
Once you find that out, then start working on yourself to prevent it from happening again. If you sincerely repent and refrain from committing such blunders again, you have succeeded in repairing your marriage.
Understanding your contributions to the failed marriage can help you when you are dealing with your separation from Christian family.
For example, if you left your home because your partner cheated on you, then understand that it may be because your marriage is not working well.
At this point, all you can do is think and pray that your attitude and lifestyle won’t cause such problems anymore.
Also, pray that your partner comes back, because now you know what the problems are and how to avoid them so you won’t want to separate again.
Separation in a Christian marriage won’t make any sense if you don’t utilize the time to improve yourself. First, understand that this time you have to be apart from your spouse is the best time to reflect on your life.
While it is important to reflect on the reason why your marriage came to this state, it is also important to look forward to knowing what you need to do to be who you want to be.
Ask God to help you build the strength you need to live right and avoid causing problems in your marriage. Also, ask God to help you take positive steps that will improve your marriage instead of hurting it.
God is always there to guide you when you ask him to. He promised never to leave or forsake you. Devote yourself to prayers and things will become good again.
In the process of self-improvement, you may also choose to see a marriage counselor for advice. Christian marriage counselors can guide you on how to maintain your boundaries while you are separated as well as what you can do to get back together again.
You can also attend seminars and couples classics, read more marriage books and play CDs. All these are to make sure that those marriage mistakes are avoided.
I know that this doesn’t sound good, but that’s the truth. You must be willing to accept reality. If you have tried all that you could and your partner is still demanding a divorce, don’t hesitate to accept it.
God knows that you have done your best, so he will not hold the divorce against you. Use that opportunity to show real love to your children and be sincere with them about the divorce.
Reassure them that you will do your best to see that they have the best as you divorce.
Marriage is a covenant, and whenever a man and a woman enter into it, God joins them together (Matthew 19:6).
That simply means that every marriage is supposed to last forever and not be temporary or be used as a solution for emotional needs or loneliness.
According to Malachi 2:16, God detests divorce, so any couple who enters into a divorce or separation has provoked God.
The truth is that separation, whether it is in a Christian family or a circular family, is not an ideal situation; however, separation is necessary if one partner is abused in any way.
I have seen a situation where one of the spouses was abused to death. Divorce or separation could have saved the situation.
It is important to uphold and respect the marriage vows, but it is also important that we don’t take separation or divorce lightly.
My take is that you use separation as a therapeutic tool to make your marriage stronger and happier. Use it wisely to work on your relationship. If you refuse to use the time well, you may find yourselves drifting farther apart instead of coming together.
I hope you understand all I have said in the article about separation in Christian marriage. This is a wonderful topic to treat at this time.
Remember that I said that a Christian is free to separate if he/she has in mind to repair the marriage and get back together again (trial separation).
It is not good to use separation as a solution to your emotional issues; that is not in God’s perfect plan for humanity.
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