Getting Married: How to invest in your marriage while you are still single.

invest in your marriage when you are singleIf you are hoping to get married someday, then there’s need to start investing in your future relationship now you are still single.

Also Read how to make your marriage strong

Nothing is worst than having a bad marriage/ relationship; it can only be compared to a furnace of fire.

A research conducted at the university of Nevada many years ago using three hundred and seventy three (373) “heterosexual couples” for investigation shows that marital conflicts has a great negative impact on the health of both couples.


The number one cause of that is lack of preparations before getting in.


Many people rushed into a relationship without properly investing into it, probably they thought that things could become much better when they are in.


But how can you get better results without good preparation?


  1. Jackson Brown Jr. Said in his quote that “the best results you will get tomorrow is doing your best today.
    So what do you want?


It is obvious that investing in your relationship early will not make you the perfect spouse, but you could be a lot better than not doing anything at all.

Investing in as a single will definitely yield great result in the future, and I am here to show you how to do just that in this post.


                                         Investing in your marriage while still single  


– Start with a prayer:-The first thing to do is to rely on God for a good partner and it starts with a prayer.


Tell God about your choice of spouse, the type of home you want to have as well as the children you want to raise, remember the word of God in the book of proverbs 3 verse 5-6 says we should trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, and that we should acknowledge all our ways to Him and he will direct our parts.

In that case, if you tell him about everything you want to have in your relationship, He will surely make you successful at last.


– Work on becoming your best: – The success and the failure of your marriage depend on you.

That simply means that if you want your relationship to become successful, then you have to do your best individually and the truth is that you can give what you don’t have.
Start adding values to yourself, by learning, reading, attend seminars, and browse the internet for how to be your best.


– Surround yourself with good people: – Evil company corrupt good manners; that are a slogan that can’t be neglected.

The people you identify yourself with are the once that will influence you.
If your friends are good, and knows how to value the opposite sex, then you are bound to learn those when you move with them.


However, if your friends are flirts, divorced or irresistible, that means you may learn those from them also.

Since you are planning to get married someday, have good people surrounding you.


– Be prepared mentally: – There is great difference between single and married, it’s a different world all together.

What works for you while you were still single may not work when you are married.


This is the reason you should prepare mentally to adapt to the new life that is coming.

Understand that marriage brings someone that’s totally different from you or your background to be together forever and so you should expect a lot of things coming up when you are married.



– Be health conscious:- Many couples are having a difficult time now in their marriage because they were so negligent about their health in your youthful days.


Some are unable to have children now because they didn’t take care of their reproductive organs early.

To make sure it didn’t happen to you, go for laboratory test and check if all things are functioning properly, if they are not okay, start treating yourself as you wait for your spouse to be.  That will save you a lot of stresses and time in future.


– Equip yourselves domestically:- Start learning things you don’t know before about how to keep the house.

If you don’t know how to sweep, wash dishes, cut the vegetables, then learn it.

And most importantly, learn how to cook.
The best way to get your spouse’s love is through his stomach, so learn to prepare all the good foods and make him love you forever.


Finally: – if you want a successful marriage, start investing on it now that you are still single. What you do no, will go a long way to help you when you get married.



7 Highly neglected things that make your Marriage deteriorate fast.

       marriage killer, marriage deterioration, divorce, Is your marriage deteriorating faster and you don’t understand why?


You are sure you are doing your best to make your marriage better and yet things are still going opposite of what you expected it to be.

You are not alone. So many couples are as confused as you are.


There are so many things that couples neglect and yet they constitute the biggest issues that affect the once a happy relationship they use to have.


The irony is that “if you don’t know where rain started beating you, then you won’t also know where it stops”.


In this post, I want to help you i identify those insignificant but yet a great relationship killer that can harm your marriage in a flash, if you don’t tackle it on time.




                                     7 Highly neglected things that can make a marriage deteriorate fast.


1) Telling lies: – For instance, when you are going out in the morning, you told your partner you were going straight to the office, but rather you are going to see a movie with friends somewhere else that’s not even close to office.

Have you considered about how your partner will feel when he/she finds out?

You may actually go free with that by telling another lies to cover up.

But let me tell you that you are making a great withdrawal from your emotional bank account of trust.


Continuous lying brings suspension and uncertainties that vehemently overwhelms the mind of your spouse.


At a time, anything you utter from your mouth will sound like a lie to your partner and it eventually create a distance between you two.


2) Comparisons: – If you find yourself saying things like – I wish we have a marriage that’s just like Mr. A, oh! My husband/ wife never dress like Mr. B, then you are into the comparison game and it can draw life out of your marriage.


If your marriage or your partner is different from the other couples/ or marriages, it doesn’t mean it is bad, it simply means your marriage or partner is unique.

The uniqueness simply shows that every marriage or persons can never be the same no matter what.


Most times when we find ourselves comparing each other, it signifies that you are only selecting certain qualities to focus on, but do you know that the other person you are comparing your spouse with has his/her own unique package?

Your partner may not be the outgoing type like your other neighbor, and your neighbor may not be a good communicator as your partner.

So always remember you married your partner with his/her unique qualities and stop comparing.


3) Invalidation: – If you don’t know what invalidation means, then let me tell you, so you know if you are an invalidator.


What is validation: – This is when someone’s feelings, thought are judged, rejected or ignored.


If you are the type that derives joy by pulling down the character, feelings and thoughts of your significant other, then you are an invalidator.


The fact is that there is no marriage without invalidation, and it is one of the greatest relationship destroyers.

It sometimes looks like remark and sometimes involves argument where a partner may just be ignoring or neglecting the others actions, just to show him/her that their feelings are not that important at all.


4) Misinterpretation: – While there are so many reasons why marriage fails, negative interpretation contributes greatly to it.

Negative interpretation is when one spouse keeps assuming something different from the partner’s actions.


Take for instance you call your partners phone number and maybe it rang for a long time without picking, immediately your mind tells you he/she is doing something wrong, that’s why he is avoiding the calls.


Negative interpretation can be very bad especially when a partner consistently assumes that the partners motives are very much opposite than what they really are and has the capacity to make even the smallest disagreements between couples become a hard nut to crack.

In other words a little fight becomes bigger than they are when you become a self-made mind reader.

Mind reading brings hopelessness and despair in relationships and after few threats, the accused partner become de motivated and then seeks to leave the marriage.

I know you wouldn’t like that happen in yours.


5) Cheating emotionally: – If you find yourself investing more energy, time, sharing your hopes and dreams with someone that’s not your partner, you may be guilty of this: and it can be detrimental to the success of your relationship.


The fact is that it usually starts like and child’s play,  and so many people believes is not that harmful,  but marriage Experts sees it as cheating also though without physical sex.

Their views is that if it persists for a long time, it usually leads to a full blown affair  and the consequences of that is that your partner feels deceived and betrayed and then he/ she may decide to leave the relationship if the habit persists.


6) Disrespect: – Respect is an important key in every loving relationship.

Likewise disrespect however is a termite that destroys any relationship.

Respecting your partner means you are placing a big value to your partner, and you also show a big honour by treating him/ her as a priceless jewelry.


Disrespect creates holes that look tiny at first, which becomes wide, open as day goes by.

Everyone deserves respect and when you give one, you also receives one, so start giving it now.


7) Complacency:- This is another subtle marriage killer.

This is a time in a relationship where coupes believe they have arrived in their relationship that they stopped caring, and nurturing each other as well as their marriage.


Everyone focus more on what brings joy and satisfaction to himself without caring about the partner.


When this continues, one partner may start feeling forgotten and not receiving enough attention.

You and I know too well that un-fulfillment of your partner greatest emotional need is a blank check to marriage failures.

The only thing that can save your marriage from crash landing is to start nurturing your relationship again, that’s when you will see things becoming normal again with time.

Rounding Up:- Ignorance kills, I have taken my time to divulge 7 highly neglected thing that can deteriorate fast to you. It is now up to you to make sure your marriage stays afloat.



I am still your friend murphyaik.

See you at the top



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Brand new romantic gestures that will make your wife feel loved

romantic husband, be romantic,romantic gestures How romantic are you?

That’s a question only you can answer.


Can you believe that a friend of my lost his wife simply because he was not romantic. I don’t want you to experience that in your relationship, that’s why I am sharing these 5 brand new ways romantic gestures that will showcase you as a supper romantic man.


Marriage doesn’t work by mere wishes, you really have to nurture it on a daily bases to make it work.

Firstly you must learn to be romantic and trust me it’s not that easy to be truly romantic; It takes creativity and great care to truly achieve that.


Our daily activities has chipped romance out of our marriage and left us with a very dry relationship.

Romance were so easy before wedding. You could spend the whole day on phone talking to your love, you could be at the beach talking and laughing for the next 24 hours without noticing the people around you; now the attention is divided; the children are there, the job is also there and the house chores also.

Question is! How do we become romantic?


In this post I will show you 5 brand new romantic attitudes that will boast your marriage fast


5 Romantic gestures that will make your wife feel loved.


1) Learn to touch her often: – Touching your spouse often has a way of reassuring him or her of your love.

Of course we know that sex is also important, recent interviews I had with couples shows that they record high degree of joy and happiness after sex.

But, the most recent research shows that no marriage became very successful just because of good sexual experiences,


Romantic touch was found to be the most recent marriage booster.

I also realized that from the way my darling wife feels after touching her over and over again anytime we pass each other at home.


One of my clients also says this “If I pass my wife 50 times at home, I will also touch her 50 times.


Touching someone you love helps to communicate your desire and also show her that you acknowledge her presence.


My advice to you is to try that and see what impact it will have on your marriage too.


2) Be ready to offer assistance:- You have heard so much about helping your wife do the house chore, and you are keen in doing all that.


But you can also help her in other things like dressing up; help her hook her brassieres, wear her shoes and dresses.

Those gestures will definitely pass your massage across.


3) Do a radio/ TV request in between any program she enjoy: – There are programs in radio/ television where you will have opportunities to call and shout out to your loved ones.


All you’ll need to do is to find when the radio stations are doing their shout out programs and then place a shout out request in between your wives most cherished program, then let her know how much you love her.


4) Give gift; – Get gifts for her. Women love gift and more especially if it’s a surprised package.

It doesn’t have to be an expensive thing; women don’t care much about what gifts you give to them, especially when you give with open mind.


However, you can get something nice and expensive if you have the resources.


5) Create just 15 minutes every evening for “unplugged moment”:– This is 15 minutes of no phone calls, no checking email and no gadget at all.

It is just for you and your wife to enjoy each other. Make love if you want, but remember to make it 15 minutes to be remembered by her.

In Conclusion


These are brand new ways you can use to make your wife feel loved. You may not know how much it will work for you until you try those points I listed here.

So go ahead and try them out.






7 Ways of getting yourself ready for a happy marriage.

getting married, ready for marriage,have a happy marriageIt amaze me so much how couples put all their efforts and time into preparing for their wedding, and spend little or no time at all getting them selves ready for the marriage itself.


Things like how to take care of finances, how to take care of the children, number of children you want to have as well as who will take charge of whatever, which is supposed to be the priority, are not even thought about until after wedding and that’s why there are so many broken marriages today.


If you are about to wed in no distant time from now, and have never thought about the life that comes after wedding, then this post is for you and I will show you some things you’ll need to do as you get ready to tie the knot.

If you are ready, then let’s get going now.


getting ready for marriage


1) Get your finances right:- One of the challenges that starts rearing up its head few years after wedding is the issue of money.

A survey by Sun trust Bank shows that 35% of arguments in marriage comes from the issues of money and that if it take couple few years for couples to recover from other challenges, that many couple never recovers from that caused by money.


Fact is that couples don’t just have issues about money, they hide their transactions from each other.

However, this issue of money would have been sorted out before wedding, but who really wants to talk about that when everyone is so excited about the wedding itself.

To avoid it from happening in your marriage, you have to start early and think of how to go about things like – whether you will have a joint account or not,  how to pay the bills and other important things.


Ready for marriage, have a happy marriage


2) Set goals for your marriage:- The same way you set goals for your works or business to make you increase your productivity, you should also set goals for your relationship if you want it successful.

Setting goals helps you strengthen your marriage, because it gives you the strength to work as a team to achieve a common goal.

Setting goals also helps you and your better half understand each other and also help you achieve a great fulfillment in other aspects if your marriage.

Its a very good idea for both of you to talk about your future dreams.

How would you like your relationship to be in the next 3,5_7 or more years be ?

It all starts from what you do today.

getting ready for marriage


3) Talk about your expectations:-Communication still stands the number one bedrock of every successful relationship and you start from your time of dating to get it right since both of you are planning to be a team.


Its also pertinent that both of you should be open as you talk about anything that matters as you discuss your future marriage.

As a couple to be, there is need to discuss about household, intimacy, your roles, finance and other important things.



4) Give up your bad habits:- Many marriages are strained today because many couples are unable to break their individual habits.
You see= }} habits are very common to everyone whether its good or bad, but while the good ones helps to build your relationship, the other will definitely interfere negative in your marriage.


And so the best thing to do is to take absolute care about those habits you know that can be detrimental to your relationship. It may be drinking habit, gambling or drug; whatever it is, the way forward is giving them up completely before getting into marriage so that your personal problem doesn’t become your marriage problem.


getting ready for marriage


5) Clear your debts:- The best way to begin a relationship is to start “fresh”

Getting into any relationship with a ship load of debts will overwhelm your relationship, because the time both of you will use to focus on your future finance will be devoted to how to settle your old debts and the greatest tension and stress will start when your debtors will start knocking on your door.


To avoid that from happening, make sure you settle your debts before getting married.



6) Have a relationship with God:- With God all things are possible and without Him nothing can work.
If you really want to have a good and successful marriage, then you must let Christ pilot the boat of tour relationship.

Firstly, you have to get your relationship with God right before you personal relationship will work out after that, then ask Him to lead and then go ahead a follow Him, for He will never disappoint you.



7) Learn good communication skills- If actually communication is important in marriage and 45% of marriages are destroyed by lack of good communication, then there’s need to get your communication skills right.


Fact is that the close we become with someone, the easier we tend to hurt then or they hurt us, and so you must be careful with your choice of words, because it not always what we say that matters but his we said it.


If you fine it hard to communicate properly with your spouse, maybe you find yourselves quarreling anytime you want to discuss as husband and wife, then you must work on yous communication skills.


One way to improve your skills is to be a good listener, I mean listening most often with undivided attention than talking.


See you at the top.

I am still your Friend


Parenting skills: How to comfortably raise matured and responsible children

A lot has been written about how husband and wife can make their marriage successful in happy marriage builder’s blog.

Today, having in mind that these wonderful couples have children, or will one day have children, I have decided to share some important tips that will help parents raise matured and responsible children without passing through so much stress.


You and I knows too well that parenting isn’t a child’s play, it is a very though practices, and any mistake you make in the beginning can take several years to heal, and I don’t want you to make these mistake other parent made as well.


In this post, I will share with you about how to

– create “loving authority” in your home.

– Create an atmosphere that wills engenders harmony instead of criticism, bickering or chaos in your family.

– Learn how to make your children understand their personal responsibilities.

– How to enforce discipline and set limits without being “heavy-handed”.

– And how you can creatively resolve conflicts and disagreements


If you have read to this point, then I am sure you are very interested in raising good children.


And so let’s get down to business.


                                            train your child well



                                                    HOW TO RAISE MATURED AND RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN.


First thing first.



It all starts with the foundation; from the very first day the child was born is the best time to channel his / her attention to what you want him or her to be in future.


Mahatma Ghandi of India said in his quotes that “The future depends on what you did today” and it’s just as simple as that.



The bible also said in the book of Psalm 22 “Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.


You teach your child to be whatever you want him or her to be right from the early days. Correct them when they make mistakes and don’t pamper them.


Some parents are good at pampering their children: it is good to love your child or children, but don’t pamper him to the point of spoiling him, if you do, then you are creating problems for yourself in the future.


I know it well that raising children is in the hands of God, but God gave those children to you to take care of, and you will be answerable to Him for how you raise them here on earth.


Start early and show them the part that’s worth treading showing examples with yourselves as the parents.


Children learn very fast, and they look up to you the parents to know which is right or wrong and believe me when I told you that whatever they see you do is good.


And so when you tell lies in their presence, when they grow up, they will also tell lies without fear and at that time, you’ll be wondering where they learn from.


For example; When you look at most of the broken homes closely, you will find out that their parents didn’t live together; it is not magic, it’s a proving fact.


According to Paul Amato a sociologist from university of Pennsylvania in his book called “Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages”.


He quoted that “every family structure transition a child experiences in his or her family of origin cumulatively increases the likelihood of negative outcomes for that child’.


Did you see why it’s imperative to do everything right as you train then, remembering that they are following your foot steps as the parents.


However, if you have failed at that early stage, there are things you can still do to train and make your children responsible children and I am going to share them with you here in the next 5 minutes.


From research, there are 4 styles of parenting and it’s important to know which you belong, as well as which is more effective way of raising good children.


These four classes of parenting were created by Diane Baumrind in 1960, and since then it has become a more referenced parenting categories.


They are :  =))

–   The permissive style:- in this type of parenting, the parents are  usually so loving to their kids and so let their children do whatever they want without offering any guidance or direction.


They do not expect more matured behaviors from their children and they most likely want their children see them as friends instead of parents.


They instead of seeking to know their children’s every move, they lax and often try to force rules or structure on their children.


Like I earlier said, they are very loving to their children and so they do not bother so much as to control or even discipline them.


This is the reason most children raised by the permissive parents lacks self control and self regulation.


One good fact to note about permissive parents is that they are not bad parents at all; they are nurturing, loving and do things for their children without looking back at all.


Their lives are so centered around their children, but in doing these; they neglect the “Teaching” which is also the more vital part of parenting. Even when they set rules, they are inconsistent in enforcing it.


Sometimes also they resolve to bribing or rewarding their children to make then do certain things.


This type of parenting is usually not good at all, because when parents set rules and do not enforce it, threatening punishment and don’t carry it out, it gives the children upper hand, and also makes them have the notion that you “never meant what you say”.


  • Authoritarian or disciplinarian style of parenting:- This is the type of parenting where parents have high expectations from the children and yet low responsiveness.


The parents have many rules and standards set for the children and which they expect them to follow it to the last without mistakes and when they make mistakes they take it more seriously and usually yell or give corporal punishment for it.


They usually have many rules in place to help them control the child’s behavior and activities and most of the rules are “arbitrary” and never explained to the children, because they think that the children should know them.


If the children fail to adhere to the rules, whether implicit or explicit, they believe they failed out of incompetence or defiance.


But could this be the best type of parenting?


Let’s see what researcher said about it.


According to research by Martin Pinquart,  “Harsh and psychological controls were the biggest predators of worsening behavior problems over time”


The kid involved in this type of parenting style usually develop strong “externalizing behavior” later as the day goes and they are more likely to be bullies, and also find it hard to fend for themselves.


  • The uninvolved parenting:-  These are the neglectful parents who makes few or no demands of their children.


They have little involvement emotionally with their children.

Actually, they do everything they should to provide the basic needs like shelter and food for their children, but they are completely impassive about how the child lives.


This type of parenting is so detrimental to the child’s emotional well-being and growth.


According to studies, children raised by neglectful parents becomes social “recluses” when the grow up and they never do well in school and are prone to mental ailments such as depression as well as fall victim of substance abuse and bullying.


And finally is the


  • Authoritative parenting:- These are the most responsible, nurturing parents with good and concise expectations for their children.


This is also the most beneficial parenting style for children, because the parents have good and frequent communication with the children with every reason properly explained.


The big question now is: =}}


Which style out of the four described above best described your parenting skills?


You are in the best position to answer the question.


However, in the beginning, I promised to share with you the best way of parenting that will enable you raise mature and responsible children and I am not joking.

Because you have read to this point, that means you are interested and so let’s move forward.



Raising matured, and responsible children.


If your desire is to raise good children, then you must follow what about one hundred (100) women from ( 20) countries of the world said about parenting.


From the analysis, they listed


1) Teaching your child life skills for the start:- In today’s high-tech world, it’s important to teach your child life skills on time else they will make a mess up on those “practical life skills”.


Start by helping him/ her out, until they learn how to do it alone.

It will be easy for the child to learn faster if you can do it with her cheerfully and without caring much about the mistakes.

A good way to do that is – for instance, you want to teach her how to wash dishes, then take another sponge as you hand the other over to her and wash along with her.


Always have in mind that she is still in the learning process so don’t judge her mistakes of you want her to learn.

When you are judgmental, it will make her become defensive as well and things will not work out that way.


However, make your child understand that there’s room for mistakes, and that she can always correct the mistakes.


If he/ she scatters his school bag and shoe all over the place, pick them up, and then hand it over to him and order him to keep it well, also tell him the importance of cleaning up after every mess.


Remember to be kind as you say all that.


This training has to continue this way until you he/ she is out of your home.


If you continue in a much friendly and positive ways, your child will grow fast and become a credit to you.


2) Always be responsive to your child’s needs:- Successful parenting is such that’s neither permissive nor authoritarian, it is the model of parenting that’s good at supporting and caring about the feelings and the un- met needs of the child.


Understanding and meeting your child’s needs on time makes them feel secured and less stressed.


Neglecting a child’s needs can take many forms like lack of housing, medical care, food, inability to teach him/her the basic personal needs as well as not showing affection and love for him/ her.


When a child is neglected, the basic needs are forgotten and not been met by the parents.

Neglecting a child’s need can inflict a permanent scars on his well being and self esteem.


When he is left alone without support and one and one time with the parents, they tend to have so many unmet emotional needs.


They are also not told the importance of moral values, respect for others as well as for himself.


I therefore implore you to make spending time with your children a priority and then try to understand what their needs are and then meet them.


Remember, successful parenting is all about being the parents and not the friend of the child.


If you allow your child to meet their own needs, they grow up to become sullen and angry.


So no matter how busy you are, take good care of your child.




3) Learn how to cooperate and talk with child:- Learning how to cooperate and talk with your child is one of the pleasurable part of parenting.


Parenting becomes more interesting when a good parent – child relationship exist.

Of course we know that good communication is vital to building mutual respect and self- esteem.


One of the skills of good communication with your child is to give good listening ears to him or her.


As they go through their day, they experience so many frustrations and exhilaration.


Often times the activities of you own day may not give you rooms to know about emotions.


However, one way to help them is to learn how to make them relax, and listening to them is the only way to know their disappointment and frustration.


Good communication with your child improves bond with them and makes then listen to you too.


Here is few check list of how to improve communication with your child.

– Have time for conversation with your child

– Discuss about your days

– Be open to talk about your feelings, joys, fears and frustration with him.

– Know his/ her body language.

– Work as a team in solving his problems.


4) Be firm, but loving in discipline the child: – It is the parent duty to discipline their child, however, the attitude and manner you disciplines the child will determine your level of success in achieving your goal.


Firm discipline mixed with love is what makes a happy, matured and functional child.


This simply implies that you must be discipline as parents before you teach your children to be one; let it come natural, let them see the disciplined parents and they will emulate from you.


Most often, it looks like parents and their children are in cold wars of “wills”; the child has developed strong resistance to the parents wills and the parents are bent on pushing their grounds to establish their wills.


Naturally, it is every child’s nature to push boundaries and to know where they will get with it


Yes they like to test their limits, they like to know what’s acceptable in the society and that makes them become though and immune to punishments.


But you don’t have to yell, humiliate to discipline him.


Adopting authoritative method of parenting will give you the rooms to set boundaries for your children as well as use a loving and worm manner to make it acceptable to them.


Authoritative parenting creates a sustainable developmental outcome, because while the parents set the boundaries, they also open up “dialogue “among the family members.

This makes the children understand that you don’t only make them do what you want, but that you considered their opinions too.