Let me show you the harmful effects of having secrets in marriage, so you can avoid it.
Many couples, who have secret lives may not be aware of the negative effects of having secrets in marriage until their relationship is destroyed.
So many marriages have resulted in separation and divorce because one partner or the other is being too secretive.
Although some things can add fuel to the fire when disclosed to your partner. But the question is, Is having Secrets In relationships Healthy?
The answer is “No”
The funny thing about having secrets in marriage is that it will slowly gain entrance into that successful and happy marriage and before you know what is happening, it becomes a big problem.
Sometimes, you could find a way or ways to deal with those problems; but most time you can. However, nothing can be better than being honest and vulnerable in your relationship.
Those two things pay better than having secrets in marriage.
What Does Having Secrets In Relationships Or Marriage Means?
In my understanding, having secrets in marriage or relationship simply means those lives you live in your closet that no one else knows but you.
It is that life you live which you will not want to be known by your spouse, it includes those chatting on social media, that pornography you watch, that masturbation you enjoy, and many more.
Most of the things we hide in our relationships are sometimes sweet, but they are the greatest marriage killers.
Let me tell you how this can affect you seriously even when you are enjoying yourself.
If you read those underlined sentences, you will see where I mentioned: “enjoying yourself.”
Let me ask you this! Just feel free to answer it.
- Is it not sweet, When you pick up your phone to send that little text “I love you” to that young girl out there and your spouse did not know?
- Don’t you feel happy when you ask that beautiful or handsome guy to see you in that hotel room for some actions?
- Is it not sweet to close your office when your receptionist is in and have a quick one with him or her and your spouse did not know?
They are sweet, Isn’t it?
However, it is very deadly to indulge in these except you want to destroy your marriage.
Let me Explain those lives one after the other. Just tell me if it is what you do. Okay…
10 Seriously negative effects of having secrets in marriage
1) Chatting on the social media
The introduction of the internet made lots of things to be easy. With just a snap of your fingers, you can get absolutely anything you want.
The most intriguing thing is the coming of social media Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Whatsapp, and others; with ease, you can connect with anybody.
I was a victim of this too. At a time I realized that I was having more time to chat with my male friends on either Facebook or WhatsApp.
My prayers every day became that my wife will go out to wherever, or I will go out, just because I want to chat with my female friends. What a devastating life!
Thank God I realized on time and stopped it. Think about the effects it is having on your marriage.
2) The pornography you watch and masturbation you enjoy.
I decided to share this because they go hand in hand. Many people are victims of this. Let me tell you what usually happens when you continue watching pornography.
When this attitude becomes the very part of you, you will suddenly realize that you will be so addicted to it that even when you want to make love with your spouse, your mind will not be there. You will be remembering the pictures you saw in the magazine.
Most times, you will realize that after watching, the next thing you will want to do is to masturbate or finger yourself. Again when masturbation becomes part of you, then you will prefer to do it than making love with your spouse.
Remember we are talking about the negative effects of having secrets in marriage.
My question now is; would you prefer your marriage to break up or would you want to stop it now and save your marriage.
It is yours to decide. But, my advice is to save your marriage.
3) Your Past Or Present Addictions.
Addiction is bad, but it’s not a death sentence: and so whether you are still battling with it or you have overcome it, it is not good to hide it from your spouse.
Let your spouse know it immediately because they can offer different supports to help you out of it.
It may be prayer support or suggestion. Whatever it is, just know that your partner may not use it against you if you let them know on time.
It will be disastrous if they find out from somewhere else. ” a stitch in time saves nine more stitches.”
4) You Hid Your Baggage.
In as much as we go into our marriages with our different pieces of baggage, it will be interesting to talk about them with our partners.
Getting married to your partner means being able to share your life with them and that includes your present and your past.
It calls for sincerity and openness to share anything that can affect your relationship in the future.
5) Your Sexual Performance.
This may seem funny, but it is a serious issue. Recently a friend’s wife left him because he couldn’t satisfy her sexually.
He had some sicknesses at the earlier stages of his life, which affected his performance. To him, it wasn’t a big deal, but he mistakenly married a high sex-driven wife, that’s when the issues began.
It’s always important to discuss such with your partner earlier for an earlier decision.
6) Your Mental Illness Histories.
Of a truth, this will be very hard for you to talk about because of the stigma that always goes with it; but you must talk about it so your partner will know whom he/she is with.
Rhonda Milrad, a relationship therapist says that “The longer you wait to reveal this, the more you are preventing your partner from knowing the real you and building a relationship full of insecurity and worry that they will find out.”
That’s why you must say is out immediately and wait for whatever will happen.
If your partner accepts you with that, then good luck; if not, then life goes on.
So stop hiding your past from your partner from this moment on.
7) Your Financial Statues.
Letting your partner know your financial status is crucial. Money problems are inevitable in relationships; it is almost 1 out of the 3 most frequent marriage issues.
It is therefore imperative to shut every vent of money-related issues from your relationship.
Reasons having Secrets In Relationships Can Destroy Your Marriage.
– It Shows Dishonesty.
Imagine what happens when your partner finds out your secrets, he/she will be sad from that moment and you won’t be happy too.
Your partner will feel betrayed by that simple action. Having secrets in marriage can be compared to lies, and lies are great relationship killers.
– It Depletes Trust.
If your partner finds out all your secrets, there will never be trust again.
It shows you are not open and openness matters in any relationship.
The moment trust is depleted, your relationship will not stand firm again because trust is the foundation of a solid relationship. Once it is broken, it’s hard to rebuild.
– Keeping Secrets Is Deceit.
We feel bad when we are being deceived by someone we love. Keeping secrets in marriage makes your partner feel deceived.
That’s not what you promised at your wedding vow. Your marriage will be affected if you dont take precautions.
How To Deal With A Secretive Partner.
– Express Yourself.
Take a bold step and tell your partner how you feel about their attitude. Don’t rush it, just use a non-accusatory style to ask, and let them know how you arrived at that conclusion.
Things can get better if you handle this matter maturely.
Try and be very polite when asking for order wise you will be mistaken.
Dear, I feel like you are not letting me know certain things I should know as your better half and it looks like you are building a wall between us.
I love you so much and I wish to be part of your challenges. They will be very glad to share it with you.
Are You The Cause?
This is an important question to answer, as the result you get can help you deal with the matter.
Most times we are too busy looking for who is treating us bad or good and forget to look inward.
Perhaps you are the reason they are keeping things to themselves. Probably you didn’t respond properly when he/she shared something with you.
O responses are very important during communication. If you are not sure how to respond to certain things, it is better to keep quiet.
Therefore, before accusing your partner of being secretive, then check if you are the reason.
Choose to Forgive Your Partner,
This is very important when you want to confront your partner for being secretive. If you didn’t make up your mind to forgive, you may make the matter worse.
However, when your mind is fully made to forgive, then then you have to build a shock absorber to help you contain whatever you will get from your partner.
MakeUp Your Mind To Trust Again.
It will never be easy to trust again after being hurt by your partner’s secrets, but it is possible.
Understand that there will always be ups and down, they are the flavors of every relationship so you can’t run from them.
Once you make your mind to forgive, you are fully sure of fixing your problems.
It is wrong to keep secrets in marriage. Nobody wants to be deceived. When you do keep secrets, it will hurt and even destroy your relationship.
Read this post to understand the effects of keeping a secret.
Do you want to save your marriage from all problems that want to destroy it? Check this out. So many couples can testify its efficacy.