Life may not be easy for you if you are in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. They know how to give excuses, and never like to discuss anything related to feelings or relationships.
They are so evasive and they sometimes use criticism or anger to keep you at distance from them. At last, you will feel alone, frustrated, and rejected. And you may want to pull out from the relationship.
If you are still contemplating whether to keep holding on or throw in the towel, then read this post because I will show you how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man.
What Is An Emotionally Unavailable Man?
An emotionally available man is that man who is not always willing to sustain emotional bonds with someone, because of that, it is not possible for you to have a successful relationship with such a person.
They always strive to keep a relationship and so prefer to have a causal relationship which gives then chances to keep a distance.
Does this describe the man you are staying with right now?
If yes, then he is an emotionally unavailable man.
Below are other signs he is an emotionally unavailable man.
1) He Has Never Been In Any Serious Relationship:
If you are not sure whether he is an emotionally unavailable man, then check his relationship background.
You will discover that he has never had a relationship that lasted longer. He may have been involved in so many relationships in the past, but none of them lasted, because they will not show any interest in things related to emotions.
They won’t want to show interest in making any commitment whether minor or major commitment, then they live their partner feeling rejected and alone
He may also leave the relationship without notice. His past relationship ends abruptly and that’s what will happen in any relationship he finds himself.
The truth is that if he has not been in a long time meaningful relationship, then he is incapable of it.
2) When He Is Indecisive:
Emotionally unavailable men usually find it had to commit to things generally. He never likes to bring his 100% commitment to anything he does, because they claim to be the best.
They start and stop halfway and they never set their attention on the important things that matter to him.
This is a big sign to note because if he couldn’t commit properly to those things that should be of utmost importance to him, don’t expect him to commit to your relationship.
2) Is He A Perfectionist?
If he is always waiting for you to make mistakes so he can capitalize on that to leave the relationship, that’s also he is an emotionally unavailable man
They are not a perfectionist but they are afraid of intimacy and so they are looking for your imperfection to hold on to for his unavailability, otherwise, his anxiety will rise.
If you eventually make a mistake, he will have the reason to quit the relationship.
3) He Loves To Blame:
The blame game is his perfect tool to keep you at an emotional distance. He will always want you to say or do anything wrong and he will blame you for the rest of your life.
He will blame you for eating early, late eating, and even for eating at all, and you can’t please him no matter how you try
According to Dr. Neil Farber, “Chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse and blaming reduces intimacy.”
His blame game is just to scare you away so he will not commit to you. Those are a clear sign to check.
4) Full Of Self:
These guys are self-centered, what they know is “me, myself and I.”
His focus is always on himself, because of that, he doesn’t care about how to have a successful relationship with you.
His whole energy is geared to his personal life, boosting his ego and only seeking to make himself better without care about another person.
He will never be part of anything that wouldn’t favor him, and he will never talk about your interests.
Even when you go to him for encouragement, he will never be there for you, but he will not be happy when you are not there for him when he is in distress.
The truth is that if you keep staying with him, then be ready for big surprises, because they can do anything they want without considering how you feel.
5) Hit And Run is Always Their Mission:
He knows how to compliment and make you feel he care about you, but all his plans are nothing but to make you fall for them so they can have sex with you.
Forget it, they are not fans of long term relationship, neither do they care about your emotions and once they succeed in their mission, they find an excuse to leave when you are already enthralled.
If you meet someone like that, take your time to know what he wants from you, if you find out he is interested in having a quick sexual relationship with you at that early time, don’t let him succeed. He will back out immediately he fails.
6) Anger Is Part Of Their Strategies:
No matter how humble and good you are to them, you will never please him and you will be surprised as any small flaw can make him very mad at you.
It is only a strategy to avoid getting closer to you. However, when they want to gain from you, they become so good and they wouldn’t mind playing a fool to get what they want at that moment. Once they succeed, he finds a way to get mad at you so you will feel frustrated and quit the relationship.
7) He Will Never Support You:
One of the ways you’ll know if your partner is an emotionally unavailable man is when it comes to supporting you says, Hoffman.
You will always know that he will not support you in anything and if you don’t feel supported by them, you will not feel understood or cared for too.
Hoffman also said that people like that may have some deep issues they want to connect with first before connecting to you.
That’s a sign to note and when these show up in his character, your best approach may be to take that big decision you have on your mind.
8) If He Likes To Do Things Alone:
Because he doesn’t want any relationship, this guy will always keep himself busy with anything that not that important, just to keep away from you.
He may be watching a cartoon or playing a video game that does not make that sense at that particular time, but he will just engage in those things so he won’t chat or relate with you on anything. That is a sign of an emotionally unavailable man
9) He Takes More From You And Gives Less:
In a good relationship, couples know how to give and take proportionately so no one feels cheated everyone is ready to meet each other’s needs without looking back
But, you will not experience such when you are with an emotionally unavailable man. He is just interested when he knows he will get more from you than to give.
You will know that you are doing more for your marriage than he does.
How To Deal With An Emotionally Unavailable men:
Let Him Know How You Feel:
There is absolutely no need to keep quiet when you don’t like his behavior especially when the relationship is still young.
Once you notice that he likes to be alone, avoid discussions about your relationship or he is always careful when it comes to “expressing his emotions.”
The best you can do at that point is to tell him how you feel about his action and tell him what you want from him.
If he refuses to change, then that is not a relationship to be in: leave the relationship immediately. The pains will be less now than when you have gone far into the relationship.
Don’t Try To Fix Him:
I know you love him so much and you wouldn’t want to leave him, instead, you will resolve to fix him as the marriage continues but that will not work.
Don’t be like most women who always want to change their men and make them better individuals and do not realize that it is hard to change someone.
The best thing to do if you don’t like something about your partner is to ask yourself why such is happening, then check if you can overlook it or go on with it.
Trying to change a man, especially an emotionally unavailable man is a suicide mission and will only earn you his “contempt in love.”
If you can’t leave him because of the love you have for him, then try to accept him the way he is and keep up with your relationship with him.
Try Loving Yourself More:
You have tried all you could, and you have given up all you do for yourself so you can concentrate on you man to make him love you, yet he is not showing any interest.
My advice is that you let go of trying to love and please him and concentrate on yourself better than before.
Stop trying to impress him and start living for yourself. Engage in things that give you joy and peace of mind. Have your own life and be serious with your career and other things that matter to you. Love and treat yourself like you are the only one in the world.
Have Patient And Be Vulnerable:
It is true I advised you to leave the relationship as soon as you discover that you can not live with him, but if you love him so much and want to stay put, that has some patience with him.
The truth is that when you are not okay with your spouse’s emotional unavailability, you may want to blame him about it immediately, but that will be the more suicidal thing to do, just concentrate on your own feelings.
Learn how to show your fears and keep praying that your man changes and start being open to you. It may not happen immediately, but if you continue hoping and praying, things will change for the better.
Step Up Your Positive interactions.
Your patience will pay off if you increase your positive interactions with your partner so don’t just keep your distance as wait for him to change. You can engage yourselves by doing some things together like taking a walk, going on romantic dates.
Find some ways to share quality time together and don’t use it as an avenue to talk about your challenges, but a time to improve your relationship emotional bank account.
Get Help If You Can’t Do It Alone:
There is a tendency that you have tried all you could and things are not taking a good shape as you hope it will then think of looking for help outside.
You can ask some friends who have gone through the same problems and are now out of it. You can as well look for a marriage therapist near you and book for some sessions.
It is imperative to take a quick step to restore your relationship than watching your relationship die when you could really save it.
Understanding if your partner is an emotionally unavailable man can be the best thing you do to know which final decision to take.
Would you hold fast and wait for him to change or take to your heals immediately.
Well, that depends on you, however, after reading this post, you would have learned how to know if he is an emotionally unavailable man, and how to deal with and emotionally unavailable men.
If you understand what I have written in this post, then you can make the right decision.
Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, and there are lots of things that can make you unhappy in life. Thankfully, there are also lots of ways to be happy again in your relationship and I will show you how in this article.
Here is the truth: if you are in an abusive relationship, you married an egoistic partner or your partner is controlling, and you have done all still nothing worked, this post may not be the best for you.
These tips will work best if you are having little issues that are affecting your pleasure.
Before you married, you though your marriage will make you happy forever, but you are seeing the opposite in your relationship now.
Your partner is taking you for granted and most of your needs are not taking care of.
It doesn’t mean he/she has fallen out of love with you, yet they are either consciously or unconsciously making you unhappy.
If this described you, then below are things you can do to be happy again in your relationship.
How To Be Happy Again In Your Relationship.
1) Make The Right Choice:
This should be the topmost on the list of how to be happy again in your relationship because the type of person you married determines how you will feel forever.
If you make the right choice, you will get the best from your relationship, if not, you will regret it as well.
Although nobody is perfect, yet everyone is not created equal.
You should be careful when making your choice of partner if you want to be happy ever after.
Pray for God’s directions and don’t rush into a relationship with pity, or because your friends are getting married. Take your time and watch your intending partner and be sure both of you are compatible.
2) Quit The Bad Relationship Immediately:
It is important to know what works and doesn’t work for you. Many relationships can never get better no matter how you try.
You have been in that relationship for years and you have tried all you could to make things better, but your partner is not helping the matter, that may be the best time to quit and look for a better one. Or try changing yourself because you may be the reason.
However, if you feel you will make things better once more, then keep trying and follow some of the steps here.
3) Stop Expecting Much From Your Partner:
One of the main killers of relationships is our expectations. Expectations are good though, but unrealistic expectations are not good.
Expecting so much from your marriage or your partner can make you feel bad, especially when your expectations didn’t come true.
Have high expectations about your relationship, but keep it to what you know is possible.
For example, you can’t expect your partner to look like Monalisa and expect it to happen, or you thought your relationship could look like what you saw in that romantic movie.
It can work out the way you want it: but what if it didn’t happen that way, how would you feel?
4) Keep Your Relationship Sacred:
It amazes me all the time when I see someone badmouthing his or her spouse to their friends, even making jests with them.
Well if your relationship has gotten to that level, then you have no reason to remain there. Your relationship should be a sacred union, and you should respect your partner every time.
Stop comparing your spouse with another person, don’t ridicule them when you are with friends. It will be interesting if your partner knows that you are his/her best wherever you are.
If you truly wish to be happy again in your relationship, then you must keep it sacred and keep nurturing and sacrificing to keep it free from stress, that’s when you are sure of happiness.
5) Make Up Your Mind To Always Be Happy:
“Happiness they say is a choice.” That’s true, however, you can’t really be happy by just shouting “I am happy” every day. You have to deploy some corresponding actions that will aid you to achieve it.
When you make a choice to be happy, then you’ve got to do those things that will make or that has always been keeping you happy.
Look back into your life and find what they are; what gives you the utmost joy when you do them and relinquished that thing that brings stress to you.
It will not be the best if you want to control everything In your marriage, but just decide to be happy, because that’s the most important choice that will give you the power to jettison all you can’t control.
For example, if you focus on causing changes in your relationship or trying to change your partner, you will never be happy, especially if they are not changing.
I implore you to focus on what is already working for you and step up from there. That’s the step to being happy again in your marriage.
6) Just Take Care Of Yourself:
You have to start taking care of yourself because that is another important key to being happy again in your relationship.
Change your wardrobe if there is need for that, or get fit, take care of your health. Again take yourself out someday, it may be to a far country or neighboring towns.
Most especially, do whatever you deem fulfilling to you and can put your mind off the negative sides of your relationship.
The moment you start taking care of yourself, you will attract other people into your life who can help you forget the stresses. You could also win your partner’s cares too. It happens like that.
7) “Be romantic.”
Being romantic can keep you and your partner together more than anything else, so try and be as romantic as you can to achieve your aim.
Try surprising him/her once in a while and always be sure to do so with what they like. You can’t surprise them with things they don’t like or want to do, therefore understand what interests them more.
If he likes a particular type of food for breakfast, then prepare such before they ask for it. It will be of no use to give them what they never liked.
Plan romantic dates for just the two of you and don’t discuss any other thing but about yourselves.
Being romantic will add more colors to your relationship because if you succeed in keeping your partner loved, you will be loved back immensely.
8) Choose To Love:
Many experts said that we don’t have control over love, because “love is just what happens to us.” That may be true anyway, but the truth you can make a choice to love whomever you want to.
In order words, you alone have the right to choose whether to continue loving your partner as days go by or not.
Making a relationship work doesn’t depend on how much you love your partner or the circumstances surrounding it, it only depends on how long you are willing to keep loving in the midst of what you see or feel.
“Love also covers so many since.” It will make you overlook so many things which would have made you sad or stressed.
Therefore to keep yourself happy in your marriage, don’t stop loving yourselves.
9) “Be Positive Minded.”
It is normal to feel bad when you are going through difficult times in your relationship, but feeling bad will not make the situation better.
Drowning yourself with negative thoughts will make things even worse for you because it will sniff out the whole positiveness from you. In times like that, it is pertinent to think the right thoughts and cultivate the gratitude spirit.
If you could submit your self to negativity, you can as well try doing the same to positivity, because that helps better.
Inculcate the habits of having good positive discussions with your partner. Be grateful to them for all they do for you and compliment than for those achievements small or big.
Always remember to share those good moments you had with them and forget the bad ones.
A grateful heart keep you away from being engrossed with negativity during difficult times in your relationship
Always believe that the best days will soon come.
10 Do Your Best:
To have the best of anything, you must be willing to do your best also. Therefore do all you think will bring the joy you required, go the extra mile to make your partner happy also, because your marriage is not about your happiness, but about your partner’s happiness.
It is important to note that you can be extremely happy when you keep your marriage and partner happy as well.
It is a choice to feel good or bad, and the choice you make will determine your life. If you choose to be happy again in your relationship, then concentrate on the things that attract good to you.
Think the right thoughts and say the right word. Read the affirmations that are consistent with your situation and have faith in God. You will have the happiness you desire.