You are hurting your husband unknowingly

Do you know there are things you do unknowingly that are hurting your husband and kill your marriage?


Some weeks back I wrote an article on the things men do that is killing their marriage and got so much feedback from the men and the women too, but today I want to write on ways you may be hurting your husband unknowingly and killing your marriage without knowing it.


This is important since the science of a happy marriage states that for a marriage to succeed, every partner is expected to give not 80/20, not 60/40, not even 50/50, but 100/100% of each other. That simply means giving everything there is to give.


Anderson Armstrong a woman who specializes in helping women know men better says that men and women are different in so many areas, but they are alike when it comes to the desire to be loved. That means if you expect love, you must also show love.


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If you are a woman and you think you have tried so many things to make your marriage happy and it is not working out, I suggest you purse for a moment and check if there is where you are not getting things right; you may be hurting your husband unknowingly, and that may also be killing your marriage.



Men are very wonderful people to be with when you understand what makes them happy. However, when they are not happy, so many other things may be going down with it, but if you are interested in helping your marriage succeed big time, then this article is written to help you understand those things that are hurting your husband and killing your marriage too.


Here are they:

12 Ways you are hurting your husband Unknowingly


Not showing appreciation:

Everyone wants to be appreciated and your husband is one of them, but sometimes you make your expectations so big and fail to appreciate the little things your husband did for you.


Most women never have anything like thank you in their vocabulary and the experts said that the three important words that are required to help make a marriage strong please, sorry and thank you.


Your husband expects you to show some appreciation whenever he bought a gift or anything; it doesn’t matter how big or small it is. By showing gratitude you are making him see that you understand how important he is to you.


Be Vigilant

Be always vigilant not to take him for granted. Remember he is not an angel to be right all the time but just be ready always to find a way to demonstrate your gratitude, for that will only make him do more for you.


Stop being manipulative:

Being manipulative is one of the easiest ways you can kill your marriage. Men don’t like it when their wives are trying to control then. Remember he is made to be your head and you are supposed to be on the supporting side.


If you are the type of woman that wants to force your husband do all you want without giving him room to move at his own pace, or you want to make him take all the blame for everything that went wrong in your marriage, then you are that manipulative wife and you are hurting your husband. Your husband wants you to be matured emotionally and know what will make him feel good instead.


You don’t respect him:

Respect is one of the main recipes for a happy marriage. You are expected to show some respect for your husband.


Most women are good at rubbishing their husband especially in the presence of other people. Men never enjoy a marriage where his wife will be toying with his ego or making him feel inadequate, they want to be appreciated and praised all the time. Never berate or insult him


The best thing you could do now to help your marriage is to show respect to him.

Instead of making your friends look down on your husband because of your attitude, Make them understand that he is everything to you.


Withholding Sex and affection:

The experts said that holding, squeezing, kissing, hugging helps marriage grows and builds a strong bond between couples, but you are holding back all those affections; so how did you expect your relationship to grow.


We men love sex so much and one of the rules of marriage is that no one goes out to have it, so it is his right to have you whenever he needs you.


He is your husband after all

Never use it as a tool to punish him for not fulfilling his promises or for anything at all.

One way a man understands what his wife feels about him is by offering your body to him, and they feel hurt and rejected when they are refused sex


Your husband may not tell you how he feels whenever you refuse him sex, but he will start keeping a distance from you and may go out to get the satisfaction from somewhere. You know what that means.


He doesn’t matter to you any longer:

In the earlier days of your marriage, it was just the two of you. You never wanted anything to come between the two of you; now you have a job and children and the love is divided. That is good! But does he still matter anything to you?


You prefer to attend to your job than knowing what your husband needs; you prefer to be with your children than to be with the man brought them into the world.


Children are the joy of our marriage and must be given attention to; yes our job is important as well. However, your husband is the most important person you have in this life.


Making your husband first will make him know that he is important to you as well.

Most marriages died because the feeling and emotions of one partner were substituted for other things.


You are always unhappy:

Your marriage will be a happy marriage when you are happy too, and your happiness will give your husband courage.


Your husband becomes more relaxed whenever you are happy. That will give him confidence and freedom to do anything easily and well too.


Never hold anybody responsible for your happiness and make efforts to bring your better self into your marriage, which will help it, grow fast


However, feeling miserable will make your husband avoid you since he is not sure what makes you feel good or bad.


Demanding more than he can afford:

Your husband knows from the beginning of your marriage that he is responsible to make you happy by taking care of your need and he strives to do that, but he will never want to take care of the things that are far beyond his income or budget, or when the wife complains about his financial inadequacies.


The best you can do for your husband when you know his worth financially is to keep your eyes low to what he is capable of doing.


Of course, you are free to ask or demand, but don’t make him feel he is incapable of taking care of his family.


Criticizing Him:

Another way you may be hurting your husband unknowingly and killing your marriage is criticism. Criticism if of two types, I am not talking about the constructive type, I am talking about fault finding and nagging type when all you see in your husband is imperfections and flaws instead of values and good.


When he is striving to impress you or make you happy, but in the midst of all he is doing to make you feel good, you are seeing all he did not do well. If he has five tasks to do and he did three perfectly well; instead of praising him for doing three well, you spend most of your time condemning him on the two he didn’t do well.


See the good sides only

Do you know what you are doing? You are making him feel though he is falling into the bottomless pit by having you as a wife. What differentiates the happy couples and the unhappy ones is that they choose to see only the good side of their spouse.

Your husband will feel more at rest with you when you make him feel secure being with you.


Given up on yourself:

You were so meticulous about the way you dress, the way you look and about almost everything that concerns you before you got married, but now those things don’t matter to you any longer. Hold on for a moment!


Taking care of how you look now you are married is as important as saying I do. It is true that your husband should love you the way you are, but never expect him to love you better when you are looking unkempt.


Some women never care how they look especially when they are in the house, the same way they never care about how clean or dirty her surroundings are.


He may be dying inside

Your husband may not tell you how bad he feels seeing you the way you look, but for your own interest, try to keep yourself clean all the time. Wear nice makeup if necessary. That will make him fall in love again and again with you.


Never wanted to be seen together:

You may be surprised why I added this, but I have seen this happen. I have seen women who are ashamed of their husbands. They never want people to know she is married to such a short, UN-educated, broke guy or because he is fat.


Like I said initially, this is not so common, however, I feel very surprised when I see two people who took time to date each other, got married and also become ashamed of the same person.


You have never wanted people to see the two of you hold hands or even walk down the street together. Sometimes you will not even allow him to hug or kiss you. Think about the harm you are causing him. Do not let this destroy your marriage.



11 Glued to your electronics:

We are all happy about what technology has brought to us. Now everything has been made easy for us. But we have to create boundaries of the usage of all these things like our smartphone, laptop,p, and other electronics.


Sometimes you are so glued to it that you did not realize it is time to be with your husband. It is just like you have found another companion and that your husband does not exist anymore.


I didn’t say it is wrong to use them, but you must not let it come between you and your husband. There is time for everything. When it is time to share with your husband, all the electronics must be turned off. This will give you time to discuss how your marriage will advance.

12. Put him down in front of your children:

There is nothing that can destroy a marriage like putting your hubby down in front of your children. It is true that your husband behaves somehow at times; the best solution should have been to talk everything over, just the two of you than bringing the children into the matter.


Involving your children means telling them to disrespect their father and that will hurt your marriage more.


Rounding up:


Marriage is sweet when both couples are happy and work together as a team. But if you let anything take the place of the feeling you had for your spouse in the beginning, all you will see is fight, quarrels and argument.


I have taken my time to list most of the things you may be doing that’s hurting your husband unknowingly and killing your marriage at the same time.


You can study them well and shield them from destroying your marriage. Remember, all these starts from the mind. Have a positive attitude and dreams about your marriage, your family and your husband.


If this article interesting to you, do share it with your friends, remember that sharing is caring and also let me know if there is something I didn’t include or maybe what I should not have included.





Aik: AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers have been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed by coming to this site.