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Are you ready for that marriage?:- signs to know if you are ready for marriage

Are you ready for marriage,signs you are ready for marriageIf your wish is to get married any moment from now, then it is important to be sure you are really ready for it: never bow to peer pressure or rush into any relationship simply because your friends are getting paired daily.

it’s impertinent you get yourself pretty ready before taking that giant strides, because marriage requires more than mere love to succeed.

There are principle for a successful relationship and if you are ignorant of those principles, then you’ll not go far in your marriage.

Here are few reasons why you shouldn’t rush into marriage now.

1) Marriage is sweet, but it is not always rosy:- You’ve seen most of your friends married and most times you see them walking in the street holding hands and laughing and you are wondering when your time will come.

Well your time will definitely come and very soon too: but don’t think those couple laugh like that always.

They also have their fair share of fights and quarrel too, they only knows how to sacrifice to make their relationship great after fight.


2) Marriage is for a life time:- At the marriage ceremony, People made a vow to be married to their spouses -in good health and in sickness till death.

I have heard people say they are ready to divorce and divorce again when the marriage isn’t doing well.

However, if you understand that marriage is for a lifetime, then you should know that it takes daily nurturing to make any marriage work.

3) Love is not enough to make a marriage successful :– If you think love is enough to make marriage successful, then think again.

Love only helps you to kick-start the relationship, but it can’t keep you there a long time.

Of course you’ve falling in love with him/ her and you are feeling the butterfly in your stomach. That’s interesting. But what if the two of you love each other so much and there is no compatibility, don’t you think all will not work out well.

4) Marriage will not make you complete:- You are rushing into that marriage because you believe that you will be happy.

In 2012, a research was conducted, and it was found on that couples who were married were not as happy as the couples who lives together and yet not married.

Also the research conducted by Bureau of economic researchers in 2014 show that the only thing that matters is the quality of relationship you have with your partner. “if you consider the person you married as your best friend, then happiness comes.; in that case friendship comes first than happiness in every relationship.

For all these reasons I mentioned above, don’t you think there’s every need to get yourself ready first before rushing into that relationship?

In this post I will show you how to know if you are ready for marriage, to avoid divorce at the last moment.


are you ready for marriage Ways know if you are really ready to get married.


-Ask yourself if you are ready:- The first thing to do to know if you are really ready to walk down the aisle  is to ask yourself question about how ready you are.

Ask yourself what you know about being married. Although there’s no such things as a perfect ways to make marriage successful, but there are things that helps in achieving success when it comes to it.

How many of it do you know. A story was told about a little boy who told his father that he wants to get married, but the father bought a pig for him and told him to rear it first as that will show his readiness for marriage.

I am not liking a women to be pigs, but here is the rest of the story.

One day, the boy became so angry and kill the pig because she returned to the mud after bathing her.

The father then told him that killing the pig signifies that he’s not ready to have a woman.

The simple fact is that there’s so much to know before going into relationships.
If you are not acquainted with the rudiments, then forget about it for now.


– Have you forgotten about yesterdays relationships:- Before any new thing can happen to your life, you should be able to forget the old.

If you are still holding on to your old and failed relationships, then you are not ready for the new.

Although It is not that easy to do though, but there’s need to move forward.

Holding on to the past will affect the way you think, your decisions as well as your actions.

Try and clear the bad baggage from your subconscious.

Of course there are still good people out there that can make a good husband /wife so let go and move forward.


– Can you share your mind without fear- A good and successful relationship is that in which the partners are not afraid to share their mind with each other.

If you are such that believes your better-half should read your mind, then you are not ready yet.

In successful relationships everyone speaks their mind no matter how fearful they are.

if you have not done that before ,then I implore you to learn how to keep your fears away and say what you want in your relationship.


-Do you know how to cook:- And adage says ” A good food is a way to the man’s heart” Many men love to eat, and so they are happy when they marry a woman that knows how to cook too.

Most men who their wives doesn’t know how to cook are usually angry about that, but somehow they may choose to keep quiet instead of quarreling with the spouse, but many times they prefer to go out and eat good food.

ready for marriage,getting marriedQuestion is: Would you prefer your spouse eating outside than learning how to cook before getting married?

Although most men look beyond cooking when they want to marry these days, but if you know how to cook, you are on your way to winning his heart.

– Can you clean a toilet:- Cleanliness they say is next to godliness. If you have not learn t how to wash and keep things clean, then this the best time to do so.

Every man wants to come home to a neat home.
But, most women are so lazy when it comes to keeping a house.
Learn how to keep things in order always so if your spouse come home all of a sudden with friends, he will not feel disgraced.


– Are you ready to take care of your family?.:- It is the right of every man to take care of his wife and the children.

It is true that nowadays every hands is on deck, husbands and wives now engaged in work just to bring food on the table.


However, men should not forget that it is their duty to fend for the family.

If you are planing to marry now, then ask if you are ready financially to fend for every member. if not, then you are not ready for it.


– If you are still a mama’s boy?:- If you can’t do anything with your wife until you get permission from your mother, then you are a mama’s boy and it can harm your marriage.

I am not advising you to disrespect or hate your mother, but your marriage will be more successful if you concentrate more on your marriage and still give your mother her do respect.

Become the man who is ready to take care of his family rather than that man who can’t make a worthwhile decision unless the mother does for him.


getting married soonConclusion:- Getting married is a thing of joy, however it is important to enter into it very prepared.

Remember, marriage is not for a day, but till death do you apart and that’s the reason to learn whatever is there to know about it, to avoid early divorce.

In this post I have written some points down to help you check if you are ready.

See you at the Top.
I am still your friend Uchegbu Ikenna ( Murphy’s)

5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018

happy marriage,create our best marriageIf I ask you to do one thing this 2018 to create the best marriage you’ve ever wanted, what would it be?
– Your attitude.

– The time you spend together as couple.

– your finance

-or the way you communicate with your spouse.

Obviously you saw it all last year, and you could tell how good or how poorly you worked to make your relationship successful.


Well, in this post, I will share 5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.

If this is one things you want to achieve this year, then you’ve got to read this article to the last letter.

Like I said, it looks so simple, but it will work wonders in patching those holes in your marriage and restoring your relationship to those happy state again.


Imagine getting back to those times when you whole desire to hear his or her voice again and again over the telephone, you want to be with him/her every time.


Of course you can have it back if you want to, and I know you really want to, if not you won’t be reading this post.

Without wasting much time, here are few steps to achieve it.


                   5 seemingly simple Ways of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.


happy marriage,create your best marriage1) Be more committed:- One good way to ascertain the level of weakness and strength of your relationship is to measure the amount of your personal commitment to it.


It’s all about what sacrifices you’ve got to give to make things work out.


Every marriage has it’s good and bad times, but to have a good and successful relationship, you have to look and evaluate your marriage to determine those area that requires a touch and then get down to work immediately.


Think about what you should do on the daily basis to make things work again. Be willing to go extra mile to make up the lost glory, be ready to say sorry after a fight, not because you are wrong, but because you want the relationship survive.


happy marriage, creating the best marriage2) Be sincere and truthful :– My Wife told me outright that she doesn’t like lies or dishonesty as that is the only thing that can make angry.
Have I been faithful to that request? no, but I am striving to achieve that.


Being honest and sincere will help your marriage succeed: be sincere when there is a new achievement from your spouse, if he she does something for the marriage commend that with sincerity. Stop the lip service and be plain every time.


good communication in marriage3)Communicate effectively:- Communication is to marriage what blood is human life. It the backbone of marital success.


Any marriage without good communication is on its way to divorce. And so if all you want is to create the type of marriage you want, then give a thought about the level of communication in your marriage and work to improve on it if need be.
Never wait until things unravel before you can do that, it may be too late.


However, don’t just talk because you want to keep conversation going, bad communication skills can  also destroy your relationship.


Think and adopt a good communication skill that will help your marriage and discard the ones that will harm your marriage.

I have written an article on how to increase our communication skills


happy marriage,create yiur best marriage 4) Stop trying to change your partner:- Last year you tried everything you could to change your spouse and you found out its didn’t out for you.
Here’s what you should know ” God gave you a partner and not a project to build.


You can never change him or her, you only need to change your mind, change the way you think see your partner.
Understand that it is not possible for your partner to do or be exactly the way you want every time you want it.


The right approach is to make up your mind to see the good side of him/ her. If you continue with your great expectations, you will always be disappointed.


spend tine in marriage5) Invest more time:- Marriage required daily nurturing to be successful and you can’t achieve the success you want, you have invest more time into your relationship.


Just like in every other thing in life, the more you devote time, the more it works out, so don’t be lazy about your relationship, invest positively on it.

Bonus Read

15 Minutes a day just to breathe life into your marriage



Conclusion:- if you want to really want to create the type of marriage you ever wanted, then try and follow the steps I listed in this post. Although it will not automatically, but you will definitely see it working gradually.



How to Uphold and Sustain your Marriage with the Word of God

speak the word of God for your marriageHave you tried everything you know to make your marriage spicy, and yet things are not going the way you desire? Then you have not tried this simple but interesting way that am going to show you in this post.


Although it may sounds simple, but you can really uphold and sustain your marriage with just  the word of God.

Interestingly, we read from the Bible (Proverbs 18 verse 21) from New Living Translation;
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”.


That simply shows that you can speak life or death to anything in general and your marriage in particular.

I have written some posts on bible passages about marriage

  1. 23 Red hot Bible passages for your marriage

It is very possible that whatever your relationship is going through now, may be the results of what you spoke about in the time past,

As the Bible also said in the book of Numbers 14 verse 28 from English Standard Version;

Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you:

Probably, you haven’t been speaking well of your marriage, your husband or your children.

It is always negative words like “My marriage is failing apart”, My husband is a good for nothing man or my children are not intelligent, that may be the results you are getting now.

Understand that devil knows that life and death are in your tongue, so he is seriously waiting for you to speak death so he will make your wish come true and God is also waiting to hear those things that are consistent with his words from you, so he will do it for you.


If that is the case, then I implore you today to say only those things you want to see happening with you and your marriage.

Here are few steps to help you.

1) Start early:- You don’t have to wait till you get married to determine the type of marriage you want.

You can start from this moment you’re still searching to say the type of husband, wife and family you want.

Bible said in Roman’s 4:17 that God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

Also the book of Job 22:28 from New American Standard Bible
“You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways.

You and I are created in the image of God, and we are created to function like Him. He gave us all His abilities and also told us in John 14: 12 that we can do even greater things if we believe in Him.

And so use your tongue to call forth a handsome, rich, educated, caring and loving man to marry you.

Also decree how you want your wedding, your home and family to be. Remember, what you say is what you get.

sustain your marriage with the word of God

2) No time is later:– It is true you have been speaking wrong about your relationship and things have actually changed from good to worse, but you can still make a change now.

Start reversing those negative words with the positive ones. Instead of saying that your marriage is having a problem, say it is having a challenge and that God it taking control.

If things happen so badly that you are not happy about it, instead of flaring up or regretting why you marry that man/that woman, at that point remind yourself of what the Bible said in the book of Romans 8:28;
from New Living Translation;

happy marriage, word of God,creating your world
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”.

That means that the failure, disappointments and discouragements are all working to make things better for you.

If you change the way you think and talk about your marriage from this moment, things will gradually start taking shape again.

3) Understand what God has in store for you and your marriage:- How often do you study the word of God? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

You can only trust God when you know all He has in stock for you and you can know that by reading and meditating on His word (The Bible).
Understand that the Word of God is God talking to you, that there’s a word for every situation you are facing in your marriage. Look it up and apply them and see what will happen in your marriage.

When you have read the words, the next step is to declare the word, Bible said in Romans 10:10 “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved”.

Keep declaring the word of God concerning your marriage and don’t keep quiet until you start seeing the fruits.

happy marriage,creating your perfect marriage

Bible said that when the cloud is full of water, it will empty itself (Ecclesiastes 11:3) So keep saying the words and don’t stop talking it: If it’s the word of God, then the things you declare must workout for you and your spouse.

Conclusion : You can actually make things work again in your marriage no matter how bad it is by just declaring the word of God.

Remember that “ the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”. Whatever, you decree will come to pass.

Thanks for reading; and try to apply what I just told you here.

See you at the top:

I am still your friend, Murphyaik.

Marriage Killers: How to constantly update your marriage Virus Scanner

marriage killers, seperation in marriageThe number one secret of a successful relationship and marriage is daily nurturing, understanding and doing the needful things that helps it work.

The relationships that have failed or that are on the verge of failing, are the once who neglected to constantly check their relationship daily for the viruses that usually attacks without warning.

Virus are those organisms that attached itself to a host. and if not removed on time, destroys or even kill the host.

We know very well how our computers are attached by virus, the same way our marriages are attached by virus too.

There are so much virus that can destroy any marriage in a twinkle of an eye if not properly checked.

In this post, we will learn how to scan and treat your marriage / relationship for virus especially in this season.

What are the viruses that can destroy any marriage.

scan your marriage for virus1) Hanging out with bad friends :- An affirmation says ” tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
Another adage says “Evil manner corrupt good mind.

If you mingle with those friend that knows how to mistreat his/her spouse, then it will not be long before you start behaving the same there’s no two ways about it.
If your friends knows how to come home late drunk, you are close to learning it and behaving the same.

How to scan your marriage for bad friends The best way to do this is to stay away from such friends.

Be with those you are learning good things from. The will not only inspire you, but you will also learn good values from him or her.

scan your marriage2) Spend less time with opposite sex:- I know it well you are just friends, I also know it that you are not lusting after him/her.

You both work at the same office, and there is absolutely no harm in taking him / her to have coffee together. Here’s what I want to let you know: too close relationship with the opposite sex can create sexual feelings for you as time goes on and can eventually create a rift in your marriage and I know you don’t want that.

It usually starts like a play, but as time goes on you find out that you both are sharing very personal things with each other and sometimes you become disappointed when you get to the office and he/ or she is not there and somehow start desiring to be alone together.

I know you will tell me you are not feeling like what I am talking about, but ask yourself if he/she is feeling the same

Now to be on the safe side, keep a good distance from them and create a good professional barest between you and any opposite sex.

scan your marriage3) Lies:– It’s very easy to tell lies, but it’s not that easy to come out from the negative effects of lies.

We see it as a small, but we graduate from that little lie to a bigger lie and when it becomes bigger, we tell another lie to cover it up.

The worse is when you hide about your intimate relationship with someone outside, but that’s a huge sin against marriage.

Only an open and sincere communication can increase trust in relationship and every relationship needs a large chunks of trust to be successful.

communication is the bedrock of every marriage and when it’s tampered with, I affects the marriage.
The best solution is to say the truth always and see how your family will work.

(4) Trust :- Every marriage depends on trust to survive. That simply means it is very impossible to have a close intimacy in your relationship if you or your partner lack trust.
Trust create good bond and security in a relationship as everyone feels relaxed and secured too.

However, when trust is lacking in a relationship, every other part of the relationship suffers.
This is true because everyone want to threat someone the same way they are treated (Tit for Tat).

That’s why we feel hurt when our partner betrays our trust, some times we want to get even.
We think, if you are not sincere with me then why should I be sincere with you.

Did you see how trust effect marriage/relationship.

Lack of trust is one virus that destroys marriage. So do not do anything that can sniff out trust out of your marriage if you don’t want your marriage to fail.

5) Resentment:- This is another tricky virus that eats of a marriage in a little time. It usually starts small like anger and boredom and gradually erodes the marriage.

Claire Hatch , LCSW, says “resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms that you realize. On the surface it may cause you to feel bored, or to find flaws with your partner — picking on them for small things such as being somewhat messy or failing to return your text in a timely fashion”.

Gary Brown a well known family and marriage therapist from Los Angeles said that resentment gradually eats up a relationship to the point that your partner will feel the worse phase of resentment. At that point things have gone out of hand, and will be hard to reverse, you don’t want that to happen to your marriage, do you?

Final Notes:- it’s better to scan your marriage daily for viruses that are capable of destroying it, and eliminate them before they strike.
Remember, it is your sole duty to save your marriage for destruction.

I am still your friend Ikenna Uchegbu (murphyaik).
See you at the top.

How to improve your love life with your wife


improve marriageGetting married to the one you love is one thing: but keeping the love strong and happy after a long time: that’s were the work is.


At the early stages of your marriage, you don’t have to search the internet or read book or even visit a marriage counselor to understand how to improve your love life with your wife, everything came naturally because you were so much in love.


Research from the sociological says that ” couples record great happiness in the early stages of their relationship, and when the kids starts coming, there will be down turn in the happiness, they both stop investing into the relationship.


Here is why :-))


While the women focus more on the children, the men focus on their job.

When these happens, there tend to be a disconnect. The love start deteriorating, resentment sets in and then marriage starts crumbling.


In this article, I will show you how to renew your Love life with your wife.
If this is what you really want, then be ready to read this post to the last page, because I will also show you what you should do to make your wife fall in love again with you.


If you are ready, then let’s go on.


 How to improve your marriage love life

Create a Balance between Togetherness and individuality: So much has been said about couples being strong by having time together. Of course mutuality is very important aspect of marriage success.

However, in as much as couples need to share time together, the need to create a good balance between togetherness and individuality will help you improve your relationship and make it successful whether you are still planning to get married or you have been married for a while ago.


David Olsen says “Couple who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with each other is in the best position to succeed “.

The truth is that a moderate level of being close is optimal for a good relationship to thrive

To achieve this balance, you have to –

– Make it known to your partner and to yourself about your own needs and wants.

– Set aside some personal time: – You and your better half don’t need to be together on every waking hour because it is the quality of time you stay together that matters and not the quantity of time.
It is important two of you sit down and discuss about the convenient time when you can have time to attend to your personal interests.


– Learn to moderately say yes or no: – Remember you don’t need to say yes to everything your partner says and you don’t need to say no to everything either especially when you have not tried it out.
Always be open to trying new things, because you can eventually discover a new hobby for yourself.


– Care for yourself: – We always get so overwhelmed in making sure our partners feel happy, that we forget our very self.

However, it is good you take care of yourself, pamper yourself, try going on alone dates, and get yourself good gifts.


2) Work as a team: – When you look at most of the successful marriage, you will find out that they have one thing in common, and that is the ability to work together as a team.


I love how Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. describe it “Teamwork is essential for combining various talents, skills and bodies of knowledge in attaining a common goal”.

If you want to achieve greater success in your relationship, then try working as a team.


Many marriages fail because the couples are so interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires and that brings fight always

But, the couples that have good communication and negotiating skill stays together for a long time.


The president and CEO of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, who also authored many books on how improve relationships in his quote said ” Learning to see your partner as a teammate rather than an opponent will help your marriage grow closer and stronger “.


Of course storms will come, there may be some disagreement, but you will always pass through it because you have one common motive and that is to make things work out.


Here are few ways to build great teamwork.

a) Be selfless
b) Create core values
c) Discover the things that need change and find solutions for them.
d) Give up blame completely.
e) Always think about solution and not problems.


3) Keep working everyday: – To some people, marriage is a very critical institution, while some other believe it isn’t that hard in as much as you are doing the needful things on a daily basis.
Most couples wait for far too long to get their marriage back on its feet again, but, the real thing is to start working immediately you noticed some irregularities.


Just the same way you do to your car, you check the oil and make sure it is changed once it’s ran one thousand kilometers; you top the water and quickly see a mechanic once you notice an unusual sound:

You have to always check up your relationship daily and start repairing it before things get out of hand.


If you really want to improve your marriage, then you have to take care of it, and it’s all about your daily and consistent maintenance.


Here are few daily steps to take.


– Try and demonstrate you love daily.
– Bring your best into the marriage everyday
– Avoid daily argument.


Doing these things will help you build security in your relationship.


Try asking your partner may be once in a week about the things you have not done well the previous week and make proper use of the answers you get.

I have tried it so many times and I found out I have made so many mistakes that my spouse was not happy about.


If you wait for a long time, or wait for your marriage to sink before you talk about your grievances, then it may be disastrous.

Commit yourself to the daily nurturing and you will not regret it.


4) Solve your problems fast:– There is absolutely no relationship without bumps and trial, the only disparity between the successful and the failed relationship is the ability to solve the problems encountered.


The worst marriage destroyer is to let some problems unsolved for a long time.


Gottman said “Happily married couples do not have less conflict/tensions, but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand (before negative sentiment overrides the positive ones)”.


What he wants us know is that not settling problems earlier has a way of bringing a disconnect and resentment to couple that eventually breaks the marriage.


Improving your marriage means working ceaselessly in settling your disputes.
Mostly couples problems falls into 3 areas like – sex, parenting, in-laws and money etc although there are many other areas however, when this areas are resolved fast, it takes care of others.”


Linda Mintle PhD in her book ( I married you and not your family) described Five different ways couples respond to problems

– The fighter
– The avoider
– Calm resolver

Depending which area you fail into the advice is that you find out the style that walks best for you to solve your problems and keep your marriage aflame and alive and adopt it.


4) Improve your communication:- Many marriages have failed because there is no strong communication and many can be saved if couples can improve in their communication skills


The main reason for poor communication is due to the state of emotional connection between the two.

When there is a good connection, communication flows well, but the opposite happened when there is a disconnect.


So to improve your communication, look at your emotions and check if all is okay and then try improving it if need be.


Almost every couple has these communication problems, but healthy couples try hard to solve theirs.
If your relationship fails to the category I described earlier then you should learn the best way to increase communicate effectively, let that be your priorities.


Though it is may not be that easy, but there are few tips that will help you.
– Learn to listen carefully.
– Learn how to encourage.
– Remove all distractions
– Empathize

If you put all I’ve mentioned above in place during your conversation, then you are having a wonderful communication.


5) Build trust in your end:– In marriage, trust plays an important part. No relationship can stand without trust no matter the type of love both have.

Trust can be seen as glue that holds things together.

The absence of trust is fear and Bible said that “Fear has torment”
That simply means your relationship will be tormented without trust.


Trusting your spouse means you believe, rely, you can vouch for him/ her, have confidence and you feel secured with them.


Therefore to improve your relationship, you should try everything to build trust from your part, which is making your partner trust you again.

If your partner can say “yes my spouse can’t do such a thing” then you’ve go to start building trust again.

Trust me it is not a rocket science to build trust, although it won’t be a day or months thing, but if you start today, then you will start seeing the effect in near future.
The fact is that you are ignorant of how to start the journey, but am here to help.

Here are few checklists to take.

– Discover where you breached the trust and make amend.
– Forgive yourself first.
– Apologize
– Start being transparent in all your doings.
– communicate openly

Finally: – When you put all these I mentioned into practice, you will find out how easy it is to improve your marriage and make it better than what it has always been.
If this post helps to solve your problems, please share it with your friends.
I am still your friend
See you at the top.

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