What are the main reasons for unhappiness in a marriage? Why are there so many marriages that started with so much love and romance, and ended up in divorce?
In this post, we will be looking at the reasons for unhappiness in a marriage. We will also look at why couple gets angry with their spouse and their marriage.
Many people enter their marriage with high hopes and expectations. They believed that they will remain happy ever after.
But love isn’t enough to make a marriage successful, and the fact remains that no marriage is without troubles no matter the amount of love that existed in the beginning.
In as much as some marriages are described as successful marriages, it doesn’t mean there are no troubles or fights.
Even the local vows show there’s always bound to be one challenge or the other.
Here’s what the Vow says
” I take you to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”.
Also, read
Signs of an unhappy marriage and how to fix it
Effects of lack of sex in a marriage.
Seven Marital issues that can cause Separation
Now you know that trouble is part of your relationship.
However, while some couples make haste to deal with their challenges, some because of one reason or the other allows it to linger, and all the unresolved issues in a relationship are the number one reason for unhappiness in a marriage.
Reasons for unhappiness in a marriage
Many relationships are going through one issue or the other. If yours is going through issues too, you’ll know, especially you find out that you are feeling dissatisfied with how things are going in your relationship, or believe that your partner is not living up to your expectations about your relationship.
You had great expectations concerning your marriage in the beginning that your marriage will be the best and now you think things are going in the opposite direction and you are completely dissatisfied with the whole relationship.
Probably, your partner has been neglecting your needs and emotions, and also keeping a distance from all your plans for your relationship.
You’ll also feel unhappy in your marriage when you discover that you are continually unhappy about your relationship than enjoying it.
Here are other signs of unhappiness in a marriage.
1) When there’s no good connection between the two of you:-
When you are together and not feeling like you are together, it’s one of the reasons for unhappiness in a marriage.
Couples could be under the same roof and yet everyone is doing his/her own thing, no connection even when they lie together in bed.
When you are not engaging actively together – you are pressing your phone and your partner is working on the laptop, which shows things are not going well in your home.
Throwing in the towel in a marriage is something scary, but I sincerely think it’s better than being In a relationship and remaining unhappy. It could affect you physically, mentally, and psychologically.
2) You dream of your future together:-
The dreams of every couple are to be happy and live together as a partner. But when there’s no plan to have a good future together, then how good will the relationship be.
Also sometimes you’ll be visualizing your happiness without your partner in the picture, that’s also a good sign.
3) Communication Gap:-
When you and your partner are having serious problems communicating. It’s a thing to have sleepless nights about.
Lack of communication is a clear sign of an unhappy relationship because there’s no way things could be easy with both of you when you don’t talk to each other.
Many couples find it hard to talk to each other, and when they do, they end up quarreling or fighting. It’s a good sign things aren’t working well. You need to check for marriage killers and deal with them from the root.
4) Boredom:-
I know it will sound absurd, but someone can be in a relationship and still feel boring even with his/their partner around. One of the problems with feeling bored is that it can lead to so many other things like pornography, addictions, alcoholism, and infidelity.
5) You feel controlled:-
When you always feel your partner is controlling you, that could mean unhappiness. Everyone wants to have freedom in life, we want to make our own choices, make personal decisions.
But in a marriage where you see your partner trying to be the controller of our thoughts and actions, things will never work in the relationship.
Reasons for unhappiness in a marriage
An affirmation said that ” there’s no smoke without fire. The unhappiness you feel in your marriage would have come for some reasons and you must understand what the reasons are.
1) Trying to change your spouse:-
People come into the marriage with different personalities and characters.
The fact is that at the earlier stage of your relationship, you noticed so many things about your partner you don’t like, and because of the fear of the unknown, you choose to neglect and believe you’ll change him/her later.
But that could be a big mistake to make. The reason is that you can’t succeed.
An adage says that ” you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. It can only cause more trouble for you.
Of course, you may try to change him/her, but always remember your partner will feel happier if you try encouraging him to be the best, instead of trying to change him/her.
Everything has an identity, and no one will like it when another person wants to infringe on the identity.
Naturally, couples do change as they grow older, but that happens gracefully. So it’s not what you purse exhaustively. You only work on yourself first, before trying to change the other.
2) Unrealistic Expectations:-
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having expectations for your relationship, however, when those expectations are based on your desires and wishes, then you are making a big mistake.
Understand that your partner also has tastes and desires too. You should not always expect him/her to play your cards. Just try and separate your love days from your marriage days, because the latter is more realistic than the former.
Don’t expect your married life will ever be or look like when you started first. Trying to achieve that will only bring more problems to your home.
Be practical as well as rational in your dealings. Remember, marriage will only work well when there are compromises and commitments.
3) Lack of intimacy:–
Another powerful course of unhappiness in a marriage is a lack of intimacy. Intimacy can be described as those feelings that exist between couples in their relationships. It usually begins when the couple starts loving themselves, and this also creates a bond among them.
This is the reason why marriage begins to fail when there’s a lack of intimacy.
There could be so many reasons for the lack of intimacy. Intimacy problems are also very common in the world today and sometimes very hard to deal with.
If you don’t want to experience such in your relationship, then you’ve got to work continuously on maintaining a good level of intimacy.
- Here are a few checklists of what to do.
– Spend more time together.
– Do so many things together.
– Create a balance between your work and your marriage.
– Put off your electronics sometimes.
– Get professional help.
When you devote time to building your relationship, it will not take time before you see the payoff.
4) Infidelity:–
Infidelity also makes people unhappy in their relationships. It brings distrust, and when trust is lacking, nobody will be happy anymore.
Once you can’t trust your partner’s words and actions, then the marriage is not worth being into anymore, because trust is the backbone of successful relationships.
And so, it is the duty of you and your partner to maintain a good relationship filled with honesty, transparency, and trustworthiness.
When one of the partners starts losing trust in the other, it leads to unhappiness. You may be succeeding in all your extramarital affairs now, but whenever it is revealed, your marriage will never be the same again.
5) You are copying other couples:-
No marriage is created equal, and so what works for the other couple may not work for you and your partner.
If you continue bringing what other couples are doing in their marriages to your marriage, then you’ll have your fingers beating, because marriages are unique,
with their unique dos and dont. Concentrate on what’s working for your relationship, and develop it to work better.
6) You are looking for perfection:-
A successful relationship is one that’s based on loving your partner, not minding his/ her flaws.
However, modern society has given us the reasons to seek perfection, and this leads to frustration and dissatisfaction in marriage.
The fact is that perfection is never possible. When all you want is to see your partner perfect, the demand will lead you to heartbreak and disaster, because it will never work out.
There has never been a perfect person, even you, and you can’t make your partner perfect.
We have to delete the idea about Mr/ Mrs right from our dictionary.
We should also stop bringing our partner’s mistakes to light. That’s the only thing that can keep you happy and strong in your relationship.
Finally,
this post is all about showing you the main reasons for unhappiness in a marriage, so you will be able to curb those things that are bringing dissatisfaction and stress to you.
Remember, if other marriages are happy, that means it’s possible to be happy also in your relationship.
However, if it’s not getting any good, then you should be doing the wrong things. Just take your time to go through the points I wrote in this post, and know what you will introduce to make you happy once again in your relationship.