If you going through a separation in your marriage and you wish to either reconcile with your spouse or at least prevent your partner from having his cake after having it, you must have some clear trial separation boundaries and make sure it is not overstepped.
Trial Separation boundaries are one of the essential tools that will prevent your marriage from being separated to divorce at last.
The truth is that many couples do reconcile after separation and even become stronger together. Many others also divorce from being separated.
The main difference between these two couples is the action each of them took while in separation. And if you want to reconcile and become stronger after separation, you’ll have to get things right by creating the right conditions.
The right condition is all about setting up clear Trial separation boundaries and protecting them so your partner won’t overstep them.
What Are Boundaries?
According to dictionary.com, a boundary is something that indicates a border or a limit. In marriage, a boundary is anything that shows where your power or freedom ends and where your partners begin.
Boundaries are indispensable in life in general and in marriage also. You can not have a perfect relationship without boundaries and if you want to get back to your marriage after a trial separation, then you must have trial separation boundaries.
Therefore, when you are opting for a trial separation as a couple, have in your mind that as you make this decision that there are set trial separation boundaries you must follow to the last to have your reconciliation dream possible.
Keeping these boundaries intact and healthy will also help your marriage to be trouble and argument free as you proceed spouse. If you are in the sea about what these trial boundaries are, then follow me closely as I reveal them to you.
Importance Of Boundaries In Marriage.
Perhaps you are wondering why boundaries are important and especially trial separation boundaries, then you have to read this section of the post carefully. Check them out below.
You Need Boundary In Everything:-
Have ever considered why in your office, you have a separate desk, laptop, and login details for your system? You have a fence in your house and your neighbors have theirs.
Those are examples of boundaries. The relationship has its boundaries also.
The most significant of them all is the trial separation boundaries which help you to know what to do, accept or not accept during separation to get either a reconciliation or an uncontested divorce.
Simply put, you must follow those boundaries as you do other boundaries in your daily life.
It Defines Ownership And Responsibility:-
Another important reason to set good boundaries during your trial separation is to define your responsibilities and ownership.
Creating boundaries will help you to manage all your expectations from start to finish This can start by choosing whether you still want to live together or who stays in the house during the separation.
By making your boundaries clear and respecting them, you have fortified yourself from the beginning till when your separation elapses and throughout your marriage also.
Makes You Avoid Further Conflicts:-
During the trial separation, you are trying to know if things will work out again or not. In that case, you’ll do everything possible to make the marriage work again if that is what you want.
Boundaries are the things that will help you avoid initial conflicts and new conflicts. Now when the issues are eliminated, your spouse will see the reasons for reconciliation.
It helps you Eliminate Blame:-
Your boundary is there to help you reduce blame in your relationship.
Since you know your limits and your partner knows theirs you will be able to take responsibility for your part in the treatments, arguments, conflicts, and misunderstandings, therefore, reducing blame.
Setting a perfect boundary is another way you are pledging to play your card well to make your relationship stand and remain strong.
7 Essential Trial Separation Boundaries You Must Have Now.
Trial Separation Boundaries One: Have Your Separation Agreement Down:-
I always advise my client never to wait to get a separation agreement once they get to the point in their marriage where a partner should stay apart from the other.
Once you start considering separation, whether a trial separation permanent separation, or legal separation, it is important to discuss with your partner how your properties and finances should be shared, and who takes care of the children when you are apart.
The best is to put everything down for reference when things take new shape or your partner refused to do the needful. You can speak to any family lawyer about a separation agreement.
A separation agreement is a written agreement signed by you and your partner that will establish how you will live during the separation, who takes the child custody, the spousal support as well as how the properties should be shared.
The separation agreement also contains a provision that prevents your partner from harassing you and shows the limits of your spouse’s communication and visitation during the separation. This is one of the best trial separation boundaries you won’t want to play with.
Trial Separation Boundaries Two: Have A Visitation Agreement:-
This is another important separation boundary you shouldn’t play with especially when you have children from your marriage.
The reason is that there is always a need to spell out how the children should be taken care of. This is absolutely for the children’s sake and the sake of your marriage.
To reduce the friction between your spouse and you during the separation, and to have a smooth separation journey you shouldn’t neglect adding a visitation clause when crafting your trial separation boundaries.
This helps you when you want to protect your children from the stings of separation. This will also make you and your partner share full responsibility for taking care of the children.
Trial Separation Boundaries Three: Be Careful How You Communicate Now:-
That sounds strange, but it is good advice for separating couples. This is a time for cooling off from the stings and stresses of separation.
I always advise my clients not to talk at all during this period, but if there is a need to talk, you will need to be careful when you are conversing. and only talk when it is necessary.
An example is when you want to talk about the children and their welfare. Also, agree not to gossip about your problems. Concentrate on what will help you reconcile since that is what you want.
Trial Separation Boundaries Four: Agreement On Visitation:-
It is also important that you and your spouse settle about how or when to visit during separation. This is typically for those that have children.
It is good to know that you have to visit the children, but it has to be defined when, and how to do that after all the house is not owned by the two of you.
Now you can’t all of a sudden decide to visit your spouse, nor can your spouse do so. Your spouse has to visit on a schedule even if he/she came to see the children.
Trial Separation Boundaries Five: Other Responsibilities:-
Other responsibilities will come with trial separation and they will require an instant solution.
For example, who pays the children’s school fees or pays the house’s electricity and other bills when the other partner parks are out of the house?
Many people don’t think about that when they are considering separating, but the truth is that that’s a big challenge that requires an urgent boundary.
Take time and talk about that and also talk about other properties you owe and how you will be taken care of them during your trial separation.
Trial Separation Boundaries Six: Duration Of Your Separation:-
If you are setting boundaries for your separation and you haven’t set the time frame for which you and your partner will be separated, then you are not getting it right.
The time frame for separating from your spouse shouldn’t be anything more than one month to six months otherwise you will be leaving your relationship hanging.
After that, the next thing is to evaluate it to know if you should call it a quit and reconcile or continue to divorce.
Trial Separation Boundaries Seven: Don’t Think Of Dating Others:-
Don’t think that you are free to date other people because you are separated from your spouse. That’s a step in the wrong direction because it will only kill than repair your relationship.
The reason is that dating other people will hurt your partner if he/she is considering reconciling with you after separation.
Concentrate on how to win your relationship back instead of dating people outside else you want to undermine your spouse’s trust.
If you are in a trial separation and want to have opportunities to reconcile after the separation then you have to take note of these boundaries.
However, boundaries alone can not do the magic. There are other things you should do to quicken the process, like finding the causes of the issues and dropping them if you are the cause.
You can as well work on your connection skills. Make yourself look sharp and attractive again.
Be attractive again. If it means attending coaching classes on how to get your ex back, do that just to reconcile with your partner.