Tagged: marriage killers

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7 highly neglected marriage destroyers

It’s obvious that many couples are usually either too busy or deliberately overlooking the marriage destroyers that always starred then in the face.


If you are sure that you are doing your best to make your marriage better and yet things are still going opposite of what you expected it to be.

You are not alone. So many couples are as confused as you are.


There are so many things that couples neglect and yet they constitute the biggest issues that affect them most


The irony is that “if you don’t know where the rain started beating you, then you won’t also know where it stops”.


In this post, I want to help you identify those insignificant but yet great relationship destroyers that can harm your marriage in a flash if you don’t tackle it on time.




 7 Highly Neglected Marriage Destroyers.


1) Telling lies: –

For instance, when you are going out in the morning, you told your partner you were going straight to the office, but rather you are going to see a movie with friends somewhere else that’s not even close to the office.


Have you considered how your partner will feel when he/she finds out?


You may actually go free with that by telling another lie to cover up.


But let me tell you that you are making a great withdrawal from your emotional bank account of trust.



Continuous lying brings suspension and uncertainties that vehemently overwhelms the mind of your spouse.


At a time, anything you utter from your mouth will sound like a lie to your partner and it eventually creates a distance between you two.


2) Comparisons: –

If you find yourself saying things like – I wish we have a marriage that’s just like Mr. A, oh! My husband/ wife never dresses like Mr. B, then you are into the comparison game and it can draw life out of your marriage.


If your marriage or your partner is different from the other couples/ or marriages, it doesn’t mean it is bad, it simply means your marriage or partner is unique.


The uniqueness simply shows that every marriage or person can never be the same no matter what.


Most times when we find ourselves comparing each other, it signifies that you are only selecting certain qualities to focus on, but do you know that the other person you are comparing your spouse with has his/her own unique package?


Your partner may not be the outgoing type like your other neighbor, and your neighbor may not be a good communicator as your partner.


So always remember you married your partner with his/her unique qualities and stop comparing.


3) Invalidation: –

If you don’t know what invalidation means, then let me tell you, so you know if you are not validating.


What is validation: –

This is when someone’s feelings, thought are judged, rejected or ignored.


If you are the type that derives joy by pulling down the character, feelings and thoughts of your significant other, then you are an invalidator.


The fact is that there is no marriage without invalidation, and it is one of the greatest relationship destroyers.


It sometimes looks like a remark and sometimes involves an argument where a partner may just be ignoring or neglecting the actions of the other, just to show him/her that their feelings are not that important at all.


4) Misinterpretation:

While there are so many reasons why marriage fails, negative interpretation contributes greatly to it.


Negative interpretation is when one spouse keeps assuming something different from the partner’s actions.


Take for instance you call your partner’s phone number and maybe it rang for a long time without picking, immediately your mind tells you he/she is doing something wrong, that’s why he is avoiding the calls.


Negative interpretation can be very bad especially when a partner consistently assumes that the partner’s motives are very much opposite than what they really are and has the capacity to make even the smallest disagreements between couples become a hard nut to crack.


In other words, a little fight becomes bigger than they are when you become a self-made mind reader.


Mind reading brings hopelessness and despair in relationships and after a few threats, the accused partner becomes demotivated and then seeks to leave the marriage.


I know you wouldn’t like that happen in yours.


5) Cheating emotionally: –

If you find yourself investing more energy, time, sharing your hopes and dreams with someone that’s not your partner, you may be guilty of this: and it can be detrimental to the success of your relationship.


The fact is that it usually starts like and child’s play and so many people believe it is not that harmful,  but marriage Experts see it as cheating also though without physical sex.


Their views are that if it persists for a long time, it usually leads to a full-blown affair and the consequences of that are that your partner feels deceived and betrayed and then he/ she may decide to leave the relationship if the habit persists.


6) Disrespect: –

Respect is an important key in every loving relationship.

Likewise disrespect, however, is a termite that destroys any relationship.

Respecting your partner means you are placing a big value to your partner, and you also show a big honor by treating him/ her as priceless jewelry.


Disrespect creates holes that look tiny at first, which becomes wide, open as the day goes by.


Everyone deserves respect and when you give one, you also receive one, so start giving it now.


7) Complacency:-

This is another subtle marriage killer.

This is a time in a relationship where couples believe they have arrived in their relationship that they stopped caring and nurturing each other as well as their marriage.


Everyone focuses more on what brings joy and satisfaction to himself without caring about the partner.


When this continues, one partner may start feeling forgotten and not receiving enough attention.


You and I know too well that un-fulfillment of your partner’s greatest emotional need is a blank check to marriage failures.


The only thing that can save your marriage from the crash landing is to start nurturing your relationship again, that’s when you will see things becoming normal again with time.


Rounding Up:-

Ignorance kills, I have taken my time to divulge 7 highly neglected thing that can deteriorate fast to you. It is now up to you to make sure your marriage stays afloat.



I am still your friend murphyaik.

See you at the top



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How to update your marriage virus scanner

marriage virus scanner

Do you constantly update your marriage virus scanner?


The number one secret of a successful relationship and marriage is daily nurturing, understanding and doing the needful things that help it work.


The relationships that have failed or that are on the verge of failing, are the once who neglected to constantly check their relationship daily for the viruses that usually attack without warning.


The virus is those organisms that attached themselves to a host. and if not removed on time, destroys or even kill the host.


We know very well how our computers are attached by the virus, the same way our marriages are attached by the virus too.


There are so many viruses that can destroy any marriage in a twinkle of an eye if not properly checked.


In this post, we will learn how to scan with the marriage virus scanner and treat your marriage/relationship for the virus, especially in this season.


What are the viruses that can destroy any marriage?


Marriage virus scanner

How to Update Your Marriage Virus Scanner


1) Hanging out with bad friends:-

An affirmation says ” tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
Another adage says “Evil manner corrupt good mind.


If you mingle with that friend that knows how to mistreat his/her spouse, then it will not be long before you start behaving the same there are no two ways about it.

If your friends know how to come home late drunk, you are close to learning it and behaving the same.


How to scan your marriage for bad friends The best way to do this is to stay away from such friends.


Be with those you are learning good things from. They will not only inspire you, but you will also learn good values from him or her.


Marriage virus scanner

2) Spend less time with the opposite sex:-

I know it well you are just friends, I also know that you are not lusting after him/her.


You both work at the same office, and there is absolutely no harm in taking him/her to have coffee together. Here’s what I want to let you know: a too-close relationship with the opposite sex can create sexual feelings for you as time goes on and can eventually create a rift in your marriage and I know you don’t want that.


It usually starts as a play, but as time goes on you find out that you both are sharing very personal things with each other and sometimes you become disappointed when you get to the office and he/ or she is not there and somehow start desiring to be alone together.


I know you will tell me you are not feeling like what I am talking about, but ask yourself if he/she is feeling the same.


Now to be on the safe side, keep a good distance from them and create a good professional barest between you and any opposite sex.




3) Lies:

It’s very easy to tell lies, but it’s not that easy to come out from the negative effects of lies.

We see it as a small, but we graduate from that little lie to a bigger lie and when it becomes bigger, we tell another lie to cover it up.

The worse is when you hide about your intimate relationship with someone outside, but that’s a huge sin against marriage.

Only an open and sincere communication can increase trust in a relationship and every relationship needs large chunks of trust to be successful.

communication is the bedrock of every marriage and when it’s tampered with, I affect the marriage.
The best solution is to say the truth always and see how your family will work.


(4) Trust:-

Every marriage depends on trust to survive. That simply means it is very impossible to have a close intimacy in your relationship if you or your partner lack trust.
Trust creates good bonds and security in a relationship as everyone feels relaxed and secure too.

However, when trust is lacking in a relationship, every other part of the relationship suffers.
This is true because everyone wants to treat someone the same way they are treated (Tit for Tat).

That’s why we feel hurt when our partner betrays our trust, some times we want to get even.
We think, if you are not sincere with me then why should I be sincere with you.

Did you see how trust affects marriage/relationship?

Lack of trust is one virus that destroys a marriage. So do not do anything that can sniff out trust out of your marriage if you don’t want your marriage to fail.


5) Resentment:-

This is another tricky virus that eats of a marriage in a little time. It usually starts small like anger and boredom and gradually erodes the marriage.


Claire Hatch, LCSW, says “resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms than you realize. On the surface, it may cause you to feel bored, or to find flaws with your partner — picking on them for small things such as being somewhat messy or failing to return your text in a timely fashion”.


Gary Brown a well-known family and marriage therapist from Los Angeles said that resentment gradually eats up a relationship to the point that your partner will feel the worse phase of resentment. At that point things have gone out of hand and will be hard to reverse, you don’t want that to happen to your marriage, do you?


Final Notes:-

it’s about How To Update Your Marriage Virus Scanner to scan your marriage daily for viruses that are capable of destroying it and eliminate them before they strike.
Remember, it is your sole duty to save your marriage for destruction.

I am still your friend Ikenna Uchegbu (murphyaik).
See you at the top.