What does boundary means? And how can you you set healthy boundaries for your marriage?
Definition of a boundary?
A Boundary is simply anything that shows where your power, freedom etc ends and where the other persons starts.
Boundaries are very important in everything and in relationships in particular.
There’s no successful relationship without a boundary, and no relationship can survive the daily stress without boundaries.
Cloud and Townsend in their book wrote that ” When you have clear boundary, you know that you’re not at the mercy of your spouse’s behavior or their problems.”
Setting boundaries is just the same thing as when you build a fence around your compound, to have power over what happens in your compound and not and have control over your neighbor.
The same way, when you set your boundaries in your relationship, It is absolutely a personal matter, and not to give you powers over your partner.
It is all about you, what you want to be exposed to, tolerate or not tolerate. It is not about being a boss to your partner, or trying to change him or her.
In this post, I will show you how you can set a healthy boundaries for your marriage without causing a fight.
6 Interesting ways of setting healthy boundaries for your marriage.
1)Consider the effects of boundaries :- Boundaries are powerful and helps a relationship succeed, however some boundaries can bring serious pains, anger and discomfort to your partner.
Pains and discomforts are the major causes of hatred, frustration and resentments in any relationship.
Those are not the reasons you are setting the boundaries in the first place.
However, if you want to set a healthy boundaries for your marriage, you should be able to evaluate the effects of your actions.
You also should be able to know the difference between causing pain and causing injuries in all. as it will also help you in getting good result from setting boundaries.
2) Be conscious of your feelings:- Evaluate your feeling once again to discover what actually has been effecting the ways you feel.
Does your partners way of talking or doing things affect you in a special way? Maybe you feel intensely bad or drained when your partner talks.
Understanding these is an important aspect of setting boundaries, as it clearly show you have finally separated yourself from our partners feeling and actions,
The most important set backs we get when we set boundary is that we are sometimes so engulfed with the other person’s feelings that we forget our own feelings.
Townsend said in his book that your ability to understand that your partner is not an extension of you is a great way to create great boundaries.
When you are done differentiating yourself your partners feelings, then you have achieved one aspect of setting a healthy boundary.
3) Never set boundary with enviousness:- One of the challenges in marriage is envy. It can destroys any relationship.
And so it becomes extremely a war when boundaries are set with envy and strife, because it will make you concentrate more on your partners feelings and not considering your feelings and choice.
The envious spouse always feels unimportant, which makes him or her quit developing or improving the qualities of his or her gifts, limits and abilities.
When you set boundary with enviousness, it will bring serious fight in your relationship.
4) Show respect to your partner as you set boundary:- Sometimes, we tend to set our boundaries not because we want to get things better, but because we want to deal with our partner.
In setting good boundaries, we must know the difference between selfishness and setting boundary.
Settings boundary because you are overtly angry or mere selfishness will cause more trouble in your relationship and so show some respects and carry your partner alone.
6) Communicate your boundary to your spouse:- Tell your partner about your boundaries, and do not think he/she will accept it.
There must be some resistance from him/ her.
Try and explain it in details and make him/ her understand fully why and what your boundaries stands for.
Finally: Understand that setting boundaries helps to define who we are and what we stand for. It shows where you end and where your partner begins.
Having boundaries will help your marriage to succeed, if you have the knowledge of setting healthy boundary and this post was written to guide.