step by step on how to control anger in marriage
The moment you know how to control anger in marriage, then half of your problems in marriage are solved.
This is because you or your partner will always have reasons to be angry, whether you like it or not.
Sometimes it may be about finance, parenting, sex, or even unsolved issues.
Whatever it is, there are proper ways to deal with issues in your relationship and get results.
What is anger?
Anger is a “natural, an unwanted or erratic, emotion people experience from time to time.”
Sometimes anger can be good, and help you so solve some pressing problems.
For example, anger can help you when people want to frustrate you and also help you express your “negative feelings.”
Things become worse when your anger is express wrongfully.
Too much anger can also increase your blood pressure and cause other health-related issues to you, which can keep you from thinking straight.
When you are not thinking straight as a couple, then there will always be squabbles in your family.
But this post is just to show you how to control anger in marriage or help someone you know to deal with the same issue.
But Can Anger Destroy A Marriage?
If you asked the question above, then you should read this part of the article carefully.
The answer to that question is “yes”
Many years ago, the Gottman Institute, research anger, and relationship, and they found out that being too angry will make your heart rate run at 100 a minute. That is known as (being emotionally flooded).
The danger of having that fast heart rate is that it will weaken your information processing capacity.
When you are emotionally flooded, you’ll be so overwhelmed by your anger and this will make you unable to think fast again. (Source).
This will then cause a communication breakdown in your relationship and then your whole marriage is also affected.
If it is not properly handled, one of you may be stressed and may want to quit the relationship eventually.
The Checklist of What Anger Does To Relationships
- When you direct your anger at your spouse, it increases their anxiety.
- It decreases your partner’s ability to trust you again.
- Their health can be affected as well.
- Your spouse’s irritability could also be increased
- This can also affect your children negatively.
- The worst is that it affects your health also.
Causes Of Anger In A relationship.
Many things can cause anger in marriage,
Here are They:
– Lack Of Care:
When your partner seems to be inattentive to your emotional needs, or physical needs, you will never be happy.
When you or your partner are not getting the attention needed, it will breed so many reactions and cause so many other things in your relationship to go wrong.
Below are few things that result from a lack of care in a relationship.
- Infidelity: when you are not taking good care of your spouse, he or she becomes vulnerable and can easily give in to anyone that shows a little care.
- There’s no Intimacy: Lack of care means that intimacy has disappeared. If intimacy disappears, that also means you don’t love each other anymore.
- Reduces self-worth, self-esteem: If you ignore your partner for a long time, they will feel unimportant, and the self-esteem will decrease. They will assume they are either not worthy to be your spouse or have made the wrong choice.
- Divorce: When there is no more connection, infidelity, and low self-esteem, then no one will be comfortable with the relationship anymore. The next thing is to look for a way out.
– Unrealistic Expectations:
We all have one expectation or the other, but when your expectations become more than can be achieved, it will cause troubles in your relationship and anger for you.
It is good to think big because it will propel you to do more for the good of your marriage.
However, having expectations that your marriage will complete you is one of the unrealistic goals.
Simply put, once you become selfish in your expectations it becomes unrealistic and also detrimental to your marriage.
It is therefore imperative that you watch your dreams about your relationship because when they are unmet, you will be discouraged and sad too.
Realistic expectations are easy to achieve because you will be free to discuss with your partner how to achieve them.
– Not Been On The Same Page:
Lately, one of my readers sent me an email, asking me what to do, since what she loves is what the husband hate.
Not been on the same page with your partner can cause you a lot of stress and anger.
The truth is that if you are in a long term relationship, then you must be on the same page with your partner.
What does being on the same page mean?
Being on the same page means teamwork, unity, and understanding that exists between you and your spouse.
When you are on a different page, you will have so many problems dealing with life in your relationship.
So what would you do about this?
Get on the same page now to make things easier for you.
Here’s what to do:
- Rebuild trust. Lack of trust can keep you from being on the same page with your partner. If you have done something in the past that made your partner withdraw from you, then you have to work to get trust back again.
- Learn to compromise: You and your partner will not always agree on everything. To be on the same page, you must learn to compromise on certain things so that peace will reign.
- Good communication: good communication brings and keeps you on the same page. With good communication, you can know your spouse’s mind. That’s all you’ll need to be on the same page.
- Respect each other: One of the reasons that can take away from being on the same page is lack of respect. Lack of respect gets everyone angry and disconnected. When there is mutual respect, everyone is happy and ready to function effectively as partners.
– Not In Control:
Everyone loves to be in control and not to be controlled. If you are being controlled in any way in your relationship, you will never be happy.
On one occasion, one of my readers confessed to me that what made her detest the husband is because he always wants to show he is the man of the house.
For peace to reign in your relationship, don’t seek to be the boss or be bossed around. Work as a team, so you will make a tremendous amount of success together.
– Other Circumstances:
There are so many circumstances that can cause anger in your relationship. Although it is not caused by your partner, you will find yourself getting mad at your partner when you remember that.
When you are struggling or lost something dear to you, your happiness will be affected, even the people around you will be affected by the anger.
How To Control Anger In Marriage:
1) Be The Real Solution To The Problems:
I have heard couples saying ” I will give him/her whatever he wants.” This type of thought will make the solution impossible.
The right mindset to solve any problem in your relationship is to decide to be the solution and not the initiator of problems.
Choosing to be the solution will energize you to finding the best ways to deal with the matter in a group.
If your partner is angry because of what you did, you should try to make him or her know that you are sorry.
If you are not the cause of the anger, then give a little space, and then find the best time to cheer him/her up.
2) Don’t Be Fast To Resolve It:
If you think that the best way to control anger in marriage is to calm your partner when they are angry, then you are making a mistake.
Doing so will add fuel to the fire. The quick win is to keep calm until your partner vents all his/her anger before you intervene.
Patience is the best solution to dealing with anger in marriage. Therefore whether you are the one receiving anger or you are the one angered, don’t rush things. Take some time and find the best approach to take in working things out.
3) Deal with Yourself First;
Whether you like it or not you can never avoid the trouble that will come to your relationship. There must be contentions about money, religion, politics, and sex.
Sometimes it is not about anger or what caused it that matters, it is about your responses that determine the solution.
If your response is matured the anger wouldn’t be escalated. So change your attitude and focus on being the best solution to the problem
Don’t let your emotions or action make things worse. Be calm and be the best version of yourself that will help deal with the anger, then adding sour to the injuries.
4) Make Your Partner Know How Anger Affected You, your family, And Himself.
Anger destroys a relationship and affects the lives of both the angry person and those receiving the anger. In that case, you don’t have to sweep the effects under the carpet.
Look for a good time to tell your partner how the anger has affected your relationship, and how it is taking a toll on him/her as well.
If you do this wisely, you will get good results, though it wouldn’t happen overnight, it will happen eventually.
5) Get Your Boundaries Right:
One of the ways to control anger in your relationship is to get your boundaries firm. Your boundaries allow you to know how much of your spouse’s anger you are willing to condone.
If you have a firm boundary and your partner knows that as well, they will know their limit, which will also keep them off it.
Your boundary will make things easier for you in your relationship, especially when you have a negative spouse.
6) Don’t Wait To Get Help:
My final advice on how to control anger in marriage is to look for help when things become unbearable to you.
Look for a counselor or someone you can trust. Then let your partner know that you are being overwhelmed by all their actions.
Getting a professional to help you can help solve the issue faster. However, be sure to look for a good therapist that is qualified to help you.
Always remember that so many things can cause your partner or you to be angry. It is inevitable. Finding a way to control it effectively and on time is the best way to go.
In this post, I have revealed steps by step tips on how to control anger marriage relationship.
Read this post carefully.
Which of these steps did you find more useful? Share your best with us today.
If you are interested in savi your marriage, then check out this tool. It will help you deal with those issues and get your relationship on its feet again.
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