Life may not be easy for you if you are in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. They know how to give excuses, and never like to discuss anything related to feelings or relationships.
They are so evasive and they sometimes use criticism or anger to keep you at a distance from them. At last, you will feel alone, frustrated, and rejected. And you may want to pull out of the relationship.
If you are still contemplating whether to keep holding on or throw in the towel, then read this post because I will show you how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man.
What Is An Emotionally Unavailable Man?
An emotionally available man is a man who is not always willing to sustain emotional bonds with someone, and because of that, if you can’t have a successful relationship with such a person.
They always strive to keep a relationship and so prefer to have a causal relationship which gives them the chance to keep a distance.
Does this describe the man you are staying with right now?
If yes, then he is an emotionally unavailable man.
Below are other signs he is an emotionally unavailable man.
1) He Has Never Been In Any Serious Relationship:
If you are not sure whether he is an emotionally unavailable man, then check his relationship background.
You will discover that he has never had a relationship that lasted longer. He may have been involved in so many relationships in the past, but none of them lasted, because they did not show any interest in things related to emotions.
They won’t want to show interest in making any commitment whether minor or major commitment, then they leave their partner feeling rejected and alone
He may also leave the relationship without notice. His past relationship ends abruptly and that’s what will happen in any relationship he finds himself in. The truth is that if he has not been in a long time meaningful relationship, then he is incapable of it.
2) When He Is Indecisive:
Emotionally unavailable men usually find it hard to commit to things generally. He never likes to bring his 100% commitment to anything he does, because they claim to be the best.
They start and stop halfway and they never set their attention on the important things that matter to him.
This is a big sign to note because if he can’t commit properly to those things that should be of utmost importance to him, don’t expect him to commit to your relationship.
2) Is He A Perfectionist?
If he is always waiting for you to make mistakes so he can capitalize on that to leave the relationship, that’s also he is an emotionally unavailable man
They are not a perfectionist but they are afraid of intimacy so they are looking for your imperfection to hold on to for his unavailability, otherwise, their anxiety will rise.
If you eventually make a mistake, he will have reason to quit the relationship.
3) He Loves To Blame:
The blame game is his perfect tool to keep you at an emotional distance. He will always want you to say or do anything wrong and he will blame you for the rest of your life.
He will blame you for eating early, late eating, and even for eating at all, and you can’t please him no matter how you try
According to Dr. Neil Farber, “Chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse and blaming reduces intimacy.” His blame game is just to scare you away so he will not commit to you. Those are car signing checks.
4) Full Of Self:
These guys are self-centered, what they know is “me, myself, and I.”
His focus is always on himself, and because of that, he doesn’t care about how to have a successful relationship with you.
His whole energy is geared to his personal life, boosting his ego and only seeking to make himself better without caring about another person.
He will never be part of anything that wouldn’t favor him, and he will never talk about your interests.
Even when you go to him for encouragement, he will never be there for you, but he will not be happy when you are not there for him when he is in distress.
The truth is that if you keep staying with him, then be ready for big surprises, because they can do anything they want without considering how you feel.
5) Hit And Run is Always Their Mission:
He knows how to compliment and make you feel he cares about you, but all his plans are nothing but to make you fall for them so they can have sex with you.
Forget it, they are not fans of long-term relationships, neither do they care about your emotions and once they succeed in their mission, they find an excuse to leave when you are already enthralled.
If you meet someone like that, take your time to know what he wants from you, if you find out he is interested in having a quick sexual relationship with you at that early time, don’t let him succeed. He will back out immediately if he fails.
6) Anger Is Part Of Their Strategies:
No matter how humble and good you are to them, you will never please him and you will be surprised as any small flaw can make him very mad at you. It is only a strategy to avoid getting closer to you.
However, when they want to gain from you, they become so good and they wouldn’t mind playing a fool to get what they want at that moment. Once they succeed, he finds a way to get mad at you so you will feel frustrated and quit the relationship.
7) He Will Never Support You:
One of the ways you’ll know if your partner is an emotionally unavailable spouse is when it comes to supporting you says, Hoffman.
You will always know that he will not support you in anything and if you don’t feel supported by them, you will not feel understood or cared for too.
Hoffman also said that people like that may have some deep issues they want to connect with first before connecting to you. That’s a sign to note and when these show up in his character, your best approach may be to take that big decision you have on your mind.
8) If He Likes To Do Things Alone:
Because he doesn’t want any relationship, this guy will always keep himself busy with anything that is not that important, just to keep away from you.
He may be watching a cartoon or playing a video game that does not make that sense at that particular time, but he will just engage in those things so he won’t chat or relate with you on anything. That is a sign of an emotionally unavailable man
9) He Takes More From You And Gives Less:
In a good relationship, couples know how to give and take proportionately so no one feels cheated everyone is ready to meet each other’s needs without looking back
But, you will not experience such when you are with an emotionally unavailable man. He is just interested when he knows he will get more from you than to give.
You will know that you are doing more for your marriage than he does.
10) Avoidance of Deep Conversations:
Emotionally unavailable men often steer clear of discussions that involve vulnerability or deeper emotions.
They may change the subject or shut down when topics become too personal or intense. This avoidance prevents genuine emotional connection and intimacy, leaving their partners feeling unheard and unfulfilled.
In essence, their reluctance to have a meaningful conversation reflects their emotional unavailability.
11) Inconsistent Communication:
An emotionally unavailable man may exhibit inconsistent communication patterns, such as being attentive and affectionate one moment and distant or aloof the next.
QThis inconsistency can create confusion and insecurity in the relationship, as their partners never know what to expect.
It reflects their inability or unwillingness to maintain steady emotional engagement, leaving their partners feeling uncertain and disconnected.
12) Difficulty Expressing Empathy: Empathy is crucial for building emotional bonds and understanding your partner’s feelings.
However, emotionally unavailable men often struggle to express empathy or comprehend their partner’s perspective.
They may seem indifferent or dismissive towards their partner’s emotions, making it challenging to foster genuine intimacy and connection.
This lack of empathy reinforces their emotional unavailability and contributes to relationship dissatisfaction.
13) Fear of Intimacy:
Emotionally unavailable men typically harbor a deep-seated fear of intimacy, which stems from past experiences or unresolved emotional issues.
They may avoid physical closeness, emotional vulnerability, or any form of commitment that requires deeper emotional investment. This fear acts as a barrier to forming meaningful connections and prevents them from fully engaging in the relationship.
Their reluctance to embrace intimacy perpetuates their emotional unavailability and hinders relationship growth.
14) Preference for Surface-Level Relationships:
Emotionally unavailable men often gravitate towards shallow or superficial connections rather than seeking deeper, more meaningful relationships.
They may prioritize casual encounters or short-term flings over long-term commitment and emotional intimacy.
This preference for surface-level interactions allows them to avoid confronting their emotional limitations and maintain a safe distance from genuine emotional connection.
Consequently, their relationships remain superficial and lack the depth necessary for emotional fulfillment.
15) Resistant to Change or Growth:
Despite their partner’s efforts to address relationship issues or encourage emotional growth, emotionally unavailable men often resist change or refuse to acknowledge their emotional shortcomings.
They may dismiss their partner’s concerns, deny the existence of problems, or refuse to seek help or therapy.
This resistance impedes relationship progress and perpetuates their emotional unavailability, as they remain unwilling to confront their internal barriers or make meaningful changes.
How To Deal With Emotionally Unavailable Men:
1. Let Him Know How You Feel:
There is a need to keep quiet when you don’t like his behavior especially when the relationship is still young.
Once you notice that he likes to be alone, avoid discussions about your relationship or he is always careful when it comes to “expressing his emotions.”
The best you can do at that point is to tell him how you feel about his actions and tell him what you want from him.
If he refuses to change, then that is not a relationship to be in: leave the relationship immediately. The pains will be less now than when you have gone far into the relationship.
2. Don’t Try To Fix Him:
I know you love him so much and you wouldn’t want to leave him, instead, you will resolve to fix him as the marriage continues but that will not work.
Don’t be like most women who always want to change their men and make them better individuals and do not realize that it is hard to change someone.
The best thing to do if you don’t like something about your partner is to ask yourself why such is happening, then check if you can overlook it or go on with it.
Trying to change a man, especially an emotionally unavailable man is a suicide mission and will only earn you his “contempt in love.”
If you can’t leave him because of the love you have for him, then try to accept him the way he is and keep up with your relationship with him.
3. Try Loving Yourself More:
You have tried all you could, and you have given up all you do for yourself so you can concentrate on your man to make him love you, yet he is not showing any interest.
My advice is that you let go of trying to love and please him and concentrate on yourself better than before.
Stop trying to impress him and start living for yourself. Engage in things that give you joy and peace of mind. Have your own life and be serious about your career and other things that matter to you. Love and treat yourself like you are the only one in the world.
I indeed advise you to leave the relationship as soon as you discover that you can not live with him, but if you love him so much and want to stay put, have some patience with him.
Final Thought:
Understanding if your partner is an emotionally unavailable man can be the best thing you do to know which final decision to take.
Would you hold fast and wait for him to change or take to your heels immediately?
Well, that depends on you, however, after reading this post, you would have learned how to know if he is an emotionally unavailable man, and how to deal with an emotionally unavailable spouse.
If you understand what I have written in this post, then you can make the right decision.