It is obvious that communications should not be undervalued in our relationships. To have a happier life, happy relationship, you must be prompt in improving your communication skills, because that is the only thing that can make the difference in how quality your relationship/ marriage will be for you.
The foundation of every strong relationship is having a good communication with your partner. But marriage starts having problems when there is a breakdown in communication.
I have taken some time in this article to show you some effective communication skills that will help you enrich your marriage/ relationship.
In this article, you will also understand that communication is not just about exchanging information, but more about understanding the reason behind the information and the emotional states of the speaker. You will learn some skill to help you communicate effectively.
Now let’s get started …
Why must you improve on your communication?
As I have earlier said, you must understand that communication is more than mere changing of information; there is every need to understand the emotions behind it and the intentions of the speaker; that is what makes it effective. When your communication is not getting the results you want for you, then there is a reason to improve on it.
The main reason there is increase divorce in so many marriages is lack of communication. If couple should therefore understand the way to communicate with each other, marriages will be saved.
Communication in marriage /relationship can be compared with a river; if there is a smooth flow of feelings and thoughts among partners, everything becomes fun, everyone feels good. However, when there is a communication gap, tension builds up and everything starts collapsing, when it eventually comes back, they come in a more dangerous ways.
What exactly does effective communication in relations looks like?
In every strong relationship, partners communicate openly and freely too. They feel secured with each other when sharing some secret thoughts, they comfortably say their mind and feelings when things are not going well, and appreciate it when things starts going well again.
Both couples avoid using harmful and attaching words on each other, and they listen effectively when the other is talking, they want to understand the emotions behind the discussion.
They always look for the best in every conversation and not waiting for the other to make mistake so there will be trouble; even when there is a little compromise during the conversation, they politely settle it.
These are exactly what are seen among the happy couples. If you are not seeing it in your own relationship, then this article is for you and you must read it till the end and you will be glad you did.
One thing you must be happy about is that all the communication skills are learn able and you can improve yours, when you follow all I will show you here.
Let us look at all you will do to improve your communication.
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COMMUNICATION HABIT THAT HELPS YOU RELATIONSHIP
To understand this, let us look at the different types of communication in a relationship.
This is the type of communication that occurs without the use of words in conveying the meaning. It can happen through the use of body language, facial expressions or gestures. Those none verbal signs give related clues and more information as well as meaning more than spoken words.
The communication does not usually stop when you stopped talking, they continue even while you are silent.
Sometimes, those words that comes out of your mouth and what we actually communicates through the body language are different; when that happens the listener will decide to choose to believe either the verbal or the non-verbal, which is usually a natural and unconscious language that relates our sincere feelings and mind at a given moment.
Now think of this is a good example of non-verbal communication.
Just think about how many of those relationships you could remember that started with just eye contacts between the two inside a train; that shows how effective good wink could be more active than a well-planned “pick up line”.
This encompasses the type of communication that involves the use of words, whether spoken or written. The daily conversation you have with your partner, text massages you sent to your partner, telling him/ her to pick up some provision from the super market, the sign you give are all verbal communication.
The ability to share our feelings with language that is purely based on an ‘organized system of words” and not ordinary sound is what make us a unique species.
Whether verbal or non -verbal communication, what you must do is to recognize the type of communication that impacts your marriage; and improve on it for better results.
Improve your communication skills.
A good and effective communication is very important in every marriage .If you experience more arguments and chaos in your marriage, then there is need for improvement in your personal skills, to help your relationship Using these steps.
Develop a better listening skill:–
Listening means the ability to receive and interpret massage accurately, and that is the key to every effective communication. Poor listening skill brings break down in every communication and when there is a breakdown in communication, the marriage is heading for a serious break down.
To enhance your listening ability these are how you will behave when your spouse is talking to you.
(1) Never interrupt your partner:- Allow your partner to finish whatever they are saying before you come in. If you find this hard to do, discover way to always remind yourself to keep calm. Some people will hold their chin as a sign to them not to talk until your spouse finished talking.
(2) Concentrate on what your spouse is saying:- Talking to a person while he is pressing a phone, reading a book, hitting the computer keyboard or looking out of the window is the same thing as hitting a moving target.
How would you feel? If that is your child, you could command him or her to look at you when you are talking; but you can’t to your lover the same way you talk to your child. It is believed that eye contact is a major ingredient in every communication. Put out every distraction and look straight into your spouse’s eye even when they are not looking at you.
(3) Be open minded:- Pay attention and forget about judging the other person or criticizing what your spouse is saying mentally. If there is any reason to feel alarmed, go ahead and do that. Never be judgmental as soon as you say to yourself “that was stupid”, then you are proving not to be good listener.
Always have in your mind that your spouse is representing his/her thoughts and feeling with language and since you don’t know what those thoughts and feelings are, it will be impossible for you to understand them when are not listening.
(4) Try to understand the emotions behind the conversation:- In every conversation, there is what your spouse is trying to make you understand. They expect you to show the same feeling through your expressions as you listen. Express happiness when she expects that from you, fearful when that is needed and sadness when she is sad. This will only happen when you put yourself in your spouse’s shoe and also make yourself feel what it like to be he/her at that moment.
Improve on your politeness
Being more polite when you are communicating with your spouse is one habit you must improve on if you want to have a happy marriage.
Reasons to improve your politeness
(1) It will help to improve your relationship with your spouse
(2) It will to build more respect and good rapport with others.
(3) It will help in building your self- esteem.
(4) It will also help to improve communication in your marriage.
Start improving your politeness now
Being polite is all about being very much aware and respecting other people’s feelings. Improving on your politeness will also help to improve your relationship, marriage, increase your “self-esteem, confidence”, build rapport and respect and also help you to improve your communication behavior.
How to be more polite
Play gentile:- Never be forceful or “insistent”. This simply means you are not always too forward to get an answer to your requests. You do things without pressuring people around you or making them feel pushed around.
You may not need to be a quiet, “meek pushover”, but you are playing with calmness.
Let us assume you are talking with your spouse and you have a suggestion or opinion, you can gently throw in your opinion when necessary, but it may be rude when you want to forcefully push her to accept your opinions.
Always be grateful:- Learn how to carry yourself gently with a deep sense of calmness, but yet be involved in the “moment”. This will make your spouse feel safe to relate everything in his/her mind to you during communication.
Let your responses be appropriate:- Your ability to give good responses during conversation matters a great deal. It shows how polite you are. Let your response be thoughtful. Eliminate insults, sarcasm and never be overly casual. These are keys to a perfect conversation.
Praise or congratulate:- Learn to give good validations to your partner when there is a need for that during your communication.
When he or she says something that is good, nod your head in agreement with a little smile on your face. That will ignite more passion to be more open during the conversation.
Develop active listening responses
You can never be an active communicator without having good response ability. Sincerely the act of listening helps to establish respect and trust, and everybody present during the conversation feels good, but the good responses helps to keep the line of communication open.
Understanding how to respond in different scenarios in life determined how effective the communication will be. It is imperative that everybody leaves the communication ground without feeling threatened, humiliated or feel judged. Everyone must feel free to engage in communication next time.
Every effective response must be in sync with what the speaker is saying; when there is need to say yes, say yes and no respectively.
Your responses must make him or her to move forward or adjust. Many people exhibit their lack of listening responses by their responses, they say yes where no is expected; or uumh! where he or she is expected to smile or laugh, that will make the conversation to be ineffective.
Manage conflict effective through communication
Effective listening is one skill in communication that can help in resolving conflicts. It is obvious how little conflict can be ignited from a little action or word and how it could breed destructive behaviors and responses too.
When conflict is not resolved properly, it can result to damage or it can destroy marriage or relationship; but conflicts should not be allowed to destroy relationships we struggled hard to build.
Developing good communication skills can never serve as strong key role in resolving your conflicts successfully in your home. This can be achieved through argument navigation.
Understanding the better ways to navigate argument is one communication skill for resolving conflicts you must give thoughts to; this simply means that you know to keep focus on one issue and never engaging in personal attacks.
Effective listening habit like asking questions when you are not clear about the matter and talking less also helps in resolving conflicts properly.
Another active communication skill that will help you resolve conflicts properly in your relationship is to address one issue at a time and avoiding multiple topics, whether they are related or not.
Never attack the other, and clearly let your spouse know all you are concerned about even if it took you time to pin-point the primary issues. Also take some time to know and understand all your spouse is trying to talk about also.
In conclusion, you have understood that communication is not just about giving information. It is one of those keys that help you to strengthen and prioritize our relationship with your spouse.
Take time to identify those communication behaviors that can help you improve your relationship; recognize the ones that are placing obstacles in your marriage also.
Also identify the communication attitude within you that needs improvement and start improving on them now.
Go on now and put those skills to action and invite me to your happy time celebration.