if you have betrayed your spouse before and are looking for ways to rebuild trust in your marriage, then here are a few tips to help you.
Trust is an indispensable recipe for any successful relationship. But you’ll agree with me that many people struggle so much to keep their faith.
Researchers said that no matter how we proclaim our honesty, we are not close to what honesty portrays; we are far from it
Studies conducted by Dr. Bella DePaulo show that almost everyone lies in one out of five of their interactions every day.
Couples are not an exception to this either; they also lie and deceive each other.
The result of all these lies is a huge withdrawal from the emotional bank account of trust.
A famous marriage researcher, John Guttman after investigating some couples from all over the world, found betrayal and broken trust to be the most significant causes of issues between couples.
If you have withdrawn so much from your trust account and wish to make a tremendous deposit again, then in this article I will show you great and actionable steps to rebuild trust in your marriage.
If you are ready to learn, then follow me closely as I show you
3 Actionable Steps To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage:
#1 How To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage; Step One. Consistently Remain Faithful:
The best way to rebuild trust in your marriage is to not break the trust in the first place, because there’ll be no need to rebuild what is not damaged.
But what does faithfulness mean to you? Is it just about not doing wrong to your partner or cheating on him or her? Those are steps in the right direction.
However, faithfulness is not just a lack of infidelity. It means more than that.
Faithfulness also means being faithful to your words.
Many people have lied so much to their better half that their partner finds it very hard to believe anything they ever say.
Faithfulness means that your partner can always count on whatever you say and is ready to keep your words to the last letter.
You are not keeping those words just because you want to keep the rules of trust, but because you recognize your partner’s trust in you and her willingness to respect it.
That’s the reason you made a promise to fix the bulb in the kitchen and do it, or promise to take him or her out for a walk at 6 p.m. and fulfill it as well.
Promise and failure can destroy trust in a relationship like nothing else does.
Faithfulness also means learning and understanding your partner so much so that you know how he or she responds to situations like
pains, stress, happiness, and sadness.
Maybe he or she likes to be alone at some moments or needs a shoulder to ease tensions.
Knowing all these makes you accept each other the way you are and makes you not try changing each other.
Now that you know what being faithful to your partner is all about, how do you consolidate faithfulness in your marriage?
Get close to God:– in the scripture, we are instructed to get close to our God so He can get closer to us too (James 4:8.)
Always understand that, without God, you can’t do anything. If we keep God at a distance from our relationships, then we will see things falling apart, and we will be growing apart from each other too.
We get closer to God by simply renewing our minds constantly with the word of God, praying without ceasing and having regular communion with God.
- Get close to your spouse: Since you decided to settle down with your spouse, it’s also important that you do everything to be close together. Let that be your number one priority.
- Mind your thoughts: What you think always determines who you are. That’s why you should always consider what you think about it.
For instance, before someone cheats, it would’ve been properly deliberated before execution. It’s our thoughts that lead to what we say or do. So be responsible for it.
- Take care of your actions:- The next step is to take care of your actions. All your actions are not carried out all of a sudden; you did them because you carefully thought about them.
When you browse pornographic websites, you choose to; when you sleep with your secretary, you choose to; and when you switch your television to a sports channel, you also choose to. in other words, you can choose not to do all of those.
If you can control what you think, do, or say, then your partner will always trust and respect you. What a sweet home you’ll have.
#2 How to rebuild trust in your Marriage; Accept Your Wrong:
Accept your wrongs and apologize:- If eventually, you breached trust in your relationship, then it is necessary that you accept what you did and then bring all the information about your wrongs to the table and solve it.
One way to completely overcome your trust issues is, to be honest, and willing to bring the matter to the table so everyone knows what the issue is because any issue about trust can’t be settled by only one person.
Taking responsibility for your actions and practicing genuine repentance has great power to rebuild broken trust.
So if you are interested in rebuilding trust in your marriage, then try to be as open as you can so your partner can also be free to ask questions they have in mind.
Joseph Cilona PsyD, a clinical psychologist who is based in New York, said, “It’s good to be conscious of sincerity, even if it requires admitting that it might be helpful.” So give all information out and be very willing to trash it once and for all.
Here are ways to apologize:
The fact is that your partner is no longer comfortable with you and your actions, and that has made him or her extremely stressed and angry. Now that you feel sorry and also want to apologize, here’s how to go about it.
- Don’t let it linger:– Though it may not be too easy when you want to go and tender apologies for whatever you have done, the truth is that the longer you wait, the faster things get worse.
- Give your partner a chance. As much as you don’t have to wait for so long to say you are sorry, you also have to give your partner a little time to express his or her grievances before responding.
- Apologize by yourself: It will be better to do so by yourself and face-to-face as well; don’t send messages, email, or send someone to beg on your behalf.
- Pressure him/her: You have to always reassure the one you cheated on that such will not happen again.
- Don’t blame, just explain: it’s possible some problems in your relationship contributed to your breach of trust. However, instead of blaming your marriage and your spouse, just take time to explain your dissatisfaction with certain things so both of you can deal with all issues to avoid future occurrences.
#3/How to rebuild trust in your Marriage; Choose To Change:
Choose to change: You are very sorry for your mistakes, and you have asked for forgiveness and received a pardon as well.
However, things may not work out again if you go back to your mistakes another time. And so the best for you is to decide to change completely.
But, depending on the situation that caused the breach of trust, you’ll have to find suitable solutions or ways to make up.
For example – If it was caused because of infidelity, then you have to be sure to clear all doubts, it may cost you to retrieve all your passwords, both your mobile phone and emails. You may need to always leave your phone on the center table.
If it was the inability to fulfill promises, then you’ll have to set some reminders for all your promises.
The best thing to do at this point is to completely restrict yourself from doing those things that usually initiate betrayals of your partner. This is simply because your partner will be more confident when there’s evidence of sincerity and honesty from you.
#4. How To Rebuild Trust; Step Four Be 100% Percent Committed To Your Plan:
This is important when you want to rebuild trust in your marriage. This is because so many things will want to derail you from reaching your goals of restoring your marriage.
Being committed to making your plan work is all about standing your ground, even when those distractions are there until you win. Rebuilding trust in a relationship won’t be one one-partner affair, every hand must be on the deck.
No matter the cause of the challenges you are having, you will need to make a long-term investment to build this trust, it won’t be a quick fix.
#5. Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage; Step Six. Pay Attention To Your Partner And Don’t Be Defensive:
Understand that it won’t be easy to rebuild trust, especially when it is caused by cheating. That is the reason you should let your spouse pour all his or her feelings out.
As they are doing so, please, keep your mind low and don’t try to defend your actions; that alone will make the matter worse. Remember, your spouse may have invested their all to make the relationship work before you destroyed it, and it hurts.
# 6. How To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage; Step Six. Be Transparent This Time:
As you are trying to rebuild trust in your marriage, you must create an atmosphere of transparency. Be straightforward in your doings, your calls, and your words.
Be open and don’t keep anything from your spouse going forward. Keep in mind that you are all out to get the trust back. This means that you should stay clear of anything that will make your partner lose trust again.
#7. How To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage; Step Seven Get Professional Help:
It may not be easy to rebuild trust in your marriage alone, this is why I am recommending that you seek professional help. There are people trained to help solve the problem as such called therapists.
Try to locate any marriage therapist near you and let them know what you are facing. Be plain to them and wait for their advice. However, look for a therapist who has a good history of success, so you will be sure of success too.
You must know that not all trust can be rebuilt.
Sometimes it is destroyed and nothing can be done about it and sometimes it takes so much time to be rebuilt that the couple becomes tired of waiting. Laino says it takes at least 6 months to 2 years to rebuild trust.
My advice to you is to keep trying as long as you can, but if things don’t work out after some time, then find another alternative. However, the points I made are enough to guide you to try rebuilding your marriage.
Here is the recap.
To rebuild trust in your marriage, you have to be intentional about it. Knowing that what you did was wrong and putting in effort to prove how sorry you are and to gain trust is worth it.
You should also be committed to doing all that will bring back trust, whether it is getting professional help, or creating an atmosphere of trust. All you want is to make sure that things start working again.
Just keep doing all you know. It may take some time, but it will surely work for you.