There are so many subtle marriage killers we overlook every day which later becomes a big threat in our relationships.
But, you are very careful
You know quite well that infidelity, lies, money issues, and marriage incompatibility are the chief marriage killers and you are careful not to let those come close to you. That’s good.
You are also aware that mutual respect, good communication, and good emotional intimacy are the most important things needed to make a marriage work and you are careful to make sure these are in place too.
So why is your marriage going through hard times?
I will tell you.
You see, relationships never fail because one partner or both decide to stop respecting, having sex, or losing communication with the partner.
There are so many subtly and highly neglected marriage killers that are gradually eating up your marriage.
The funny thing about these silent marriage killers is that just like viruses gently infest and corrupt without symptoms, so it lies in our relationship for weeks, months, years and suddenly it starts affecting our relationship even before we are aware of it.
No couple prays for these in their marriage, but it keeps occurring.
In this post, you will understand what the subtle marriage killers are, and also how you can bulletproof your relationship from its attack.
15 Subtle marriage killers, we overlook in our marriage.
Bitterness: –
Bitterness means the same thing as jealousy, animosity, hostility, harshness, and some other parts of harshness and anger which later result in hatred, vindictiveness, and inordinate competition. All these are serious marriage destroyers.
One important reason why bitterness is very dangerous is its ability to take root and gradually start to spread and finally contaminate your mind without you knowing.
When you let bitterness grow in your marriage, it will gradually cause you to fault your spouse as well as the Lord.
The root of bitterness can grow to destroy your marriage. That’s why you must not allow it in your marriage for any reason.
Solution: The best solution to bitterness is to replace it with forgiveness and reconciliation. Never sleep with your problems, be ready to settle them immediately.
Pornography:-
This is another marriage killer that is so subtle in its attack. People usually see it as very harmless.
Yes, they believe the only harmful part of it is when a child starts watching it too.
Pornography also starts from gradually viewing it, until it turns into a big sexual addiction which is one of the biggest and destructive addictions that is hard to break.
Here are some impacts pornography has on marriage:
- It brings emotional disconnection
- Decreased intimacy and affection
- decrease sexual interaction among couples.
- Cause masturbation
- Because of infidelity and cheating.
When the other partner suddenly discovers about the partner’s addiction to pornography, they feel cheated, deceived, and betrayed; and that brings hurt and anger.
Solution:-
if you value your marriage, quit watching pornographic material as the Lord himself says that looking at a man or woman lustfully is a sin.
Poor communication skills:-
In as much as communication is an important aspect of any relationship, poor communication skills can also be a big disaster to relationships.
When a partner thinks that the sole aim of communication is all about negotiating how to make your partner know your needs, then she/he has no good understanding of what communication is all about.
Bad communication skills can destroy your marriage in a twinkle of an eye, and until you and your partner understand the value and purpose of communication.
You will not know what marriage is all about.
Solution:-
Learn how to communicate effectively; find out the communication skills that empower your marriage and use it, also discard those skills that bring issues.
4 Blame Game:-
If you are that type of partner who constantly blames the other, then be aware that you are causing harm to your better half and also destroying your marriage.
Blaming your spouse makes him/her believe you have no trust at all and it
- Reduces intimacy.
- It’s another form of emotional abuse.
Dr. Jordan said “When you are being blamed, chronically for an act you didn’t commit, it’s like being beaten verbally
Blaming is an inappropriate and unproductive form of communication. So if you want success in your marriage, then quit the blame game
Solution:- Quit blaming and focus more on making important improvements in your marriage.
5) Comparison:-
Do you compare your spouse with the other person? That is detrimental to your marriage. When you compare your spouse, it shows that you value the other person more than you do your spouse.
It also opens the door for cheating, which may be hard for you to shut and you do not want that I guess.
6) Keeping secrets: –
Keeping secrets is another marriage breaker people neglect so much.
Carole Lieberman, MD says “In an ideal world and marriage, no secrets are okay,” she said that even a little secret closes a part of a spouse’s “heart” and also creates distance in the relationship.
Any relationship that wants to prosper must not keep secret from each other.
7) Familiarity:
It is good to know your spouse pretty well.
Of course one of the secrets of John Guttman is to know each other well. However, over-familiarity brings a problem in more.
When you think you have known your spouse too well, that can be obnoxious to him/her and get away with it. That includes yelling, ignoring, being ridden over, nagging, and complaining.
Remember, you must know and understand your spouse but don’t use it against him/her.
8) Keeping a list of wrongs:-
It has been said that marriage is a relationship of two good forgers. For a relationship to grow and thrive well, you must understand that no one is perfect, even you.
But, if you are good at keeping a list of wrongs, then you hurting your marriage big time because it will make you keep your distance from your spouse.
9) Sexual frustration:-
Sex is one special gift partners owe to each other.
It is God’s given gift to marriage, to bring intimacy, fulfillment, and “mutual bonding” to couples.
In some marriages, sex has either become boring, painful, fearful, or even non-existent.
Sex should not be taken for granted; the very moment you neglect it, your marriage may be heading for a big fall.
10 Unable to meet your spouse’s most important emotional need:-
There is always an emotional need for everyone.
Those cravings are so important to your spouse that when you meet them, they become a problem.
Therefore to keep your marriage from collapse, look for those needs and meet them, or else your spouse will look elsewhere to get what they want.
11 Gossips:-
I know what you are thinking now; is there anything like gossip in marriage? Let me answer that with these questions.
How would you describe it when a man complains about his wife to his friends or a woman gripping about her husband to her friends and sometimes to the children?
Some people are good at advertising even their spouse’s most insignificant fault and making irrelevant comments outside about their spouse.
It is a very bad habit. Have you ever stopped and thought about how your spouse will feel when he/she hears it; compare that to when he/she hears about how you are upholding her.
12. Lack Of Quality Time:
Neglecting to prioritize quality time together can gradually create emotional rifts, fostering a growing sense of detachment within the relationship.
When shared experiences, intimate conversations, and meaningful connections are overlooked, the emotional fabric that binds a couple may fray.
It’s essential to recognize the importance of carving out dedicated moments, fostering a deeper understanding, and fortifying the emotional bonds that enrich the marital foundation.
Investing time in each other cultivates a sense of togetherness, reinforcing the resilience of the relationship.
13. Neglecting Self-Care:
Disregarding your well-being is one of the most subtle marriage killers, and it can have a ripple effect on the overall health of your relationship.
When you don’t take care of yourself—physically, mentally, and emotionally—it becomes challenging to contribute positively to the relationship.
Your partner may also feel the impact, as the energy and attention needed for a thriving connection diminish. Prioritizing self-care is not only vital for personal happiness but crucial for sustaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership.
14. Financial Secrets:
Keeping money matters hidden or making big financial choices without talking it out together is one of the serious marriage killers that can create trust problems in your relationship.
When your partner is unaware of your financial moves, it might make them feel excluded or anxious.
Open communication about money helps build trust, ensuring that both of you feel involved in important decisions that impact your shared life. That will help you eliminate the marriage killers.
15. Over-Reliance On Social Media:
Excessively using social media or constantly seeking approval from sources outside the marriage can lead to feelings of neglect within the relationship.
When a significant amount of time is dedicated to online activities instead of connecting, It’s one of the marriage killers to avoid, because it can create a gap in emotional closeness.
Focusing on building a strong bond offline, through meaningful interactions and shared moments, helps prevent the sense of neglect from creeping into the marriage.
Final Thought:-
Everybody wants a happy home, but it doesn’t come on a platter of gold. Take some time to survey your marriage, see all those loopholes, and marriage killers, and stitch them on time to prevent future problems that can cost your relationship.
Remember, no one else can help your marriage survive if not you.