Gaslighting in a relationship can be classified as a pattern of manipulation that can overwhelm one’s self-worth or sense of reality.
According to a study conducted by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, about 48.4% of women as well as 33.3% of men in the way or experience psychological aggression by their spouse. This includes gaslighting tactics.
Gaslighting in a relationship, if not properly taken care of can cause self-doubt, emotional turmoil, and confusion, so you must recognize it and address it immediately.
Psychologist Stephanie Sarkis says “Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the gaslighter tries to make his or her culprit that they are crazy or imagining things when they are not.”
In this post, I will show you the dynamics of gaslighting and its effects on relationships and I will also show you how to recognize it and deal with it effectively.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulative way used to make another person doubt their memories, sanity, and perceptions. For example, a partner might always deny telling you hurtful things or accuse you of being extremely sensitive.
Another example can be your partner dismissing your concerns as being exaggerated or irrational, making you question your reality and judgment.
Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship:
Gaslighting in a relationship can manifest in so many ways. The signs may include dismissal of one’s experiences or feelings, constant denial, or manipulation through distortion of facts.
There is a need to recognize these behaviors early and address them before they hurt your relationship. Don’t worry, I will show them to you here
1. Continuous Denial Reality:
One of the ways to spot Gaslighting in a relationship is you realize that the gaslighter will consistently deny things like events, promises, your conversations with them, etc.
These will create an atmosphere of doubt and confusion for you. When he or she succeeds in undermining your perception of reality, you’ll start questioning your judgment and memory
This tactic is subtle, and it will erode your confidence and self-trust and make you dependent on your gaslighting partner for validation and guidance.
As time goes on, you may struggle to falsehood from truth, which may further worsen your dependence on your gaslighting partner’s distorted reality.
2. Trivialization And Minimization:
Another great sign of a slight in a relationship is that the gaslighter will make you feel unimportant or small by downplaying your concerns, experiences, and feelings.
This can leave you feeling unworthy of attention or as if your thoughts don’t matter. It is a type of emotional manipulation where you are greatly undermined by the gaslighter and you are made to doubt yourself.
3. They Will Blame And Make You Feel Guilty:
Another weapon the gaslighters have is their ability to make you doubt yourself and even feel guilty. One way they do this is to blame you for things that are not your fault.
By doing this, they will make you feel guilty like you are responsible for the problems you didn’t create. For instance, assuming something goes wrong, the gaslighter might say it is because of your actions, even when it is not true.
This manipulative style can make you feel confused or doubt yourself and then be trapped in a cycle of self-blame and guilt.
4. They Will Without Information From You:
In any relationship that is characterized by gaslighting, the gaslighter may employ a tactic where he or she will intentionally hide valuable information or disclose selected details to distort the other’s perception of reality.
This type of manipulation promotes an environment of confusion and doubt, as it makes the victim unable to understand the event that led to whatever is happening.
As he or she strategically controls the flow of information, they further entrenche their power of dynamics, leaving their partner vulnerable or disoriented.
This pervasive pattern of deception undermines trust and perpetuates emotional turmoil within the relationship.
5. They Will Isolate You From Friends And Family:
The worst sign of gaslighting in a relationship is when you find out that the gaslighter has employed isolation tactics and control over you.
They will tactically isolate you from your family, friends, and support networks. They will make you depend on them entirely so you will be completely susceptible to their manipulation and less likely to seek assistance or validation from outside.
Their isolative tactics serve to deepen your reliance on their version of reality, therefore eroding your sense of self and making it increasingly difficult to recognize they are abusing you.
Ultimately, isolation perpetuates the gaslighter’s power and control over the victim, trapping them in a cycle of psychological manipulation and dependency.
Negative Effects Of Gaslighting In Relationships:
Gaslighting in a marriage and relationships can have numerous negative effects, including undermining the victim’s self-esteem, and causing confusion and self-doubt.
Below are other effects of gaslighting in a relationship.
Undermining Self-Confidence:
The number one effect of gaslighting in a relationship is that it makes the victim doubt their feelings, perception, and judgment.
The gaslighter might say things to make you question your thoughts, feelings, and decisions. This can mess with your confidence and how you feel about yourself.
You might start to think you can’t trust your thoughts anymore. This can make you feel unsure and not as good about yourself.
It’s like someone is constantly telling you that you’re wrong, even when you know you’re not. This can make you feel really bad about yourself and make it hard to trust your judgment.
It Causes Emotional Distress:
Another great effect of gaslighting in a relationship is that it can make you feel bad. You will find that you always feel anxious, sad, and like you don’t matter.
The reason that the gaslighter always messes with your mind is to make you doubt what is real and what is not; those are what make you feel upset and confused trying to figure out what is true.
This can mess up your mental health and make you feel even worse about yourself. It is just as if your emotions are being twisted around, leaving you feeling lost and hopeless.
Abuses Will Escalate:
When gaslighting in a relationship becomes worse, it can turn into another type of abuse. This can include making you feel bad emotionally.
Your gaslighting partner wants to keep you in control for a long time, so they might do more and more harmful things to you. It is therefore pertinent you know this on time, so you can quickly find the solutions to it.
The person doing the gaslighting wants to keep control over the person they’re hurting. So, they might do more and more harmful things to them. It’s important to recognize these signs early and get help if you or someone you know is going through this.
You May See Other Health issues Because Of That:
Continuously being tricked by someone, called gaslighting, can make you sick. It can give you headaches, make it hard to sleep, upset your stomach, and even cause long-lasting stress problems.
This happens because your body is under a lot of pressure from being lied to all the time. It’s like carrying a heavy load all day, every day.
Eventually, your body can’t handle it anymore and starts to break down. So, it’s important to recognize when someone is gaslighting you and find ways to protect yourself from it to stay healthy.
Self Blame And Guilt:
As the victim of backlighting, you will find yourself always blaming yourself and feeling guilty for your perceived shortcomings.
You didn’t do anything, but the gaslighter will make you think you did it, so you will feel guilty and blame yourself. All these will deteriorate your self-worth and mental well-being.
Cognitive Dissonance And Confusion:
Gaslighting is one of the forms of manipulation that makes people feel very confused. First, you will start doubting yourself because all you are being told doesn’t match your thoughts or feelings
This will mess with your head and make you feel lost and worn out. Just imagine you are trying to put a puzzle together and someone keeps swapping out the pieces with rubbish.
You will feel tired and frustrated. That’s exactly what happens when you are being gaslighted. You will always want to make a sense of things and it won’t add up, that will start taking a toll on your mental well-being.
You Won’t Easily Trust Again:
After experiencing gaslighting, you might struggle to believe in others or your personal decisions in new relationships. You will always worry about being tricked or not taken seriously like before.
This fear can make it hard for you to open up or rely on anyone else. You might constantly question if you’re being lied to or manipulated, even when there’s no reason to doubt.
Rebuilding trust takes time and patience, and it often involves seeking support from trustworthy friends or professionals. Healing from gaslighting means learning to trust again, one step at a time, and recognizing your worth and intuition.
Making Decisions Won’t Be Easy For You:
If someone is gaslighting you, it can make you doubt yourself and also make you feel unsure about your thoughts and feelings. This can make it uneasy for you to make decisions or speak up for yourself.
You might feel as though you can’t think or trust what you think. This in the long run can affect the way you set your boundaries or express your needs.
To put it simply, gaslighting messes up your confidence in yourself and makes it tougher for you to make choices or stand up for your needs and wants.
What Is An Example Of Gaslighting In A Relationship?
An example of gaslighting in a relationship is when one partner always denies the other partner’s reality or emotions, making them feel like they’re overreacting or imagining things.
For instance, if one partner consistently accuses the other of being too sensitive or irrational when expressing valid concerns or emotions, that’s gaslighting.
Another example is manipulating events or conversations to make the victim doubt their memory or perception of events.
Over time, this behavior can erode the victim’s self-confidence and ability to trust their judgment, leading to a toxic dynamic where the gaslighter maintains control and power.
How Do You Shut Down A Gaslighter?
Dealing with gaslighting can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can employ to effectively shut it down. Here are five ways to do so, along with explanations:
1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter and communicate them assertively. Let them know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences will follow if they continue.
For example, you might say, “I will not tolerate being manipulated or invalidated. If you continue to gaslight me, I will limit my interactions with you.”
2. Maintain Self-Awareness: Gaslighters often try to undermine your confidence and perception of reality. Stay in tune with your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and trust your instincts.
Remind yourself of your strengths and values to counteract any self-doubt instilled by the gaslighter.
3. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide validation and perspective.
Share your experiences with trusted individuals who can help you recognize gaslighting tactics and offer guidance on how to respond effectively.
4. Document Incidents: Keep a record of gaslighting incidents, including dates, times, and specific examples of manipulative behaviors.
Having concrete evidence can help you validate your experiences and confront the gaslighter with specific instances of their behavior. This documentation can also be useful if you need to seek further support or take legal action.
5. Limit Contact: If the gaslighter refuses to respect your boundaries or continues to manipulate and invalidate you, consider limiting or cutting off contact altogether.
This may involve distancing yourself emotionally and physically from the individual, setting strict communication boundaries, or ending the relationship entirely if it is toxic and detrimental to your well-being.
Each of these strategies empowers you to assert your autonomy, protect your mental health, and confront gaslighting behavior effectively.
It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with supportive individuals who validate your experiences and empower you to stand up against manipulation.
In Conclusion:
Gaslighting is a harmful manipulation tactic that can cause self-doubt and emotional turmoil. Signs include denial, trivialization, blame, isolation, and information control.
Effects include low self-esteem, confusion, and difficulty trusting. To confront gaslighting, set boundaries, seek support, document incidents, and consider limiting contact with the gaslighter.