Dear, What if I asked you to make quick improvements in your life that will positively affect your marriage, which area would you concentrate on; your finance, your communication style, or your sex life, well! All those areas need improvement also.
But, what if I explain to you what impact making yourself happy could make in your marriage, would you try a little more happiness?
If you want a happier marriage, a happier spouse, then you must consider boosting your own happiness. Improving on your own happiness could make your partner too.
Individual happiness is important to couples. It is a good step to making strong and lasting relationships.
A marriage is a union of two of two different individuals experiencing one another, but each of the couple is responsible for his or her happiness. However, when you are able to discover the happiness that is inside of you, then you can project it out so your partner could feel it then it may affect your spouse’s feeling too. But you can never force happiness on anyone
Reason you must consider being happy
- When you are happy, you will attract everyone around you.
- When you are happy, you make positive impression on people.
- Being happy makes you positive about situations
- If anyone goes wrong while with a positive person, the never dwells on it they quickly forgives and move forward
- Being happy will never bring you down
- A happy person always says nice things to people around.
- People love to be around a happy person than a negative person.
Happiness is something you can share with your partner, Of course it is contagious. When you stay around depressed person, you will feel depressed too, the same it is when you stay around a happy person.
In this article, you will learn the steps to build a more happy relationship by improving on your own happiness too.
Steps to being happy
Knowing who you are:-
Getting to know who you really are is one way you can make yourself happy. Many people believed they know who they are, but it may amaze you to know that you do not know much about yourself. Do you know your feelings about certain things? Have you asked yourself about how you feel about the things that make you happy or bother you?
Knowing who you are and the things that appeals to others gives you a clue about those things that attracts people you
Dear, there is no way you can set goals, make your marriage or relationship happy if you are not aware of who you are and what you want in life.
When you are able to identify who you really are, it will
- Open your eyes to see things you could not see before
- You will achieve more in your life, marriage and relationship with ease
- You can truly see and understand what you want
- You can easily create or choose things that aligned with you.
Try to have a reflection of yourself. Your past, your present and you belief; all these are important to when you want to have a good future.
Be honest to yourself
What are the things you want:-
One important quality of a man is the character. Without character you may not have a good success in life. The number one component of man’s character is the ability to be honest to you. You may succeed when you tell lies to others to gain wealth or power, but the worst of it all is when you lie to yourself. Poor decisions, poor judgments, and negative self-mastery are the results of self-dishonesty and until you are honest to yourself, you may not have success in anything you do.
Being honest with yourself will make you see things the exact way they are without pretense. Honesty is very vital when making effective changes and when you are trying to identify who you really are and the things you want.
Many people through self-deception refuse to tackle the issues of their “past activities”, circumstances and this prevent them from moving forward. Remember every lie, every deception, and every act of dishonesty; sum up to create the monster that will destroy your life and character
Almost everyone desires an honest relationship. When there is openness and honesty, compatibility is engendered in a relationship.
If you and your partner become open and honest to yourselves about your past and present actions as well as your plans for the future, it will help you to take quality decisions which take you to great level of personal and professional success.
Understand what you want from your spouse. A lot of books have been written about expectations but not want, but in being honest to yourself, you must differentiate the two. Be clear about the things you want from your spouse.
Stop for a while and think about those things you thing you want your spouse to do, have or be that will engender your happiness. But, you must know that your happiness is not in anyone’s hand but you.
Other benefits of being honest to yourself
- It helps you to connect with people that matters.
- It shows acceptance and maturity.
- It shows people that you care.
- It gives you courage.
- It attracts honesty from other people
- It helps you stay out of trouble.
- It makes relationships closer.
This is the big one.
When you are sure of the things that make you happy, and have learned how to be honest with yourself, then the next thing is to
Setting boundaries is necessary when you want to be emotionally and physically healthy.
What do I mean by setting boundaries:-
This is the space or limit between the other person and you, the very place you start and where the other ends.
From my experiences, I realized that the root of our struggles is fear. Our relationships start dying when we work with fear instead of love. Sometimes we could not see those fears that have been “driving our choices”, stopping us from doing the best for ourselves thereby destroying our relationships. However, when you understand how to set boundaries for yourself, it will help you strengthen your capacity to fall in love with yourself and let loose the “ego’s fear perception”
When you create healthy boundaries for yourself it helps you protect your self-esteem, self-respect and to enjoy your relationship.
It doesn’t matter if you are just hooking up, or have been in courtships, you cannot do without setting boundaries. To maintain a happy marriage or relationship, every couple must understand each other’s wants, fears, goals and limits.
It is good you discuss your boundaries with your spouse because it will make sure that each other’s needs are properly taken care of.
Areas to look at, when setting boundaries.
- Your emotional boundaries: –
Setting emotional boundaries is paramount when you want to enjoy a healthy marriage. These are the invisible lines where we are happy and comfortable with ourselves, but when it is violated, it makes us feel very uncomfortable. This also comprises of how open you are about yourself and how comfortable you are when it comes to your emotions.
- Physical boundaries:-
This is separation between you and any outside forces. It includes your privacy, personal-space, sexual life and your body.
Three steps to setting boundaries.
Put it down on a paper:-
The first step thing to do is to identify the boundaries you want to set for yourself or your relationship and write them on a note pad. That will help you to have clarity about the things you want and not want and get ready to work with then to achieve your goals.
Understand it is your right:-
When preparing to communicate your boundaries with someone, it is important you allow yourself to tell them everything without feeling self-doubt. At times your greatest adversity maybe your fear about how other people will react to it rather than how they can genuinely respond. Understand that it is your right to establish your points the way ought to be seen with dignity.
How to say it out:-
When you have defined your boundaries, and you are sure of your rights to maintain it, then you are ready to share with other people. Try to be specific and straight to the point
After setting the boundaries, the next thing is to decide on the type of spouse you want to be.
Choose to be a great partner
When you are done setting your boundaries, the next thing is choose to
Be a good partner
If you are interested in making your relationship or marriage strong, then you must make up your mind to be the best you can be to your partner. Though there is no specific formula for being a wonderful spouse, but there are some steps you may take to make your marriage better than it is right no. I have written some of them down for you.
2 important steps to be a good partner
Be a good listener:-
Being a good listener is one of the qualities of a good life partner. Let you mind be clear from any distraction while you partner is communicating to you, so you will be able to respond well to what he/ she is saying and not what you have in mind to say. Always give listening ears to whatever your spouse has to say with respect and if you think you do not agree, let your spouse know politely. I f you show politeness when you are listening to your spouse, it will give your wife courage to tell you all about his/her interests, concerns and issues.
Most times we think we know what our partner will say next and we interrupt. We believed we are helpful by speeding the discussion; but is actually shows your poor skills as a listener. Give him/her chance to finish talking before interjecting or answering.
When your partner is telling you about their problems or concerns, you may want to respond with your own story, but that is not what your partner needed at that time; all she wants from you is sympathy and not all about you story.
To be the best partner, you must focus on hearing your partner, break up your multitasking habits.
Reactivate romance in your marriage:-
Describe to yourself what you know about romance.
True romance is doing special and unexpected things for someone you love and care for unexpectedly even when there is no need to do that.
Getting romance back into your marriage is not a rockets science; with little efforts you can excite you spouse.
Quick tips to help you
Write down those things your spouse loves so much:-
Write down the things he/she loves and get it for him or her, then place it wherever you know he/she can see it by surprise. It may be at the corner of her bed, in his/her cupboard or any good position.
Send sweet text massages to your spouse:-
When you and your spouse are far from each other, try sending quality love text massages to him/her. When you wake up in the morning, tell him/her how nice it feels to wake up by his side. Then send a massage to your spouse about how you cannot wait to be by his/her side while you are not close at that moment.
Spend good time on bed together:-
Give up a day just to stay in your bed, just you and your spouse together. Have everything ready (food, drinks and everything you may need) beside your bed, hug, kiss, cuddle and enjoy sex together. Talk about the first day you met each other and do everything that will keep love going.
Find ways to pamper your spouse:-
There are so many ways you can do that. You can ask your spouse not to worry about the house chores and you take it up. Just find a way to do a little pampering.
Understand what makes a happy couple
What are the things happy couples do together:-
No marriage is born to be happier than the other. There are hitches in every marriage. The happily married couples go extra mile while dealing with their own conflicts to stay happy.
The best thing you can do is to understand those things that make them different from the unhappy families and inculcate then in your own marriage.
These are quick tips to help you
They work on their relationship:-
Marriage needs care and nurturing all the time. Just the same way your garden will develop weeds when you neglect it, so it is a marriage when you refuse to take care of it too. Everything in life needs support to grow. The happy couples are bent on making their marriage strong instead of destroying it. They make commitments that move them to get to where they want to be.
They share quality times together:-
Nothing can make a marriage strong than the share of quality times by couples. Create a point of being together without your kids or pet. Just make it a you and your spouse time together. This will help to form a bond that will see you through in a life time especially when the storms of life comes. Do so many things that will make the time quality and memorable to the both of you.
They respect each other:-
Respecting your spouse will surely generate the same for you also. Make it a point of duty to tell your spouse how much he/she means to you. That will enrich your marriage. When you express your love to your partner, pause for a moment and mean what you say. Never be afraid to show how you feel for your partner.
In rapping up
Being happy with yourself is a pivot that will pull every other thing in life and make it worked well for you and your spouse. Get busy now and make yourself happy it will help to attract happiness to your marriage and to anyone that comes or stays around you. It is up to you to start from this point where I stopped.