AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers has been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed for coming to this site.
If you are getting married today with the aim of being happy, then you will be totally disappointed with what I am going to write in this post, because your marriage is not about your happiness.
Of course marriage can bring some of those happy moments into your life, but you must believe me when I told you that marriage is not about your happiness.
Here is why I said. so
Dear, whether you like it or not, marriage will surely cost you so much than you think of. Yes, you will spend so much than what you have in mind right now.
Well, you have planned to spend or have spent so much money on buy ring or having a big wedding.
But Money can’t buy Joy
But, am not talking about money here, I am talking about those things money can’t buy. Have you ever thought of all those things you need to do to be sure your relationship is still intact? those time you will need to go hungry so that your family will have three square meal.
From that little example, you’ll agree with me that money is just the insignificant part of it especially when want to have a successful relationship.
Am talking about the time, the sacrifices you have to make, the thinking of how to fend for your family.
Here is what I mean
Marriage is not just about you, its not about your joy and happiness either, it is about love, forgiveness, serving, reconciling, commitment and all those things you have to lay down for the success of your relationship.
That’s why I feel so amazed whenever I hear people say “I will never be in a relationship /marriage if I am not happy ” I tell myself what a selfish world we are in.
Obviously, if you see marriage as a contract where you stay as long as you are getting what you want instead of where you ‘ll need to sacrifice to get a better relationship, then you are totally ignorant of what marriage is all about.
You can read my post on how to be more committed to your marriage here.
Until you realize that it takes commitment and not divorce, it takes giving your time even when it’s not convenient for you, until you learn to help get the children back from school because you know that your partner needs to rest for a while , until the first thing that comes to your mind whenever you wake up in the morning changes from I am not happy with marriage to, what new thing can I do today to make my relationship the best.
Until you understand how to put someone else before you, then you are yet to know what true love is.
To me, the true definition of love is you before me and that’s what marriage is all about.
But, selfishness in our world today have turned things upside down.
From today on, change your view about relationship; don’t let your happiness be dependent on what your partner did or didn’t do.
View your relationship as your responsibility and your marriage will change and then happiness will come.
You’ll have to nurture your relationship from day to day; that’s when things will start taking a new change.
Remember, your spouse is not the cause of your unhappy marriage, but you.
Make plans to change today.
I am still your friend murphyaik
See you at the top and remember to share the article if you are blessed by it.
Whether you are newly married, or you have been married for a long time, it is important to act fast whenever you see signs that your marriage is failing.
Many couples are always either to busy to see or act when the see signs of failing marriage that’s starring them straight in the face, before they could rise to act, things would have gone out of hand.
It’s beautiful when you get married at a proper time, and to the one you love. But, the real issue in marriage is, doing the things that needs to be done to sustain passion in your relationship with your spouse. Since marriage is a lifetime thing, there is a need to be on the check to know when your relationship is fairing well or not.
What if I could tell you a few things you should know about why marriage fails or succeeds so you should be on the alert? What if I should let you know that one chief reason why marriage fails is because couples overlook so many things that actually matters, things they shouldn’t play at all with, would it not help you?.
Granted, I am here to show you those seemingly insignificant things that may mean things are not going to be smooth between you and your spouse in time to come.
From his research a PhD holder and Director ” couples on the block project of University of Minnesota pinpointed some imperceptible signs when people are on their early stage of breaking up.
His main advice is about what we must always look for when it comes to our thought and our actions that will clearly show you that things is going to be rocky between you t.
Here are few of Signs your marriage is failing
7 Shocking & Creepy signs your Marriage is Failing.
1 You are stocked in the blame game:-
From records, there have never been a time when matters get solved by blaming the other person, rather it helps to escalate “negative emotions”.
It kills intimacy and cause a disconnect among couples.
In fact couples are always so intent on blaming each other that they forget that they are overtly pushing their marriage to a wall and you will not want this to happen in your relationship do you?
If that is the case, then what you should be doing instead is to always see your contribution to the problem at hand and look for way of solving instead of blaming your partner.
2, You abuse and control your spouse: –
Nobody wants to be controlled, dominated or manipulated and your spouse is one of them, so if you find yourself being too assertive, then you are hurting your relationship.
People usually think the only times a marriage is abusive is when there is a “physical violence or bullying ” but that’s only a misconception because there’s emotional abuse too and it comes in many forms.
When your partner feels constantly manipulated or controlled, his/her confidence is destroyed and it makes him /her keep a distance from you and you know what that means to any relationship.
In any relationship, no one should feel intimidated or school as scared by the person they cherish and loved.
3 Ignoring your spouses sexual needs and intimacy: –
in every marriage, sex is very important and when you neglect God’s commands to build romance and intimacy with your partner, you will create a void in his or her. soul. For some couples, the daily schedules has become inflexible and have made it impossible for them to make love to each other.
4 You always run to parents /in-law when there’s trouble: –
If you constantly invite your parents or your in-law whenever there’s a little issue in your marriage, then that is a clear sign your marriage is failing.
It is true that there are issues that husband and wife can’t settle by themselves, but instead of going to your in-law, go to a good marriage counselor or therapist.
Your in-laws can make the matter worse, but a therapist is trained to help couples in trying times.
5 Both of you don’t have things in common: –
At the earlier stage of your marriage you shared so many things, you want to be with each other, talk, laugh together, share your thoughts and feelings, but now you two can be under one roof but rarely have time to stay together again that’s another clear sign your marriage is not working properly.
Research shows that one way couples can last very long in their relationship is by sharing quality time together .
I have written extensively on how you can share quality time with your spouse .
6 You feel so lonely in your relationship: –
If you are in a marriage and you still feel lonely , it’s another indication that your marriage is not healthy. Denis and Babara Rainey. said ” if there’s one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single person, it’s lonely married person “.
Loneliness in marriage usually begins slowly from disconnection we feel from our partner and eventually increase over time.
A psychology professor in his writing said that isolation is a potent killer and it has also been shown to be the chief cause of paranoia, depression , rape and mass murder. It will slowly invade your marriage and gradually affect every other part.
7 Staying in touch with your Ex:-
Many marriages are chartered today because there’s still connection between the EX’S. Well if you are still connected with your ex in flirtatious ways, then you may be tempted to get back together or have extramarital affair. That speaks volume to your marriage health.
The best thing to do is to stare clear from your ex and face your marriage.
This list of 7 ways to know that your marriage is failing is not to show you your mistakes, but to make be ahead of those things that can hurt your relationship.
Don’t see this as one of those articles you have read before, go ahead and implement all I have written down for you and see what will happen to your marriage.
Remember to share this article using the Share bottom below.
I am still your friend murphyaik. See you at the top.
What is the statue of your marriage now? Happy or unhappy? Have you ever considered giving 100% self to make your marriage successful?
This is a question only you can answer. It took me time to understand that 50:50 is not a good score when it comes to making a marriage work properly.
There was a time in my marriage when I thought everything was going to be over between my wife and I. We loved each other so much, but we still have lots of differences.
It doesn’t mean I wasn’t trying all I could to make everything work out good, but one thing was clear and that is the fact that I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.
But we love each other
We were so much in love with each other, we share time together, we share the domestic chore, we have special romantic dates, we do many other things we know that can make a marriage successful, yet we quarrel and fight more often.
Then I asked myself this question “what are we not doing right”?
Is this your story?
Just like I, I know you have asked questions like these. After doing all you could do to make your marriage happy, and yet everything seems to be crushing down.
Don’t worry; )
In this post, I am going to share with you one thing you have not tried before; and that is the same thing that changed the statues of my marriage.
The secret I want to let you in that will help make your marriage successful in a short time. t is to try to offer 100% self and not 50% to save your marriage.
Let me explain
You and I knows too well that one of the best ways to receive anything in life is to give, and what you give also determines exactly what you’ll receive in the end.
Simply put, when you give love, you are sure to receive love, when you give life,you’ll receive life also.
The most important of all is that the amount you give also determines how much you will receive too.
The Bible made this clear in Mathew 7:2 (Parallel Version) ”For the same way you judge others you will be judged and the measure you use, it will be measured to you”
All though relationships should not base on what you give is what you get, but if you really want to get the best from your marriage, you should first of all consider giving your best, even when your partner is not giving half of it.
“Relationships are not 50/50 (but 100:100. This is because you are responsible for what you bring to your (relationship) what you elicit from your partner, what you maintain or allow with your partner. You need to look at you”
Obviously, it may be easy for you to consider the 50:50 games, but always remember that when you stop at the middle, your partner will definitely meet you there.
However, mind you that the center (50:50) is where keeping scores and giving conditions are located.
It’s a place where you think relationship is a transaction, where you give half and expect half back.
But, a good relationship is all about giving everything freely without expecting getting the same amount in return.
Giving 100% self means choosing the way of complete commitment to your marriage and your mate, not regarding how good or bad your relationship is.
It also means getting up from your bed in the morning and the first thing that comes to your mind is ‘what one thing can I do today to make my marriage stronger than it was yesterday,even when your partner is not doing the same?”
Husband love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
In this chapter of the Bible, we men were commanded to give all (100%) to our wives and also to die daily for her.
Until I realized this, I was still struggling to keep a balance in my marriage.
If you are really interested in saving your marriage as I did, then here are 5 things you must consider doing starting now.
Give more of your Time: Trust me; I know too well that you have your business to attend to, your job, the house chores and so many other things that are yawning for your time, but you must make out time for your marriage and your spouse.
One major reason why there are so many break ups in our society today is because couples rarely have time to share together.
You see! Most couples find it hard to give each other enough time each day, each week and month.
It is actually not lack of time that brings separation, but just that without spending time together, it is impossible to meet those needs that are responsible for marriage growth.
There is a personal attention needed to sustain love in a marriage that only comes through spending time together.
Here is some importance of spending time together
It will make your relationship stronger
You can understand what has been on your spouse’s mind all the while.
You feel happier because you are with the love of your life.
You have time to discuss on the way forward.
Having all these benefits in mind, I think you should try to make time available.
2 Give more attention:if you are really interested in making your marriage grow which I know you do, then you have to keep paying attention to your spouse. I said this because I know a lot of things like, work, children, church activities are all there and if we are not careful, it will steal all our attention that we will forget our spouse.
Paying attention to our spouse means love. One of the ways you can show some one you love him/her is by paying attention.
It simply shows them that you value, care and love them.
When you give attention to your spouse, you are simply saying to him/her ”I value you” and you matter to me more than anything and you also worth listening to.
Giving attention also means giving up your whole time and our time is our life.
When you consider how you fell in love in the first place, you’ll realize that it all started from paying attention to someone and the other person paying attention to you too.
Remember those days, when you will call him/her time and time again, because you want to know how she is doing, you will buy flowers, talk for hours, write love notes and spend hours together.
Then ask yourself if those things are still in place in your relationship now. If they are not, then try to get them back.
3 Communicate Effectively:- You can never talk about successful marriage/relationship without talking about effective communication. Simply put, Communication is vital to marriage, just as blood is to human beings
Now, it is not just mere communication, but to do it effectively, the way it will empower your marriage/relationship.
There are couples who find it difficult to have chit a chat for just 1 minute; the minute the settle down to talk, you see them raising up their voices.
The reason is that they have not discovered or learnt how to communicate effectively.
Probably, every one of them wants to talk without listening to the other.
If you fit my description, then all hope is not lost, what you should do is learn the skills in communication, it will help you in your marriage.