Parenting skills: How to comfortably raise matured and responsible children

A lot has been written about how husband and wife can make their marriage successful in happy marriage builder’s blog.

Today, having in mind that these wonderful couples have children, or will one day have children, I have decided to share some important tips that will help parents raise matured and responsible children without passing through so much stress.

 

You and I knows too well that parenting isn’t a child’s play, it is a very though practices, and any mistake you make in the beginning can take several years to heal, and I don’t want you to make these mistake other parent made as well.

 

In this post, I will share with you about how to

– create “loving authority” in your home.

– Create an atmosphere that wills engenders harmony instead of criticism, bickering or chaos in your family.

– Learn how to make your children understand their personal responsibilities.

– How to enforce discipline and set limits without being “heavy-handed”.

– And how you can creatively resolve conflicts and disagreements

 

If you have read to this point, then I am sure you are very interested in raising good children.

 

And so let’s get down to business.

 

                                            train your child well

 

 

                                                    HOW TO RAISE MATURED AND RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN.

 

First thing first.

 

 

It all starts with the foundation; from the very first day the child was born is the best time to channel his / her attention to what you want him or her to be in future.

 

Mahatma Ghandi of India said in his quotes that “The future depends on what you did today” and it’s just as simple as that.

 

 

The bible also said in the book of Psalm 22 “Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

You teach your child to be whatever you want him or her to be right from the early days. Correct them when they make mistakes and don’t pamper them.

 

Some parents are good at pampering their children: it is good to love your child or children, but don’t pamper him to the point of spoiling him, if you do, then you are creating problems for yourself in the future.

 

I know it well that raising children is in the hands of God, but God gave those children to you to take care of, and you will be answerable to Him for how you raise them here on earth.

 

Start early and show them the part that’s worth treading showing examples with yourselves as the parents.

 

Children learn very fast, and they look up to you the parents to know which is right or wrong and believe me when I told you that whatever they see you do is good.

 

And so when you tell lies in their presence, when they grow up, they will also tell lies without fear and at that time, you’ll be wondering where they learn from.

 

For example; When you look at most of the broken homes closely, you will find out that their parents didn’t live together; it is not magic, it’s a proving fact.

 

According to Paul Amato a sociologist from university of Pennsylvania in his book called “Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages”.

 

He quoted that “every family structure transition a child experiences in his or her family of origin cumulatively increases the likelihood of negative outcomes for that child’.

 

Did you see why it’s imperative to do everything right as you train then, remembering that they are following your foot steps as the parents.

 

However, if you have failed at that early stage, there are things you can still do to train and make your children responsible children and I am going to share them with you here in the next 5 minutes.

 

From research, there are 4 styles of parenting and it’s important to know which you belong, as well as which is more effective way of raising good children.

 

These four classes of parenting were created by Diane Baumrind in 1960, and since then it has become a more referenced parenting categories.

 

They are :  =))

–   The permissive style:- in this type of parenting, the parents are  usually so loving to their kids and so let their children do whatever they want without offering any guidance or direction.

 

They do not expect more matured behaviors from their children and they most likely want their children see them as friends instead of parents.

 

They instead of seeking to know their children’s every move, they lax and often try to force rules or structure on their children.

 

Like I earlier said, they are very loving to their children and so they do not bother so much as to control or even discipline them.

 

This is the reason most children raised by the permissive parents lacks self control and self regulation.

 

One good fact to note about permissive parents is that they are not bad parents at all; they are nurturing, loving and do things for their children without looking back at all.

 

Their lives are so centered around their children, but in doing these; they neglect the “Teaching” which is also the more vital part of parenting. Even when they set rules, they are inconsistent in enforcing it.

 

Sometimes also they resolve to bribing or rewarding their children to make then do certain things.

 

This type of parenting is usually not good at all, because when parents set rules and do not enforce it, threatening punishment and don’t carry it out, it gives the children upper hand, and also makes them have the notion that you “never meant what you say”.

 

  • Authoritarian or disciplinarian style of parenting:- This is the type of parenting where parents have high expectations from the children and yet low responsiveness.

 

The parents have many rules and standards set for the children and which they expect them to follow it to the last without mistakes and when they make mistakes they take it more seriously and usually yell or give corporal punishment for it.

 

They usually have many rules in place to help them control the child’s behavior and activities and most of the rules are “arbitrary” and never explained to the children, because they think that the children should know them.

 

If the children fail to adhere to the rules, whether implicit or explicit, they believe they failed out of incompetence or defiance.

 

But could this be the best type of parenting?

 

Let’s see what researcher said about it.

 

According to research by Martin Pinquart,  “Harsh and psychological controls were the biggest predators of worsening behavior problems over time”

 

The kid involved in this type of parenting style usually develop strong “externalizing behavior” later as the day goes and they are more likely to be bullies, and also find it hard to fend for themselves.

 

  • The uninvolved parenting:-  These are the neglectful parents who makes few or no demands of their children.

 

They have little involvement emotionally with their children.

Actually, they do everything they should to provide the basic needs like shelter and food for their children, but they are completely impassive about how the child lives.

 

This type of parenting is so detrimental to the child’s emotional well-being and growth.

 

According to studies, children raised by neglectful parents becomes social “recluses” when the grow up and they never do well in school and are prone to mental ailments such as depression as well as fall victim of substance abuse and bullying.

 

And finally is the

 

  • Authoritative parenting:- These are the most responsible, nurturing parents with good and concise expectations for their children.

 

This is also the most beneficial parenting style for children, because the parents have good and frequent communication with the children with every reason properly explained.

 

The big question now is: =}}

 

Which style out of the four described above best described your parenting skills?

 

You are in the best position to answer the question.

 

However, in the beginning, I promised to share with you the best way of parenting that will enable you raise mature and responsible children and I am not joking.

Because you have read to this point, that means you are interested and so let’s move forward.

 

 

Raising matured, and responsible children.

 

If your desire is to raise good children, then you must follow what about one hundred (100) women from ( 20) countries of the world said about parenting.

 

From the analysis, they listed

 

1) Teaching your child life skills for the start:- In today’s high-tech world, it’s important to teach your child life skills on time else they will make a mess up on those “practical life skills”.

 

Start by helping him/ her out, until they learn how to do it alone.

It will be easy for the child to learn faster if you can do it with her cheerfully and without caring much about the mistakes.

A good way to do that is – for instance, you want to teach her how to wash dishes, then take another sponge as you hand the other over to her and wash along with her.

 

Always have in mind that she is still in the learning process so don’t judge her mistakes of you want her to learn.

When you are judgmental, it will make her become defensive as well and things will not work out that way.

 

However, make your child understand that there’s room for mistakes, and that she can always correct the mistakes.

 

If he/ she scatters his school bag and shoe all over the place, pick them up, and then hand it over to him and order him to keep it well, also tell him the importance of cleaning up after every mess.

 

Remember to be kind as you say all that.

 

This training has to continue this way until you he/ she is out of your home.

 

If you continue in a much friendly and positive ways, your child will grow fast and become a credit to you.

 

2) Always be responsive to your child’s needs:- Successful parenting is such that’s neither permissive nor authoritarian, it is the model of parenting that’s good at supporting and caring about the feelings and the un- met needs of the child.

 

Understanding and meeting your child’s needs on time makes them feel secured and less stressed.

 

Neglecting a child’s needs can take many forms like lack of housing, medical care, food, inability to teach him/her the basic personal needs as well as not showing affection and love for him/ her.

 

When a child is neglected, the basic needs are forgotten and not been met by the parents.

Neglecting a child’s need can inflict a permanent scars on his well being and self esteem.

 

When he is left alone without support and one and one time with the parents, they tend to have so many unmet emotional needs.

 

They are also not told the importance of moral values, respect for others as well as for himself.

 

I therefore implore you to make spending time with your children a priority and then try to understand what their needs are and then meet them.

 

Remember, successful parenting is all about being the parents and not the friend of the child.

 

If you allow your child to meet their own needs, they grow up to become sullen and angry.

 

So no matter how busy you are, take good care of your child.

 

 

 

3) Learn how to cooperate and talk with child:- Learning how to cooperate and talk with your child is one of the pleasurable part of parenting.

 

Parenting becomes more interesting when a good parent – child relationship exist.

Of course we know that good communication is vital to building mutual respect and self- esteem.

 

One of the skills of good communication with your child is to give good listening ears to him or her.

 

As they go through their day, they experience so many frustrations and exhilaration.

 

Often times the activities of you own day may not give you rooms to know about emotions.

 

However, one way to help them is to learn how to make them relax, and listening to them is the only way to know their disappointment and frustration.

 

Good communication with your child improves bond with them and makes then listen to you too.

 

Here is few check list of how to improve communication with your child.

– Have time for conversation with your child

– Discuss about your days

– Be open to talk about your feelings, joys, fears and frustration with him.

– Know his/ her body language.

– Work as a team in solving his problems.

 

4) Be firm, but loving in discipline the child: – It is the parent duty to discipline their child, however, the attitude and manner you disciplines the child will determine your level of success in achieving your goal.

 

Firm discipline mixed with love is what makes a happy, matured and functional child.

 

This simply implies that you must be discipline as parents before you teach your children to be one; let it come natural, let them see the disciplined parents and they will emulate from you.

 

Most often, it looks like parents and their children are in cold wars of “wills”; the child has developed strong resistance to the parents wills and the parents are bent on pushing their grounds to establish their wills.

 

Naturally, it is every child’s nature to push boundaries and to know where they will get with it

.

Yes they like to test their limits, they like to know what’s acceptable in the society and that makes them become though and immune to punishments.

 

But you don’t have to yell, humiliate to discipline him.

 

Adopting authoritative method of parenting will give you the rooms to set boundaries for your children as well as use a loving and worm manner to make it acceptable to them.

 

Authoritative parenting creates a sustainable developmental outcome, because while the parents set the boundaries, they also open up “dialogue “among the family members.

This makes the children understand that you don’t only make them do what you want, but that you considered their opinions too.

 

 

Abuse: Five seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage

abuse in marriage, abusive marriageYour dreams were to get married someday and be happy with your spouse and your children, but, what you are currently seeing is completely far beyond your dreams. Your happy ever after dreams is now a mirage to you.

 

What makes you cry mostly is that the hurts are coming from the same person that promised to love and take care of your well-being.

 

You are not alone :=))

According to National Coalition against Domestic Violence, “A woman is assaulted or beaten every 9 seconds in America.

 

And a research in Nigeria also shows that 25 percent of women go through ordeal of domestic abuse and violence.

 

That’s true.

 

However, this day, not only women are abuse; men also fall victim of abuse.

 

From this book Ignite your marriage, you will learn ways to go through all the storms in your relationship.

 

 

In this post, you will understand 5 interesting ways to approach abuse in your marriage.

 

Here are few ways domestic abuse and violence starts

 

  • Abusive behavior usually starts when your partner tried to have and maintain control over you.

 

  • All your partner wants is to intimidate you, wear you down and keep you lying low under his thumb, using guilt, fear and shame, sometimes also he will inflict hurts on you and also threaten to hurt anyone around you.

 

Simply put, abuse is all about and power, and it normally comes in 3 different forms

 

1) Emotional Abuse:- This happens when your spouse always try to manipulate your emotions.

It usually don’t leave a scar on you, however, it can create a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence.

It is not always understood in the beginning, but when you partner always –

  • Saying things to always frighten you.
  • Swear or call you names
  • Crosses your boundaries repeatedly.
  • Monitors your whereabouts and times.
  • And constantly point out your flaws.

 

Then you know you are experiencing emotional abuse.

 

2) Verbal abuse: – This is one of the most common abuse in our society now. It occurs when your partner takes time to shout, curse, degrade, belittle, insult or accuse you.

 

It’s also the wheel that drives the other forms of abuse, because once your partner abused you with words, he/ she can likely move to another level of abuse.

And finally the

 

3) Physical abuse:- This occurs when your partner uses physical violence against you.

As I earlier said, abuse usually breeds from verbal and emotional violence and then progresses to physical actions.

 

Causes of abuse in marriage

Research has shown that there is no specific cause for abuse in marriage.

It is neither caused by loss of control, anger, provocation, not mentally health issues.

 

It is just a choice made by someone and so when your partner tried to blame it on something else, he/she is simply trying to justify his/her behaviors’.

 

Again, most times whenever abuse is mentioned in relationships, we believe it is only a woman that’s abused.

 

Men are also abused, beaten and battered by their wives.

 

So if you are a man in an abusive relationship, then understand that you are not alone.

Thousands of men from different works of life have gone through and are still experiencing it as am writing this.

 

But men are physically stronger than women do how can he be abused you may ask!

 

Sure men are strong physically, but how do you describe it when a woman spits, bites, throw things, destroys possession or even attach a man while he is asleep just to make up for a little quarrel?

 

This post is just to help you understand what you can do, if you are abused and battered in your marriage.

 

Here are things you can do to stop the violence.

 

therapist, marriage happiness

 

 

5 seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage.

 

  • Decide and take actions:- if you are in an abusive relationship, then never try to excuse or explain the behavior, neither blame yourself for anything.

 

Of course

You are the one wearing the shoes so you understand properly whether to endure the pains or throw in the towel.

No one out there can help, if not you.

 

You will agree with me that no type of abuse is better than the other so the first thing to do in changing the situation is to be truthful to yourself and accept that you are in an abusive marriage and be quick in doing whatever you think is best to make you free from the abusive situation.

 

Though it will not be that easy, because sometimes you are so frightening, or you still believe things will be better in the future.

 

It’s even harder when you are being isolated from your friends and families.

 

However, if you are still trying to make up your mind to stay or leave, here are few steps to take for your safety.

  • Know the safe places in your house:- It’s important you know which area of your house where you can run to when he/she starts.

 

  • Identify his/her red moments:- Always be fast to know when he starts getting angry and seek a good reason to leave the house.

 

  • Be ready for any Emergency escape:- Always be sure there’s fuel in the car, have spare key to the next door, and keep emergency money to enable you disappear when the madness starts.

 

It is up-to you now to know what to do starting now.

 

2) Understand that you can’t change an abuser:- It is not your responsibility to make your abusive partner know that he/she is hurting you.

 

Even if you try all you can, you’ll not succeed.

Abusers never change when they receive your compassion; they only change by learning to “act with compassion”.

And so if you wish to stay forever hoping that one day he/she will change, then you are only hurting yourself.

 

However never overlook how much pain he/she inflicts on you.

 

It is not that interesting to be with someone who can’t show any respect to you.

 

3) Seek professional Help:-  If you are a victim of an abusive relationship and you have exhausted your power of trying to manage the process all by yourself,  then seeking to employ the services of a profession helper To Help you out.

 

There are people like the therapist or psychologist who are specially trained to help out in certain conditions, and your collaborating with them may be a quick help in solving your problems.

 

The work of a good therapist or psychologist will go a long way in helping you through the emotional aspects of the abuse.

 

In my article HOW TO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST,  you will discover how you can get a good and qualified therapist to work with in every condition.

 

You can also search the internet for other helps that are available for an abused or battered partner.

 

4) Never fight back:- All the abuser are good manipulators and they are ready to provoke to the point of making you almost go mad, and at the same time they will want to blame you for everything.

 

My advice to you is to hold yourself strong and never try to fight back no matter the intensity of the insult.

I know it may not be easy for you to do, but remember all those things are well set out traps for you and at last, you may be the one bearing all the blames at last.

 

So let him/her go ahead and shout at you: all you should do is to control yourself and just walk away.

 

5) Reach out to others:- Try and establish a good relationship with as many family and friends you can.

It is true many abusers will want to cut you off from people, but they may sometimes forget some others.

 

Try and build relationships with them and let them know what’s going on with you and your partner to whenever they don’t hear from you they will understand.

 

Also have a coded text massage or words they understand very well.

Any time your abusive partner starts his/her madness, secretly forward the massage to them, that will make them know you are un trouble.

 

Finally, understand that abusers a not normal,  and so take good precautions for any action you want to take.

 

Make sure you plan yourself properly and finally understand that leaving the abusive relationship is the best solution as your life is more important that hoping for things to get better.

 

 

 

Save your marriage 5 unique ways to detoxify your marriage

save your marriage, detoxify your marriage,make your marriage happyYou can still make your marriage successful again. It doesn’t matter how bad you think it is.

I have seen an unhappy marriage became happy again and a failed marriage coming back to life again and so there’s no need of throwing in the towel or quitting now.

This post will teach you how to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger than it was before.

These day, people talk so much about detoxification of the body system, and cleansing the body of some impurities, it’s about getting rid of those things that are not needed by the body system in other to making one’s body perfect normally.

Now it’s possible too to detoxify your marriage of all the contamination like reducing conflict and tensions, this will help your relationship stand firm again, the way it used to be at the early time of your marriage.

 

If that is what you really want to know, then follow me closely as I will reveal it to you in 5 minutes.

 

5 Ways to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger again.

controlling spose, shout at your spouse

 

1) Stop being controlling:- Being control is one habit that destroys any relationship fast, it usually come with the mindset of ” I am helping him or her” We.

You believed you will help your wife, your husband be a better person, learn table manner and etc.

However, within sometimes you starts feeling superior, because it’s in your consciousness that you know better than your spouse.

To you alone, you are only helping out, but to your spouse you are controlling.

If you want a better relationship then stop it now.

 

make your marriage stronger

 

 

2) Recommit yourself:- A time comes in a long time relationship when couples see themselves poling apart with great speed.

They may be eating from the same plate, sleeping in the same bed and under one roof and yet they live differently.

If that sounds like your marriage, then there’s need to recommit yourselves back with your marriage.

The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and identify those unsettled matters and treat it properly and then look for those sacrifices you should make for your relationship to get back up again.

Make your marriage a priority and start investing more time, you will definitely see changes in due time.

 

respect your spouse

 

3) Respect each other:- Mutual respect is a can’t do without in any relationship.

Of course while mutual respect alone can’t make a marriage work yet no marriage can thrive well without it.

It simply means treating your spouse well, and in a more courteous way, it means you are not talking to each other respectfully, it means you respect and consider the views of your better half as also important.

 

Trying everything you can to make your partner feel respected will surely add a new color to your relationship.

Everyone will feel secured and loved.

If you are not sure of how to make him/her feel respected, here are few tips:=))

– Never shout at him or her.
– Support his/her dreams.
– Always be on time.
– Be conscious of his or her needs.
– Be appreciative and complement always.

If you want your marriage to be happy again, then keep your ego by the side and show some respect.

good communication in marriage

 

4) Get back communication:- Communication is vital for the success of any marriage. According to his research, Dr John Guttman, a famous research on marriage, he said he could guess if a couple is heading to divorce by observing the way they interact during conflicts or any issues.

See how you can improve your communication skills

Also from yourtango.com a lifestyle lifestyle website after a survey by 1000 professor, observed that poor communication ranks number with ( 65 percent) as the reasons marriages fail and couples inability to settle their conflicts ranks ( 45 percent).

From the same survey, it was also discovered that both husbands and wives have different communication complaints.

Mostly, women complain about their husbands failures in validating their feelings or opinions,
Then men complain more about their wives nagging.

Obviously, communication is the pivot that pulls every other aspects of the marriage so learn to communicate effectively.

If you love someone and you didn’t let him or her know, then you are not doing yourself or the party good.

However, if your communication skills are ineffective, then learn it and improve your relationship.

 

wrong parenting skills

 

5) Do your parenting as a team:- To detox your marriage, you must learn to parent your children as a team.

Some children are so confused about what they see and hear from their parents when there is a great odd between the two parents.

 

When there is difference in the opinion among the couples about what is good or bad for the children, it tells on the children.

To make things work, there’s every need to work as a team.

 

Finally:- Do anything you can to detox your marriage of anything that will bring disaster in the future.

This post will help you so much, as I have shared about 5 unique ways to do the detoxification of your relationship.

 

Take your time to read the post carefully and put those points written to action.

 

I am still your friend murphyaik

See you at the top.

 

How to genuinely attract that perfect man and make him fall head over heels in love with you.

How to attract any man. how to make a man love youIf you are tired of waiting for that man, if you are sick of being single and you are not sure if you will ever get married the next 5 years, then I have good news for you.

 

This post is all about holding you by hand and showing you how you can genuinely attract that perfect man and also make him fall head over heels in love with you.

 

At the end of it all, you’ll discover the secrets that will make you get into any man’s head and initiate that marriage proposals you’ve been dreaming of.

Imagine becoming irresistible to any man =))
If this is exactly what you want to achieve, then let’s get down to business.

The fact is that =))

All your dreams to meet and get married to the man of your dreams has landed you into so many troubles.

You have fallen to the hands of cheaters, playboys, and you have been through so much disappointments and heart breaks.

However, after reading this post, you will know that the power to get married is all in your hand.

You will be able to tell when a man is ready to settle down and how to make him want to, even if it’s not in his plan.

 

Before we get down to our business of the day, let’s learn a little about men.

Who are they? What are the things that make them the men they are called? And how would you know if a man is thinking about settling down?

 

All these are important, because until a man is really ready to marry, he can never ask you to marry him no matter what you do to lure him.

You can never succeed in getting any man commit to you if you are ignorant of his makeups. Know the things that motivates and drive him and how he loved you.

forget about your plans to change him when you get into the relationship. It absolutely will not work, consider that the greatest mistake you’ll make in life.

What I want to let you understand here is that there are three important things that is of great importance to any man, and that determines if he will ready to settle down:

They are

1) Who he actually is.
2) What he does.
3) And how much they earn.

All these will occupy every man’s mind and give him no room for any thoughts about settling down, and unless those three things are settled in his mind.

Of course he may not have the whole things down, but immediately he finds out that his dreams are taking shape, and that he is capable of taking care of his family, then that’s when he starts thinking about you.

Now you know what drives a man, and certainly you can win any man of your choice. Isn’t it?

Here is how. = ))

 

make any man fall in love with you, make any man want to marry you– Be completely irresistible to any man:– This is a trick many girls have not tried before, but frankly speaking, if you know how to make a man beg for it, then you’ve got to have any man at your fingertips.

 

I said this because I know that being irresistible will

a) Make him want to travel from a far place just to see you again.
b) Will make him wanna call you every minute.
c) Will make him beg you to go and meet his parents and above all
d) Get to his kneel to beg you to marry him.

 

It doesn’t matter how you look or how you are dressed, you need to be the woman you are right from the inside.

Do you really want to be wanted by every men?
Here is what to do
Be confident of yourself:– Helen Rowland said in his quote that ” The woman who appeals to a mans vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination that gets him”.

 

Confidence is one of the qualities men don’t joke with when they find it in women.

A confident woman never seeks approval to do anything she wants.

They love to be themselves and know what they worth and are also confidence that she can get whatever they want in life.

If these qualities I mentioned are not in you, then you have to work on your low esteem to increase it.

– Be original :- Quote “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it”.
Bruce Lee

Be who you are always and do not pretend to be who you are not created to be.

 

If you are the type of girl that believes you have to look like Princes Diana, or you prefer dressing in a particular way just to draw men’s attention to yourself, then you are not doing yourself any good.

Men likes it when you are proud of you are, I don’t mean being arrogant, but you are proud of your look.

Learn to express and respect yourself, because no man will respect you if you don’t have respect for yourself.

– Always be a mystery:- It‘s always tempting to divulge everything about you to that man, after all he is your would be husband. But wait ! Do you know that men respects you more when they take time to understand you and what you are made of?

And so to create a spark into that man’s curiosity about who you are, don’t tell everything about you, allow him to do the findings all by himself.

make every man fall in love with you– Be available and easy to be with:- It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, if you don’t make yourself available and easy to be with, men will run away from you.

 

All men wants an easy and pleasant life and so sometimes playing hard to get works, but frankly speaking men don’t like drama queen.

 

2 Be mature Emotionally:- Quote ” The Criteria of Emotional Maturity: The ability to deal constructively with reality The capacity to adapt to change A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness The capacity to sublimate, to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets The capacity to love”.

William C. Menninger.

 

If you are the type of the woman that lies to have her way in everything, you shout almost at every and you don’t mind crying until you are not mature emotionally.

Truly you are matured in age, but to be matured emotionally comes with experience.

Emotional maturity implies that you have the capacity to manage and control the intensity of your emotions.

You know yourself so well that even when your man says or does things that triggers despair in you, then you are still calm, however, that doesn’t mean you’ll swallow everything, both the ones you like and don’t like you like, but you always look for the better ways to settle everything.

 

If you understand the process of managing your emotions well, every man that comes your way will definitely see you as an amazing girl to be with..

3 Set a standard and have a requirements:– If you are in marriage market and you don’t know what you want, then you are setting yourself as a playground for men.

 

You should build a fence for yourself by getting your standards up, that not every dick and harry can have his ways with you and get away with it.

 

Let them know that you are not as cheap as other girls.

You should always have in your consciousness that whenever any man succeeds in tricking you, then it was you that gave him the opportunity to do that.

 

Men hangs around women for just these two reasons.

a) To get married to you
b) To use you and dump you.
If he succeeds or fail, that depends on you.

 

The good thing about this is that we men are very simple people, if you tell us what what to do, we will not fail to do it especially if its to our benefits..

Men pursues a girl to know if she is cheap, and when they find you cheap, they just treat you like the other cheap girl.

 

However, if you let them know what qualities you are made of, then they will decided if they will stick around or take to their heels..

 

be every man's dream4 Take good care of yourself:- learn how to look your best at all times. Every man hopes to get marriage any time, however not to every type of women.

 

They want to marry a girl who knows how to take good care of herself. Remember the way you look is how you’ll be addressed.

 

So look good all the time, dress properly and make that man desire to marry you.

 

If it’s your desire to get married to the man of your choice, then you have to stand up to your feet and do the necessary things and then wait for them to come running to you.

 

I have taken my time to write on those steps you should take in this post.
It may not be all easy, but doing what is needful will help you achieved whatever you want.

 

Remember, if you continue doing things the same ways, you will continue getting the same results.

 

Read this post carefully and take actions where necessary and always be expectant of good results.

 

I am still your friend ikenna Uchegbu ( murphyaik)

See yo at the Top

How to successfully Create your Soulmate from your current spouse

happy marriage, soul mateAll marriages are not created equal, while some pass through a tough hurdle and remain strong, most others dies off when there’s a little challenge .

 

The difference between the two marriages is just the ability to take a little step further in building a stronger relationship with your partner.

 

In this post, I will show you how to build a tight bond in your marriage and how you can successfully create your soul mate with your current spouse.

So many couples have longed to get to this level in their marriage and never did.

 

But in this post you will see how to get there.

 

Who or what is a soul mate?

 

The Wikipedia describes a soul mate as a person with whom someone has a deep or natural affinity, which may involve similarly, love, connection, intimacy, sexuality, trust as well as compatibility.

 

I love how the American writer Richard Bach described it.

He said that  “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”

 

He is simply letting us know that having a soul mate as your better half is far more interesting that having a life partner.

Here is why he said this:

 

A soul mate will come into your life to enrich it greatly, encourage you to be the best you can, and do whatever is needful to take you to the highest stages of life.

 

That’s the type of spouse you want isn’t it.

 

Granted you can create a soul mate out of your partner by doing the things I will share in this post.

Here they are : ))

How to successfully create your soul with your current spouse.

 

It begins with Increasing the emotional intimacy of your relationship:-

Wikipedia describes emotional intimacy ” Emotional intimacy is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another, much like physical intimacy . … Affect, emotion and feeling may refer to different phenomena.

 

To me, Emotional intimacy means a level of closeness that exists between two people that they feel secured and and completely home with each other.

 

This level of closeness don’t just happen, it develops gradually till it stands.

 

And it requires a continuous learning about each other daily and doing whatever is needed to make each other happy.

It’s important in all marriages, in fact no couple can do without it, if they want to stay happy and remain married for a longer time.

 

Nothing kills a marriage than emotional distance.

So if you feel there’s no closeness again, you need to do something now.

Question is: =))

How do you increase this emotional intimacy in your own relationship.

Here’s How : – ))

– Spend more time together:- One of the ways you can prevent your marriage from failing is to spend more time together.

It is not about the duration of time spent that matters, but the quality of time spent.

In one of my posts 15 minutes a day just to improve your relationship,

I shared how you can achieve a lot by spending just 15 minute with your spouse.

Research show that most marriages fails because couples lacks connection.

It is only through spending time together that husband and wife has time to discuss about the ways forward to their family.

If you have not been spending time together, then it’s time to start is.Refer to my book for more guidance.

 

Recognize your time apart also: In as much as you should spend time together, it’s also important to spend time apart from each other.

 

You will agree with me that too much time together sometime makes you feel a kind of suffocated that you’ll find yourself craving for just a little moment to find air again.

 

Times apart gives every partner the time to pursue his/ her personal interests, maintain the individual identify, gives you opportunity to miss each other once more and more space to pursue and achieve your goals.

 

Although we all have different needs when it comes to the amount of time we desire to spend as couples or apart from each other, but there’s need to learn and respect your different needs and so it is imperative to come together and talk about how to create a balance that will suit the both of you.

soul mate

Maximize Your Similarities,and Appreciate Your Differences:- Another important way of to energize your relationship is to learn to know that you and your partner comes from different parents, states and sometimes different ethnic group, and so there must be other differences.

 

Understanding both the difference and similarities is what will add color to the way you live together.

 

When you were still dating, everything were exciting and new.

At those times, there was no problem when it comes to going another mile to accommodate your spouses mistakes.

 

Sometimes you overlooked so many things too.

 

However, after a long time those feelings starts to wear off.

Your eyes are more open now to see those flaws, those things that didn’t bother you initially are now your greatest headache.

 

But if you want to create a soul mate with your current partner, then I implore you stop now and see what the differences are as well as the similarities.

 

Take another look at the personalities of your better half and yours to know the differences.

 

May be he likes more salt and chilies in the soup and you don’t etc.

Understanding this will help you appreciate both the differences and similarities, as that will help you stop fighting over how difference you are.

I suggest you take a personality test to understand what you both are made of.

Keirsey sorter’s tool found on the internet can be of great help to do that.

The personality test will help you know how you love to exist in this world.

After that, then make a decision to get to a point where you can show respect to your individual differences and find out what works for both of you, and also accept the difference in the personality and cease from condemning your better half’s personality.

Learn to give and receive pleasure :-

Quote on pleasure by voltire

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures”.

Marriage works better when couples understands the act of giving and receiving pleasure.

Understand that it is not a one way thing.

Many couples believe its only the husbands right to give while the wife received love, but that’s not right.

 

When you look closely at any marriage that’s successful, you will discover that both couples take turn in giving and receiving pleasure.

 

Because when you receive pleasure , you are giving your partner the opportunity to give and vice versa, and that brings a balance to sex in marriage.

 

The misconception here is that people think the are yielding to the “culture of narcissism” when they surrender and embrace pleasure. But that’s a lie.

 

Sexual pleasure becomes more excited when we stop worrying about who gives and who received.

If you want to be the receiver, be ready to have the whole of it and don’t for any reason feel selfish.

 

So to increase the sexuality of your marriage, never be afraid to take up the role of the giver and also give it freely don’t withhold anything, while your partner receives with “abandon ”
However, always remember that it is better to give than to receive.

 

Having this in your consciousness always will make you want to give always. And if both of you becomes givers, then a full sexual pleasure will be reached easily.

 

I implore you and your partner to talk to yourselves about how to get the best of sexual pleasure.

 

Feel free to tell him/her your sexual hot spots. Don’t be ashamed to ask or tell about yours, and make sure he/she understands.

 

Understanding this principles of giving and taking sexual pleasures will help improve your love life, and also take your marriage from friendship to soul mate level.

 

Finally:– I you really want to make your marriage move from better half level to soul mate, then you have to take your time and work on it by following some points i listed in this post.

Marriage is about daily nurturing, if you fail to do the needful, then you will not get where you want to be.