Understanding uncommon ways to enrich your marriage through communication

happy marriage. communication.listening effectivelyIt is obvious that communications should not be undervalued in our relationships. To have a happier life, happy relationship, you must be prompt in improving your communication skills, because that is the only thing that can make the difference in how quality your relationship/ marriage will be for you.
The foundation of every strong relationship is having a good communication with your partner. But marriage starts having problems when there is a breakdown in communication.

 

I have taken some time in this article to show you some effective communication skills that will help you enrich your marriage/ relationship.
In this article, you will also understand that communication is not just about exchanging information, but more about understanding the reason behind the information and the emotional states of the speaker. You will learn some skill to help you communicate effectively.

 

Now let’s get started …

 

Why must you improve on your communication?

 

As I have earlier said, you must understand that communication is more than mere changing of information; there is every need to understand the emotions behind it and the intentions of the speaker; that is what makes it effective. When your communication is not getting the results you want for you, then there is a reason to improve on it.
The main reason there is increase divorce in so many marriages is lack of communication. If couple should therefore understand the way to communicate with each other, marriages will be saved.

 
Communication in marriage /relationship can be compared with a river; if there is a smooth flow of feelings and thoughts among partners, everything becomes fun, everyone feels good. However, when there is a communication gap, tension builds up and everything starts collapsing, when it eventually comes back, they come in a more dangerous ways.

 

What exactly does effective communication in relations looks like?
In every strong relationship, partners communicate openly and freely too. They feel secured with each other when sharing some secret thoughts, they comfortably say their mind and feelings when things are not going well, and appreciate it when things starts going well again.
Both couples avoid using harmful and attaching words on each other, and they listen effectively when the other is talking, they want to understand the emotions behind the discussion.

 

They always look for the best in every conversation and not waiting for the other to make mistake so there will be trouble; even when there is a little compromise during the conversation, they politely settle it.

 
These are exactly what are seen among the happy couples. If you are not seeing it in your own relationship, then this article is for you and you must read it till the end and you will be glad you did.

 
One thing you must be happy about is that all the communication skills are learn able and you can improve yours, when you follow all I will show you here.

 

Let us look at all you will do to improve your communication.

 

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COMMUNICATION HABIT THAT HELPS YOU RELATIONSHIP
To understand this, let us look at the different types of communication in a relationship.
Nonverbal Communication:-
This is the type of communication that occurs without the use of words in conveying the meaning. It can happen through the use of body language, facial expressions or gestures. Those none verbal signs give related clues and more information as well as meaning more than spoken words.
The communication does not usually stop when you stopped talking, they continue even while you are silent.
Sometimes, those words that comes out of your mouth and what we actually communicates through the body language are different; when that happens the listener will decide to choose to believe either the verbal or the non-verbal, which is usually a natural and unconscious language that relates our sincere feelings and mind at a given moment.
Now think of this is a good example of non-verbal communication.
Just think about how many of those relationships you could remember that started with just eye contacts between the two inside a train; that shows how effective good wink could be more active than a well-planned “pick up line”.
Non-verbal communication:
This encompasses the type of communication that involves the use of words, whether spoken or written. The daily conversation you have with your partner, text massages you sent to your partner, telling him/ her to pick up some provision from the super market, the sign you give are all verbal communication.

 

The ability to share our feelings with language that is purely based on an ‘organized system of words” and not ordinary sound is what make us a unique species.
Whether verbal or non -verbal communication, what you must do is to recognize the type of communication that impacts your marriage; and improve on it for better results.

 

Improve your communication skills.
A good and effective communication is very important in every marriage .If you experience more arguments and chaos in your marriage, then there is need for improvement in your personal skills, to help your relationship Using these steps.
                           Step One

 

Develop a better listening skill:
Listening means the ability to receive and interpret massage accurately, and that is the key to every effective communication. Poor listening skill brings break down in every communication and when there is a breakdown in communication, the marriage is heading for a serious break down.
To enhance your listening ability these are how you will behave when your spouse is talking to you.

 
(1) Never interrupt your partner:- Allow your partner to finish whatever they are saying before you come in. If you find this hard to do, discover way to always remind yourself to keep calm. Some people will hold their chin as a sign to them not to talk until your spouse finished talking.

 
(2) Concentrate on what your spouse is saying:- Talking to a person while he is pressing a phone, reading a book, hitting the computer keyboard or looking out of the window is the same thing as hitting a moving target.

 

 

How would you feel? If that is your child, you could command him or her to look at you when you are talking; but you can’t to your lover the same way you talk to your child. It is believed that eye contact is a major ingredient in every communication. Put out every distraction and look straight into your spouse’s eye even when they are not looking at you.
(3) Be open minded:- Pay attention and forget about judging the other person or criticizing what your spouse is saying mentally. If there is any reason to feel alarmed, go ahead and do that. Never be judgmental as soon as you say to yourself “that was stupid”, then you are proving not to be good listener.

 

Always have in your mind that your spouse is representing his/her thoughts and feeling with language and since you don’t know what those thoughts and feelings are, it will be impossible for you to understand them when are not listening.
(4) Try to understand the emotions behind the conversation:- In every conversation, there is what your spouse is trying to make you understand. They expect you to show the same feeling through your expressions as you listen. Express happiness when she expects that from you, fearful when that is needed and sadness when she is sad. This will only happen when you put yourself in your spouse’s shoe and also make yourself feel what it like to be he/her at that moment.

 
Step Two

 
Improve on your politeness

 
Being more polite when you are communicating with your spouse is one habit you must improve on if you want to have a happy marriage.

 
Reasons to improve your politeness

 
(1) It will help to improve your relationship with your spouse

 
(2) It will to build more respect and good rapport with others.

 
(3) It will help in building your self- esteem.

 
(4) It will also help to improve communication in your marriage.

 
Start improving your politeness now

 
Being polite is all about being very much aware and respecting other people’s feelings. Improving on your politeness will also help to improve your relationship, marriage, increase your “self-esteem, confidence”, build rapport and respect and also help you to improve your communication behavior.

 
How to be more polite

 
Play gentile:- Never be forceful or “insistent”. This simply means you are not always too forward to get an answer to your requests. You do things without pressuring people around you or making them feel pushed around.

 

You may not need to be a quiet, “meek pushover”, but you are playing with calmness.
Let us assume you are talking with your spouse and you have a suggestion or opinion, you can gently throw in your opinion when necessary, but it may be rude when you want to forcefully push her to accept your opinions.

 
Always be grateful:- Learn how to carry yourself gently with a deep sense of calmness, but yet be involved in the “moment”. This will make your spouse feel safe to relate everything in his/her mind to you during communication.

 
Let your responses be appropriate:- Your ability to give good responses during conversation matters a great deal. It shows how polite you are. Let your response be thoughtful. Eliminate insults, sarcasm and never be overly casual. These are keys to a perfect conversation.

 
Praise or congratulate:- Learn to give good validations to your partner when there is a need for that during your communication.

 

 

When he or she says something that is good, nod your head in agreement with a little smile on your face. That will ignite more passion to be more open during the conversation.

 

                                            Step 3

                       Develop active listening responses

 
You can never be an active communicator without having good response ability. Sincerely the act of listening helps to establish respect and trust, and everybody present during the conversation feels good, but the good responses helps to keep the line of communication open.
Understanding how to respond in different scenarios in life determined how effective the communication will be. It is imperative that everybody leaves the communication ground without feeling threatened, humiliated or feel judged. Everyone must feel free to engage in communication next time.

 

Every effective response must be in sync with what the speaker is saying; when there is need to say yes, say yes and no respectively.
Your responses must make him or her to move forward or adjust. Many people exhibit their lack of listening responses by their responses, they say yes where no is expected; or uumh! where he or she is expected to smile or laugh, that will make the conversation to be ineffective.
                                    Step 4
Manage conflict effective through communication
Effective listening is one skill in communication that can help in resolving conflicts. It is obvious how little conflict can be ignited from a little action or word and how it could breed destructive behaviors and responses too.

 

When conflict is not resolved properly, it can result to damage or it can destroy marriage or relationship; but conflicts should not be allowed to destroy relationships we struggled hard to build.
Developing good communication skills can never serve as strong key role in resolving your conflicts successfully in your home. This can be achieved through argument navigation.

 

Understanding the better ways to navigate argument is one communication skill for resolving conflicts you must give thoughts to; this simply means that you know to keep focus on one issue and never engaging in personal attacks.
Effective listening habit like asking questions when you are not clear about the matter and talking less also helps in resolving conflicts properly.
Another active communication skill that will help you resolve conflicts properly in your relationship is to address one issue at a time and avoiding multiple topics, whether they are related or not.
Never attack the other, and clearly let your spouse know all you are concerned about even if it took you time to pin-point the primary issues. Also take some time to know and understand all your spouse is trying to talk about also.
In conclusion, you have understood that communication is not just about giving information. It is one of those keys that help you to strengthen and prioritize our relationship with your spouse.

 

Take time to identify those communication behaviors that can help you improve your relationship; recognize the ones that are placing obstacles in your marriage also.

 

Also identify the communication attitude within you that needs improvement and start improving on them now.
Go on now and put those skills to action and invite me to your happy time celebration.

Being Happy: Your Guide to Lasting and true Happiness (Relationship to you marriage success)

images12Dear, What if I asked you to make quick improvements in your life that will positively affect your marriage, which area would you concentrate on; your finance, your communication style, or your sex life, well! All those areas need improvement also.

But, what if I explain to you what impact making yourself happy could make in your marriage, would you try a little more happiness?

If you want a happier marriage, a happier spouse, then you must consider boosting your own happiness. Improving on your own happiness could make your partner too.

Individual happiness is important to couples. It is a good step to making strong and lasting relationships.

A marriage is a union of two of two different individuals experiencing one another, but each of the couple is responsible for his or her happiness. However, when you are able to discover the happiness that is inside of you, then you can project it out so your partner could feel it then it may affect your spouse’s feeling too. But you can never force happiness on anyone

 

                     Reason you must consider being happy

  • When you are happy, you will attract everyone around you.
  • When you are happy, you make positive impression on people.
  • Being happy makes you positive about situations
  • If anyone goes wrong while with a positive person, the never dwells on it they quickly forgives and move forward
  • Being happy will never bring you down
  • A happy person always says nice things to people around.
  • People love to be around a happy person than a negative person.

Happiness is something you can share with your partner, Of course it is contagious. When you stay around depressed person, you will feel depressed too, the same it is when you stay around a happy person.

In this article, you will learn the steps to build a more happy relationship by improving on your own happiness too.

                          Steps to being happy

Knowing who you are:-

Getting to know who you really are is one way you can make yourself happy. Many people believed they know who they are, but it may amaze you to know that you do not know much about yourself. Do you know your feelings about certain things? Have you asked yourself about how you feel about the things that make you happy or bother you?

Knowing who you are and the things that appeals to others gives you a clue about those things that attracts people you

Dear, there is no way you can set goals, make your marriage or relationship happy if you are not aware of who you are and what you want in life.

When you are able to identify who you really are, it will

  • Open your eyes to see things you could not see before
  • You will achieve more in your life, marriage and relationship with ease
  • You can truly see and understand what you want
  • You can easily create or choose things that aligned with you.

Try to have a reflection of yourself. Your past, your present and you belief; all these are important to when you want to have a good future.

                         Be honest to yourself

What are the things you want:-                                       

One important quality of a man is the character. Without character you may not have a good success in life. The number one component of man’s character is the ability to be honest to you. You may succeed when you tell lies to others to gain wealth or power, but the worst of it all is when you lie to yourself. Poor decisions, poor judgments, and negative self-mastery are the results of self-dishonesty and until you are honest to yourself, you may not have success in anything you do.

Being honest with yourself will make you see things the exact way they are without pretense. Honesty is very vital when making effective changes and when you are trying to identify who you really are and the things you want.

Many people through self-deception refuse to tackle the issues of their “past activities”, circumstances and this prevent them from moving forward. Remember every lie, every deception, and every act of dishonesty; sum up to create the monster that will destroy your life and character

Almost everyone desires an honest relationship. When there is openness and honesty, compatibility is engendered in a relationship.

If you and your partner become open and honest to yourselves about your past and present actions as well as your plans for the future, it will help you to take quality decisions which take you to great level of personal and professional success.

Understand what you want from your spouse. A lot of books have been written about expectations but not want, but in being honest to yourself, you must differentiate the two. Be clear about the things you want from your spouse.

Stop for a while and think about those things you thing you want your spouse to do, have or be that will engender your happiness. But, you must know that your happiness is not in anyone’s hand but you.

                 Other benefits of being honest to yourself

  • It helps you to connect with people that matters.
  • It shows acceptance and maturity.
  • It shows people that you care.
  • It gives you courage.
  • It attracts honesty from other people
  • It helps you stay out of trouble.
  • It makes relationships closer.

                               This is the big one.

When you are sure of the things that make you happy, and have learned how to be honest with yourself, then the next thing is to

                             Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is necessary when you want to be emotionally and physically healthy.

What do I mean by setting boundaries:-

This is the space or limit between the other person and you, the very place you start and where the other ends.

From my experiences, I realized that the root of our struggles is fear. Our relationships start dying when we work with fear instead of love. Sometimes we could not see those fears that have been “driving our choices”, stopping us from doing the best for ourselves thereby destroying our relationships. However, when you understand how to set boundaries for yourself, it will help you strengthen your capacity to fall in love with yourself and let loose the “ego’s fear perception”

When you create healthy boundaries for yourself it helps you protect your self-esteem, self-respect and to enjoy your relationship.

It doesn’t matter if you are just hooking up, or have been in courtships, you cannot do without setting boundaries. To maintain a happy marriage or relationship, every couple must understand each other’s wants, fears, goals and limits.

It is good you discuss your boundaries with your spouse because it will make sure that each other’s needs are properly taken care of.

Areas to look at, when setting boundaries.

  • Your emotional boundaries: –

Setting emotional boundaries is paramount when you want to enjoy a healthy marriage. These are the invisible lines where we are happy and comfortable with ourselves, but when it is violated, it makes us feel very uncomfortable. This also comprises of how open you are about yourself and how comfortable you are when it comes to your emotions.

 

  • Physical boundaries:-

This is separation between you and any outside forces. It includes your privacy, personal-space, sexual life and your body.

             Three steps to setting boundaries.

Put it down on a paper:-

The first step thing to do is to identify the boundaries you want to set for yourself or your relationship and write them on a note pad. That will help you to have clarity about the things you want and not want and get ready to work with then to achieve your goals.

Understand it is your right:-

When preparing to communicate your boundaries with someone, it is important you allow yourself to tell them everything without feeling self-doubt. At times your greatest adversity maybe your fear about how other people will react to it rather than how they can genuinely respond. Understand that it is your right to establish your points the way ought to be seen with dignity.

How to say it out:-

When you have defined your boundaries, and you are sure of your rights to maintain it, then you are ready to share with other people. Try to be specific and straight to the point

After setting the boundaries, the next thing is to decide on the type of spouse you want to be.

Choose to be a great partner

When you are done setting your boundaries, the next thing is choose to

                                  Be a good partner

If you are interested in making your relationship or marriage strong, then you must make up your mind to be the best you can be to your partner. Though there is no specific formula for being a wonderful spouse, but there are some steps you may take to make your marriage better than it is right no. I have written some of them down for you.

2 important steps to be a good partner

Be a good listener:-

Being a good listener is one of the qualities of a good life partner. Let you mind be clear from any distraction while you partner is communicating to you, so you will be able to respond well to what he/ she is saying and not what you have in mind to say. Always give listening ears to whatever your spouse has to say with respect and if you think you do not agree, let your spouse know politely. I f you show politeness when you are listening to your spouse, it will give your wife courage to tell you all about his/her interests, concerns and issues.

Most times we think we know what our partner will say next and we interrupt. We believed we are helpful by speeding the discussion; but is actually shows your poor skills as a listener. Give him/her chance to finish talking before interjecting or answering.

When your partner is telling you about their problems or concerns, you may want to respond with your own story, but that is not what your partner needed at that time; all she wants from you is sympathy and not all about you story.

To be the best partner, you must focus on hearing your partner, break up your multitasking habits.

Reactivate romance in your marriage:-

Describe to yourself what you know about romance.

True romance is doing special and unexpected things for someone you love and care for unexpectedly even when there is no need to do that.

Getting romance back into your marriage is not a rockets science; with little efforts you can excite you spouse.

                     Quick tips to help you

Write down those things your spouse loves so much:-

Write down the things he/she loves and get it for him or her, then place it wherever you know he/she can see it by surprise. It may be at the corner of her bed, in his/her cupboard or any good position.

Send sweet text massages to your spouse:-

When you and your spouse are far from each other, try sending quality love text massages to him/her. When you wake up in the morning, tell him/her how nice it feels to wake up by his side. Then send a massage to your spouse about how you cannot wait to be by his/her side while you are not close at that moment.

Spend good time on bed together:-

Give up a day just to stay in your bed, just you and your spouse together. Have everything ready (food, drinks and everything you may need) beside your bed, hug, kiss, cuddle and enjoy sex together. Talk about the first day you met each other and do everything that will keep love going.

Find ways to pamper your spouse:-

There are so many ways you can do that. You can ask your spouse not to worry about the house chores and you take it up. Just find a way to do a little pampering.

                Understand what makes a happy couple

What are the things happy couples do together:-

No marriage is born to be happier than the other. There are hitches in every marriage. The happily married couples go extra mile while dealing with their own conflicts to stay happy.

The best thing you can do is to understand those things that make them different from the unhappy families and inculcate then in your own marriage.

                    These are quick tips to help you

They work on their relationship:-

Marriage needs care and nurturing all the time. Just the same way your garden will develop weeds when you neglect it, so it is a marriage when you refuse to take care of it too. Everything in life needs support to grow. The happy couples are bent on making their marriage strong instead of destroying it. They make commitments that move them to get to where they want to be.

They share quality times together:-

Nothing can make a marriage strong than the share of quality times by couples. Create a point of being together without your kids or pet. Just make it a you and your spouse time together. This will help to form a bond that will see you through in a life time especially when the storms of life comes. Do so many things that will make the time quality and memorable to the both of you.

They respect each other:-

Respecting your spouse will surely generate the same for you also. Make it a point of duty to tell your spouse how much he/she means to you. That will enrich your marriage. When you express your love to your partner, pause for a moment and mean what you say. Never be afraid to show how you feel for your partner.

In rapping up

Being happy with yourself is a pivot that will pull every other thing in life and make it worked well for you and your spouse. Get busy now and make yourself happy it will help to attract happiness to your marriage and to anyone that comes or stays around you. It is up to you to start from this point where I stopped.