10 reasons marriages doesn’t work Again

happy marriage, happy couples, unhappy couples, loveMany times, I have imagined the way people feel when they fell in love with someone: I guess you know exactly what am talking about. It feels like nothing else exists but just the two of them.



There’s nothing else they want to do than to be with each other night and day.

Then they marry each other, and start enjoying their marriage; one year, two years, three years…


And suddenly, things starts taking a new shape; quarrels and fight becomes the order of the day. Not that we want to fight or quarrel, but we do quarrel anyway.


Sometimes we blame it to the “practicalities” and routines of life, and sometimes we blame ourselves.

In the earlier stages of our marriage, things were not like that. There were lots of things we want to talk to each other about; we always want to be in each others arm.

Now, the ability to talk deep about our feelings and aspirations have gradually die down and our conversation now starts revolving around just the domestic duties and other plans.

One question that usually come to my mind when I see this happen is this “what happened to that first love?” is there really a thin line between love and hate?


Obviously, most couples have lost the consciousness of the things that brought them together, we have taken each other for granted and worst of all, we sometimes find each other annoying and boring.


But why is marriage not working for our generation? It worked for our great grandfather, and many of us see it working for their parents too.

One thing is that we don’t want the quarrels or fight, we want to marry and enjoy our spouse, but the world we live in now has added so many roadblocks in our ways and have made it hard for us to have a happy married life with someone we love.


In this article I took my time to list for you 10 reasons why couples are not happy any more with their marriage and why marriages don’t work again.




Here they are ::)
(1) Advancement in technology:-


The internet, the social media and cell phone has played a very significant role in the life of many couples today.
In a research conducted on married couples, 54% of them accepted that their mobile phone have brought negative impacts in their marriage.


Some years back, we want to take certain steps just to prove to someone that you actually love him/her.
We want to go extra miles, because we will not want anything come between us and our fiance.


Then, technology have not exploded the way it is now, things where very much different than it is now; text massaging was starting out them, social media was not heard of as it is now.


Then if you want to see him or her, you must have to drive to wherever you will have the opportunity. You must take a certain action to express your love.


Today, things are different. Technology has taken over everything. You can be in a very distant place and send flowers to your spouse. You may not see or hear your spouse’s voice when you want to communicate with him or her.
Our cell phones buzz at breakfast, we check our emails in the evening, when we are taking a ride the radio play, and television is there when we come home to share times together.


Nowadays, when people get stressed up, instead of going back home to their spouse to be cheers up, they prefer to stay in front of the television to get the solace they need.
We have been faced with so many distractions.


I am not saying that advancement in technology is bad. But it has made us to be far from the one we love.


(2) Sexual frequency declined:-


Sex is very important in every relationship. One of the way couple could express what they feel for each other is through sex; it brings two people closer to each other.


As year goes by, the sexual lives of partners starts declining or become none existent at all due to age of the couples or the duration of the relationship.


Looking at the data from (NSHSLS) National health and social life survey, and that of (NSHAP) National Social Life, health and Aging project, I realized that the decline in sex frequency could be due to change in the statue of the marriage or physical health of the couples,

Most couples no more look forward to seeing their spouse undress just as it used to be during the earlier stage of the marriage.


Many of the couples even find it hard to have sex once in a month; many other do that only when they want to have children.


Tell me how the marriage will fair. : )


When you look at the cases of cheating in marriage, most of the reasons for that is the inability of the couple to satisfy each other sexually or even have sex at all.


That is one reason I feel hurt inside when I see couples who do not take sex serious, because they are heading for a serious destruction.


If you are not doing any other thing, try to work on your sex life.Tweet This



You may want to read my article on how to improve your boring sex life.



(3) Internet and social medias:-

Internet has done so much harm than good to our marriages. It has taken away our loved one’s from us. Almost all the divorce lawyers believe that internet contributed to the rapid increase in divorce in the world today especially social media and chatting.


Social media has helped couples invite thousand other people into their matrimonial bed with just a click.


There is nothing as privacy again in our lives. With just a click you will show a total stranger the innermost part of your wardrobe, your kitchen, the new under cover you are wearing or even the part of your body that naturally is meant to be seen by your spouse only.





We find more time to share everything we do with a complete stranger, everything we do, everywhere we go, and we are more connected with people outside than we do with our spouse.




Couple has no time to share their experiences again, because there is nothing new to share; all have been shared outside.


What baffles me most is that even the little time left for the couple to enjoy together, you see everyone hooked on the cyber space looking for the most current update and chatting with friends neglecting the important moment in marriage.



The latest of it all is that you may be with your spouse in the same bed while your spouse is sex chatting with another person on the internet.



Tell me how a marriage will work in this atmosphere. : )


There is absolutely nothing wrong when you chat with people on the internet, but we just have to have a place to draw the line, we must know when it becomes too much.




Internet has evidently destroyed the relationships we enjoyed with our spouse and some marriages have also been chattered by it.


(4) We love validation but not to be loved:-


Although this is not for everyone, but a lot of us are purely guilty of this; we love to be validated at all time, we desire attention from people, and we want people to like us more than to love us.



We love to be famous. When you wear your latest cloth, you want people to see it.




Thanks to social media, which has given everyone an opportunity to be that famous? It has made our dreams to become a celebrity come true. : )


You struggle to get people’s attention before, now with just a click you get more than you needed. All you need to do is just to upload a picture, and you get thousands of likes from strangers.


Well! All those are good, but my advice is this “If you want to love someone, quit looking attention from any other place and concentrate on the one you get from your spouse.


It is not easy to love someone when you are per-occupied with worries of what other people think of you, whether it is posting pictures on social media, spending lavishly just to impress others or going on vacation because others did.


(5) Quest to be financially independent crippled us:



Finance plays a very important role in any marriage, and that is the reason the subject of finance and how to make proper plan on how to make use of it to keep the marriage going should not be neglected.


But the quest to get enough money down to be able to meet our other needs have separated us from the normal relationships we are supposed to enjoy with our spouse.



You will believe with me that things are not the same way they are now during years ago; nowadays, there are so many things you must do in other to be happier in life, and they require a large sum of money to get it done.



If you want your marriage to work, you must nurture it from time to time. Tweet This


Think about how much it takes you to run your home now; think about the children’s education, think about other necessities. Now calculate what it costs then and compare it with today, you will see the difference.


Because all these are indispensable, we have neglected our marriage so that we could get enough money to sustain it.
Now you have to get your hands on any work to pay for utilities, send your children to school, and the worst of it all is that it is so difficult to get the kind of job that can provide such income to you.



You can imagine what harm this has caused to families. It has prevented us from living our lives as couple. We find ourselves so busy paying bills that we forget about taking our spouse out for dinner, you have to forget about your usual vacation this year because the bills are there staring at your face.

We are going farther apart than coming together.



(6) Not getting over grudges:


Our inabilities to deal with the grudges we have against our spouse could be one of the biggest obstacles to marriage success.


To move your marriage forward, we must always have a place in our heart to forgive and let go of those things our spouse have done to us.



Stacy became sad that the husband forgot their marriage anniversary. When the husband realized that, he did everything he could do to pacify her, yet Stacy found it hard to let go.



The husband soon becomes frustrated with the wives attitude. Actually he committed some errors, and has also shown how sorry he was by getting flowers and other gifts for her.
It is actually the husband that caused the problem, and now Stacy has compounded the issues.



(7) UN-forgiveness:


If saying sorry is hard to you, then you should think of other ways of doing that, like living a note on the table saying “ I am sorry”. Keep it anywhere your spouse could see it before going to bed.



When you go about your with the grudges of what your spouse did to you, it will keep the two of you farther from each other.



Forgiveness will go a long way to make your marriage strong again; the absence will destroy it.



Quick tips on how to forgive:


(1) Map out time to talk about the matter.
(2) Let your spouse know why you are upset
(3) Tell him/her right there that you have forgiven the sin.
(4) Never remember the issues again.
(5) Keep reminding yourself that you have settled the issues.


When you forgive your spouse, you have taken your first to become close with your spouse.




(8) Baggage from yesterday:


Before two of you came together as husband and wife, you lived your lives individually. Some of us had different experiences, histories and responses that left a mark in our lives. These baggage usually stay with us for the rest of our lives.


Simply put, we have these baggage as we go into marriage; I am talking about the past happiness, hurts and attitudes.



For example; if you knew your parents to be the type that likes to fight always, you may probably think that the best way of dealing with your challenges is to fight.



If you are the last in your family, probably you were pampered by your parents, the tendency is that you may be expecting everybody to pamper you the same way.
If you are from a personal relationship that was not pleasing, you may think your new spouse will be the same.
The best way to move forward is to let the baggage go and face your new marriage with commitment and believe that it is a new beginning.


You can look for a marriage therapist or counselor to help you deal with those issues of the past.


Other ways to drop our past baggage


(1) Take full responsibilities of you problems.
(2) Forgive yourself.
(3) Ask God to help you.
(4) Move on with your life.





(9) Unsolved problems:


One of the challenges we face in marriage today is the unresolved issues. It is better to deal with conflict in our marriage immediately they occur, than letting it linger.


Usually 68% of issues in the marriage are managed instead of being solved and they sometimes pop up again in a more damaging ways.



If we are not able to solve these when they are still in the finger tip, it may turn out to be complex and suddenly, your judgments will change and you start seeing your spouse as the cause of the whole thing.



We build walls but bitterness is usually sown. Unresolved issues bring divisions and separation to couples.
Also know that solution doesn’t happen like magic. It may take some time. That is the reason you should start the process now.



(10)Extended families:


Our in-laws could sometimes be our best friend and at times be a foe to us too as there are some in-laws who will want to be in the center of your marriage.



It is obvious we can get good advices and wisdom from our parents, however, there has to be a boundary.



There is every tendency that what worked for them may not work for us also. You have to make these known to your parents that your marriage, spouse and family is your topmost priority, and that you still love them as your parents.



You should be able to make the decisions that will be best for your marriage and do those things you deem best for you and your family.



In conclusion:

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured. Even when you are sure marriages are not working, you can stand your ground and make a difference.



Do things that are only bringing joy and happiness to your spouse. Take steps that will bring the two of you closer, that such that will bring separation.


If there is such a marriage that could be described as a happy marriage that means you can actually make your already broken or dead marriage to be strong and alive again.
It all depends on you.


If this article is useful to you, please remember to share it with your friends on Facebook and other social Media.
Also feel free to ask question via the comment box.



Bonus read:



How to communicate effectively with your spouse

Must important marriage questions answered

A Happy Marriage tips: Tips on how you can have a Very Passionate Marriage by Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive.

images2This article is to show you how you can have a very passionate marriage, and how you can keep intimacy hot and alive in your marriage for ever.

This is obviously the best result any couple can have in their marriage. Everybody prays for it.

This thing called intimacy is naturally alive when the marriage is still young and fresh, but how to sustain it is one of the things every couple must try to know about. However, if you are here now and reading this very article, then you are on your way to having that love and joy sustained forever in your marriage and this will surely make your marriage a strong and a more passionate one.

What do you usually think when you visited a friend and you find both couples laughing, kissing, cuddling, and calling each other sweet names?

Now consider this also; you went to a friend’s house, and each time it is one augment or the other if not fighting.

Let me tell you one of my experiences

I went with one of my friends to a wedding in their car one day; on our way back from the wedding, a little argument erupted which made my friend to pack his car on the road and dug it out with the wife there and them. All my moves to separate the fight proved abortive that I had to invite the police to help out.

Now tell me, which of the two marriages would you want to be associated with?

Let me answer for you.

The passionate one of course!

You are asking me how I knew your mind. I did because that is what everybody would want and I want it too. So that is how I know you will want it too.

So let’s go on now and show how you too can have and sustain the passion in your marriage.

What do I mean by passionate marriage?

Passionate marriage is the type of marriage where both couples are happy with each other and they prove it through there kisses, holding on of hands, cuddling and the whispering of those words like “ I love you”

In this type of marriage, everyone involved is always committed to making each other relaxed and happy at all time.

Both couples are also not tied to being there for each other, both in time of happiness, but also In those times when all seem to be at the cross road.

Any couples that have passions they share together are always engrossed in their passion that they don’t usually care about the age or other differences. You can’t help to see yourself falling in love with this couple wherever of whenever you see them.

From my experiences, I have found out that one of the problems in marriage is lack of passion. If you really want to avoid that pain of your spouse cheating on you because you are boring, then you must find passion to share together.


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3 Proper Steps to Building a Passionate Marriage

Be Emotionally Available

You can never achieve your aim of building a passionate marriage if you are not emotionally available to do so. First and foremost, you must be sure to make your marriage or your relationship to be the very first priority to you. Let all you think about become the ways to be committed in your spouse better and happy at all times.

Never have grudges or resentments against your spouse. Always have a plan to hold, touch and kiss your spouse. Make new advances to him or her. Tell him or her about those beautiful dresses he/ she is wearing Remember everyone loves validations. Share stories about books read our other stories, play hide and seeks and give surprise gifts.

Forget the Past and Move Forward:

There may be past event in your life that has made you to always want to keep people at your arms length. Your spouse may have wronged you in the past that you find it hard to forgive and trust. May be you were raised in a family that made you feel distrustful of affection. Whatever may be the reason, just forget it and move forward with your life.

Constantly Admire Your Spouse: –

One thing you must understand is that no one is perfect in this life, but people want you to tell them that they are good or you can highlight mostly on those things they did well. Look at those little work your spouse has help you done in the house and tell him/her they where very nice. If there are other domestic works you want him/ her to help you out in, remind him/her of the other ones he did perfectly and then ask him/her if he could do some more .

Remember these will help you build up a passionate type of marriage.

I hope this article will help you.

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(Having a happy marriage)How to make your husband fall head over heal in love again with you.

imagesHave you ever asked yourself this questions; about how you can get your husband’s love back again after a very long time of broken relationship? Then I am going to reveal it to you here without holding back anything at .This will help to bring back your once a happy marriage

It’s always common with women when they talk, yell and show disrespect to their husbands without understanding the implication of their actions. Men are not likely to yell back at their wives some times, but they usually know what to do in their mind. My advice to you as a lady is to find a better way of talking to than nagging and yelling.

Before I go into telling you how to get his love back again, I must also let you know most of the things that can make him fall out again if you are not careful to take them out of your character. You must take note of these things to avoid future occurrences.


These are the things you must check

You don’t care about his family, lack of communication, not being honest, not trust worthy, no more attractive, too much argument, lack of respect, keeping late, drunkenness and boring sex life.

All these can make your man love fail. However, you can easily win him back again if you can take these steps.

The first thing you must think about is those qualities that made him love you in the earlier days of you courtship. It is obviously truth that partners change as the day progresses and those changes affect feelings. If you where so goal oriented in your early days of marriage and now you are not, then you must try to work yourself back to that life again.

If you are the type of woman that was easy going before marriage, but now you are not again, then you must retrace back to your easy going life again.

Never try anything about changing your man, it may not be easy for you, it can only make things worse. Men don’t usually want their wives to control them; they have this male ago that leads them

The best step to tread is just to work on yourself. Every man wants to marry a woman that has a high value. Make your life more rewarding to him. Show him that you know that you are worth dying for.

Learn to consider the things you saw or do at a point in time. Those are the things that cam make him fall in love again with you.

Remember you must not rush him, if he is not showing you love. Even when you have brought the matters to him, never try to push it; use wisdom to make him fall in love again.

I hope this will help you.

Yours Murphyaik


how to have a happy and strong marriage, happiness in marriage How do you feel when you see other peoples having a happy and strong marriage but not you? Bad isn’t it. Don’t worry you are not alone. So many people had or are still having the problem too.


So many marriages are on the verge of breaking up, even as at the time of writing this article. Is this really the wish of couple? Do they really want to break up after coming together? Of course not.


It is always every couples desire to have a sweet family, but somewhere along the line things starts changing. The love they all once knew starts getting sour and eventually breaking up becomes the final result.
If your marriage is in this state, there is a good news for you.


You can actually have a happy and strong marriage today by following this simple steps that I want to share with you now. It may not be a quick fix, but a gradual process.
One important thing to know about having  a happy marriage is that it is not a man only or woman only affair, both of you must be involved and committed in making it happen.
So what exactly is  it that makes a marriage strong​ you may ask? It is no rocket science, but just love, understanding and learning.
Have a positive mind about your marriage



Always have a positive mind about your marriage. From the very beginning of your marriage, make up your mind how committed you want to be in your marriage. This will make you to always be in the repairing end instead of destroying end. You already knew that you want the marriage to be a happy and long lasting one, so what ever your spouse does, you simply call it a mistake, and immediately look for a way to fix it, because you know you are committed to this marriage. Just keep your mind in your main goal which is to have a happy and strong marriage.



Increase in emotional intimacy



Emotional intimacy is imperative in making your marriage successful. It is simply a sense of closeness with your spouse. When there is an emotional intimacy in marriage, there is closeness, there is more cuddling, more kissing, more communication between you and your spouse. Couple are found sharing more moments alone, may be discussing about their love for each other. If there is no time for both you and your spouse to talk, then try and create that time, it will help to bring back the good times.



See your spouse as your friend



It is better when you see your spouse as your friend instead of a husband or a wife. This will give you the ability to share more with him or her. Seeing yourselves as husband and wife make it look as if one person is above the other.



Communication is very vital – Communication between you and your spouse is very important. This simply means the ability to share feelings together. Always have time you discuss with your spouse about how to move your marriage forward. Looking at the things you have done so far, think about the mistakes you have made so far and plan how to correct it and move forward.
Increase your emotional bank account-



I decided to add this because it is almost the worst enemy to having a happy and strong marriage. Most at times, the things that brings discord in marriage are those little promises we made to our spouse that we did not fulfill or may be we forgot to execute them. In my own marriage, I realized that I made promises that I did not fulfill, so when I made a new promise, my wife will not believe me. Until I learn how to fulfill my promises, my wife refused to trust in me.
Learn how to forgive



Another way to have a happy and strong marriage is to learn how to forgive your spouse when he or she offends you. Many people fine it hard to say you did something bad to me but I have forgiven you. Since marriage is the coming together of different people from different backgrounds there is bound to be squabbles, but the ability to forgive and forget will make you to keep moving as one.



I am sure these points will help you so much to get your marriage back and happy again.