Marriages Fail when couple are stocked in these 5 Toxic relationship lifestyles

divorce, marriage breakingOne common question I get from my subscribers daily is “Why does marriages fail, even when the couples involved were living and were both happy in the begging?

I asked those questions too, especially when it is obvious to me that the marriage have lasted 10- 20 years and above.
Driving from my personal experiences as a marriage instructor, I found out that no couple wants to be married and file for divorce the next moment, and no one of them is happy when they are finally separated.

But, here are some toxic relationship life-style couples usually get stocked on that has the capacity to destroy and relationship.

In this article, I’ll show you that toxic relationship lifestyle and how you’ll stay clear from them to retain happiness in your relationship.

If you are ready for this, then let’s dive in at once.
poor communication in marriage1 Poor communication: – From the latest survey, it was found out that one trick for stripping divorce /separation lies in how good and effectively you communicate with your spouse.
From the survey, it was also found out that sixty-five % of divorce came from communication while forty-eight % comes from inability to resolve conflicts.

John Gottman a professor and a marriage expert from Washington University after a research identified. These four communication problems to be main reason for divorce.

a Refusal to communicate at all ( stonewalling )

b “Criticizing of partners personality .

c Contempt

d Defensiveness

All I want to pass across to you this moment is that communication is the bed rock of every successful relationship
A friend of mine said, “if your partner stops talking, start worrying”.

Take a close look at your relationship now and see if all is well about you communication with your spouse, if not, then it’s time to get to work on it.

I have already written on how to communicate effectively, here is the link…..

financial mistakes in marriage2 Financial mistakes: – When it comes to relationships, money is always a big threat. The tendency for separation goes high when a partner thinks the other is not spending money rightly.

A lot of studies conducted lately have shown that money is the number one reason most couples fight, quarrel or divorce.
My advice for you is to understand how much you earn as well as how much you have to spend.

Forget about going on an expensive vacation because your Neighbor did or buying costly jewelry for each. Remember you may not stand the stress that will come later as the debts start coming.
3 Comparing one another: – I am a victim of this myself. I have found myself comparing my wife with other women.
Somehow it looked as if it is in our nature to compare. I said that because it is always so easy for us to compare careers, appearance, as well as our marriage.

But, that can destroy your marriage in a flash. It can suck the soul out of your relationship with your spouse, because it only make you to constantly look for those things you don’t have instead of protecting what you already have .

happy marriage
When you compare your spouse, you are only telling your partner that the other person is better than he /she and also depriving yourself the opportunity of building your personal appreciation for the beauty of your relationship.
In a nutshell, understand that comparing your spouse is not healthy. If you think something is missing, then try to make it happen.
happy marriage,unhappy relationship4 Abuse:– When couples get stocked in abuse, their marriage is negatively affected.
Whether it’s a verbal or emotional abuse, abuse still remains abuse and can destroy any relationship.
Abuse usually starts when one partner tries to control and dominate the other.
The plan of the abusive spouse is just to use fear, shame guilt and intimidation to beat and hold you down under his /her control.
If you are an abusive partner, it’s time quite because you are silently killing your marriage. Just show some respect and remember that your partner is a human being as well.
5 Expecting so much from your partner: – You are still caught in believing that your spouse is an angel and not a human being, that’s why you think he /she can read your mind.
You expect way too much from him /her. You fail into the trap of desiring your wife/your husband to be and do more thing as the year goes by.

Sometimes you expect him to play the role that can only be played by a friend, but all that can only take a big toll on your relationship.
I implore you to stop it this minute. Dr Karin Anderson an associate professor of psychology at Concord University Chicago said “it just hasn’t happened yet, unrealistic expectations can work against you and quest for love “. He also said that anyone in that category may be sabotaging his love life without knowing it.
Stephanie Coontz in her own explanation said that higher expectations can lead to greater disappointments.
My opinion is that you start from this moment and look for those qualities of your marriage which you can’t see anywhere else and only concentrate in them.
Finally:- If your relationship is of utmost importance to you, then you should try to remove all these I have mentioned in this post from your marriage.
It all depends on how fast you want your relationship to grow, but I implore you to keep keeping on even when all looks bad. Don’t relent, just keep nurturing.

I am still your friend murphyaik

First Christmas as couple: 8 ways to enjoy it well together

happy marriage, couplesIf you are a newlywed and you are looking to know how you can celebrate this your Christmas together as couples, then this article is specifically for you and in a little moment from now I will show you how to do just that.

Celebrating your first Christmas together as a couple could be one of the best thing and the best romantic moment every newlyweds will seek to have.

You can read about ways to have a good date with your wife

The reason is that everything is new and just as the virgin land is, you. will have the opportunity to create new and exciting rituals together.

Every Christmas, parents, brothers, sisters and in-laws love to have their newlyweds spend much time taking part in their own rituals like special church services, parties and other functions, and that left the couple with even less time to have to themselves.

If your own Christmas is booked by your family as I have described earlier, then this article will reveal some way to enjoy your celebration together.

Here is the ways to go about it .

first christmas as couples

   How to spend your first Christmas as Husband and Wife.          

1 Remember what Christmas is all about: – In the mist of the preparation about the celebration, it is impertinent you take some time together and read more about Christmas is all about.

Get your Bible and start searching and studying about the birth of Christ, think about the impact it has in your life .

Start reading from the book of Luke chapter 2, then read Mathew 1and 2. you’ll be more enlightened about Christmas and as you are reading, try to see it in the perspective of husband and wife as you read the story of Joseph and Mary.

Remember the celebration should not be cloud your understanding that the season of Christmas is about the gift God brought to us. Isaiah chapter nine verses 6: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given and the government should be upon His shoulder. His name should be called wonderful, counselor, the mighty God, the prince of peace.

2 Set your budget for Christmas: – It’s obvious you know too well how debt can cause stress after, for that reason you should be sure to make a proper plan on how you’ll spend during the celebration.

Do not spend so much getting gifts on December and be stressed in January when you start getting the bills.

The best way to avoid this by setting a budget and let it be only on the things you can afford.

3 Watch movies –(Christmas movies) with your spouse. You can both go to the cinema together and watch your favorite Christmas movies.

Here are few movies you can watch.

a All I want for Christmas

b Holiday inn

c Ernest saves Christmas.

d I’ll be home for Christmas.

e Chalie Brown Christmas

f The Muppet Christmas carol

g Surviving Christmas.

4 Celebrate with her family once: – Go with her parents house and celebrate Christmas with them. Get some gifts like wine and some other gifts for your in-laws. Try and look good when going,

As you get to your in laws house hug both parents and maintain eye contact with the father as you wish them a wonderful Christmas. Go to church or other functions with them if they asked you to. You are a member of the family .

5 Also celebrate with your family too:- As you celebrate with your family, remember it’s her first time to celebrate Christmas with your family so make her feel at home with your parents and siblings. Let her decide on the gifts you will get for your family and that will give her a sense of belonging.

6 Get a special gift for each other: – Gift giving is one of the joys of Christmas, so get a gift for your partner and wrap it in such a way that it will be impossible to know what’s inside. Then get it along with a necklace or card. As you share the gifts, put a little smile on your face.

7 Start your own Christmas tradition together:– Since this your family is new, it is important you create a brand new tradition that is personal to you and your partner.

It may be about attending some special Christmas events, watch interesting Christmas movies, visiting the orphanage homes or getting personalized tree ornaments. Just understand that it’s a beginning and a time to initiate your unique Christmas tradition together with your spouse.

8 Have your couple’s time intact:- with the joy and sweetness that comes with Christmas celebration, it is you are sure to forget your couples time together

in that respect, you should plan exclusively for it, get your calendar and mark the days for visiting friends and relatives and then have your couples time mapped out also.

Finally:- It is your  duty to plan on how to celebrate your first Christmas together as husband and wife.

This article is just a guide; search the internet for more details and plan it with your better half to get maximum

 

How to Make Your Wife Fall Head-over heel in love with you this Season

Make your wife love you, happy wife, happy marriageIt’s possible to be under the same roof, sleep in the same bed and yet the loves you share with your wife have depreciated a great deal.

But, to make any marriage work properly, you must try everything you should to make your wife fall in love with you again.

I believe you have heard the quote “Happy wife happy home”. That simply means that your marriage happiness depends on how happy your wife is.

The reason is that when a woman is happy, she’ll want to do more for her husband and family.

Use this text messages to make her want you

Check out this quote from Deborah Carr ” I think it comes down to the fact that where a wife is satisfied with her marriage, she tends to do a lot more for her husband which has a positive effect on his life”

What professor Deborah Carr was trying to let us know is that women provide enough emotional and practical supports to their partner unlike men.

This is the reason you should try all there is to her love you better.

The fact is that you are so lust in the sea as to what you should do to make her fall in love with you especially this season

But, I am here to help you, and here are few things you should start doing from this moment on

make your wife love you,happy wife happy marriage,happy family

1 Get surprise Gifts for her: – One day,  I overheard my wives friend telling her about an ice cream she enjoyed so much, and from my wives eyes, I saw the desire to have a taste of that ice cream someday.

The next day, as I was coming back from work, I bought the same ice-cream for her and I got the warmest embrace ever in my life.

I was very happy about her excitement.  Those little gestures makes them fall in love again and again.

You can try the same thing, buy her gifts, take her out without planning it.

Watch this Video from a friend of mime Erik

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2QGeSeG2aA[/embedyt]

 

2 Admire and respect her: – Every woman needs respect and admiration just like the men do. Admiration goes hand in hand with appreciation, esteem and respect, and all of these describes how you cherished your wife those times you were still trying to get her attention.

Those times you were dating her, you were trying all you could to get her attention; but where has all those feelings gone?  What happened? you have given up on dropping love notes, kissing her good-bye when she is leaving for work

If your wife doesn’t feel appreciated or loved, you may be heading to a broken marriage. This article is just to let you understand that it is important to go back to square one and bring those feelings back again.

happy wife, happy marriage

                                                    Here are few steps to guide you.

 

a Get her breakfast on bed

b Cuddle and kiss her often.

c Tell her you feel great to be her husband

d Speak good about her to others

e have date nights

 

3 Be her best friend: – Many people argue that it is better to have someone outside than your spouse.

But to me they didn’t know that your best friend is who you can spend time and share secret with.

From records, having your partner as your best friend has proven to work perfectly. Here what this quote says. ” Being in love is an amazing thing. Being in love with your! best friend is everything “. To be your wives best friend means to be free minded with her, share things in common with her and to support her.

Make her feel relaxed and secured any time she is with you. In that way she will fall in love with you again.

4 Trust her completely: – Trust is important in every relationship. It is the best gift of  every loving marriage.

Trust creates deeper love, security and safety in every relationship. One major reason for breakups is lack of trust.

But, your wife feels secured and loved when she understands that you trust her completely and you also give her the chance to understand and love you better.

5 Recognize all she is doing for the family: your wife will love you more when you recognize and appreciate those little things she is doing in the family. It feels somehow when no one shows appreciation when you deserve it.

So from today on, if you haven’t been giving attention, then start it.

Those house cleaning, dish washing, cooking, etc, see them and say thanks, that will make her do more..

be transparent, love your wife

5 Be honest and transparent: – In every successful marriage /relationship, these two things must be present.

Honesty is all about saying the truth, while transparency is being open with all your facts .Your wife prefers if you tell her the truth about you and be open with her during conversation. That will make her respect you more.

6 Pray with her and for her: –  During your devotion, hold her hands, call her names and tell God everything you want Him to do for her. This will make her understand how you care about her and give her reasons to love you more.

7 Support her:- There are times when your wife needs encouragement from you, may be she is passing through a difficult task,  your support can make things take a different shape to her.

When you are supportive to her, your attitude and actions will show that you believe in her.

8 Provide for her: -In 1 Timothy 5 verse 8 ,God gave us the responsibility of providing for our wives and family. She has so many needs and will want you to meet them, it is your duty as a man look for those needs and meet them.  You can go on and ask her. But have in mind that she will love you more when she realize how faithful and committed you are to meet her most important need

9 Love her dearly: –  If you want your wife to love you the way you want, then you must love her first.

Every woman understand clearly when their husband love her. So show her love and she will definitely reciprocate.

10.Always be positive: – There are times when everything will look absurd. May be the finance is not enough to sustain the family. All you can do to make your wife fall in love is to stand your ground that things will be OK and that you are coming out of it strong.

Never bend your neck in despair, but increase the springs in your steps and let her know that you know everything will be OK.

happy wife, happy marriage

Finally:- Love , peace and joy are the main ingredients for a successful relationship. Don’t let it go out of your marriage, don’t say ” My wife should love me better than I love her ” Remember what you give is what you get in return.

 

Seek to love your wife as commanded to you by God in His word and your wife will love you in return.

 

I am still your friend Murphyaik.

See you at the top.