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11 things I wish someone told me before I got married.

happy marriage builder, happiness in marriage.
Source: Flickr and photo by Madilyn Peiper

Before I share this with you, I wish to tell you a little story about what prompted me to marry in the first place.
Back in the day while I was still in the high school, I use to visit some family friend with my parents and sometimes with my friends too.
Some times when we get to some homes and see what looks like joy and happiness, I use to tell myself that this is exactly how my marriage will be.

 

 
Did you noticed what I wrote in my last statement, ‘what looked like joy and happiness”; I said that because I thought those couples where all the time happy as they posed to be.
How wrong I was. : )
There is no marriage that is 100% happy. Maybe I shouldn’t have used that word no marriage, probably yours is. Just feel free to share with us if yours is 100% in the comment box bellow.

 

 
However, if you will permit me, I will use 67% of couples is actually not having a pleasant time in their marriage.
As at the time of writing this article, some of the marriages are merely going on without any passion.

 

 
That is why I categorized marriage into three parts.
The happy marriage:-

This is that type of marriage where both couples are enjoying their marriage. It is not as if they don’t have any down time; but, they understand how to manage their conflicts in other to move forward.

 

 

 

Semi happy marriage:-

 

 

In this type of marriage, couples just go along, but there is nothing like passion anymore. The situation is not yet that bad that they will want separation, and also not that good to make them happy. They are in between the two.

 

 

 

And then the unhappy marriage:-

 

 

Couples in an unhappy marriage are at the height of unhappiness with each other, that the only thing necessary to help out is divorce. Nothing else could save them except divorce or death.
I did not know all those things before I got married. I was only opportune to see those couples that brandished themselves to me as being happily married and not the unhappy one.

 

 
Here is the reason I am writing this article: )

 

 
It is not as if I made the wrong choice to marry or that I would not have married if I had known all these; but I would have been very ready, knowing what I should do to have the happiest marriage in life.

happiness in marriage, happy ,love
Source : Flickr, photo by epSos .de

But, I am writing to share with most of the people that are looking for their missing ribs, to guide them and make them ready to take the bold step.
If you are still reading this article, then I should not waste time again before telling you this.

 

 
(1) You must always be romantic:

 

 
We men always think that love is a process. We believe that now we have had the courtship, won her love now so we should go on with our business.

 

 

 
However, women see love as an adventure. They prefer those little things you do together. She always want know that she sparks a flame in your eyes.When you don’t give attention to those things, it will ruin your marriage.

 

 
If men should understand that there is much difference in the emotional make up of men and women, things will be much better than it is now. Keep on buying those flowers as you did during the courtship, those perfumes, the bucket of ice cream, the chicken lap; you know them.

 

 

 
I remember those days of our courtship, whenever we are eating together, I usually let my wife eat the most meat in the soup.

 

 
Now when she want wants to eat them again, I usually feel bad, but she will quickly remind me of how I use to let her eat them; I laugh.

 

 
(2) There is need to be intimate with my spouse:-

 

 
Intimacy means a deeper presence of closeness between couples. This is a time in a marriage when every partner feels secured to communicate their mutual desire, secret and personal jokes without fear of rejection.

 

 
I did not know that intimacy could be that priceless. Your partner must understand that you are all she’s got and that she is the number one priority to you too and that she is your closest friend.

 

 
Whenever you are together and you feel the atmosphere has changed, don’t hold it; cancel everything and let the moment be. Cease the moment.

 

 

 

uh happy. happy marriage, happiness in marriage
Source: Flickr, created by Don Harder

(3) Give her chance to express her emotions:-

 

 
Women feel relieved from their problems after letting some tears escape from their eyes. I can say that tears have a way of making them healthy, and it helps to wash their “potential bitterness away”.
We men always play the macho king; after all men don’t cry. We know how to suppress our feelings.

 

 
I always understand when my wife wants to let the rain drop. I never try to stop her, but I encourage her. I am not saying you should make her cry.

 

 
However, there are times you might mistakenly do something that upsets her, or may be something else caused the tears, just allow her to give out the tears for the sake of her health.
Ask her if she needs to be alone, and grant that request if she wishes so. Sometimes all they will need is a shoulder to cry, just offer yours. It may be a very good avenue for you to learn the intricacies of your better half.

 
Learn to see emotions as a friend and not the enemy.

 

 
(4) There is need to communicate effectively:-

 

 
Most of the bitter experiences we are seeing in the world today could be related to most of the things we have said and the things we have left unsaid.

 

 
Communication is very important in every relationship, but it is important to adopt the type of communication skills that will empower your marriage instead of hurt it.

 

 
It is obvious that women are the one that do the most talking in the home. Men are always discreet. Most men never want to talk about anything.

 

 
If you have form the habit of holding back your thoughts, it may be harming your marriage, as women never feel relaxed when they realized that their partner is having some secrets.
It is true we want a moment of silence, but understand that this could be building up as a habit in you because it requires some efforts to achieve.

 

 
A better communication is one unselfish way couples give to each other in marriage. Learn to improve your communication skill and empower your marriage here.

 

 
(5) Marriage can never be sweet all the times:-

 

 
Like I told you in the beginning of this article, I saw some couples that played to be having a happy marriage and I thought all is going to be like that. How dumb I was!
Marriage will not always be rosy, but you can chose how your own marriage will be.

 

 
The couples I saw may not always feel happy, but maybe they have a way of getting on track again.

 

 
That is where commitment comes in; whenever there is a fight or disagreement, the committed couples decides by themselves to compromise. You will hear them say “of course I know my spouse is faulty this time, but because I love my marriage and want it to move forward, I will forgive.

 

 
That is the difference between the happy couples and the divorces.

 
Whenever there is disagreement in your relationship, you have a choice on how to deal with it. Always chose the reconciliation method if you want to have a good husband and wife relationship.

 

 
(6) You must always be your spouse’s companion:-

 

 
Your spouse always wants to be your best friend. Yes you can always be with your other friends, and your spouse can be with their friends too, but your partner feels happier when they realized that you will choose to be with him/her rather than anyone else.

 

 
He/ she wants to hear those word as you hold hands and walk down the street, they want to be part of your activities, and feel happy when he/ she knows that they are part of those things you are doing or thinking.

 

 
If you are a smart spouse, you must go out of your ways to make your partner feel so special.

 
(7) You must always appreciate your spouse:-

 
No partner wants to be taken for granted, they want to be appreciated every time especially when they need to be appreciated.

 

 
Sometimes when I come home from office and everywhere is clean, the cloths washed; my spouse will expect me to say some nice things in appreciation to that, many times, I fail to notice it and she will not be happy.

 

 
Sometimes when it occurs to me, I will tell her what she wants to hear.
One of the most common courtesy in our world today is to say thanks you. Appreciation is a love to her, your spouse wants to hear that and also see it in your actions.

 

 
Do you realize how painful it is when you have worked hard for something and expect an appreciation but didn’t get that? That is exactly the same thing when it comes to your spouse.
Keep your eyes sharp to see those little things and show appreciation.

 

 
(8) You must always be attractive to your spouse:-

 

 
Many people think that it is no more necessary to stay attractive after you have said the vow.
During the courtship, when you were looking to win the attention of your spouse, you did everything to keep yourself in shape, you were dressing to kill. Now that you are married, you think those things don’t matter anymore.

 

 
You are wrong! There is everything to be more attractive to your spouse now than you were before.
Most of the break ups we see in marriage are because a partner has ceased to be who he/she was in the beginning. So always look nice, wear make ups, and be neat.

 

 

(9) You must be an encouragement to your partner:-

 
Marriage is all about cheering and encouraging your partner. There is always a time in the marriage when all will become blurring and maybe your partner needs to be reminded that all is well.

 

 
As a partner, you must understand those things that “speak the loudest” and make it a close part of your relationship.
You must understand those things that very well speak to your partner when you want to be a better encourager; this is because what maybe pleasing to you may not do the same to your spouse.

 
Make this regular practice in your home.
(10) There is need to be close to each other:

 

 
There are times when your spouse may rather be alone, but often all she need may be your closeness. Closeness and tenderness goes hand in hand.

 

 
Just hold your spouse’s hand and squeeze it, hug and caress. That may be all you need to do at that moment to make the moment beautiful once again.

 

 
Some partners especially women find it hard to express their emotional needs, but they feel on top when you unexpectedly understand from their eyes.
So be smart at all times and just assure him or her that you are there right beside him or her.

 

 
(11) The is need to spiritually empower your spouse:

 

 
God made man the head of the spouse. That means that it is the man’s work to take care of the woman physically and spiritually.
One way you can help to empower your wife spiritually is to live by example and watch her follow your footsteps.
Your wife will follow and trust you more when she understands that you are fully following God’s footsteps.

 

 

 
When she understands that you are fully committed to the things of God, then she will feel much secured with you.
Devote time to studying of the word of God with your spouse, laugh, enjoy life and laugh when necessary.

 

 
That may be all you need to make your marriage a happy and a successful one.

 

 
Rounding up:
You may not always wait to make mistakes before you could learn. You can learn from other people’s mistakes.
That is why I took time to show you all that I learned from my years in marriage so it will give you a lift to making your marriage work better.

 

 
It is now left for you to learn from it or leave it.
Since you read to this point, I know it will impact your relationship pretty well.

 

 
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