How to successfully Create your Soulmate from your current spouse

happy marriage, soul mateAll marriages are not created equal, while some pass through a tough hurdle and remain strong, most others dies off when there’s a little challenge .

 

The difference between the two marriages is just the ability to take a little step further in building a stronger relationship with your partner.

 

In this post, I will show you how to build a tight bond in your marriage and how you can successfully create your soul mate with your current spouse.

So many couples have longed to get to this level in their marriage and never did.

 

But in this post you will see how to get there.

 

Who or what is a soul mate?

 

The Wikipedia describes a soul mate as a person with whom someone has a deep or natural affinity, which may involve similarly, love, connection, intimacy, sexuality, trust as well as compatibility.

 

I love how the American writer Richard Bach described it.

He said that  “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”

 

He is simply letting us know that having a soul mate as your better half is far more interesting that having a life partner.

Here is why he said this:

 

A soul mate will come into your life to enrich it greatly, encourage you to be the best you can, and do whatever is needful to take you to the highest stages of life.

 

That’s the type of spouse you want isn’t it.

 

Granted you can create a soul mate out of your partner by doing the things I will share in this post.

Here they are : ))

How to successfully create your soul with your current spouse.

 

It begins with Increasing the emotional intimacy of your relationship:-

Wikipedia describes emotional intimacy ” Emotional intimacy is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another, much like physical intimacy . … Affect, emotion and feeling may refer to different phenomena.

 

To me, Emotional intimacy means a level of closeness that exists between two people that they feel secured and and completely home with each other.

 

This level of closeness don’t just happen, it develops gradually till it stands.

 

And it requires a continuous learning about each other daily and doing whatever is needed to make each other happy.

It’s important in all marriages, in fact no couple can do without it, if they want to stay happy and remain married for a longer time.

 

Nothing kills a marriage than emotional distance.

So if you feel there’s no closeness again, you need to do something now.

Question is: =))

How do you increase this emotional intimacy in your own relationship.

Here’s How : – ))

– Spend more time together:- One of the ways you can prevent your marriage from failing is to spend more time together.

It is not about the duration of time spent that matters, but the quality of time spent.

In one of my posts 15 minutes a day just to improve your relationship,

I shared how you can achieve a lot by spending just 15 minute with your spouse.

Research show that most marriages fails because couples lacks connection.

It is only through spending time together that husband and wife has time to discuss about the ways forward to their family.

If you have not been spending time together, then it’s time to start is.Refer to my book for more guidance.

 

Recognize your time apart also: In as much as you should spend time together, it’s also important to spend time apart from each other.

 

You will agree with me that too much time together sometime makes you feel a kind of suffocated that you’ll find yourself craving for just a little moment to find air again.

 

Times apart gives every partner the time to pursue his/ her personal interests, maintain the individual identify, gives you opportunity to miss each other once more and more space to pursue and achieve your goals.

 

Although we all have different needs when it comes to the amount of time we desire to spend as couples or apart from each other, but there’s need to learn and respect your different needs and so it is imperative to come together and talk about how to create a balance that will suit the both of you.

soul mate

Maximize Your Similarities,and Appreciate Your Differences:- Another important way of to energize your relationship is to learn to know that you and your partner comes from different parents, states and sometimes different ethnic group, and so there must be other differences.

 

Understanding both the difference and similarities is what will add color to the way you live together.

 

When you were still dating, everything were exciting and new.

At those times, there was no problem when it comes to going another mile to accommodate your spouses mistakes.

 

Sometimes you overlooked so many things too.

 

However, after a long time those feelings starts to wear off.

Your eyes are more open now to see those flaws, those things that didn’t bother you initially are now your greatest headache.

 

But if you want to create a soul mate with your current partner, then I implore you stop now and see what the differences are as well as the similarities.

 

Take another look at the personalities of your better half and yours to know the differences.

 

May be he likes more salt and chilies in the soup and you don’t etc.

Understanding this will help you appreciate both the differences and similarities, as that will help you stop fighting over how difference you are.

I suggest you take a personality test to understand what you both are made of.

Keirsey sorter’s tool found on the internet can be of great help to do that.

The personality test will help you know how you love to exist in this world.

After that, then make a decision to get to a point where you can show respect to your individual differences and find out what works for both of you, and also accept the difference in the personality and cease from condemning your better half’s personality.

Learn to give and receive pleasure :-

Quote on pleasure by voltire

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures”.

Marriage works better when couples understands the act of giving and receiving pleasure.

Understand that it is not a one way thing.

Many couples believe its only the husbands right to give while the wife received love, but that’s not right.

 

When you look closely at any marriage that’s successful, you will discover that both couples take turn in giving and receiving pleasure.

 

Because when you receive pleasure , you are giving your partner the opportunity to give and vice versa, and that brings a balance to sex in marriage.

 

The misconception here is that people think the are yielding to the “culture of narcissism” when they surrender and embrace pleasure. But that’s a lie.

 

Sexual pleasure becomes more excited when we stop worrying about who gives and who received.

If you want to be the receiver, be ready to have the whole of it and don’t for any reason feel selfish.

 

So to increase the sexuality of your marriage, never be afraid to take up the role of the giver and also give it freely don’t withhold anything, while your partner receives with “abandon ”
However, always remember that it is better to give than to receive.

 

Having this in your consciousness always will make you want to give always. And if both of you becomes givers, then a full sexual pleasure will be reached easily.

 

I implore you and your partner to talk to yourselves about how to get the best of sexual pleasure.

 

Feel free to tell him/her your sexual hot spots. Don’t be ashamed to ask or tell about yours, and make sure he/she understands.

 

Understanding this principles of giving and taking sexual pleasures will help improve your love life, and also take your marriage from friendship to soul mate level.

 

Finally:– I you really want to make your marriage move from better half level to soul mate, then you have to take your time and work on it by following some points i listed in this post.

Marriage is about daily nurturing, if you fail to do the needful, then you will not get where you want to be.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Toxic behavior that creates a disconnect between you and your wife.

Love, disconnect in marriageIf your once a happy marriage starts going sour all of a sudden, don’t blame it on the witches or anybody.

 

If you you take your time to look inside, you may be convinced that the fault is all from you.

 

Some times we do things that hurts our relationships without even knowing.

 

There are 5 toxic behaviors that are capable of causing a disconnect between you and your better-half.

 

In this post I will show you what they are and how to avoid them.

 

A time came in my marriage that I asked my wife to list some of my behavior that repels her, and I was shocked to see an endless list.

You can do the same too. However, if these 5 behaviors still exists in you, then don’t be surprised when you see your spouse avoiding you.

nagging husband1) You are a nag:- If you are such that likes to murmur, criticize, shout, yell, condemn etc, then you are a nagging husband / wife and your partner will never want to get close to you at any time and that brings a disconnect both physically and emotionally.
I bet this is not what you want in your Marriage.

 

The fact is that sometimes we don’t know we are nagging, but when you find yourself desiring people to do things the same way you want it, then you are in the game.

 

The truth is you are trying to make things work out the way you want it, but to the other partner, it’s a command (nagging) and no one wants to be commanded.

 

Most times its poor communication that leads to that, and constantly nagging your spouse means you don’t trust her /him, and you don’t think about his/her feelings too.

 

Here is a checklist of 6 ways nagging destroys a relationship

– It brings quarrel:- The reason that you always want things to be done your way will always bring quarrel and that brings avoidance and a disconnect.

-Resentments:
– Poor or no communication
– Both of you becomes enemy.

How to stop nagging :-

One way to stop nagging is to always see the good side of him/her.

 

Comparison in marriage2) Comparison:-My wife is not the outgoing type, wow! how I wish my marriage is as happy as Mr Williams, my husband can never help me keep the house clean like Mrs Johnson’s husband, my wife is fond of keeping her hair lose, she should learn how to pack it sideways like that woman next door.

 

If you find yourself talking like that, then you are full of comparison and it can hurt your spouse and kill your relationship.

From science research, comparison was found to be the source for jealousy, envy, depression and can as well destroy your ability to trust.

 

If comparison can breed all these, then why do you still indulge in it?

Everyone is unique and every marriage is unique too. what works for others may not work for you: Just be contented with who or what you have and move forward.

 

busy husband3) Coming home with your business :- You leave early to work everyday and come back late also: so why do you still come home with your work?

 

It’s possible there’s need to do one or two checks on you business at home, but that should not be at the expense of the time you spend together as spouse.

 

Couples time is important, because that’s when you discuss about how to move family forward.

 

So forget about business when at home and have a nice time together if you want your marriage successful.

 

busy husband and wife4) You are married to your gadgets:- Technology has brought joy to the world, bit it has also brought division in relationships.

In almost every marriage now, you see each partner holding his/her Android phone laptop, iPad, iPod or other devices. All these though they are good, but they bring distractions to our relationships.

 

It hinders communication and that brings a disconnect also.

So if you have the habit of pressing you laptop, phone or iPad, you are only causing damage to your relationship. Learn to off it sometimes and pay attention to what your spouse want to say.

 

5) Pride and Ego:- You are too full of yourself. No one is equal to you, both your spouse.

Frankly, Ego and pride has destroyed so many marriages, because it prevents good communication and closeness.

 

However, relationship thrives well where there is compromise and understanding.

Too much pride and Ego can only destroy your relationship because it will make you less compassionate and keep people away from you.

 

So to avoid your spouse preferring to stay alone instead of coming close to you, put off your garment of ego.

 

Conclusion:- A great attitude they say is like a perfect cup of tea  so if your attitude is not good enough, then you are missing that perfect coffee.

Remember, bad attitude can hurt your relationship, but a good attitude will help to make your relationship successful.

 

See you at the Top.

From your friend Murphyaik.

Are you ready for that marriage?:- signs to know if you are ready for marriage

Are you ready for marriage,signs you are ready for marriageIf your wish is to get married any moment from now, then it is important to be sure you are really ready for it: never bow to peer pressure or rush into any relationship simply because your friends are getting paired daily.

it’s impertinent you get yourself pretty ready before taking that giant strides, because marriage requires more than mere love to succeed.

There are principle for a successful relationship and if you are ignorant of those principles, then you’ll not go far in your marriage.

Here are few reasons why you shouldn’t rush into marriage now.

1) Marriage is sweet, but it is not always rosy:- You’ve seen most of your friends married and most times you see them walking in the street holding hands and laughing and you are wondering when your time will come.

Well your time will definitely come and very soon too: but don’t think those couple laugh like that always.

They also have their fair share of fights and quarrel too, they only knows how to sacrifice to make their relationship great after fight.

 

2) Marriage is for a life time:- At the marriage ceremony, People made a vow to be married to their spouses -in good health and in sickness till death.

I have heard people say they are ready to divorce and divorce again when the marriage isn’t doing well.

However, if you understand that marriage is for a lifetime, then you should know that it takes daily nurturing to make any marriage work.

3) Love is not enough to make a marriage successful :– If you think love is enough to make marriage successful, then think again.

Love only helps you to kick-start the relationship, but it can’t keep you there a long time.

Of course you’ve falling in love with him/ her and you are feeling the butterfly in your stomach. That’s interesting. But what if the two of you love each other so much and there is no compatibility, don’t you think all will not work out well.

4) Marriage will not make you complete:- You are rushing into that marriage because you believe that you will be happy.

In 2012, a research was conducted, and it was found on that couples who were married were not as happy as the couples who lives together and yet not married.

Also the research conducted by Bureau of economic researchers in 2014 show that the only thing that matters is the quality of relationship you have with your partner. “if you consider the person you married as your best friend, then happiness comes.; in that case friendship comes first than happiness in every relationship.

For all these reasons I mentioned above, don’t you think there’s every need to get yourself ready first before rushing into that relationship?

In this post I will show you how to know if you are ready for marriage, to avoid divorce at the last moment.

 

are you ready for marriage Ways know if you are really ready to get married.

 

-Ask yourself if you are ready:- The first thing to do to know if you are really ready to walk down the aisle  is to ask yourself question about how ready you are.

Ask yourself what you know about being married. Although there’s no such things as a perfect ways to make marriage successful, but there are things that helps in achieving success when it comes to it.

How many of it do you know. A story was told about a little boy who told his father that he wants to get married, but the father bought a pig for him and told him to rear it first as that will show his readiness for marriage.

I am not liking a women to be pigs, but here is the rest of the story.

One day, the boy became so angry and kill the pig because she returned to the mud after bathing her.

The father then told him that killing the pig signifies that he’s not ready to have a woman.

The simple fact is that there’s so much to know before going into relationships.
If you are not acquainted with the rudiments, then forget about it for now.

 

– Have you forgotten about yesterdays relationships:- Before any new thing can happen to your life, you should be able to forget the old.

If you are still holding on to your old and failed relationships, then you are not ready for the new.

Although It is not that easy to do though, but there’s need to move forward.

Holding on to the past will affect the way you think, your decisions as well as your actions.

Try and clear the bad baggage from your subconscious.

Of course there are still good people out there that can make a good husband /wife so let go and move forward.

 

– Can you share your mind without fear- A good and successful relationship is that in which the partners are not afraid to share their mind with each other.

If you are such that believes your better-half should read your mind, then you are not ready yet.

In successful relationships everyone speaks their mind no matter how fearful they are.

if you have not done that before ,then I implore you to learn how to keep your fears away and say what you want in your relationship.

 

-Do you know how to cook:- And adage says ” A good food is a way to the man’s heart” Many men love to eat, and so they are happy when they marry a woman that knows how to cook too.

Most men who their wives doesn’t know how to cook are usually angry about that, but somehow they may choose to keep quiet instead of quarreling with the spouse, but many times they prefer to go out and eat good food.

ready for marriage,getting marriedQuestion is: Would you prefer your spouse eating outside than learning how to cook before getting married?

Although most men look beyond cooking when they want to marry these days, but if you know how to cook, you are on your way to winning his heart.

– Can you clean a toilet:- Cleanliness they say is next to godliness. If you have not learn t how to wash and keep things clean, then this the best time to do so.

Every man wants to come home to a neat home.
But, most women are so lazy when it comes to keeping a house.
Learn how to keep things in order always so if your spouse come home all of a sudden with friends, he will not feel disgraced.

 

– Are you ready to take care of your family?.:- It is the right of every man to take care of his wife and the children.

It is true that nowadays every hands is on deck, husbands and wives now engaged in work just to bring food on the table.

 

However, men should not forget that it is their duty to fend for the family.

If you are planing to marry now, then ask if you are ready financially to fend for every member. if not, then you are not ready for it.

 

– If you are still a mama’s boy?:- If you can’t do anything with your wife until you get permission from your mother, then you are a mama’s boy and it can harm your marriage.

I am not advising you to disrespect or hate your mother, but your marriage will be more successful if you concentrate more on your marriage and still give your mother her do respect.

Become the man who is ready to take care of his family rather than that man who can’t make a worthwhile decision unless the mother does for him.

 

getting married soonConclusion:- Getting married is a thing of joy, however it is important to enter into it very prepared.

Remember, marriage is not for a day, but till death do you apart and that’s the reason to learn whatever is there to know about it, to avoid early divorce.

In this post I have written some points down to help you check if you are ready.

See you at the Top.
I am still your friend Uchegbu Ikenna ( Murphy’s)

5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018

happy marriage,create our best marriageIf I ask you to do one thing this 2018 to create the best marriage you’ve ever wanted, what would it be?
– Your attitude.

– The time you spend together as couple.

– your finance

-or the way you communicate with your spouse.

Obviously you saw it all last year, and you could tell how good or how poorly you worked to make your relationship successful.

 

Well, in this post, I will share 5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.

If this is one things you want to achieve this year, then you’ve got to read this article to the last letter.

Like I said, it looks so simple, but it will work wonders in patching those holes in your marriage and restoring your relationship to those happy state again.

 

Imagine getting back to those times when you whole desire to hear his or her voice again and again over the telephone, you want to be with him/her every time.

 

Of course you can have it back if you want to, and I know you really want to, if not you won’t be reading this post.

Without wasting much time, here are few steps to achieve it.

 

                   5 seemingly simple Ways of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.

 

happy marriage,create your best marriage1) Be more committed:- One good way to ascertain the level of weakness and strength of your relationship is to measure the amount of your personal commitment to it.

 

It’s all about what sacrifices you’ve got to give to make things work out.

 

Every marriage has it’s good and bad times, but to have a good and successful relationship, you have to look and evaluate your marriage to determine those area that requires a touch and then get down to work immediately.

 

Think about what you should do on the daily basis to make things work again. Be willing to go extra mile to make up the lost glory, be ready to say sorry after a fight, not because you are wrong, but because you want the relationship survive.

 

happy marriage, creating the best marriage2) Be sincere and truthful :– My Wife told me outright that she doesn’t like lies or dishonesty as that is the only thing that can make angry.
Have I been faithful to that request? no, but I am striving to achieve that.

 

Being honest and sincere will help your marriage succeed: be sincere when there is a new achievement from your spouse, if he she does something for the marriage commend that with sincerity. Stop the lip service and be plain every time.

 

good communication in marriage3)Communicate effectively:- Communication is to marriage what blood is human life. It the backbone of marital success.

 

Any marriage without good communication is on its way to divorce. And so if all you want is to create the type of marriage you want, then give a thought about the level of communication in your marriage and work to improve on it if need be.
Never wait until things unravel before you can do that, it may be too late.

 

However, don’t just talk because you want to keep conversation going, bad communication skills can  also destroy your relationship.

 

Think and adopt a good communication skill that will help your marriage and discard the ones that will harm your marriage.

I have written an article on how to increase our communication skills

 

happy marriage,create yiur best marriage 4) Stop trying to change your partner:- Last year you tried everything you could to change your spouse and you found out its didn’t out for you.
Here’s what you should know ” God gave you a partner and not a project to build.

 

You can never change him or her, you only need to change your mind, change the way you think see your partner.
Understand that it is not possible for your partner to do or be exactly the way you want every time you want it.

 

The right approach is to make up your mind to see the good side of him/ her. If you continue with your great expectations, you will always be disappointed.

 

spend tine in marriage5) Invest more time:- Marriage required daily nurturing to be successful and you can’t achieve the success you want, you have invest more time into your relationship.

 

Just like in every other thing in life, the more you devote time, the more it works out, so don’t be lazy about your relationship, invest positively on it.

Bonus Read

15 Minutes a day just to breathe life into your marriage

 

 

Conclusion:- if you want to really want to create the type of marriage you ever wanted, then try and follow the steps I listed in this post. Although it will not automatically, but you will definitely see it working gradually.

 

 

How to Uphold and Sustain your Marriage with the Word of God

speak the word of God for your marriageHave you tried everything you know to make your marriage spicy, and yet things are not going the way you desire? Then you have not tried this simple but interesting way that am going to show you in this post.

 

Although it may sounds simple, but you can really uphold and sustain your marriage with just  the word of God.

Interestingly, we read from the Bible (Proverbs 18 verse 21) from New Living Translation;
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”.

 

That simply shows that you can speak life or death to anything in general and your marriage in particular.

I have written some posts on bible passages about marriage

  1. 23 Red hot Bible passages for your marriage

It is very possible that whatever your relationship is going through now, may be the results of what you spoke about in the time past,

As the Bible also said in the book of Numbers 14 verse 28 from English Standard Version;

Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you:

Probably, you haven’t been speaking well of your marriage, your husband or your children.

It is always negative words like “My marriage is failing apart”, My husband is a good for nothing man or my children are not intelligent, that may be the results you are getting now.

Understand that devil knows that life and death are in your tongue, so he is seriously waiting for you to speak death so he will make your wish come true and God is also waiting to hear those things that are consistent with his words from you, so he will do it for you.

 

If that is the case, then I implore you today to say only those things you want to see happening with you and your marriage.

Here are few steps to help you.

1) Start early:- You don’t have to wait till you get married to determine the type of marriage you want.

You can start from this moment you’re still searching to say the type of husband, wife and family you want.

Bible said in Roman’s 4:17 that God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

Also the book of Job 22:28 from New American Standard Bible
“You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways.

You and I are created in the image of God, and we are created to function like Him. He gave us all His abilities and also told us in John 14: 12 that we can do even greater things if we believe in Him.

And so use your tongue to call forth a handsome, rich, educated, caring and loving man to marry you.

Also decree how you want your wedding, your home and family to be. Remember, what you say is what you get.

sustain your marriage with the word of God

2) No time is later:– It is true you have been speaking wrong about your relationship and things have actually changed from good to worse, but you can still make a change now.

Start reversing those negative words with the positive ones. Instead of saying that your marriage is having a problem, say it is having a challenge and that God it taking control.

If things happen so badly that you are not happy about it, instead of flaring up or regretting why you marry that man/that woman, at that point remind yourself of what the Bible said in the book of Romans 8:28;
from New Living Translation;

happy marriage, word of God,creating your world
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”.

That means that the failure, disappointments and discouragements are all working to make things better for you.

If you change the way you think and talk about your marriage from this moment, things will gradually start taking shape again.

3) Understand what God has in store for you and your marriage:- How often do you study the word of God? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

You can only trust God when you know all He has in stock for you and you can know that by reading and meditating on His word (The Bible).
Understand that the Word of God is God talking to you, that there’s a word for every situation you are facing in your marriage. Look it up and apply them and see what will happen in your marriage.

When you have read the words, the next step is to declare the word, Bible said in Romans 10:10 “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved”.

Keep declaring the word of God concerning your marriage and don’t keep quiet until you start seeing the fruits.

happy marriage,creating your perfect marriage

Bible said that when the cloud is full of water, it will empty itself (Ecclesiastes 11:3) So keep saying the words and don’t stop talking it: If it’s the word of God, then the things you declare must workout for you and your spouse.

Conclusion : You can actually make things work again in your marriage no matter how bad it is by just declaring the word of God.

Remember that “ the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”. Whatever, you decree will come to pass.

Thanks for reading; and try to apply what I just told you here.

See you at the top:

I am still your friend, Murphyaik.