God has blessed you with the best partner and you love each other, yet sometimes you feel you hate each other also: that is one of the signs you are in a love-hate relationship.
You can easily read the signs of love-hate in your relationship because it is always obvious. Sometimes you feel you love and want to be with your partner forever, on the other hand, you want to throw in the towel at once.
That means you can switch from a higher level of love you feel for your partner to the highest level of hatred all the same.
What is a love-hate relationship?
Merriam Webster dictionary states that a love-hate relationship “is strong feelings of both love and hatred for someone.”
In order words, the two people involved in this relationship are usually not sure of what decisions to make concerning their feelings for each other.
And because the relationship is full of emotional swings, they may not see the constant ups and downs as anything unhealthy.
To them, all is normal even when they are not sure of the future of their relationship.
If you feel all I have described so far in your relationship, then they are signs you are in a love-hate relationship.
10 Signs you are in a love-hate relationship
1) It’s Rosy Out There, But Hot Inside:
To the people around you, things are really good between you too. Of course, they see you smiling and holding your hands as you walk into the park.
Other couples are jealous of your love, they want to feel the same in their relationship too because they think things are the same way they look outside.
But you know that another fight, argument, and nagging is waiting at the door for you.
2) You Have Continual Conflicts:
In as many conflicts isn’t that bad for a relationship, yet it is not proper if it occurs frequently. It may be a little argument or small fight that emanated from irrelevant matters, but it continues to come up always.
One of the reasons it keeps coming up is because you chose to avoid conflicts or you refused to deal with it immediately.
John Guttman described unresolved quarrels as the main destroyer of relationships. and the reason is that the problems keep piling up until it becomes unresolvable.
Then you start seeing resentments, neglects, disconnect, and then separation.
To avoid this from happening in your relationship, you should face any matter that rises in your relationship and deal with it immediately, else you’ll not like the outcome.
3) You Compare Your Partner With Others Out There:
If you have not known the consequences of comparison in a relationship, then I will tell you.
You love people when you see them outside, you see couples holding hands and kissing at the park and you ask “why it’s not you and your partner”?
You resent your partner for not holding your hands as you walk etc.
Do you know that “all that glitters is not gold?” That couple may not be good at home as they do outside
Concentrate on your relationship and make it what you want.
4) You Love Certain Part Of Your Partner More:
You have a wonderful partner, he/she is nice looking, but is hot-tempered, probably don’t dress well, and have traces of laziness too.
These are causing great arguments and the disconnect between you too.
That’s the reason you hate him/her, but every other thing about him is interesting.
5) Relationship Has Become Transaction To You:
What do I mean by this? This is a time in your relationship when all you want is your benefit. like in other businesses, you are only interested in what your partner will do for you and not what you should do for your partner or your relationship.
It usually starts when there is no emotional connection, now all you focus on self-benefits, judgments, and expectations, you compete against your partner as well as negative and positive reinforcement.
When these are not in place, there is an emotional swing, which means when you are not getting what you want, your relationship becomes sour and you are happy when things are going well. That is not what a good relationship means.
A good relationship is filled with selflessness and sacrifices.
6) “So Much Break Ups And Making Up”
One of the signs of a love-hate relationship is a constant break up and making up that happens regularly.
You fight often and resolve almost immediately and things look normal and fix. However, that is just the beginning, because the fight continues. It has become a routine in your relationship.
Fighting and fixing your quarrels is not the matter. The problem is the repetitiveness of the fights.
7) You Can’t See Future In your Relationship:
Relationships thrive well when there is peace and more especially when couples work as a team. In a love-hate relationship, couples are buried in the rollercoaster of high and low emotions that they forget to work as a team.
If you don’t connect, you don’t plan for the future and everything fails without plans.
8) You Are Confused:
Being in an unstable relationship makes us wonder what is going on there, but a healthy and successful relationship allows us to be confident and also feel secure too.
In a love-hate relationship, you will become so confused that you can’t decide if you should leave or stay put. You love your partner dearly and they love you back.
But so many things always happen to make you fight and settle at the same time.
9) You Can’t Please Them Anymore:
It is always your desire to be on the good book of your partner, but his criteria are unattainable for you.
No matter how you struggle, you are still not close to pleasing him. They have become a bonanza that not easy for you to win. There is a long list of things you should do to make him happy which makes it hard for you to win their love.
These are a good sign you are in a love-hate relationship.
10) When You Start Speaking Behind Their Back:
Your heart of full resentment that you don’t appreciate anything he does yet you find it hard to tell them about it, but you can’t stop telling people about how bad they have become.
There is always a kind of peace that whelms your heart when you tell your friends about it even when they are not supportive, but you simply feel like telling them because you are unable to talk to your partner.
Talking at their back brings relief to your heart, but it is detrimental to the success of your relationship.
Can Love-Hate Relationship Work?
Now you have seen the signs that you are in a love-hate relationship and you still wish to know if things can still work out between you and your partner.
Here is my answer to your question:
Though the term loves hate romance sounds great, yet being in this type of relationship can’t be of any help for the two of you, because there is you make you hide your true self from each other.
More so, the constant arguments would always throw cold waters on your ability to think of ways forward even when you love each other so much.
In love-hate relationships or marriages, you are not sure what will happen next, and so it is not a relationship that is worth being into.
Here Are Few Reasons You Are In Love-Hate Relationship:
– When Your Ego Gets In The Way:
This is one of the greatest marriages/relationships of killers. You want to be in control and you will never compromise so things can take shape again.
Don’t give room for ego, if you don’t want your marriage to experience love-hate.
– You Are Incompatible:
“Two can never work together unless they agree.” If you are not meant to be together, then there will always be frictions on the way to hinder you.
That’s why your relationship can never work if you have different life goals and expectations.
– Desire To Dominate Your Partner:
You wish that your partner will dance to your commands and you want to have your way all the time, a little bit of resistance from your partner can make you mad and live your partner wondering if you love them.
– Bot Of You Are Unrepentant:
You are aware of all the problems and their cause and you are not ready to change.
This is always a big problem in every relation. When you are not matured in mind, you will always see your relationship as a play. A mature mind knows how to nurture their relationship and what a relationship needs attention.
It’s better you know the basics of a relationship before stepping in.
– High Expectations:-
It is good to have expectations in life, but it is not right to expect much from your partner, otherwise, you will be frustrated when they didn’t live up to it. Remember that no one is perfect, even you.
How To Fix A Love-Hate Relationship:
Here are a few things you can do if you discover that you are in a love-hate relationship. In as much I preach against being in a toxic relationship, I also feel it is good you try working on it before throwing the towel.
If you want to mend your relationship, then follow the steps below.
Work on yourself:
Most times the main causes of a love-hate relationship are from you. Probably you do things your partner detests or your mindset needs to change. If that is the case, then change your perception and forget about the killer attitude that brings misunderstanding.
Identify The Problems And Fix It
Whether it is your high expectations, lack of forgiveness, ego, or immaturity, you should identify what the actual causes are.
Knowing what they are is a huge step to almost solving it.
Another step to fix a love-hate relationship is to look for help outside. If it is different for you to handle, then look for a therapist to help you out.
They know how to get things back to normal. One mistake the couple makes is not seeing the counselor first. Counselors are there to help you not only when things are not working properly, but they can also help you make worthwhile decisions.
Your next alternative is to let go of the relationship, especially if you have tried everything you could and things didn’t change.
There are absolutely no reasons for holding onto something you wouldn’t like to continue with.
Maybe you are not made for each other, and when you let that go, yours will come.
The love-hate relationship can be a terrible experience, it can make you feel unhappy and insecure too. It doesn’t always work out, at last, so if you find that it won’t work for you, then find your way out immediately.
But try using the tips I provided here to you to fix it.