50 Special funny marriage quotes for couples.

This quote will lighten up your face as you read it with your partner. These 50 Super funny marriage quotes for couples is designed to help you and your partner laugh true your pains and circumstances.

Here is why I said that.

According to the experts, laughter is important to our health, because “it helps your blood vessels function better. It acts on the inner lining of blood vessels, called the endothelium”,

Here is how Dr. Miller describes endothelium:

“The endothelium is the first line in the development of atherosclerosis or hardening of the arteries”,

That simply shows that “your laughing may be important when it comes to maintaining a healthy endothelium. And reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.”

I may not be your Dr, but I can help you reduce some stress: and this funny marriage quotes for couples is my special gift you and your partner.

If this what you want, then follow me as I share it with you.

50 Super funny marriage quotes for couples

1) “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life”

– Rita Rudner.

2) “I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”

Wendy Lieman.

4) A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.
– Elizabeth Gilbert.

5) To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Ogden Nash.

6) “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert.

funny quotes for couples

7) My husband and I have never considered divorce … murder sometimes, but never divorce.
– Dr. Joyce Brothers.

8) “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage. As soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.”

– Anonymous.

9) “Weddings are not for the faint-hearted – ask my bank manager… Have a great day.”

10 “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.”

– Henry Youngman.

11) “Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday, yesterday you were pretty fucking annoying.”

Quotes for couples

12) “Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life… Wives want both.”

13) “The only time my wife is listening to me is when I’m saying do you want some money.”

14) “Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around.”

15) “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

16) “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”

17) “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.”
18) “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
– Genny Seinfeld.
19) “When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.”
– Molly Mcgee.
20) “Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”
– Joey Adams.
21) “On your wedding day, remember you can’t buy happiness – but a luxury home and a few sports cars on the driveway could help.”

funny marriage quotes for couples.

22) “Advice for the clever bride: A man can be the head of the house, but a woman is a neck and she may turn the head any direction she wants.”

23) “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

– Socrates.

24) “Women, don’t make a fuss if he does not cry. He just finds it hard to show that emotion.”

25) “Date night isn’t a thing of the past. Married couples that still date each other stay together. As a plus, these words may stop an argument or hide the fact that you forgot to make dinner as you promised.”

26) “Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night.”

27) “Put the toilet seat up every once in a while. He may think that you are considering his needs but throwing some confusion into his normal pattern may reverse the bad habit.”

28) “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”

– Ann Bancroft.

“Funny Quotes on Husband and wife relationship.”

29) “Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.”

30) “Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well.”

31) “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”

– Michel de Montaigne.

32) “Maths after marriage is simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25.”

33) “If u want to be happy with a man, love him less & understand him more.If u want to be happy with women, love her more and never try to understand her.”

34) “Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. it’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”

35) “Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. It‘s too late to repent! Have an amazing journey.”

36) “Husbands, love your wives well.Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how they should treat women, and you are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men.”

37) “There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called…..the husband.”

38) “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”

39) “A jealous husband does not doubt his wife, but himself.”

40) “The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.”

Marriage Quotes.

41) “Marriage is just fancy word to adopt an over grown male child who is no more handled by his parents.”

42) “The only time my wife is listening to me is when I’m saying do you want some money.”

43) “Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.”

44) “A man marries a woman hoping she would never change, a woman marries a man thinking that she can change him.”

45) “Make love and not war
Or, find someone, marry them
And you can do both”.

46) “African proverb: He who marries a beautiful wife and he who plants corn by the roadside all have the same problem; insecurity.”

47) “You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband”

– Bill Maher.

48) “My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside”

— Made in Taiwan. – Leopold Fetchner.

49)  “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery”

. – Erma Bombeck.

50)  “I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.”

– Chico Marx.

Aik: AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers have been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed by coming to this site.