Tagged: divorce

January 23, 2020

Why you should take a break in our relationship

If you are on the crossroad of making a decision whether you should stay in the relationship or not, deciding to a break in your relationship might help. But please keep in mind, this decision work for both possibility, whether it could save your relationship or destroy it.

For me, it depends on how you respond to this action. If you both take this opportunity to reflect on yourself, free your mind, find your strength, and focus on the positive side to improve your relationship, then it should be okay. Otherwise, you might just forget about your partner and move on.

Because when you take a break from your relationship, you both basically go through some personal difficult tests. In other words, you will see what your life is going to be without your partner and your relationship.

So, it totally depends on what you really want.

If you realize the relationship is not worth saving, then break up is the right answer. But if you’re not sure, I suggest you check my other article, Should I break up with my boyfriend. That article will give you more insights about what are normal signs when a relationship is over, and how to react to it.

The Reasons For Taking A Break In A Relationship.

“Neither with you nor without you” is the motto of many couples who can’t stand or live apart and who adopt the intermittent relationship model, just like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

At the opposite extreme are those who are addicted to falling in love, strong feelings, and disposable commitments.

Although when things start to fail or create problems, the vast majority of us try to channel them before discarding them. Taking a break in the relationship is one of those arrangements that many of us put into practice.

It happens when every day looks like the plot of the movie ‘Who’s afraid of Virginia Wolf?’ (1962). Constant quarrels, hurtful phrases, and the unwillingness to communicate and understand remove the colors of life. In this post, we’ll explore the reasons for taking a break in our relationships.

Taking time-off in the relationship would be equivalent to hospitalization. A more thorough treatment or even an operation may be performed if required. So that there will be always the possibility that you’ll recover.

When Should You Take A Break?

When an argument continues over and over again, then it might be a good idea to take a break. Because, when you repeat the unfavorable situation, it can cause unbearable tension that can harm your emotional health.

Meanwhile, going straight to an official break up after a big argument also not a very good way to end things. A decision that you make when you are emotionally unstable usually not something that you really wish. So, taking a break from each other will give you space and time to rebalance your perspective toward your relationship.

Take this opportunity to walk away and figure out what you really want in your life. Spend some time to think about your partner’s strength and your good day together. This might help you figure out how important is your partner to you.

Apart from that, this short break will help you clear your mind and give you a strength that you need if you decide to break up with your partner.

How Does It Work For Men And Women?

Interestingly, men have always been much more reluctant to this type of remedy than women. “It’s quite usual,” says Iván Rotella. (Sexologist, couple therapist, director of Astursex, sexology center in Aviles, and member of the State Association of Professionals of Sexology).

What happens, men tend to think that this pause is nothing but a prelude to the breakup and they don’t see much utility in it. Women, however, are accustomed since childhood to talk about their feelings and affections. So, if this situation occurs, they will mobilize their social support network.

They will begin to turn the problem around and try to find solutions.

Men, especially if they are middle-aged may talk to their friends, but they will never open up completely or be vulnerable. It usually prevents them from getting to the bottom of the matter.

Anyway, if the situation is serious, the help of a professional is recommended because it is easy to have a partial and personal view of the problem.

And every time, it’s not easy to see the perspective of the other. Of course, in that case, couple therapy is required. As the name implies, it refers to two people receiving consultation from an expert.

The List Of Recommended Action

One of the secrets of the harmonious coexistence as a couple is never to forget that we are independent beings. In order to get along with the other, you must be generous with yourself.

Award yourself with some quality solitary time and do not plan everything together.

Do things alone or with other groups. Going on a vacation week with friends, looking for different activities that are not shared with the partner may help a lot.

That will prevent the overdose and the impasse of the other leading us to the urgent need for maintaining a remarkable distance.
However, if you’ve already saturated and agree to separate for a while, there are some points that should be considered.

1# Change The Frequency Of Communication.

It is of no use if you physically walk away but spend the day talking on the phone. You need to modify the pattern of communication and become more sporadic. For example, talk two or three times a week.

Remember, the actual reason for you to take a break is to find a space for each other. So there’s no point in taking a break if you both are not actually separate from each other. It could be better if you can cut off all types of communication with your partner for a while.

2# Set Some Rule With Your Partner

Make this process as clear as possible. When you discuss with your partner about getting a short break, you both need to set some ground rules. As an example, can you stay in touch with each other (refer to point above), can you go date with someone else, what you can and can’t do while being single, and more.

These rules will be mandatory is you both is living together. Because, if you do not pay attention to this little thing, all your effort will mean nothing. Basically, you are taking a break but not truly ‘taking a break’.

A relationship and dating coach, Chris Armstrong once said, “You need to remove the co-dependencies you have on each other to the greatest extent you can for the duration that you’re on your break”.

3# Detect The Real Problem.

Do we get bored mortally with our better half? Do we crave sexual intercourse but a strange cosmic force prevents us from having it? Does our partner seem to speak in Aramaic suddenly but before we had almost telepathic communication?

The formula of taking time is intended to reflect and detect the true pitfalls of the relationship. Ask yourself, why you need to take a break in the first place? What are the real reasons, is it because of your partner or from your own self?

Take this opportunity to understand your needs better. Maybe you just need a space to clear up your mind, not a breakup. That why it important for you to understand the problem in order to get your life back on track.

Final thoughts.

Taking a break in a relationship doesn’t mean that your relationship is over. It is actually a process to help you and your partner to have some space to reflect your thought and emotion.

The downside of this process is, it might not be an answer to every relationship. Taking a break in a relationship is a risky step, it can ruin your relationship and lead to a breakup. However, if you manage to make use of this process, it can be a powerful tool to make your relationship stronger, healthier, and happier.

About The Article.

This article was written by a friend of mine Harry.

Harry is an author who loves to share his thought and experiences through blogging. His aim is to encourage people to live with the purpose, significance, fulfillment, and satisfaction in life.

Marriage

January 19, 2019

by Aik

7 Marriage murdering mistakes to avoid

Are you making these marriage murdering mistakes in your marriage too?

When you look at the rate at which marriages are breaking up, you’ll begin to wonder if marriage is not worth going into at all.

The question is

Is there anything about this marriage that makes even the most respected men and women turn to become worst off?

And why does it look as if marriages are not working out again even when some couples vowed to give their best to see that they have a successful relationship?

Sometimes you could bet the break was due to one of the couples fallen victim to infidelity, but sometimes also the reason for the breakup isn’t as obvious as that.

Below are 7 marriage murdering mistakes men make that can cause trouble to couples.

7 marriage murdering mistakes men make.

1) Not careful with the opposite sex:-

We live in a society where everyone is free to associate with anyone he/ she likes.

While you were still single, you had friends, both male and female.

You can even prove that they were of the opposite sex and no one had the right to question you.

I understand!

Now you are married and you think it’s still business as usual? that’s a marriage murdering mistake to make.

You may be just friends, with no strings attached, but that’s if your partner believes that.

Here’s my advice to you.

know your boundaries now you are married when you relate with the opposite sex else your partner may misinterpret the ordinary relationship as cheating and you know what that means.

2) You are not showing enough love to your partner:-

We believe so much that buying gifts for our wife or dropping fat cheques is the ultimate way to show love, well I bet you it’s good, but it is not the best way to show love.

The truth is that women feel more loved from your actions and not from your money, they want to see from your eyes that you are glad to have them as a partner and that you are doing all just for them.

So just find a way to show her that love.

Send some romantic texts to her from the office, and get her the things she cherishes as you go home in the evening. She will be happy to see that.

it works.

3) Being a boss and not a husband:-

“My husband always wants to show that he is the man of the house” that’s one thing I hate about my”.
That was a message sent to me by one of my readers.

The question now is, what type of husband are you? A boss or a caring husband?

A good husband shows love to the wife and family, most times he has to compromise during certain issues just to make sure peace reigns.

However, the boss’s husband roars and everyone takes to his heels, there’s nothing like a compromise in his dictionary.

All he wants is for his order to be carried to the last.

Every woman detests that and it will hurt your marriage if you do so.

4) Sexual Selfishness:-

When it comes to sex, both men and women have different needs. Men because of their sex drive are always ready to have sex any minute.
But, women are not the same during sex. Firstly, they want to feel more connected and it takes more time to get them turned on.

Always take some time to understand your wife’s need during sex, it could be a little touch in certain hot spots, a little time together or finding a way to ease her stress.

If you are not sure of what she wants, then ask her. Make her understand you want to satisfy her.

5) Distance:-

It doesn’t matter if the space between you is emotional or spiritual, there’s no way you can have a meaningful relationship with someone that’s not there at all. If for whatever reason you find yourself physically apart from your spouse, it doesn’t mean both of you have to be emotionally apart too.

Technology has made things easier now, so take advantage of it. Call her, chat her, video call her. With the help of technology, you should always be connected even when you are miles apart.

6) No clear boundaries with family members:-

If you always want to involve your family members whenever there are little issues in your relationship, then you are making a terrible mistake that can cause more trouble in your marriage.

7) letting only women raise the children:-

Maybe you thought that raising children is for the women only, and so you sit at a distance and watch your wife do the work, then you blame your wife when anything goes wrong. That’s very wrong.

If you are the type of man that rush off to work, and never have time to relate with the children even when you came back, then you may be causing a serious problem for your relationship.

You should not let your wife alone to raise the children because men have a big influence over the children than the wives, that’s why you see children bragging proudly about the dad than the mum.

Another instance is that children always wish to grow up and be like the father and not the mother.

And that’s the reason you should not watch your wife do the raising alone. Jump into the bandwagon and do your best too. So you don’t regret it at the end of it all.

Finally: We all know what adds value to our marriage and what devalues it. If what you are doing is not helping matters then it’s destroying it.

This post is just to show you some of the marriage killing mistakes, taking action depends on you.

Marriage

November 28, 2018

by Aik

7 Marital Issues That can Cause Separation

marital issues, divorce

Every marriage has its own unique marital issues, there’s absolutely no relationship without one. Sometimes marriage becomes stronger after going through one issue or the other and sometimes there’s a disconnection, separation or divorce even when there’s a little issue.

Most times, it is not the problems that brought about the divorce , but inability of the couples to recognize the issues and handle it properly.

However, while some marital issues are not that big enough to cause divorce , some are too great that the couples involved may not see the reasons to overlook it and move on as couple.

In this post, I want share with you some of those marital issues that can cause separation or divorce, so you can avoid it completely in your marriage.

If you are ready to know, then let’s dive

7 Marita Issues That can Cause Divorce

1) Infidelity: – Cheating is one of the marital problems that could cause divorce in marriage.

Cheating can be described as having extramarital affair with someone that’s not your partner. Think about it when you realize that your partner is sleeping with another person, and you know you are faithful to him or her: you will feel betrayed, and from that moment your spirit will be down and hatred sets in.

People give so many reasons why they cheat, reasons like, emotional distance, poverty, lack of sex etc,

However, no matter what reason you give, none of them is cogent enough to make you cheat.

Ruth Houston a cheating expert says that “Extramarital affair usually start like emotional affair which later becomes physical affair.”

Ask any cheater, and he will tell you that it started as a mere friendship.

My advice to you is to be careful how you relate with the opposite sex to avoid things that could bring separation in your relationship.

2) Lack of sex: – If you have not been having sex at all with your partner, or you are not having enough, then you may be welcoming trouble in your marriage.

Lack of sex, may cause one of the partners to seek satisfaction outside, and you know what that mean.

The remedy is to work on your libido so as to improve your sex life.

3) You are not prepared for marriage: – Marriage is coming together of two different people from sometimes different backgrounds or different ethnic groups.

Because of the differences, a lot of issues may arise and if you are not prepared for it, it could cause problems for you.

Before you decide to get married, you need to understand what it is actually all about at least know the basics.

4) Lack of communication: – Communication is vital in marriage and inability to communicate rightly can cause resentment and disconnect, and all these leads to separation.

However, good communication brings good relationship between husband and wife.

If you are used to shouting, yelling or even making nasty then you are causing great harm to your family.

To avoid it, you have to improve your communication skills and talk more with your partner on daily basis.

5) Unrealistic expectations: – This is another marriage killer. It’s all about requiring much more than your partner could offer.

Expecting your partner to be, go or do whatever you want can cause so much stress to them and too much pain for you, especially when they are not meeting up with your expectations.

6) Old habits: – Everyone has his or her own unique habit and also carry it into their relationship.

At the beginning of the relationship, most of the habit may be enveloped by love: as the time goes, these habit starts manifesting and your partner may accept some of them and some may be unbearable.

Be able to tell your partner what character you don’t like, maybe they can drop it so your relationship can move on.

7) Money matter: – Money is very essential in marriage and it’s also one of the main causes of problems in marriage.

Couple fights about money more than they fight about sex and other things. In fact it hinders marriage and can cause so much stress to couples.

In marriage, couples fight about lack of money, spending habits as well as too much money.

To avoid these troubled, you should mind how you spend, if possible, have a daily, weekly or monthly budget.

Finally, it’s important you understand that marriage is not all rosy. Even partners that has the best intentions sometimes find it hard to overcome their problems and therefore end up in courtrooms

. That’s the best reason you should address issues in your relationship on time.

Never wait until they are beyond fixing.

Learn to be kind, love your partner with all your heart and make intimacy a priority.

Visit marriage counselors (whether all is well or not) this will help you to preserve your relationship

Avoid anything that can bring rancor in your marriage.

Marriage Session