Of course there is no doubt about that; love is important; but love alone cannot do the magic. Love can make couples have confidence with each other, but cannot make couple trust each other
I have always believed love is the greatest myself, I believed that love can conquer everything; I thought that just sharing your feelings is all one need to make your relationship stronger. How dumb I was!.
The truth is this: you love your partner so much, you buy gifts for him/her, you load his or her bank account with good money, but you have not made plans to make sacrifices for your marriage, then you have not started.
Let me tell you a little about love.
Love is good; but no matter how sweet it is, it is just one out of the many recipes needed for a marriage to succeed.
People attach much importance about the feelings of love, not knowing that it can change at any moment. There is a very thin line between love and hate.
If you think love is more important, then tell me how we can balance this news on the television, newspaper, radio stations, and magazine about divorce.
Those two partners that are doing everything now to divorce where once in love, they lived together for years and now they think they are not meant for each other.
Love works better when it is mixed with commitment. (Tweet This)
When a relationship is strong, it is not about what we feel emotionally that made it so, it is how committed we are to do the things that will make it work.
But what is this thing called commitment, and what impact does it have in our marriage?
What is Commitment in marriage?
From my own view, commitment is that point in a marriage where everyone feels secured with each other.
The ULCA campus psychologist after analyzing 175 married couples in their first 11 years of being married describes commitment as when couples are willing to make some sacrifices in other to make their relationship strong.
It is very easy to say you are committed to your marriage especially when things are going well. But what happened when things starts changing? Can you still stand your ground to say “I must do something to resolve this, what steps should I take to make my marriage stand again?
When partners are willing to make sacrifices for their marriage, then one part of dealing with conflict are taken care of and they are more likely to have a stronger and lasting marriage.
Whenever there is a heated moments in a happy marriage, the happy couples instead of looking for who wins the argument, immediately decides to settle the differences and move on with their relationship.
This is because they value their marriage more than anything else.
Absence of commitment in a marriage is the number one reason for breaks and divorce. (Tweet This)
You can easily know a marriage that lacks commitment when one of the partners or even both takes the other for granted.
Once that starts, all the feeling of oneness and emotional intimacy starts disappearing, excuses and complaints begins.
That is when you will hear your partner saying that
- The whole works of the family is only on you: When relationship was young, you do so many things with ease and happiness because you love your spouse and never want to offend him or her.
Now you have learn how to complain because you felt the load is on you. A more committed partner should do things because the marriage must move forward and keep complaining aside.
- That your schedule is so tight: You could not wait to be around your spouse, because you cherish every moment. Now you prefer to spend more time on work because you think when you come home early you will start the house chores.
- No time to discuss, because I have some office works to do: Many couples quarrel whenever they want to discuss about the family; because of that everybody want avoid quarrel by keeping distance from each other.
When communication stops, more troubles start.
- The dishes are there waiting for me: To many complain in a relationship causes stress; and lack of commitment brings complaining in a marriage.
- I have to finish all am doing first before getting the fruits from the fruit store.
It is always very easy to produce excuses, but you must understand that giving excuses can be the best reason you have for not been seeing your spouse as that special person you knew before.
If you want your marriage to stand firm during difficult times, and thrive better when things are good, then you must build a lasting relationship with your spouse through devotions and commitments.
But how can you developing this attitude? How can you be committed and also encourage your spouse to do the same too?
Here are check list to guide you.
How to be committed to your marriage
- Make your marriage your number one priority:
It is important to value your marriage more, and make it occupy the first position in your heart. If your marriage is important to you, you will devote all your time to making it work.
The bible said “for where the treasure of a man is, there his heart will also be; Mathew 6: 21, and the bible also says “any man who honors his wife, will also be honored by God.
Where did you place your marriage? How important is it to you?
Look back to the past day, weeks and months and think about how much time you devoted to your partner. What can you say you have done over the past days that can give your spouse the confidence to trust you more as a partner? If you are not sure how to start, then follow these steps. : )
- Let other thing go and hold fast to your marriage: Many times we tend to forget so many things we want to do, even our marriage could sometimes be neglected, and however, you can stand your ground and be sure your marriage is not among the list.
The easiest way to do this is to plan from the very beginning that your marriage will be hold to great esteem.
I always suggest you writing down those things in a paper just like you are writing your companies mission statement; but this one is called marriage statement.
- Be very strict with bedtimes: if you are home with your partner in the evening, then being very strict with going to bed at the same time, will create a good time for you to have a quality time together, and quality time with your spouse builds intimacy.
Couples use those times to plan about their marriage, discuss about what to do more and what to give up so the marriage will prosper more.
- Be connected even when you are not together: Thanks to technology; you have no reason to give why you should not reach your partner when he or she is not with you. Send love massages to your spouse.
Call home often to know how everyone is fairing.
- Stay firm to your words: Take a bold step and tell your spouse how you are committed to your marriage and how you are ready to be that way for the rest of your life.
Saying this boldly to every member of your family; both the kids will bring courage and trust to them and will compel everyone to be careful of their actions too.
- Create the type of marriage you want: The success or failure of your marriage depends on you and your spouse, and that mean you should do everything you have to make it work.
However, you should not continue waiting for your spouse to change, take proper steps to create the type of change you want by doing those things you have not been doing.
Spend more time with each other, talk nice with each other and have good sex. Start understanding your spouse once more.
- Set healthy marital boundaries: We are surrounded by laws and rules and some of them are there to make us feel protected. It will be good if we set rules and boundaries that will protect our marriage/ relationships too.
These boundaries should be there to help us, strengthen us and keep us safe. One important thing about relationship / marriage is that both spouse can set boundaries together and one way to do that is to have a chit chat with your partner and talk about the things that should be taken out or restore in your marriage.
Try and write down those boundaries in a notebook; that will remind you when you are crossing your limits.
- Make your partner your soul mate: If you want to enjoy more marital happiness, then you must make your spouse your best friend.
Friendship can be compared to a garden; it has to be cultivated and nurtured. It may not work immediately unless you are persistent enough to make it work.
Being your spouse’s friend will help to build intimacy between you and will make everyone to be more relaxed and secured in the relationship. You will only notice that your marriage is blossoming faster than you think.
If you really want to feel a deeper sense of joy and love in your marriage, you should try making your spouse your best friend and not like a husband/wife.
If you are not sure how to start, then these points will guide you.
- Develop a special interest on your spouse once more: After some times in marriage, the love seems to wax cold; but you can renew the love and start seeing your spouse like the same person you fall in love with and also like the one you got married to.
Develop new interest in whatever concerns your partner. Remember, when you were newly married, all you want to know is those things that will make him/her feel happy, you were always there in whatever circumstances because you want to give those words of wisdom that will life your spouse up in the spirit.
Why not start it all over again? It will help you move forward as a couple.
- Have your spouse’s back all the time: One of the things that makes a marriage successful is when couples do things as a team, when you are there to protect each other and stand your ground for each other.
Your spouse will always feel secured when he or she realize that you are always there. Whenever you see someone making some nasty comments again your spouse, just step in immediately and let your spouse know you are fighting for him or her.
- Know and speak your spouse’s language: It is important you know what makes your spouse feel loved and start doing it. And if you don’t know feel free to ask.
As I am rounding up this article, I want you to understand that love is very important when you want your marriage to succeed, but if you want it your marriage to be stronger and happier, then you must get committed to doing only those things that will make is work.
So think about those things you have not been doing before and start doing it now and watch your marriage change. Think about those sacrifices you will make.
Most of all is to start immediately to put all you have learn in this article to work; the only thing that can stop you from enjoying more marital success is if you did not discipline yourself to put these to practice.
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