How to spice up your marriage: The Definitive Guide

 

Do you want to know how to spice up your marriage?

Then get ready to learn the exact step to make your marriage successful.

We all knows that the longer a relationship goes, the more everything becomes a routine, and the relationship starts getting cold and everyone starts craving for those early days “butterflies-in-the-tummy”.

Am talking about those exciting feelings we used to have at the early days of our relationship.

Understand that It’s not the end of the world when you start seeing such in your relationship.

it is a common thing to see couples taking each other for granted.
They give more attention to their works and other things,and not their marriage.

But, the good news is that you can work together as husband and wife and in this article, I will show you how to spice up your marriage and I will s

It is the responsibility of the husband and wife to make their marriage successful.
All hands must be on deck and, that means it’s not a one man show thing.

There’s no dispute to the fact that one person can turn around the statues of a marriage, but I also know that it will be easier when husband and wife work together to make it happen.

This post is just to show you how you can spice up your marriage as husband and wife.

How to spice up your marriage as husband and wife.

 

Be romantic, create good atmosphere in your marriage

Related Posts

1) 101 ways to enjoy husband and wife relationship.

2) How to sustain an un- ending romance in your marriage.

3) Amazing Love and Marriage Quotes to spice up your marriage.

4) 7 Things that happens behind the scene of every successful marriage. 

Step In 1) Create intimate moments the cannot easily be forgotten:-

To better understand what it means to create intimate moments in your relationship, you’ve got to firstly understand what intimacy means.

What is intimacy? Intimacy can be described as the act of being very close to someone as well as feeling strongly and emotionally connected to him or her.

Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of money, sex and kids described it as the “act of making your partner feel understood and accepted”.

What she’s letting us know is that in a marriage where intimacy exits, there’s a significant amount of closeness, ecstasy, feeling alive and happiness between the couples.

Intimacy is important to every marriage, and so any marriage that lacks physical or emotional intimacy will most unlikely not succeed.

However, knowing and understanding your partner is the backbone of your relationship, and to know him/her better, you have to create moments of intimacy that can’t easily be forgotten in your relationship.

Here’s how.
Encouraging Each Other Always:-Learn to support and encourage your spouse in everything.
To put simply, be his or her cheerleader. Be attentive and sincerely take an interest in all the things he/she likes to do.
Show respect for your husband, and maximize every chance you get to always compliment him, both in private as well as in private places.

And to your wife, build her up in presence of others and also make her feel overwhelmingly important by giving her honest credit for the success of your family.

Let your better half truly know that you appreciate him or her with all your heart. The more our partners feel valued by us, the more they want to do more to make our relationship succeed.

– Laugh Together:- Laughter is an easy access to intimacy. It can as well be described as outright “vacation in a marriage” and the easiest way to keep things alive when there’s chaos in your relationship.

Crying and laughing gives you and opportunities to learn and trust each other especially when you are sharing feelings to each other.

When you learn how to laugh over everything, then you will also survive everything. Do not be too serious about everything. Whenever, there’s reason to be angry, learn to stop yourself, and instead deploy your love language called laughing, it will take care of everything.

– Learn to be More emotionally vulnerable When Having sex
Express your innermost fantasies, desires, and wishes with each other, and consider engaging in individual therapy when you feel intimacy is lacking in your relationship.

– Hold each others hands more often:- Dr. Kory Floyd, says that “holding hands , hugging, and touching can release oxytocin causing a calming sensation”.

Recent studies also tells us that holding hands also quickens the release sexual orgasm during sex.
Interestingly, physical affection also helps to minimize stress hormones, therefore lowering the effects of cortisol which is stress hormone released daily by our body system.

– Share Your Feelings:- The number one barrier to the growth of any relationship is the inability to have discussions.
It’s imperative for husband and wife to share their feelings to each other instead of bearing it in their minds.

Always know that no one is perfect, and your spouse doesn’t know everything; and so you have to share with your partner about how you feel as well as what you struggle with in life Life.

Going to bed with unresolved issues is not healthy to any relationship and can obviously make a heart to grow colder.

Create time each week for just you and your partner to go on a date and talk about how to make things work better in your relationship.
Investing time in your relationship makes things easier for you and your partner.

Step 2) Keep Track Of The Rights And Not The Wrongs:

There are couple who only sees the wrong things their partner does. It doesn’t matter how many things the partner does right, one wrong by the same partner nullifies it.

If what I said above describes you, then you have to change your perspective and try focusing on the right things about your partner only no matter how small or big and also try appreciating him/ her always.

In the Bible, Paul, in the letter he wrote to Corinthians (Corinthians 13:5), he advised us against keep record of wrongs.
It can hurt relationship like nothing else will, so you need to reevaluate your focus now.

Here are few suggestions on how to focus more on the positive sides of your partner.
– Stop Bearing Grudges: Fact is that no one is above mistakes, even you and so if you expect to be forgiven when you make mistakes, then you should also learn to forgive too.

It is not the best to say you have forgiven, and still your list of wrongs keeps getting longer.
Here’s what you should start doing now to help you stop it; get a blank paper and write down both the wrongs and the rights of your partner and then try concentrating more on the good attributes instead of the wrongs.

– Appreciations often: If you take a close look at your partner, you will see so many reasons to appreciate him/ her. Try and list them down one after the other, and then go through it first thing every day; such practices will help you learn how to see the best and not the opposite about your partner.

– Strive to always Always be positive in your own mind: According to Gottman, “it takes about 5 positive thoughts to overturn the effect of one negative thoughts.
If that’s the case, then why not change your thinking pattern to give positive impacts to your relationship.

Step 3) Date, date and date again:

To most couples, dating stopped immediately after wedding. But it’s not supposed to be so.

To spice up your marriage as husband and wife, continuous dating is imminent
Here is the deal; whether you have been married 10 days, weeks, months or years, romantic date is something regularly observe.

If you are reading this post now, I hope you are not planning to ignore this advice like many other couples do.

Frankly, a lot has been said about couple having regular dates, but believe me when I told you that recent survey still recorded that as low as fourth five percent of couples still don’t go on.dates and only seventeen percent manage to observe it.

To me, that’s a very low number, and I asked myself why? Maybe marriage and dating contradicts each other or people think it cost much to go on.date.

  • But to me date night is overwhelmingly cheaper than filing for divorce or even seeing a marriage therapist and it’s a whole lot of fun too for you and your part. So take it from me that romantic date is important.

Here are few check list of importance of date nights.
1) it create avenue for romance.
2) It create fun moments.
3) You have time to communicate.
4) Opportunities to take a break from stress.
5) Improves commitments.

All these are the reason why you should make dating a priority in you relationship and also understand that you don’t have to break a bank to have a good romantic date.
Let me give you some ideas.

Here are they
1)’Plan a romantic dinner at home:- Romantic dates must not be done outside the house, you can have it at home too.
Plan it in such a way that a beautiful romantic atmosphere will be felt as you and your spouse is enjoying your dinner together.

2) “Make a new recipe together”.

3) Go to a beach together.

4) Go to a library:- Look for books that you have never read before, take a close look at the ones that captured your attention, then then plan on starting your own book club together.

5) Go music concert:- Search for nearby local venues that organizing music concert for the up-and-coming musicians. Their must be a big price slash, but the important thing is that you’ll have a nice time there with your spouse.

Step 4) Always try Surprising one another:-

Another way to spice up your marriage is to always show kindness to you partner, especially when he/she is not expecting it. According to John Guttman, Bradford Wilfox and Jeffrey Deo’s research; the trio found out that kindness as the most important recipe for boosting the marriage.

W Bradford Wilcox said that ” “Generosity” – including small acts of kindness and.displays of respect and affection was positively associated with material satisfaction”.

Surprises is an act of kindness and no matter how big or small you try to surprise your partner, it shows that you care for them.

Surprising your partner can lead to greater intimacy and make him/ her feel contented with your marriage. It can also act as a catalyst that brings an unusual change to the statue of your relationship.

The great affect of surprising your partner is that while you feel good for surprising him/her, your spouse also feels loved and cherished too.
If you’re not sure how to surprise your spouse, then I have listed some steps to guide you.

Here are they
Write romantic notes and drop:- Although this sounds boring, but it will surely add colors to your partners feelings. Just find a good romantic writing materials and drop some romantic notes for them and then drop it anywhere you are sure they will see it. Examples- his wallet, her hand bag, his pocket or wherever you know they’ll see it; and then watch what the reactions will be.

Plan lunch break surprises:– Go to their office at break time, and take them out for lunch.

Do what they like doing even if you don’t like doing it too:- If you know what your spouse’s hobby is, then you can join them to do it, even if it’s not your kind of entertainment.

– Book a nice hotel room for the two of you only.
– Get them a thicker to wherever you know they will love to go.
– Plan a surprise birthday party.
– Get a favorite gift for them.
– Do the chores they usually do
-‘Prepare a delicious breakfast and serve them while still on bad.

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Emotional abuse, abusive partner,signs of emotional abuse,emotional abusive behaviors

Signs Of Emotional Abuse You Should Not Neglect.

                                                                                                                                                                  Emotional abuse, abusive partner,signs of emotional abuse,emotional abusive behaviors If you are not sure what the signs of emotional abuse is, then read this post carefully, as I will reveal them to you here in this post.

Reason is that, when you know what the signs are, you’ll be vigilant to prevent them into relationship.

If you your partner started showing you some serious cares and love lately and you are not sure why?

Then you should be at alert.

Why did I say so?
You see, that could be clear signs of emotional abuse.
Lisa Ferentz describes emotional abuse as subtle, which is unlike physical and sexual abuse that you quickly noticed in a relationship.

This usually comes to the victim subtly as if the partner is on a new level of caring.

The abuser, pretends to be kind and more attentive, until they gradually makes the victim vulnerable by getting their trust and confidence, and then they keep abusing the victim.

All these emotional abusive behaviors are just the little tricks he/she employed to distract you from suspecting the reality of all his/ her of manipulations to you.

Here they are

Signs of Emotional Abuse you should not neglect in your marriage.

Related post:

11 Subtle marriage killers to avoid in your marriage

15 Highly neglected threats to marriage

11Things yourwife needs from you to do more

1) You’ll be getting threats from him/her:-

Threat is one of the ways an emotional abusive partner gain more power from the other partner.

They use this manipulative scare tactics to make you accept their views or actions.

He/she may threaten to commit suicide if faced with some breakup issues, he may also threaten to expose you in an embarrassing way, or even threaten to take any of your valuables like – child, money. Jewelry, or home.

Some may even threaten to dump or tell your or families of any of your secrets he/ she knows about.

All these are just to make you defenceless from his or her further actions.
However, when you see all these, then know you married and emotional abusive partner.

2 No Respect For Your Privacy:-

If your partner starts disrespecting your Privacy, then he is emotionally abusive.

An abusive partner may wake up one dey and demand that you hand over your password or codes to him/her.

He may want to read your private messages or listen to your voice mails whether by insisting you handover the password, or by hacking into it. Those are clear signs of emotional abuse.

3) Jealousy:-

To some level, jealousy can be said to be good in a relationship.
Jealousy is only triggered when there is perceived threats in a marriage or relationship.
Diana R. Gerhart, PhD, a family therapist said that jealousy is only bad “if acted on it aggressively”.

She also said that “it can be useful if it’s approached as a force of good”.
When jealously is mild in a relationship, it makes the couples becomes careful not to take the other for granted, it also encourage partners to appreciate the other.

However, when jealousy becomes more than the “occasional fleeting feelings”, it then becomes a red flag that your partner is emotionally abusive..

 


For instance, if he/she become jealous of people you relate with, the times you leave the house, the clothes you put on, the books you read or want to fight anyone that looks or come closer to you then that’s a red flag.

4) Intimidation:-

The abusive partners have so many ways to make you become his/her puppet without saying a word.
They use intimidation;

According to the dictionary, Intimidation is the act of frightening or threatening someone to do what you want them do.

Example: If your partner is the type that constantly interrupts your ideas, or criticize what you have said in the past, then it a sign of an abusive behaviors, he/she is just trying to prove that your opinions are of no values.

5) Blame game:-

Blame game is another serious sign of emotional abuse you should not neglect in.your relationship.

This is simply when your partner wants to point fingers on you for almost everything.
Example probably, He/she tries to wear a pair of shoes and didn’t see one of his stockings, the next thing is blaming you, when she feels hers desires are not met you receive the blames again.

Dr Neil, a writer in fobes say that ” chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse… And blame reduces intimacy”.

Blaming create a negative environment between you and your partner, when you allow it to linger a little bit more, resentment follows, and it also makes the other person feel as though he/she can never get anything right.

Be watchful to know when these things starts coming up.

6) When your partner always refuse to accept flaws:-

Abusive partner never admits their flaws, and so they always want to make you feel they are perfect. However, they are very far from perfection.

If your partner is such that wants to project perfection images to you, then always take time to look well, you must see those cracks on the wall.

7) Judgemental:-

Emotional abusive partners are always very quick to judge the other even without understanding his/her points.
They are easily provoked and so you’ll not know what will get him/her furious the next second.

All these didn’t just start, they usually started from the different little strokes of intolerance and then grows writhing a short time and become rigid.

8) Quest to be in control:-

The truth is that power and control is the most important thing  the abusive partner wants in the first place. So if you realise that your partner always want to be in control at every point in time, then that’s a red flag.

He manner of control may not be as obvious as he getting you to give him your car keys, he/she may just convince you to quit your job just to take care of the children.
That’s a sign to watch in your relationship before it becomes a threat.

9) Name calling:-

This is another sign of abusive behaviors. It is true that we have the right to joke and tease each other in relationship, but there is a very thin line between making jokes and being rudeness.

If your partner call you names like stupid, ugly, dumb, useless, unlovable, then that’s another red flag that he is an abuser.

Name calling make the other partner look as someone “negative”. But all the abusive partner wants is exert power over you sense of worth.

In conclusion, do not neglect any of the signs of emotional abuse you see in your marriage, because it may be hard to deal with if not handled on time,

One of the  things to do to curb it is to approach a marriage therapist to help you.

Rules of Marriage, marriage rules

Rules of Marriage: You Must Keep These 7 Rules

marriage Rules,rrules of a marriageIf you want to succeed in anything, then you must know the rules guiding it and follow it to the last, and then success comes.

Jim Rohn in his quote said that “Success is neither magical not mysterious. Success is the natural consequences of constantly applying the basic fundamentals”.

The same is applicable to marriage. There are also rules that governs every relationship, there are do’s and dont’s of every marriage, and until you know what those rules of marriage are, and also observe them, you may not have the success you see others have in their marriage.

Just show me that happy marriage, and I will prove to you that they also observed the rules of Marriage to the last.
Fact is that married life is not that hard, and not so easy as well, however, if you and your partner decides to keep these rules of a successful marriage, then you’ll get the rewards you desire too.

The truth is that you are lost in the sea about what those rules are, but in this post, I will show you some of the most important rules of marriage you must keep to the last, if you want to have success in your relationship.

The only 11 Rules of Marriage you Must Keep to the Last.

1) Always be positive about your spouse/ marriage:– Marriage can’t succeed by accident, it takes the commitments of both couples to make a marriage successful, through making some important sacrifices.
There are many things couples should do to help their marriage succeed, and attitude is one of them.
“Attitude is everything” they say, and really good attitude get things done in a short time.
Example: if you always nurse the feelings of anger, resentment or hatred towards your partner, it will always affect the growth of your marriage.

But when you understand how to stay positive no matter what the circumstances are, then you’ll see things getting right again.

Like, they say attract like and what you think often usually comes to you.
The simple logic is that, when you think positive about your marriage, you get positive results, and vice versa.

2) Never Try to Change Your Partner:– One of the things that brings a lot of problems in a relationships is trying to change the other person.

It’s natural and it’s not a sin that you want your spouse to upgrade, and be all they can,or reach his potential. But it is wrong when you want to manipulate or force him or her to change.
It’s not just right to force someone to change, even if that will bring the greatest rewards to you.

But, the truth is that no one will change unless he/she believes there’s need to do so and sometimes, they still will not change even if there’s need to change, unless they want.

It’s also true that it takes work to change but, your partner will prefer you to offer your support and not “pressure”.

Forcing your partner to change will only bring conflicts and resentment to your relationship, and that’s something you don’t want happen.
You can only devote yourself to change, or change the way you see your partner, that’s the only that that will bring the changes you desire.

 

3) Never Criticize Your Partner:- Criticism is great when it’s constructive, because it helps to inform and advice the person, however, when it’s not constructive, then you are destroying the other person.
You may see it as a help to your partner, but you are causing another damage to your marriage and to your partner.

Rules of Marriage, marriage rules

 

Here are some other effects of criticism.

Constantly criticism your partner can cause him or her to
Start hiding things from you, keeping distance And eventually there will be a disconnect.
When there’s disconnect, then the marriage is on the verge of crumbling.
So avoid it completely.

4) Understand that Your marriage is not about your happiness:- Your marriage will succeed when you concentrate on your partners happiness rather than yours.
Never see your marriage as a contract where you are only happy when things are going the way you want it.

No! marriage is where you sacrifice your joy, your concerns, just because you want happiness in your relationship.
You have to learn to be committed when things are not working well, instead of filing for divorce, you’ve got to constantly think of what to do to make your partner happy.

Learn to practice self denial, and self sacrifices, forgiving fast and understanding are the main ingredient for a successful relationship.

5) Be quick to ask for forgiveness and forgive easily too:- Asking for forgiveness and being quick to forgive has been found to be one of the most important recipe for a successful marriage, it was also proved that couples who practice forgiveness and asking for forgiveness are always likely to have a more satisfying romantic relationship.

We all know that nobody is perfect and everyone has a separate mind as well as a different point of view.
Although you should never sit back and be humiliated because you believe in asking for forgiveness, however, if you really wish to have a successful relationship, then you really have to learn to forgive.

Asking for forgiveness also helps a relationship succeed, cause it shows you have a repentant heart.
Never allow pride stop you from asking for it, it doesn’t mean you are weak, it only shows you want your marriage succeed.

6) Never talk ill of your spouse’s family and parents:– You hold your family to a high esteem and wouldn’t want anyone speak Ill of them.

If you respect your family, then you should also respect and value your partners family too.
When you constantly criticize them, it shows that you are selfish and you don’t care.
So take your time to thread carefully with your partners family the way you want him/ her deal with yours.

7) Be each others number one:- There are lots of things that will want to distract you from giving attention to your partner- your job, hobbies, friends, etc. But do not give room to then.
Even the happy spouse are faced with the same conflicts the divorce faced, but they find their ways around it.

Put your whole attention on your relationship and how to make it work better.
If there’s need to create a boundary to avoid intrusion, then do so in other to protect your marriage.

 

In conclusions remember that every success has a principle that guides it, so if you want success in your relationship, then you should give your whole attention to observing these rules of Marriage I’ve listed down for you in this post.
They are simple and easy to apply to make your marriage successful.