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Tagged: communication in marriage

happy marriage, communication styles, husband and wife talking, settling disputes

7 Quick wins to get your spouse talking

husband get your spouse talking

One of the questions I get from my subscribers is this “I had a quarrel/ fight with my spouse and he has not been talking to me all the while- What should I do?’ How do I get my spouse talking again?

If you are among those that asked that question and you’ve been wishing to get your spouse talk to you again or listen to you after you had a little argument, then this post is specially written to help you get him talking again.

Some times in every marriage, there tends to be a time where couples quarrel and even fight each other. Unfortunately, that’s inevitable in every relationship.

But that doesn’t mean the marriage has failed, and I don’t think it is peculiar to your marriage either.

It is normal.

It is sincerely a normal and healthy thing when couples disagree or argue in so many things.
Remember both of you are two different people, from different families and sometimes different backgrounds.

So there are bound to be different opinions also. However, one thing you should know is that the way you act after the whole heated moments is what matters the most in making your marriage survive.

Probably, you realized he/she doesn’t want to talk to you again and you are thinking of how to get him to talk.

I have written some quick win steps that will help you do that.

Here is how!

communication in marriage, settling issues

How to make your husband talk to you again after a little fight?

 

1 Take time to ponder on why the fight happened:-

“This is a very important thing to do if your plan is to make peace and calm the situation.

Fights usually come when there is a misunderstanding or when there is an intentional or nonintentional mistake.

But, most times people cannot say for sure that this is what brought the fight, and sometimes also the cause of the issue is known, but no one wants to accept the responsibility.

However, the first step in settling the argument is to take responsibility for the cause of the fight; and to do that, you have to ponder over what actually happened to know what your contribution was, that is when you will have the upper hand in settling the disputes.

 

2 Give your spouse some moments to cool off before talking:-

Actually, during the heated moments, anyone can say anything, but once the words or actions have been done, it has to either destroy or save the other person.

After pondering on the reasons why there was a fight, and you found out you have offended your spouse, and now you feel sorry, then going to him/her immediately will be the worst mistake to make.

That will only make him/her flare up once more.
It is true that you are genuinely sorry about your actions, but the other person needs time too to cool off.

Give him/her that time they needed and then plan well to make your first move.

 

3 Start with saying sorry, and let it come from your heart:-

Saying sorry when you offended your spouse is important, but it is more important when you say it from your heart.

Any time you apologies, to your spouse, he/she is always willing to accept you, especially when he/she believes you are doing that sincerely.

communication in marriage, talking with your spouse

 

You may think this is easier said than done, or impossible, but that is not the issue. If you truly have taken the time and really desire to reconcile with your spouse, what you have to do is to throw away you’re ago from the whole issues and go to him/her with an open heart.

He must accept it when the emotions and heart reflects in your “demeanor and words.

 

4 Always lit your face and pass a little smile when you see your spouse coming:-

Smile has a way of easing tension even when the situation is severe.

Don’t think am asking you to smile like a lunatic or as if you are posing for a selfie, but just to let you know that you must look natural and humble and never allow negativity overshadow you, just be pleased with your face lit up and a little smile; you will definitely make your spouse’s heart meltdown and feel happy to come to the point of settlement.

5 Offer help without being asked:-

There are times when your spouse whom you offended may need help, it may be your opportunity to initiate a conversation, especially when you are there to give the helping hand he/she needed.

But, here is what you must not do: )
Do not go and create the situation so he/she will resort to your help, you may be caught and dealt with because of that.

Remember, that this is not a Hollywood movie scene.

If the situation didn’t come by itself, then look for other ways to be the help.

So be by his side always, the opportunity may present itself to you.

6 Talk to a professional:-

If after the fight you are still finding it hard to see each other eye to eye, it could be that the issues aren’t over in your minds.

In that case, I suggest you look for a professional (someone who knows how to deal with marital challenges).

Seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor can help you know your feelings and how to work through to achieve your goals.

 

7 Communicate effectively: –

There is no doubt that effective communication isn’t the most important way of settling disputes in a relationship.

But to get on the right track with your spouse, it is imperative to communicate effectively and sincerely about how you feel about the issues and conditions at hand.

  1. You must let your spouse know your stand in the matter.

 

Over to you:-

I have shared some important points with you now, which I believe will help you achieve your aim which is to get your spouse talking again with you.
The remaining part of the game is left with you to do. So I implore you to try and see how things will change for the better.

 

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How to improve communication in marriage

happy marriage. communication.listening effectively

 

To have a happy relationship, every couple must know the best ways to improve communication in marriage, because that is the only thing that can make the difference as well determines how quality your relationship/ marriage will be.

 

The foundation of every strong relationship is having good communication with your partner. But marriage starts having problems when there is a breakdown in communication.

 

I have taken some time in this article to show you some effective ways you can improve your communication skills as that will help you enrich your marriage/ relationship.

 

In this article, you will also understand that communication is not just about exchanging information, but more about understanding the reason behind the information and the emotional states of the speaker.

 

You will learn some skills to help you communicate effectively.

 

Now let’s get started …

 

 

Smart Ways To Improve Communication In Marriage

As I have earlier said, you must understand that communication is more than mere changing of information; there is every need to understand the emotions behind it and the intentions of the speaker; that is what makes it effective.

 

When your communication is not getting the results you want for you, then there is a reason to improve on it.

 

The main reason there is an increase in divorce in the world today is the lack of communication. If the couple should, therefore, understand the way to communicate with each other, marriages will be saved.

 

 

Communication in marriage /relationship can be compared with a river; if there is a smooth flow of feelings and thoughts among partners, everything becomes fun, everyone feels good.

 

However, when there is a communication gap, tension builds up and everything starts collapsing, when it eventually comes back, they come in a more dangerous way.

 

What exactly does effective communication in relations look like?

In every strong relationship, partners communicate openly and freely too. They feel secure with each other when sharing some secret thoughts, they comfortably say their mind and feelings when things are not going well, and appreciate it when things start going well again.

 

Both couples avoid using harmful and attaching words on each other, and they listen effectively when the other is talking, they want to understand the emotions behind the discussion.

 

They should always look for the best in every conversation and not waiting for the other to make mistake so there will be trouble; even when there is a little compromise during the conversation, they politely settle it.

 

These are exactly what is seen among happy couples. If you are not seeing it in your own relationship, then this article is for you and you must read it till the end and you will be glad you did, because you will learn how to improve communication in marriage.

 

One thing you must be happy about is that all the communication skills are learnable and you can improve yours when you follow all I will show you here.

 

Let us look at all you will do to improve your communication.

 

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COMMUNICATION HABIT THAT HELPS YOU RELATIONSHIP

To understand this, let us look at the different types of communication in a relationship.

 

Nonverbal Communication:-

This is the type of communication that occurs without the use of words in conveying the meaning. It can happen through the use of body language, facial expressions or gestures. Those none verbal signs give related clues and more information as well as meaning more than spoken words.

 

The communication does not usually stop when you stopped talking, they continue even while you are silent.

 

Sometimes, those words that come out of your mouth and what we actually communicate through the body language are different; when that happens the listener will decide to choose to believe either the verbal or the non-verbal, which is usually a natural and unconscious language that relates our sincere feelings and mind at a given moment.

Use eye contact

Now think of this is a good example of non-verbal communication.

Just think about how many of those relationships you could remember that started with just eye contact between the two inside a train; that shows how effective good wink could be more active than a well-planned “pick up line”.

 

Non-verbal communication:

This encompasses the type of communication that involves the use of words, whether spoken or written.

 

The daily conversation you have with your partner, text messages you sent to your partner, telling him/ her to pick up some provision from the supermarket, the sign you give is all verbal communication.

 

The ability to share our feelings with language that is purely based on an ‘organized system of words” and not an ordinary sound is what makes us a unique species.

 

Whether verbal or non -verbal communication, what you must do is to recognize the type of communication that impacts your marriage; and improve on it for better results.

 

Improve your communication skills.

Good and effective communication is very important in every marriage. If you experience more arguments and chaos in your marriage, then there is a need for improvement in your personal skills, to help your relationship Using these steps.

                           Step One

 

Develop a better listening skill:

Listening means the ability to receive and interpret massage accurately, and that is the key to every effective communication. Poor listening skill brings break down in every communication and when there is a breakdown in communication, the marriage is heading for a serious breakdown.

 

To enhance your listening ability these are how you will behave when your spouse is talking to you.

 

(1) Never interrupt your partner:-

Allow your partner to finish whatever they are saying before you come in. If you find this hard to do, discover a way to always remind yourself to keep calm. Some people will hold their chin as a sign to them not to talk until your spouse finished talking.

 

(2) Concentrate on what your spouse is saying:-

Talking to a person while he is pressing a phone, reading a book, hitting the computer keyboard or looking out of the window is the same thing as hitting a moving target.

 

 

How would you feel? If that is your child, you could command him or her to look at you when you are talking; but you can’t to your lover the same way you talk to your child.

 

It is believed that eye contact is a major ingredient in every communication. Put out every distraction and look straight into your spouse’s eye even when they are not looking at you.

 

(3) Be open-minded:-

Pay attention and forget about judging the other person or criticizing what your spouse is saying mentally. If there is any reason to feel alarmed, go ahead and do that. Never be judgmental as soon as you say to yourself “that was stupid”, then you are proving not to be a good listener.

 

Always have in your mind that your spouse is representing his/her thoughts and feeling with language and since you don’t know what those thoughts and feelings are, it will be impossible for you to understand them when are not listening.

 

(4) Try to understand the emotions behind the conversation:-

In every conversation, there is what your spouse is trying to make you understand. They expect you to show the same feeling through your expressions as you listen.

 

Express happiness when she expects that from you, fearful when that is needed and sadness when she is sad. This will only happen when you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and also make yourself feel what it like to be he/her at that moment.

 

Step Two

Improve on your politeness

Being more polite when you are communicating with your spouse is one habit you must improve on if you want to have a happy marriage.

 

Reasons to improve your politeness

(1) It will help to improve your relationship with your spouse

(2) It will build more respect and good rapport with others.

(3) It will help in building your self- esteem.

(4) It will also help to improve communication in your marriage.

 

Start improving your politeness now

Being polite is all about being very much aware and respecting other people’s feelings. Improving your politeness will also help to improve your relationship, marriage, increase your “self-esteem, confidence”, build rapport and respect and also help you to improve your communication behavior.

 

How to be more polite

Play gentile:- Never be forceful or “insistent”. This simply means you are not always too forward to get an answer to your requests. You do things without pressuring people around you or making them feel pushed around.

 

You may not need to be a quiet, “meek pushover”, but you are playing with calmness.
Let us assume you are talking with your spouse and you have a suggestion or opinion, you can gently throw in your opinion when necessary, but it may be rude when you want to forcefully push her to accept your opinions.

 

 

Always be grateful:-

Learn how to carry yourself gently with a deep sense of calmness, but yet be involved in the “moment”. This will make your spouse feel safe to relate everything in his/her mind to you during communication.

 

Let your responses be appropriate:- Your ability to give good responses during conversation matters a great deal. It shows how polite you are. Let your response be thoughtful. Eliminate insults, sarcasm and never be overly casual. These are keys to a perfect conversation.

Praise or congratulate:-

Learn to give good validations to your partner when there is a need for that during your communication.

 

 

When he or she says something that is good, nod your head in agreement with a little smile on your face. That will ignite more passion to be more open during the conversation.

 

                                            Step 3

                       Develop active listening responses

You can never be an active communicator without having good response-ability. Sincerely the act of listening helps to establish respect and trust, and everybody present during the conversation feels good, but the good responses help to keep the line of communication open.

 

Understanding how to respond to different scenarios in life determined how effective communication will be. It is imperative that everybody leaves the communication ground without feeling threatened, humiliated or feel judged. Everyone must feel free to engage in communication next time.

 

Let it Sync

Every effective response must be in sync with what the speaker is saying; when there is a need to say yes, say yes and no respectively.

 

Your responses must make him or her to move forward or adjust. Many people exhibit their lack of listening responses by their responses, they say yes where no is expected; where he or she is expected to smile or laugh, that will make the conversation to be ineffective.

 

                                    Step 4
Manage conflict effective through communication

Effective listening is one skill in communication that can help in resolving conflicts. It is obvious how little conflict can be ignited from a little action or word and how it could breed destructive behaviors and responses too.

 

When conflict is not resolved properly, it can result in damage or it can destroy marriage or relationship; but conflicts should not be allowed to destroy relationships we struggled hard to build.

 

Developing good communication skills can never serve as a strong key role in resolving your conflicts successfully in your home. This can be achieved through argument navigation.

Learn how to navigate arguments

Understanding the better ways to navigate argument is one communication skill for resolving conflicts you must give thoughts to; this simply means that you know to keep the focus on one issue and never engaging in personal attacks.

 

An effective listening habit like asking questions when you are not clear about the matter and talking less also helps in resolving conflicts properly.

 

Another active communication skill that will help you resolve conflicts properly in your relationship is to address one issue at a time and avoiding multiple topics, whether they are related or not.

 

Never attack the other, and clearly let your spouse know all you are concerned about even if it took you time to pin-point the primary issues. Also, take some time to know and understand all your spouse is trying to talk about also.

 

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, you have understood that learning how to improve communication in marriage should be a priority to all couples because it is one of those keys that helps to strengthen and prioritize our relationship with your spouse.

 

Take time to identify those communication behaviors that can help you improve your relationship; recognize the ones that are placing obstacles in your marriage also.

 

Also, identify the communication attitude within you that needs improvement and start improving on them now.