5 Authentic steps to calm anxiety down in relationships.
Here’s How To Calm Anxiety Down In Your Relationship
If you are looking for ways to calm anxiety down in relationships then you are at the right place.
Anxiety has dealt with many relationships, and as I am writing this, many relationships are still being hit by that. The bad news is that if you don’t deal with your anxiety on time, it will hurt your relationship so badly, and you won’t want that, would you?
But I have good news for you.
You can deal with your relationship anxiety if you follow the few steps I will show you in this post. But before that, let’s understand what this relationship anxiety means
What Is A Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is a term used to describe those feelings of doubt and insecurities you feel in your relationship. It is common in every relationship and it has caused many problems in relationships.
Many things can make you feel anxious in your relationship – for example;
fear of been abandoned, rejected, you may be worried that your partner is having an affair or that your partner is not reciprocating your feelings.
The good news is that I will show you how to calm anxiety down in a relationship faster.
What Causes Relationship Anxiety?
There are so many things that can cause anxiety in a relationship. It usually begins like a child’s play, but if not properly checked, it will result in chronic anxiety. Below are a few of the causes of anxiety in relationships.
- Stress– One of the well-known anxiety triggers is stress. Long-term stress in your relationship can result in anxiety. Every relationship has its fair share of struggles, however, when a relationship is highly stressful, it no longer a healthy relationship. If you or your partner is going through intense stress, it will impact your relationship negatively, your best bet is to reduce those daily stresses.
- Lack Of Trust- If your partner loses confidence in your or your relationship, he/she is bound to fall victim to anxiety. Trust is crucial in every relationship. If you breach the trust of your relationship, then you have broken the backbone of your relationship and a lot of things will be affected. Some of the things that affect trust in relationships are – infidelity, failed promises, etc. To avoid a lack of trust, try to be open to your partner.
- Constant fighting– This can also hurt your relationship so badly. This is because fighting regularly can result in a disconnect, and cause you to keep things to yourself in order not to cause another fight. If this continues, then know that your relationship will be greatly hit by anxiety.
- Negativity And Jealousy– Being with a negative partner is the worst thing you can do. Negativity will almost kill your marriage if you are not careful; it will drain you physically and mentally and you can never do anything to please that your negative partner. If your partner is also the jealous type, that can also cause anxiety. Jealousy hinders growth in relationships.
Signs Of Anxiety In A Relationship.
Below are a few signs to know if your relationship is having an anxiety.
When You Constantly Doubt Your Partners Feelings For You.
If you have one time or the other asks questions about marriage or your partner, then that’s a clear sign of anxiety. Doubting your partner’s feelings for you is common and according to Emmalee Bieirey it is normal
Even the happiest couples sometimes feel the same way too. However, if you let it linger, it may cause you a severe anxiety disorder.
The truth is that having constant doubts about your partner’s feelings will blind your eyes from seeing your partner’s good side, and that can suffocate your relationship.
You have to quit the doubting game if you want your relationship to succeed and one of the ways to do so is to communicate your fears to your partner and find solutions to it.
You Always Complain About Your Partner.
An affirmation says ” show me the partner that complains and I will tell you how good their family is.” You may not be aware of it, but too many complaints about your spouse or marriage are enough to show how good successful your relationship is.
My husband is not helping me take care of the children, my wife doesn’t keep the house clean, etc. All these may be through or not, but anxiety will present all to you as if you have made the mistake of marrying your partner.
That’s a big sign you are anxious. As time goes in your relationship, chronic complaining will start eating deep into your relationship.
Firstly, you will start keeping distance from your partner and then there will a disconnect. One thing leads to another. It is better to say your mind to your partner than to look for anything to complain about. That will hurt than saving your relationship.
You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship.
Sabotaging your relationship is another sign of relationship anxiety. This means that you are deliberately taking steps that will end your relationship.
Sometimes, you may be sabotaging your relationship without knowing it. Meanwhile, whether you are doing so consciously or unconsciously, it shows you are not comfortable with the relationship any more.
There are loads of reasons you may consciously sabotage your relation, one of them is low “self-esteem or self-worth” says Meggie Dancel Psy.D. (source).
Here are a few signs of self-sabotaging your relationship.
- Keeping track of wrongs.
- You want to change your partner.
- Always ready to argue with your partner.
- The perfectionist attitude.
- Not so committed to your relationship.
- Constant nagging.
- You nitpick.
You Avoid Being Around Your Partner.
The happy couples enjoy being around each other. If you avoid your partner often, then it is a sign of anxiety.
You prefer to hang out with friends instead of being with your partner, while at home too you prefer to be alone. If this describes you, that’s an indication you are not happy. Unhappiness causes depression and anxiety.
Always Waiting For Things To Go Wrong.
This is another big sign of anxiety in your relationship. You never feel comfortable when things are going well in your relationship; All you wish is that things be in shamble all the while. You can create chaos at any time to make sure of that.
That’s not supposed to be. You should be happy and feel secure when things are going well in your relationship. You must work with your partner to make things great.
If you are full of negativities or wishing the worst for your relationship then you have to watch it. That may be as a result of your past, probably your “past relationship traumas. Find a way to deal with it so it won’t hurt your new relatioship.
Comparing Your Relationship
My partner is not as romantic as others, My husband doesn’t dress like him and so on. If that sounds like you, then you are comparing your partner, your marriage with others and that’s a sign of unhappiness.
It is good to give creative criticism to your partner, but not to compare your marriage or your spouse with anybody. Comparing your relationship is a sign of relationship-based anxiety. You’ve got to quit anything that will jeopardize your relationship. Anxiety is one of them, so get rid of it.
Below is how to do that.
Authentic steps to calm anxiety down in relationships.
1) Learn To Communicate Your Expectations Effectively.
It is possible you are not communicating your expectation properly to your partner, that is not good and is detrimental to any relationship. Remember that your partner is not a mind reader, and there’s no way he/she will know your mind if it is not properly expressed.
Keep aware from assuming what’s not true about your partner, if there is any reason to doubt him or her, approach each other and verify the truth.
Anxiety subjects you to “thought loops.” Much unwanted thought will continually flood your mind; if you are not careful, you could ruin your relationship with those thoughts.
It is only by proper communication and expression of your thought that you can avoid ruining your relationship with your wrong thoughts.
2) Reconsider Your Relationship.
Another way you can calm anxiety down in relationships is to ask yourself if your current relationship is still worth anything to you, says Wendy M. Yoda Ph.D.
Ask yourself if your relationship is actually what you want to he is, is your spouse good? Is he or she worth being with? Well all these are tough questions to answer, but answering the questions is the right step to anxiety down in a relationship.
Meanwhile, note that I didn’t a perfect partner, because you can’t find any; but in the end, if you get someone that value and cares for you, then the relationship is worth it, if not, find an alternative.
If you can’t find answers to these questions, that means you have to keep enduring the pains.
But that’s not our aim here. We are looking for ways to calm anxiety down in relationships.
3) Take Action.
At this point, I believe you already know if your relationship or your partner is worth it; if you have solved that. Puzzle, then you need to take the next step, else you won’t deal with your anxiety.
Your next step should be to switch to action immediately. Comfort your partner politely about the matter. Let him/her know the reasons for your anxiety.
Tell them exactly how you feel and what’s making you feel that way. The truth is that nothing will happen if you keep it to yourself.
You should also avoid using technology like phone or text message as your means of communication, it has to be face to face.
It is also imperative that you didn’t hide your feelings one bit. Be sure your partner understands you and why you are venting your feeling. That will aid in dealing with your relationship anxiety.
4) Try Dating Yourself Again.
Now, this is not a call to dump your partner and play solo. Marriages succeed better when you work as a team. Marriage experts have also talked about the importance of having couples.
But it is also important that you find time to work on yourself again. Take some time to invest in your passion, you can find a balance with that of your partners.
Esther Perel said that people always look for the best ways to have a balance between security and freedom, meanwhile, when you gain or lose more of the other, anxiety will set in.
If your relationship anxiety stems from the imbalance between those two things, then all you will need to do is find a way to rediscover yourself once more.
That means to have a life outside your relationship and your partner. Have your separate goals and treat yourself as if you are the only one on earth. Do things that interests and bring joy to you.
Here are a few things to do.
- Go on vacations.
- Take a walk across the pack alone.
- Visit a 5 Star hotel.
- Buy yourself gifts. Etc.
Spending much time alone will help you find the lapses that need to be mended.
5) Accept The Fact That You Can’t Change Your Partner.
I know you have tried so much to change your spouse and failed greatly. and that has added to your anxiety. The truth is that you will not succeed in controlling what your partner does.
To control your relationship anxiety, you’ve got to give it up and accept that it is impossible for you, if not, you are far from dealing with your anxiety.
If you wish to calm anxiety down in a relationship, you need. To follow these steps I wrote them down here. You can also visit a marriage therapist to help if you think you can’t handle it on your own.
Again, you should be ready to open up and share your challenges with your partner knowing that they can be the best help you needed to deal with your anxiety.
Have you tried anything that helped you calm down your anxiety? We will be happy if
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