Your husband didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a controlling husband, it started gradually and unnoticed, sometimes it looks like your partner is becoming so caring and romantic and sooner it graduated to commands and “increasing control”.
Things were not like this when the relationship started, you are sure you married a charming, intelligent, king and funny man.
Things changed suddenly
He was very sweet to be with and he always knows the right word to use when he wants you to feel special.
He was your dream man, but something happened suddenly,
Initially you thought he was only trying to be a better man, the guy that wants the best to his wife, such that doesn’t hide his feelings and always mean what he says.
Now things have changed a great deal, he criticize your every move and nag all the time too. Now he want everything go exactly the way he wants it.
All the charm has become manipulations, and now you are not sure what’s going on.
7 Signs your husband is controlling.
1) When he is over monitoring and continuously jealous:- “Jealousy can be described as the maintaining or vigilantly guarding the people we love, mostly when we feel we have a rival by the corner”.
Being jealous is healthy, but there’s a big disparity between feeling jealous and exerting an unhealthy jealous behavior.
Normal jealousy usually comes spontaneously, and you can quickly control it, but when you indulge and act on your jealous feelings with suspicion and and feeling of insecurity, then it has become unhealthy and it can greatly destroy your relationship.
When your partner becomes jealous and controlling they start monitoring all you do, your behavior, where you go and the friends you keep.
He will sometimes make you account for almost any simple action you take as well as the way you spend.
Here are few other signs of unhealthy jealousy.
– Too much questions of your behavior
– inappropriate behavior and accusation.
– feeling of obsession and paranoia.
– Feeling irritable.
2) Keeping you away from family and friends:- Your controlling hubby may not tell you outright to stop seeing your family or your best friends, but from the way he pouts when he knows you went to your brothers house or see a friend or makes I’ll statements concerning your friends, that you even start feeling guilty to indulge in those things, then he’s got you where he wanted.
A writer Eden strong said that “manipulations usually starts with guilt, if your hubby can make you believe that you are guilty for your actions, (even when you didn’t do anything) then he is sure your can do anything he says.
His goal in doing all these is just to end your relationship with other close friend so your life can revolve only around him.
3) They want to be the financial controller:- if your husband is controlling, he will definitely want to be in control of all the families finances, so he could be able to monitor all the spending as well as well as keep you in check.
It not wrong or uncommon when a man manages the family bills, but controlling spouses will definitely want to keep every money away from you and he will also want you to account for any little money you spent.
He is always ready to give some allowances, but he will prevent you from buying anything that’ll be meaningful to you.
4) The love to Criticize any little thing you do:- Sometimes, the controlling partner pretends he is supporting you, but he’s subtly criticizing you. Feuerman said ” Abuser can convince you that he is treating you the way they do just to help you”,
They will always want to criticize any decision you make in life. They sound as though they are advising you but the are really mocking you.
It is true that every couple criticize occasionally, but controlling always do that, and will want to prove to you that you are incapable of making important decisions on your own. Their greatest wishes is to undermine your strength and abilities.
5) He will never trust you:- You have the right to your privacy, but your controlling partner will want to prove to you that only the unfaithful and unromantic wife keeps her email, and social media passwords secret.
They will want to hear your conversation on the phone, read you mails and massage, because they never trusted you, and they will always want to have access to everything you do, if they couldn’t stop you from doing it.
6) They make promises and never keeps it :- Reliability is important in any relationship, but when your partner always flakes, it’s a clear indication that he’s controlling in nature. They are always quick to give promises and never have the intention of fulfilling it.
All they want is to ” play on your hopefulness”. They make you trust and believe in them again and again so you have no reasons to run.
7) They Make You Feel bad about yourself:-
Sometimes, a controlling spouse will always not only try to whisk you away from all the supports you depend on, and also want to make you doubt yourself as well so you’ll always question your personal judgement
Maria Hartwell- Walker Ed. D of Psych Central describes it as” gas-lighting.
When partner deliberately claims that thing you are sure happens didn’t happen, then he is Gas lighting.
All they want to achieve is just to destroy your judging abilities and make you feel hopeless.
Steps to take if your Husband is Controlling.
It is obvious to you at this point that your husband is controlling and you want to stay married, then I will show you how to deal with it so you can be happy again.
Here they are
Dealing with a controlling spouse
1) Seek help from experts:-
If your controlling spouse is impassive to accepting his behavior, or if you are sure that two of you can’t fix the issues.
Then seeking the help of a professional counseling may be a good the alternative solution for you. The specialist will help to explain to your spouse the implications of controlling behavior and how to get over it.
2) Stay calm:-
Many people believe that arguing is the best response to the controlling habit. But, arguing with a controlling will not work as he will not allow you to win. Argument will only add fuel to the issues at hand.
The best approach to solve it is to keep quiet and don’t challenge him. Keep calm as he is ranting, don’t utter a word even if you disagree with what he’s saying.
3) Be empathetic;-
Any time your spouse tries his attitude again, try to see thing from his perspective. Consider why he is doing what he’s doing. This will help the situation from escalating, because now you understand him well.
4) You can walk away if need be:- Sometimes you can succeed correcting your spouses controlling behavior, in some cases you will fail, however, the important thing is to be willing to throw in the towel if you are not seeing changes you want.
There’s no need to keep tolerating certain behaviors while you are dying in silence. If your partner physically, emotionally, sexually or verbally abuses you, then the best option is to run for your dear life.
Finally, be sure to do all you think is necessary in helping your controlling husband get over his character, but don’t try to change him yourself because you won’t succeed. It’s either you look for help from and expert.
However, if things are not getting better, then decide to quit. It is better to run than to die than to tolerate something that’s not worth waiting for.
I sincerely hope this post will help you know what to do when your husband is controlling. If yes, then help me to share it with your friends and family.
I am your friend, Ikenna Uchegbu (Murphyaik).
I wish you success.
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