Have you ever asked yourself how you could locate a good marriage and family counselor to help you get your marriage back again? Did you just realize that things are no more the way they use to be; and that those moments of love, joy and peace has been replaced with chaos, quarrels, disagreements and even fight?
If you answered yes to those questions, then you have taken your first step of bringing your marriage to normalcy again.
However, all marriage counselors are not created equal. While some are very well trained in the work, other are not so experienced and can do more harm than good to your marriage.
How would you feel when you realized you are going farther apart from your partner instead of getting closer which is the very reason you visited the counselor in the first place.
In this article, you will learn how to locate a good marriage counselor without breaking a sweat, someone who know his job well and who will not use your challenging marriage as a learning sample.
Just keep reading! : )
Who is a good marriage therapist?
This is someone who combines his or her education with knowledge in marital therapy.
Their main interest is to help couple work through those challenging moments in their marriage, which includes stress, crisis; they also help people express their needs appropriately, establish good boundaries and also make compromises.
They should have genuine credentials like license and other necessary certificates which should be acceptable by your local government or any other authority.
However, the credentials or the license is not a guarantee that he or she is the best counselor that is fit for your problems.
A recent survey shows that eighty one (61%) of all the private marriage counselors can offer a good marital counseling, the remaining 39% deals with other clinical works that are related to marital therapy.
This is why there is a need to identify a good counselor that will be more effective in what you want to achieve.
To get the best from your prospective family therapist, you should try and have one or two interview sessions, where you can get to know him or her better; you should also be able to ask some questions to get some insights on how this marriage therapist can best work for your particular issues.
According to John Guttman, marriage counseling session has four session of evaluation such as
– Session 1 – Now you are here: This is your very first visit to the therapist and you have an opportunity to describe the reasons you are seeking the services of a counselor. You will also have the chance to tell your prospective therapist about the history of your marriage or relationship, how you knew each other, as well as how you have been dealing with your conflicts.
After this initial counseling session, you will then receive a questionnaire to fill out, which will help the therapist to understand more about the situation at hand better.
Just take some time and go through the questionnaire, before filling it out.
And try as much as you can to;
(1) Be very open:
It is absolutely true you are dealing with someone trained to help you go through your marital problem, but remember also that he is not a mind reader; He will be more effective when you are open to him.
(2) Be prepared:
You know exactly why you want to see the counselor, so be prepared to go through the process. Remember the outcome of it all depends on you, so get a note pad and write down those reasons you are seeking to find a counselor, and read them out to yourself often. This will help you to be sure of what you want.
(2) Ask questions:
During these sessions, you are expected to ask some pressing question to him or her. Though it may look a little bit rude to start asking questions, but remember you are simply looking to find not just a counselor, but someone who is keen in helping your marriage.
So you will need to ask some important question and get the best ideas of what they are planning to do to help you.
Here are few quick questions to ask. : )
– How do you plan to help us in this issue?
– Have you worked with other couples of our situation, background or age before?
– From all that we have told you, what will be your next move?
Obviously, asking these questions will help you understand if the counselor is a good one to work with or if he has a bias mind rather than seeing you work out of your marital challenges.
A well trained therapist must be straight forward and should not take side with any one.
It is more advisable to have interview with more than one marriage therapist if possible, so you can make a good choice. Even when you have made a choice, you also have the power to make a change if you are not convinced with your first choice.
– Session 2 & 3 Individual counseling: Just as the name implies, the individual partner will have individual time to share your feelings concerning your relationship. The counselor will also ask some other specific questions.
– Session 4 Discoveries and feed backs: In this session, both of you will visit the therapist once again to receive the results from the evaluations carried out by the counselor based on your private meeting with him or her as well as the questionnaires you filled out.
Then you should receive the results that will clearly show you about your strengths and weakness as couples; from there you will know the next step and plans before your other sessions.
– Session 5 and more: From this moment on, it is counseling proper. A lot will be discussed at this point. So get your selves ready for the re-connection.
Finding a good marriage counselor that can best help you deal with the issues in your marriage may not be that easy as you may think; you will have to do some little works and research to find one.
One good way to start is to think of your friends, relatives or family members who have used the services of a counselor before and ask for a recommendation from them.
Although this step may be embarrassing and perhaps bring up some issues you may not likely want to bring out in the public, I still think getting a recommendation from those of them who have pass through the road before you could be a very good start for you.
And remember you must always look for the well-educated, experienced and well qualified counselor if you really want your marital issued dealt with in a more effective way.
Finding one locally: Finding a good counselor closer to you could be a good decision to make, because it will be convenient for you to visit him or her at any time, unlike that which is miles away, this is because you will have to schedule several interview sessions before the time, and it may not be proper if you missed one of the sessions because of the distance.
Once you have fully made up your mind on which way to go, the next step should be for you to set up an initial interview sessions where you will have more time to have a brief discussion with the marriage counselor which should be able to disclose to you about him /herself, and also how he planned to help you solve your marital issues.
Just make sure that whoever you are planning to work with should be able to value your opinion as the same.
One question I always get form couples who are planning to through a marriage therapist is this;
How much would marriage counseling cost?
Couples are usually afraid of the cost of working with a counselor, without considering the joy that will come back to the relationship after the sessions.
A good and successful counseling should not be quantified with any amount of money if your relationship is truly important to you, it is a step you are taking to nurture what matters most to you so tell me what is better than spending you whole money and get your happiness back.
However, when you compare the cost of going through a divorce, you will understand that enlisting the services of a good therapist is so much better.
So those couples who resolve to go through divorce instead of taking the steps to rebuild their relation because they believed it is costly to seek a counselor will often spend more to end it.
It is not just about the money that is involved, but about the value that returns to your relationship.
You can be rest assured to get your marriage back on its feet again if you plan properly before looking for a therapist. There are no issues or circumstances in a marriage that cannot be saved; you should decide to go through it knowing that troubles are just another step to grow together as a family.
More so, taking a decision to see a marriage counselor or therapist will help you to get your marriage to normalcy. Just start the process today, and it will overwhelm you what results you will get.
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