One common question I get from my subscribers daily is “Why does marriages fail, even when the couples involved were living and were both happy in the begging?
I asked those questions too, especially when it is obvious to me that the marriage have lasted 10- 20 years and above.
Driving from my personal experiences as a marriage instructor, I found out that no couple wants to be married and file for divorce the next moment, and no one of them is happy when they are finally separated.
But, here are some toxic relationship life-style couples usually get stocked on that has the capacity to destroy and relationship.
In this article, I’ll show you that toxic relationship lifestyle and how you’ll stay clear from them to retain happiness in your relationship.
If you are ready for this, then let’s dive in at once.
1 Poor communication: – From the latest survey, it was found out that one trick for stripping divorce /separation lies in how good and effectively you communicate with your spouse.
From the survey, it was also found out that sixty-five % of divorce came from communication while forty-eight % comes from inability to resolve conflicts.
John Gottman a professor and a marriage expert from Washington University after a research identified. These four communication problems to be main reason for divorce.
a Refusal to communicate at all ( stonewalling )
b “Criticizing of partners personality .
All I want to pass across to you this moment is that communication is the bed rock of every successful relationship
A friend of mine said, “if your partner stops talking, start worrying”.
Take a close look at your relationship now and see if all is well about you communication with your spouse, if not, then it’s time to get to work on it.
I have already written on how to communicate effectively, here is the link…..
2 Financial mistakes: – When it comes to relationships, money is always a big threat. The tendency for separation goes high when a partner thinks the other is not spending money rightly.
A lot of studies conducted lately have shown that money is the number one reason most couples fight, quarrel or divorce.
My advice for you is to understand how much you earn as well as how much you have to spend.
Forget about going on an expensive vacation because your Neighbor did or buying costly jewelry for each. Remember you may not stand the stress that will come later as the debts start coming.
3 Comparing one another: – I am a victim of this myself. I have found myself comparing my wife with other women.
Somehow it looked as if it is in our nature to compare. I said that because it is always so easy for us to compare careers, appearance, as well as our marriage.
But, that can destroy your marriage in a flash. It can suck the soul out of your relationship with your spouse, because it only make you to constantly look for those things you don’t have instead of protecting what you already have .
When you compare your spouse, you are only telling your partner that the other person is better than he /she and also depriving yourself the opportunity of building your personal appreciation for the beauty of your relationship.
In a nutshell, understand that comparing your spouse is not healthy. If you think something is missing, then try to make it happen.
4 Abuse:– When couples get stocked in abuse, their marriage is negatively affected.
Whether it’s a verbal or emotional abuse, abuse still remains abuse and can destroy any relationship.
Abuse usually starts when one partner tries to control and dominate the other.
The plan of the abusive spouse is just to use fear, shame guilt and intimidation to beat and hold you down under his /her control.
If you are an abusive partner, it’s time quite because you are silently killing your marriage. Just show some respect and remember that your partner is a human being as well.
5 Expecting so much from your partner: – You are still caught in believing that your spouse is an angel and not a human being, that’s why you think he /she can read your mind.
You expect way too much from him /her. You fail into the trap of desiring your wife/your husband to be and do more thing as the year goes by.
Sometimes you expect him to play the role that can only be played by a friend, but all that can only take a big toll on your relationship.
I implore you to stop it this minute. Dr Karin Anderson an associate professor of psychology at Concord University Chicago said “it just hasn’t happened yet, unrealistic expectations can work against you and quest for love “. He also said that anyone in that category may be sabotaging his love life without knowing it.
Stephanie Coontz in her own explanation said that higher expectations can lead to greater disappointments.
My opinion is that you start from this moment and look for those qualities of your marriage which you can’t see anywhere else and only concentrate in them.
Finally:- If your relationship is of utmost importance to you, then you should try to remove all these I have mentioned in this post from your marriage.
It all depends on how fast you want your relationship to grow, but I implore you to keep keeping on even when all looks bad. Don’t relent, just keep nurturing.
I am still your friend murphyaik
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