Getting married to the one you love is one thing: but keeping the love strong and happy after a long time: that’s were the work is.
At the early stages of your marriage, you don’t have to search the internet or read book or even visit a marriage counselor to understand how to improve your love life with your wife, everything came naturally because you were so much in love.
Research from the sociological says that ” couples record great happiness in the early stages of their relationship, and when the kids starts coming, there will be down turn in the happiness, they both stop investing into the relationship.
Here is why :-))
While the women focus more on the children, the men focus on their job.
When these happens, there tend to be a disconnect. The love start deteriorating, resentment sets in and then marriage starts crumbling.
In this article, I will show you how to renew your Love life with your wife.
If this is what you really want, then be ready to read this post to the last page, because I will also show you what you should do to make your wife fall in love again with you.
If you are ready, then let’s go on.
How to improve your marriage love life
– Create a Balance between Togetherness and individuality: – So much has been said about couples being strong by having time together. Of course mutuality is very important aspect of marriage success.
However, in as much as couples need to share time together, the need to create a good balance between togetherness and individuality will help you improve your relationship and make it successful whether you are still planning to get married or you have been married for a while ago.
David Olsen says “Couple who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with each other is in the best position to succeed “.
The truth is that a moderate level of being close is optimal for a good relationship to thrive
To achieve this balance, you have to –
– Make it known to your partner and to yourself about your own needs and wants.
– Set aside some personal time: – You and your better half don’t need to be together on every waking hour because it is the quality of time you stay together that matters and not the quantity of time.
It is important two of you sit down and discuss about the convenient time when you can have time to attend to your personal interests.
– Learn to moderately say yes or no: – Remember you don’t need to say yes to everything your partner says and you don’t need to say no to everything either especially when you have not tried it out.
Always be open to trying new things, because you can eventually discover a new hobby for yourself.
– Care for yourself: – We always get so overwhelmed in making sure our partners feel happy, that we forget our very self.
However, it is good you take care of yourself, pamper yourself, try going on alone dates, and get yourself good gifts.
2) Work as a team: – When you look at most of the successful marriage, you will find out that they have one thing in common, and that is the ability to work together as a team.
I love how Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. describe it “Teamwork is essential for combining various talents, skills and bodies of knowledge in attaining a common goal”.
If you want to achieve greater success in your relationship, then try working as a team.
Many marriages fail because the couples are so interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires and that brings fight always
But, the couples that have good communication and negotiating skill stays together for a long time.
The president and CEO of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, who also authored many books on how improve relationships in his quote said ” Learning to see your partner as a teammate rather than an opponent will help your marriage grow closer and stronger “.
Of course storms will come, there may be some disagreement, but you will always pass through it because you have one common motive and that is to make things work out.
Here are few ways to build great teamwork.
a) Be selfless
b) Create core values
c) Discover the things that need change and find solutions for them.
d) Give up blame completely.
e) Always think about solution and not problems.
3) Keep working everyday: – To some people, marriage is a very critical institution, while some other believe it isn’t that hard in as much as you are doing the needful things on a daily basis.
Most couples wait for far too long to get their marriage back on its feet again, but, the real thing is to start working immediately you noticed some irregularities.
Just the same way you do to your car, you check the oil and make sure it is changed once it’s ran one thousand kilometers; you top the water and quickly see a mechanic once you notice an unusual sound:
You have to always check up your relationship daily and start repairing it before things get out of hand.
If you really want to improve your marriage, then you have to take care of it, and it’s all about your daily and consistent maintenance.
Here are few daily steps to take.
– Try and demonstrate you love daily.
– Bring your best into the marriage everyday
– Avoid daily argument.
Doing these things will help you build security in your relationship.
Try asking your partner may be once in a week about the things you have not done well the previous week and make proper use of the answers you get.
I have tried it so many times and I found out I have made so many mistakes that my spouse was not happy about.
If you wait for a long time, or wait for your marriage to sink before you talk about your grievances, then it may be disastrous.
Commit yourself to the daily nurturing and you will not regret it.
4) Solve your problems fast:– There is absolutely no relationship without bumps and trial, the only disparity between the successful and the failed relationship is the ability to solve the problems encountered.
The worst marriage destroyer is to let some problems unsolved for a long time.
Gottman said “Happily married couples do not have less conflict/tensions, but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand (before negative sentiment overrides the positive ones)”.
What he wants us know is that not settling problems earlier has a way of bringing a disconnect and resentment to couple that eventually breaks the marriage.
Improving your marriage means working ceaselessly in settling your disputes.
Mostly couples problems falls into 3 areas like – sex, parenting, in-laws and money etc although there are many other areas however, when this areas are resolved fast, it takes care of others.”
Linda Mintle PhD in her book ( I married you and not your family) described Five different ways couples respond to problems
– The fighter
– The avoider
– Calm resolver
Depending which area you fail into the advice is that you find out the style that walks best for you to solve your problems and keep your marriage aflame and alive and adopt it.
4) Improve your communication:- Many marriages have failed because there is no strong communication and many can be saved if couples can improve in their communication skills
The main reason for poor communication is due to the state of emotional connection between the two.
When there is a good connection, communication flows well, but the opposite happened when there is a disconnect.
So to improve your communication, look at your emotions and check if all is okay and then try improving it if need be.
Almost every couple has these communication problems, but healthy couples try hard to solve theirs.
If your relationship fails to the category I described earlier then you should learn the best way to increase communicate effectively, let that be your priorities.
Though it is may not be that easy, but there are few tips that will help you.
– Learn to listen carefully.
– Learn how to encourage.
– Remove all distractions
If you put all I’ve mentioned above in place during your conversation, then you are having a wonderful communication.
5) Build trust in your end:– In marriage, trust plays an important part. No relationship can stand without trust no matter the type of love both have.
Trust can be seen as glue that holds things together.
The absence of trust is fear and Bible said that “Fear has torment”
That simply means your relationship will be tormented without trust.
Trusting your spouse means you believe, rely, you can vouch for him/ her, have confidence and you feel secured with them.
Therefore to improve your relationship, you should try everything to build trust from your part, which is making your partner trust you again.
If your partner can say “yes my spouse can’t do such a thing” then you’ve go to start building trust again.
Trust me it is not a rocket science to build trust, although it won’t be a day or months thing, but if you start today, then you will start seeing the effect in near future.
The fact is that you are ignorant of how to start the journey, but am here to help.
Here are few checklists to take.
– Discover where you breached the trust and make amend.
– Forgive yourself first.
– Start being transparent in all your doings.
– communicate openly
Finally: – When you put all these I mentioned into practice, you will find out how easy it is to improve your marriage and make it better than what it has always been.
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See you at the top.
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