If you are not having sex at all in your marriage or you are having very little numbers of sex with your partner, probably ones, or few times in a while, then your marriage can be classified as a sexless marriage and there are so many effects of lack of sex in marriage which I will show you in this post.
Sex is known to be at the top in the lists of the keys to a successful marriage and it is also purely an indispensable factor in any relationship.
That means, you really have to have it no matter what, especially if you want to have a good marriage.
A recent study has clearly shown that so many couples (as much as 15%) of them are going through some sexless marriage effects in their relationship and it has resulted in so many other negative things in the relationship.
In her book (The sex-starved marriage) written by Weiner Davis, she described extensively about how important sex is to a marriage, why sexless marriage fails, and the emotional effects of a sexless marriage.
She also said that “when sex is good, couples have great opportunities to receive and give physical pleasures and to connect spiritually, physically and emotionally.”
Good sex engenders closeness, intimacy, and also makes both of you feel attached together.
Question is: Can a marriage survive without sex? And again if sex could help your marriage succeed and also you couples enjoy closeness physically and emotionally with your partner, then why did you stop having sex?
- 10 Reasons Marriages don’t work again.
- 5 Important ways to Revive sex in your marriage.
- Importance of sex in a Marriage.
Here are the reasons = :))
Most common causes of lack of sex in marriage.
Many couples can’t even guess what made their marriage sexless; however, it is good to know that many long term couples are usually likely to experience this dryness at some points in their marriage.
Shannon Chavez, a sex psychologist said that “it is more common when a couple encounters a period of “sexlessness”.
Here are the mains causes of sex in marriage.
psychological/ medical reasons:-
Most times, the main causes of diminished sex in marriage could be attributed to psychological or health reasons. For example, hormonal imbalance in women, menopause, and childbirth could also be a great cause for no sex also vaginal pains (due to vaginal dryness), illness, or chronic pain; also drugs like (antidepressants, child control pills) also contribute to it.
Stress and tiredness:–
The couple goes through a lot on the daily basis (taking care of the children, daily hustle,s, and domestic chores) and becomes so weak after going through such and with little or no energy left for sex. Also, infertility and other life stressors also affect our sex life.
If there are money problems, it could also affect couples’ sex life, especially when it causes many arguments between couples.
When there’s a great difference in couples’ sexual drive, there tend to be some problems; one person may be rejected sexually for a long time that he or she starts withdrawing from sex.
Many couples are turning to phonographs and masturbation or even cheating. This sometimes causes a disconnect, especially when they become addicted to the acts.
Anyone with “schizoid” personality disorder can display so many signs. They either love to be left alone (have no close friends) or they don’t want to have sex (no feeling of sexual activities). They are always emotionally cold people and don’t give attention to sex.
Not having sex in a marriage is a serious business and the longer you allow it to linger, the more things are getting damaged. Here, I want to show you some effects of the lack of sex in a marriage.
There are many reasons why people cheat; however, the lack of sex in a marriage is one of the reasons. Sometimes, when you ask a cheater, you’ll realize that they still love their partner so much, but, they cheated because they can’t live without sex.
Although there’s no good reason to cheat on your partner especially when you consider the effects on your marriage, when he/she is not getting the satisfaction desired in sex, there’s bound to be infidelity.
That’s why you should hurry up and fix your boring marriage sex.
2) Relationship loss:-
If sex disappears in a relationship, it can cause disconnection, separation, and eventually divorce. I have seen marriages break because the man’s sex organ is relatively small, think about when there’s no sex at all.
Although some couple claims lack of sex is not the reason they separated, 33% of them also said they wanted to leave their relationships because of sex problems.
3) Self Esteem lowered:-
One partner usually feels less wanted, unloved, and rejected when sex disappears in a relationship. It makes them feel they are no good at all and their self-esteem is a great effect.
4) Feeling failed:-
Many couples believed that without sex, a relationship can’t work. To an extent it is true, but so many relationships also survived without sex. However, when people think that way, and they are not fulfilling their sexual obligations to their partner, they feel somewhat failed. But they should know that marriage can as well thrive without sex.
5) Feeling depressed and anger:-
To the serious lovers of sex, when they are not getting or giving sex the way they desire from their marriage or spouse, they feel depressed internally, but physically they exert their anger on their partners.
6) You feel trapped:-
Sometimes, when you have gone deep into a relationship and realize sex is lacking all of a sudden and you know you love your partner and do not want your marriage to fail, you will start feeling trapped without clues of what to do next.
Now you’ve to know the causes of lack of sex in a marriage, as well as how it affects a relationship, let’s now look at what you should do to heal your marriage from it.
How to fix a Sexless Marriage.
Know the cause:-
It’s important that you try to understand what the real problems for the lack of sex are before trying to fix it. There may be a reason why you want sex more, and why your wife is withholding sex. You should that out first.
Michael Moore, a professional marriage counselor says” The common stereotype of a husband who wants more sex and the wife who is holding out is approaching the myth statue”. What he is saying is that understanding the cause is paramount to solving it.
Of course, there may be testosterone issue as in the men or hormonal imbalance, painful, etc in women,
The first step is to know what the reasons are, and you are on the track to fix it.
The next step will be to talk about it with your partner. It’s therefore important you find out the best time to discuss with your partner to know how to fix it.
Understand your relationship needs:-
You should understand that relationship changes with time. There will be years when things will look alright and not alright as well. But, what you should not fail to do is to always reassess the emotional and physical needs as partners.
It’s also imperative to not let your partner’s past problems stand in the way. Stop punishing him because of what was said or done in the past, especially when you have talked about it.
Things have changed and you are no more who you both were before you got married. Embrace the new changes and continue bringing new innovations that will improve your relationship.
As you allow yourself to change, your marriage will also change and your sex life too.
Your sex organ is not all you have and so work around your erectile dysfunction:-
Laurel Steinberg, a New York-based psychotherapist said that “Erectile dysfunctions like premature ejaculations or lack of vaginal lubrication often make partners apprehensive about having sex”. The reason is that they don’t want either to let their partner down sexually or have a discouraging sexual experience.
However, to deal with the issues of lack of sex, the couple should try and change their mindset and understand that the body doesn’t always work exactly as the mind wishes.
Laurel also says that couples should always try and expand their views about what quality sex is all about.
It is also important that couples understand that there are other ways to delight each other sexually without even using the sex organ, I mean your hand and other parts of your body.
If you also see those as your sex tools, then you wouldn’t be depending on only sex to satisfy your partner.
Understand that sexless marriage exists and has affected so many marriages, but it is not the end of life.
Because you are reading this post, I am sure you want your problems to be over, and you don’t want the effects of lack of sex felt in your marriage
My prayers are that you’ll be able to put all that I have written down here into action, and you will be able to deal with all the effects of lack of sex in your marriage and start enjoying your marriage once again.
Please, don’t be selfish with this post, try and share with friends. Remember that caring is sharing.
I am still your friend Ikenna ( murphyaik).
Keep keeping on.
Most of the links in this article are my Amazon affiliate links and when you buy anything using the link, I will earn some commissions which helps me to keep this blog working.