Some times in your marriage, you may wonder about how to reconnect with your spouse both physically and emotionally for things to get in place again.
Connection in any relationship is a wonderful thing that binds you and your partner as couples; this shows the extent of the intimacy both of you are able to sustain after you have passed the early stage of your relationship.
Perhaps now, you have realized how the day to day activities of life, filled with stress, chores, work and taking care of your kids have created a great vacuum between you and your spouse, and have made you focus on the negative side of your marriage, instead of the things that brought you together as husband and wife in the very first place.
Now understand that the disconnections I am talking about do not mean that both of you don’t love each other as before, no the love is still there, however you have seen how it is almost impossible for the two of you to express your love.
Maybe, by the time you are through with the work which takes you out in the morning and brings you back late in the evening, coupled with the getting the groceries from the store, getting the children back from school and getting dinner ready for the family, then you have little or no time to kiss, hug, and even have a conversation as partners becomes a forgotten issue.
You know exactly what am talking about. : )
But you are not alone: everybody is guilty of this; even the happiest couple has in one time or the other fallen for this.
Meanwhile, if you have not witnessed it in your own marriage, then may I congratulate you, because you are just having your honeymoon.
Maybe your marriage is just two months old.
I said this because I know it is inevitable in any relationship. Though different couple experiences it in different ways; but no matter how you experience it, the fact is it is not the end of the road.
Just understand that you have the power to restore hope and confidence in your relationship.
We can change whatever we are not comfortable with if we want to.
In this article, you are going to learn how you can effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and make your marriage stronger than it was before.
But firstly, let us look at those things that can make a couple to be disconnected in the first place, the ways disconnections can manifest in marriage and then how you can reconnect with your spouse again.
One of the famous marriage research john Guttman and the wife Julie Guttman for 25 years now has conducted a study in their “love lab”, using some married couples, which were placed in an apartment and where closely monitored using video and questionnaire.
The reason for this research was to learn more about how couples thrive in their marriage, and more especially to understand the reasons that could make partners feel a distance from each Other.
From the research, four things were identified to be the reason why a couple will feel disconnected in their relationship.
Here they are!
– Criticizing your partner:
– Being defensive:
– Act of stonewalling:
When these become so much in a relationship, there is no doubt there will be clear manifestations of..
- Avoidance attitude:
when there is a shutdown or detachment between couples, they start avoiding being close with each other, and avoidance works opposite to the goal of marriage; because it makes a couple to give up their strength for developing their marriage.
Most of the avoidance attitude starts from the unsettled disputes or aggressions in the marriage.
- Interrupting: Couples stop being a good listener, now they are ready to interrupt the other even in the middle of a conversation. As we know, the ability to listen to your partner is one of the main habits possessed by happy couples.
- Secret keeping: Disconnection brings distrust between couples, and when there is distrust, couples resolve to keep secrets. Trust is one of the main traits of keeping a successful marriage. No marriage can thrive without that, and keeping secret make things worse.
- Nagging: One attitude that is pure detrimental to marriage is nagging. Nobody wants to be nagged, but when there is a detachment among couples, there will be disagreement, and communication will not flow the way it used to be.
The couple then starts nagging each other, because they believed nagging is just that better way to be understood.
- Look out for problems: Disconnection makes the couple to always be on the lookout on how to blame the other. A relationship thrives more when every couple becomes positive of the marriage; but when blames and problem seeking overshadows trust, then marriage starts crumbling down.
- Threatening: I have seen marriages were spouse threatens themselves at will. It’s either the wife is threatening to leave the marriage, or the man is threatening to leave the house and everything for the wife, just because of little quarrel.
The worst thing you could do in your life is to use your own tongue to destroy your marriage.
Remember what the word of God said about the tongue. If you really know about the power of what you say with your mouth, you will be careful about what comes out of your mouth.
I will advise you to say only those things you want to see and forget about any type of threat.
- Telling lies: Another way disconnection in relation manifests is through lies. Couples resolve to tell lies to each other, simply because they are now taking each other for granted. One thing about a lie is that once your spouse notices that you have been telling lies; he /she will never trust your words again.
- Resentfulness: This is another way disconnection manifests in marriage; resentment undermines the quality which marriage should be instituted and which entails loyalty, trust, and love.
The bible said something about putting away every malicious bitterness. in the book of Ephesians 4:31.
When you harbor resentment, it will hurt your marriage, because it will make other things to stop working efficiently.
If you see any of these behaviors in your life, then you have to make up your mind to start reconnecting with your spouse, before things go out of hand.
One of the effective ways to reconnect with your spouse again is to learn how to be in charge of all your actions. It doesn’t matter if your partner is adamant about the whole issue, just go ahead and start.
Here are a few tips to guide you
How you effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast. Tweet this
1) Redeem yourselves from the effect of time:
One reason almost all the couples want to give for disconnection is time.
When the day to day activities have taken all the time meant for the partners to stay together and enjoy their relationship.
But you can redeem yourself from the whole effects of time as I am going to show you in a minute.
How would you feel if you can?
– You can have more quality time with your spouse and children.
– To make your schedules and follow it and not others.
– To have things that are more important to be done without being trifled.
– Free yourself from the clock.
You will like it eh! : )
Now let me show you how.
Here are steps you can follow to make the best use of your time.
Now take a note pad and a pen and
– Write down those things that must be done, write those big tasks and the small tasks. Just write them down as they come to your mind.
– Your proprieties in life:
What are the things that are most important to you in life? If you are still trying to be balanced in life, then there are so many things you should not let to be a priority over your health, both physical and mental.
—Remove the non-important items:
This part of the step will be more important to you if you don’t understand where to start from your list.
What you will want to do here is to look at your lists and look at the items that are more important than the other, and set them in the other of their priorities and you should try eliminating the ones that are not supposed to be included in the list.
– Delegate some of the tasks if possible:
I am not asking you to dump some of your responsibilities, but there may be someone who can do them better and faster than you. So why not let him or her take the responsibility, so you can focus on other items.
– Select some items that can be done by you and your spouse:
It can be fun when you do household projects together; as a family, do the cleanings, cutting of weeds and other tasks together.
– And finally is to stop procrastinating:
The best way to get something accomplished is to start doing it immediately. Though starting a thing is the hardest step, but it pays to start immediately than to start later. Procrastination can steal your time if you let it.
When you are through with getting your time, another step to take to reconnect with your spouse is to
Remove some thoughts from you: When you take another look at the list of the ways disconnection manifests in a relationship, you will clearly understand that they are all triggered by the thought will have about our companion, about yourself and about your relationship.
Wait a minute
It will be best if you could pause now, and consider most of those thoughts that made you criticize your spouse in the time past.
What did you think was the main trigger of your action? How could you say your spouse was angry from the way he/she looked at you?
Now consider turning around those negative thoughts, so that instead of blaming yourself for being responsible for how your partner feels, then think of the best practices to change your thinking and then your behaviors and your emotions will follow suit.
2) Get intimacy back:
Being in an intimate relationship with your spouse simply shows that you have fully let your spouse into the world completely. At this point, both of you can share in your hopes and dreams as well as worries.
When an intimate relationship exists between couples, that shows that every partner feels protected and safe too.
You have to develop a whole heart trust with your companion.
It is the secured environment that was brought by trust and confidence that triggers touch and caress which makes every partner feel good.
Another way you can develop intimacy in your relationship is by being kind. Study shows that kindness is one of the reasons for building a strong and happy home. So learn to show kindness and respect to one another.
3) Make your marriage a priority:
Let your family be the first thing that matters to you. Let it be obvious from the way you talk; reduce the use of I and me and use more of us when you talk.
Understand that the wedding was planned together; you said the vow together even in the presence of many friends and the marriage license was handed over to you together, so why would you start living alone.
Try all you can
It is imperative you make efforts to increase and reinforce a new sense of togetherness as well as guarding and protecting it.
Have your marriage in mind anywhere you are, and anything you do and establish healthy and strong boundaries around your relationship.
It may not be easy when you want to work on this, but it is worth doing.
Try taking a day off and share the day together: Nothing can be compared with when couples have the whole day to themselves without distraction. They will have more time to share quality time together.
Let me ask you
They will talk about the family and how to move it further. How much time have you spent with your spouse for the last week, last month even since this year? Just purse and think it over. You will realize that the reason you are feeling disconnected is that you have not done what you are supposed to do.
Now consider scheduling a time when you and your spouse could just seize the day just the two of you. Tweet This
4) Set up a daily marriage check attitude:
In business, you need to check your stock often to know how the business is fairing, sometimes; you need to check yourself to know how you are doing health-wise.
Now it is very important you adopt the same attitude in your marriage. It will help you to know where you are failing as couples, and how to reconnect with your spouse again.
If your marriage is experiencing disconnection presently, then it is because you have not done what you are supposed to do as couples.
But have in mind that it is not the end of your marriage. When you look at my checklists you will discover how to reconnect with your spouse, it will clearly dawn on you that you have some conflicts that were poorly treated.
Look back and try to imagine what they are and start working on it.
You absolutely have nothing to gain when your marriage is in shamble; but you have a lot to gain when there is joy, love, and happiness and that is when you are able to reconnect with your spouse again.
Start reconnecting with your spouse now and watch your marriage move from glory to glory. Tweet This
It is up to you now.