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How to Uphold and Sustain your Marriage with the Word of God

speak the word of God for your marriageHave you tried everything you know to make your marriage spicy, and yet things are not going the way you desire? Then you have not tried this simple but interesting way that am going to show you in this post.

 

Although it may sounds simple, but you can really uphold and sustain your marriage with just  the word of God.

Interestingly, we read from the Bible (Proverbs 18 verse 21) from New Living Translation;
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”.

 

That simply shows that you can speak life or death to anything in general and your marriage in particular.

I have written some posts on bible passages about marriage

  1. 23 Red hot Bible passages for your marriage

It is very possible that whatever your relationship is going through now, may be the results of what you spoke about in the time past,

As the Bible also said in the book of Numbers 14 verse 28 from English Standard Version;

Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you:

Probably, you haven’t been speaking well of your marriage, your husband or your children.

It is always negative words like “My marriage is failing apart”, My husband is a good for nothing man or my children are not intelligent, that may be the results you are getting now.

Understand that devil knows that life and death are in your tongue, so he is seriously waiting for you to speak death so he will make your wish come true and God is also waiting to hear those things that are consistent with his words from you, so he will do it for you.

 

If that is the case, then I implore you today to say only those things you want to see happening with you and your marriage.

Here are few steps to help you.

1) Start early:- You don’t have to wait till you get married to determine the type of marriage you want.

You can start from this moment you’re still searching to say the type of husband, wife and family you want.

Bible said in Roman’s 4:17 that God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

Also the book of Job 22:28 from New American Standard Bible
“You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways.

You and I are created in the image of God, and we are created to function like Him. He gave us all His abilities and also told us in John 14: 12 that we can do even greater things if we believe in Him.

And so use your tongue to call forth a handsome, rich, educated, caring and loving man to marry you.

Also decree how you want your wedding, your home and family to be. Remember, what you say is what you get.

sustain your marriage with the word of God

2) No time is later:– It is true you have been speaking wrong about your relationship and things have actually changed from good to worse, but you can still make a change now.

Start reversing those negative words with the positive ones. Instead of saying that your marriage is having a problem, say it is having a challenge and that God it taking control.

If things happen so badly that you are not happy about it, instead of flaring up or regretting why you marry that man/that woman, at that point remind yourself of what the Bible said in the book of Romans 8:28;
from New Living Translation;

happy marriage, word of God,creating your world
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”.

That means that the failure, disappointments and discouragements are all working to make things better for you.

If you change the way you think and talk about your marriage from this moment, things will gradually start taking shape again.

3) Understand what God has in store for you and your marriage:- How often do you study the word of God? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

You can only trust God when you know all He has in stock for you and you can know that by reading and meditating on His word (The Bible).
Understand that the Word of God is God talking to you, that there’s a word for every situation you are facing in your marriage. Look it up and apply them and see what will happen in your marriage.

When you have read the words, the next step is to declare the word, Bible said in Romans 10:10 “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved”.

Keep declaring the word of God concerning your marriage and don’t keep quiet until you start seeing the fruits.

happy marriage,creating your perfect marriage

Bible said that when the cloud is full of water, it will empty itself (Ecclesiastes 11:3) So keep saying the words and don’t stop talking it: If it’s the word of God, then the things you declare must workout for you and your spouse.

Conclusion : You can actually make things work again in your marriage no matter how bad it is by just declaring the word of God.

Remember that “ the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”. Whatever, you decree will come to pass.

Thanks for reading; and try to apply what I just told you here.

See you at the top:

I am still your friend, Murphyaik.

Marriage Killers: How to constantly update your marriage Virus Scanner

marriage killers, seperation in marriageThe number one secret of a successful relationship and marriage is daily nurturing, understanding and doing the needful things that helps it work.

The relationships that have failed or that are on the verge of failing, are the once who neglected to constantly check their relationship daily for the viruses that usually attacks without warning.

Virus are those organisms that attached itself to a host. and if not removed on time, destroys or even kill the host.

We know very well how our computers are attached by virus, the same way our marriages are attached by virus too.

There are so much virus that can destroy any marriage in a twinkle of an eye if not properly checked.

In this post, we will learn how to scan and treat your marriage / relationship for virus especially in this season.

What are the viruses that can destroy any marriage.

scan your marriage for virus1) Hanging out with bad friends :- An affirmation says ” tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
Another adage says “Evil manner corrupt good mind.

If you mingle with those friend that knows how to mistreat his/her spouse, then it will not be long before you start behaving the same there’s no two ways about it.
If your friends knows how to come home late drunk, you are close to learning it and behaving the same.

How to scan your marriage for bad friends The best way to do this is to stay away from such friends.

Be with those you are learning good things from. The will not only inspire you, but you will also learn good values from him or her.

scan your marriage2) Spend less time with opposite sex:- I know it well you are just friends, I also know it that you are not lusting after him/her.

You both work at the same office, and there is absolutely no harm in taking him / her to have coffee together. Here’s what I want to let you know: too close relationship with the opposite sex can create sexual feelings for you as time goes on and can eventually create a rift in your marriage and I know you don’t want that.

It usually starts like a play, but as time goes on you find out that you both are sharing very personal things with each other and sometimes you become disappointed when you get to the office and he/ or she is not there and somehow start desiring to be alone together.

I know you will tell me you are not feeling like what I am talking about, but ask yourself if he/she is feeling the same

Now to be on the safe side, keep a good distance from them and create a good professional barest between you and any opposite sex.

scan your marriage3) Lies:– It’s very easy to tell lies, but it’s not that easy to come out from the negative effects of lies.

We see it as a small, but we graduate from that little lie to a bigger lie and when it becomes bigger, we tell another lie to cover it up.

The worse is when you hide about your intimate relationship with someone outside, but that’s a huge sin against marriage.

Only an open and sincere communication can increase trust in relationship and every relationship needs a large chunks of trust to be successful.

communication is the bedrock of every marriage and when it’s tampered with, I affects the marriage.
The best solution is to say the truth always and see how your family will work.

(4) Trust :- Every marriage depends on trust to survive. That simply means it is very impossible to have a close intimacy in your relationship if you or your partner lack trust.
Trust create good bond and security in a relationship as everyone feels relaxed and secured too.

However, when trust is lacking in a relationship, every other part of the relationship suffers.
This is true because everyone want to threat someone the same way they are treated (Tit for Tat).

That’s why we feel hurt when our partner betrays our trust, some times we want to get even.
We think, if you are not sincere with me then why should I be sincere with you.

Did you see how trust effect marriage/relationship.

Lack of trust is one virus that destroys marriage. So do not do anything that can sniff out trust out of your marriage if you don’t want your marriage to fail.

5) Resentment:- This is another tricky virus that eats of a marriage in a little time. It usually starts small like anger and boredom and gradually erodes the marriage.

Claire Hatch , LCSW, says “resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms that you realize. On the surface it may cause you to feel bored, or to find flaws with your partner — picking on them for small things such as being somewhat messy or failing to return your text in a timely fashion”.

Gary Brown a well known family and marriage therapist from Los Angeles said that resentment gradually eats up a relationship to the point that your partner will feel the worse phase of resentment. At that point things have gone out of hand, and will be hard to reverse, you don’t want that to happen to your marriage, do you?

Final Notes:- it’s better to scan your marriage daily for viruses that are capable of destroying it, and eliminate them before they strike.
Remember, it is your sole duty to save your marriage for destruction.

I am still your friend Ikenna Uchegbu (murphyaik).
See you at the top.

How to improve your love life with your wife

 

improve marriageGetting married to the one you love is one thing: but keeping the love strong and happy after a long time: that’s were the work is.

 

At the early stages of your marriage, you don’t have to search the internet or read book or even visit a marriage counselor to understand how to improve your love life with your wife, everything came naturally because you were so much in love.

 

Research from the sociological says that ” couples record great happiness in the early stages of their relationship, and when the kids starts coming, there will be down turn in the happiness, they both stop investing into the relationship.

 

Here is why :-))

 

While the women focus more on the children, the men focus on their job.

When these happens, there tend to be a disconnect. The love start deteriorating, resentment sets in and then marriage starts crumbling.

 

In this article, I will show you how to renew your Love life with your wife.
If this is what you really want, then be ready to read this post to the last page, because I will also show you what you should do to make your wife fall in love again with you.

 

If you are ready, then let’s go on.

 

 How to improve your marriage love life

Create a Balance between Togetherness and individuality: So much has been said about couples being strong by having time together. Of course mutuality is very important aspect of marriage success.

However, in as much as couples need to share time together, the need to create a good balance between togetherness and individuality will help you improve your relationship and make it successful whether you are still planning to get married or you have been married for a while ago.

 

David Olsen says “Couple who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with each other is in the best position to succeed “.

The truth is that a moderate level of being close is optimal for a good relationship to thrive

To achieve this balance, you have to –

– Make it known to your partner and to yourself about your own needs and wants.

– Set aside some personal time: – You and your better half don’t need to be together on every waking hour because it is the quality of time you stay together that matters and not the quantity of time.
It is important two of you sit down and discuss about the convenient time when you can have time to attend to your personal interests.

 

– Learn to moderately say yes or no: – Remember you don’t need to say yes to everything your partner says and you don’t need to say no to everything either especially when you have not tried it out.
Always be open to trying new things, because you can eventually discover a new hobby for yourself.

 

– Care for yourself: – We always get so overwhelmed in making sure our partners feel happy, that we forget our very self.

However, it is good you take care of yourself, pamper yourself, try going on alone dates, and get yourself good gifts.

 

2) Work as a team: – When you look at most of the successful marriage, you will find out that they have one thing in common, and that is the ability to work together as a team.

 

I love how Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. describe it “Teamwork is essential for combining various talents, skills and bodies of knowledge in attaining a common goal”.

If you want to achieve greater success in your relationship, then try working as a team.

 

Many marriages fail because the couples are so interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires and that brings fight always

But, the couples that have good communication and negotiating skill stays together for a long time.

 

The president and CEO of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, who also authored many books on how improve relationships in his quote said ” Learning to see your partner as a teammate rather than an opponent will help your marriage grow closer and stronger “.

 

Of course storms will come, there may be some disagreement, but you will always pass through it because you have one common motive and that is to make things work out.

 

Here are few ways to build great teamwork.

a) Be selfless
b) Create core values
c) Discover the things that need change and find solutions for them.
d) Give up blame completely.
e) Always think about solution and not problems.

 

3) Keep working everyday: – To some people, marriage is a very critical institution, while some other believe it isn’t that hard in as much as you are doing the needful things on a daily basis.
Most couples wait for far too long to get their marriage back on its feet again, but, the real thing is to start working immediately you noticed some irregularities.

 

Just the same way you do to your car, you check the oil and make sure it is changed once it’s ran one thousand kilometers; you top the water and quickly see a mechanic once you notice an unusual sound:

You have to always check up your relationship daily and start repairing it before things get out of hand.

 

If you really want to improve your marriage, then you have to take care of it, and it’s all about your daily and consistent maintenance.

 

Here are few daily steps to take.

 

– Try and demonstrate you love daily.
– Bring your best into the marriage everyday
– Avoid daily argument.

 

Doing these things will help you build security in your relationship.

 

Try asking your partner may be once in a week about the things you have not done well the previous week and make proper use of the answers you get.

I have tried it so many times and I found out I have made so many mistakes that my spouse was not happy about.

 

If you wait for a long time, or wait for your marriage to sink before you talk about your grievances, then it may be disastrous.

Commit yourself to the daily nurturing and you will not regret it.

 

4) Solve your problems fast:– There is absolutely no relationship without bumps and trial, the only disparity between the successful and the failed relationship is the ability to solve the problems encountered.

 

The worst marriage destroyer is to let some problems unsolved for a long time.

 

Gottman said “Happily married couples do not have less conflict/tensions, but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand (before negative sentiment overrides the positive ones)”.

 

What he wants us know is that not settling problems earlier has a way of bringing a disconnect and resentment to couple that eventually breaks the marriage.

 

Improving your marriage means working ceaselessly in settling your disputes.
Mostly couples problems falls into 3 areas like – sex, parenting, in-laws and money etc although there are many other areas however, when this areas are resolved fast, it takes care of others.”

 

Linda Mintle PhD in her book ( I married you and not your family) described Five different ways couples respond to problems

– The fighter
– The avoider
– Calm resolver

Depending which area you fail into the advice is that you find out the style that walks best for you to solve your problems and keep your marriage aflame and alive and adopt it.

 

4) Improve your communication:- Many marriages have failed because there is no strong communication and many can be saved if couples can improve in their communication skills

 

The main reason for poor communication is due to the state of emotional connection between the two.

When there is a good connection, communication flows well, but the opposite happened when there is a disconnect.

 

So to improve your communication, look at your emotions and check if all is okay and then try improving it if need be.

 

Almost every couple has these communication problems, but healthy couples try hard to solve theirs.
If your relationship fails to the category I described earlier then you should learn the best way to increase communicate effectively, let that be your priorities.

 

Though it is may not be that easy, but there are few tips that will help you.
– Learn to listen carefully.
– Learn how to encourage.
– Remove all distractions
– Empathize

If you put all I’ve mentioned above in place during your conversation, then you are having a wonderful communication.

 

5) Build trust in your end:– In marriage, trust plays an important part. No relationship can stand without trust no matter the type of love both have.

Trust can be seen as glue that holds things together.

The absence of trust is fear and Bible said that “Fear has torment”
That simply means your relationship will be tormented without trust.

 

Trusting your spouse means you believe, rely, you can vouch for him/ her, have confidence and you feel secured with them.

 

Therefore to improve your relationship, you should try everything to build trust from your part, which is making your partner trust you again.

If your partner can say “yes my spouse can’t do such a thing” then you’ve go to start building trust again.

Trust me it is not a rocket science to build trust, although it won’t be a day or months thing, but if you start today, then you will start seeing the effect in near future.
The fact is that you are ignorant of how to start the journey, but am here to help.

Here are few checklists to take.

– Discover where you breached the trust and make amend.
– Forgive yourself first.
– Apologize
– Start being transparent in all your doings.
– communicate openly

Finally: – When you put all these I mentioned into practice, you will find out how easy it is to improve your marriage and make it better than what it has always been.
If this post helps to solve your problems, please share it with your friends.
I am still your friend
Murphyaik.
See you at the top.

5 Ways you are unknowingly making your wife loose interest in your marriage

unhappy woman, wife loosing interest in marriageYou made vows at the alter that you will love our wive till death do you part, and you know pretty well you are keeping our promises.

You haven’t for once use an I’ll word, or spoken too harshly or become rude to her since you got married to her many years ago.

Now you can’t tell why your wife is not happy with you and your marriage.

Lately, you realized that-

She doesn’t want to talk with you again.

Healthy family thrives on good conversation and crumbles without it. If your conversation with your wife has become a routine and just about how to take care of the children, then it may be heading to a fall.

No interest in having sex with you anymore :- Sex is always a strong binding factor between husband and wife, but lately, your wife loosing enthusiasm for having sex with you: that may be a clear indication of a big problem to come.

 

You can see how to Ignite passion into your marriage from this great book by a well know writer titled Ignite your Marriage again

 

If you have noticed all these in your marriage and you are still not sure what is the reason, then here are 5 ways you are unknowingly making your wife loose interest in your marriage.

This post is just to give you glimpse of those attitude that destroys relationships fast, so you can avoid them

You can also read

1) 10 Important mistakes to avoid in your Marriage

2) 11 Subtle Marriage Killers

3) 15 Highly Neglected Treats to any Marriage

 

5 Ways you are unknowingly making your wife loose interest in your marriage.

 

 

1) You compare her with other women :- Comparing your wife with other women shows her you value them more than she, and you are making her lose self confidence. The fact that you stood before God and choose her as your companion, means that you chose everything about her – her temperance, her habits, her ugliness and her beauty etc.

 

There will always be people around who have qualities your wife doesn’t have but understand that she is unique in her own way.

 

And don’t be quick to say that the other woman is better that your wife, because you never know what the husband is going through inside because of her, also when you admire the other woman’s beauty, then try and make your wife beautiful too.

 

 

2) So many promises and no fulfillment :- Trust is usually developed through those series of little positive practices.

When there is a consistent good behavior in relationship , faith is built, but when promises are not fulfilled trust is broken / breached.

No promise is small to be made without plans to fulfilling it.
When you said “I will call you “, ” you will See Me in the 25minutes” and you failed, of course the world will not come to an end, but it is affecting your relationship.

A time will come when your wife will not take any of your words seriously. you know what that means.

 

3) Inability to provide for her:- Every husband is the bread winner of every home, that means it is his responsibility to provide those family needs whether the wife works or not.
It is your responsibility to take care of your partner and your children, even if it entails you do extra jobs to make it happen then do it.

 

 

4) You value other things before her:- What are your priorities? Your phone, your business, your job, or your children. If those things matters to you more than your wife, you are making a great mistake.

Very early in the morning you are off to work and you never remember to call your better-half and know how she is fairing until when you are back in the evening: even when you are back at home, you are either pressing your smartphone, or checking your email on your computer.
I am also a victim to that.

My Wife told on several occasions that all my attention had shifted to my gadgets and not her anymore, How sad.

The fact is that your wife will always want to know if you still love her and when she is not seeing that from you anymore longer, she will feel dejected and many will seek those attention from outside.

 

5) You are a boss and not a husband anymore :- What are you to your partner? a husband or a boss:

A husband takes care of his wife, and he is always there for her. He is not a dictator who wants everything he said to be carried out to the last and he is also there to fill his wives depleting emotions.

If you are a boss husband, then your are not a soul mate but a dictator.
It is true that men are created to be the head and wives are asked to submit, however, she is not meant to be under you as her boss but a husband.

 

What Really Does It take to Plan a Fabulous Wedding on a Budget

fabulous wedding,wedding on budgetWhenever you attend a wedding ceremony or pick up a wedding magazine, you’ll almost want to call off your own planning, because what you saw will make you think you have to break a bank to have something like that.

Really spending billions of money for a wedding it is not a big deal to those that have it. But if you cannot afford it, then it is time to look for an alternative.

If what you desire is to have a fabulous and yet cost effective wedding, then this post is for you, because I will show you step by step on how to do just that in a minute.

A wedding day is always a great and happiest day for every couple, and so there’s need to be pretty creative in your planning so as to get a great wedding without exceeding your budget.

Though I know the fact that you want have an amazing event, after all it is one of the happiest day of your life, but you simply should not go bankrupt because of it.

This post is just to guide your steps into how you can save cost and still have your dream wedding.

If you are ready, then let’s ride on.

 

                           fabulous wedding, wedding on budget

 

 

                                         HOW TO HAVE A FABULOUS WEDDING ON A BUDGET

 

1) Have a budget: – It doesn’t matter how much you have to throw around for your wedding, if you don’t have careful planning, money saving tricks and a budget, you will definitely spend more than you want.

But believe me when I told you that you can have a perfect wedding on any budget you have
Your first step should be to have an agreement between you and your partner about the type of wedding you want.

 

Is it a picnic party with few friends, Or do state wedding with all your friends? There are different types of wedding out there.

Decide on the overall feel you desire for the wedding- the look, the people, the emotions- everything that will add color to it.

I implore you to imagine those weddings you’ve attended before, can you figure them out and describe them in just one word.

From there you can have idea of what you actually want. Would it be a little step higher than your cousins wedding you attended last time or lower?
After deciding,
Now it’s time to sit down with your spouse and figure out how much you want to and willing to spend.

Find and affordable venue, and then decide on the numbers of people you want to invite.
It will not cost you anything to make a budget, but it will help you prioritized on what’s more important for your celebration and how to get then cheap.

 

wedding venue,fabulous wedding,wedding on budget2) Venue: Choosing a good venue can cost you a lot. Simply put, one big area to save money during wedding is from the venue.

A wedding venue means different things to different people, but most people see it as a place for reception, and for ceremony.

Venue selection is actually one of the first things to do when you are planning for the big day; all other planning depends on that.

To choose a good venue on budget, here are few steps to take.

Avoid getting married on Saturday:- Everyone know Saturday as the most common day for wedding, and trust me it is convenient, and most people are used to it.

Because of that, it has become the most expensive day to get married. If you decide to choose the weekdays, you can get close to 50% discount.

Although choosing a less popular date will prevent most of your guests from coming, but your closer friends and family may attend.

3) Forget the Big City: – Venues are priced higher in the cities and so look for anyone that is outside the city to get a good deal.

Negotiate well: – Get offer from different venues and use what you get for your advantage, and remember not to tell them it’s for wedding until you get a good price quotation.

Make you reception small, and plan an after wedding party: – You can decide to have a low key reception with your close friends and family and maybe have a party after your honey moon.

You will save a lot of money if you do it like that.
Ask a friend: – If you know any of your friends that have a very big backyard, you can ask to use it for your reception.

happy wedding,fabulous wedding4) Videographer and photographer:- It is true the cost for a video coverage and photography will not be compared to other things, but you can still cut something reasonable that can make up for other things.

Yes you need a clear reminder of every emotion and moments of the day, but hiring a professional may be expensive.

Consider using someone that’s just starting up in their career or someone that shoots occasions for part time.

5) Cut down your guest List: – Although you have so many friends and relatives, and you may be tempted to include all of them in your guest list, but that may not be a good idea.

Remember that any additional name into your list means additional cost.

Many people do fall into this trap; we make our list large to the extent that we invite people we don’t know too well, because we felt obligated to that.

However, if you really want save more and still have a fabulous wedding ceremony, then start cutting down your list by 25%.

6) Involve friends and family in the planning:– Including your family and friends during your wedding planning could be the best decision you make: Two heads they say is better than one, the ideas you can get from them can go a long way in helping you plan a successful and yet on a budget wedding.

Example- They may advice you on where to get some cheap deals, some good gifts and may be nice venue for very cheap price.

7) Do some things by yourself:- One of the things that takes a lot of money during wedding planning is the invitation card; am not talking about the distribution, but the printing.
My sincere advice is that you should use a simpler method (e-invite). It is such a simple and fast means of reaching your contact,

All you’ll do is to write a letter and forward it to your contacts through mail.
It will help you cut some costs.

7) Forget about impressing anybody:- “Your wedding is not about your wedding but about your marriage”. From my observations, people’s motivation when planning their wedding is about impressing others and make them believe they are capable; Remember you still have a life to live after the wedding.

If you spend all you have to plan your wedding because you want to impress your friends, because you want the occasion to be like that of your friends, then what happens when the wedding is over and you don’t have means of making ends meet?

Final thoughts: There’s a life to live after your wedding; if you plan to use all you have to plan your wedding, what happens after that.
But, you don’t really have to use all you have; Use these simple Ideas I listed in this post and you can still have a fabulous wedding without going bankrupt.

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