A lot has been written about how husband and wife can make their marriage successful in happy marriage builder’s blog.
Today, having in mind that these wonderful couples have children, or will one day have children, I have decided to share some important tips that will help parents raise matured and responsible children without passing through so much stress.
You and I knows too well that parenting isn’t a child’s play, it is a very though practices, and any mistake you make in the beginning can take several years to heal, and I don’t want you to make these mistake other parent made as well.
In this post, I will share with you about how to
– create “loving authority” in your home.
– Create an atmosphere that wills engenders harmony instead of criticism, bickering or chaos in your family.
– Learn how to make your children understand their personal responsibilities.
– How to enforce discipline and set limits without being “heavy-handed”.
– And how you can creatively resolve conflicts and disagreements
If you have read to this point, then I am sure you are very interested in raising good children.
And so let’s get down to business.
HOW TO RAISE MATURED AND RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN.
First thing first.
It all starts with the foundation; from the very first day the child was born is the best time to channel his / her attention to what you want him or her to be in future.
Mahatma Ghandi of India said in his quotes that “The future depends on what you did today” and it’s just as simple as that.
The bible also said in the book of Psalm 22 “Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
You teach your child to be whatever you want him or her to be right from the early days. Correct them when they make mistakes and don’t pamper them.
Some parents are good at pampering their children: it is good to love your child or children, but don’t pamper him to the point of spoiling him, if you do, then you are creating problems for yourself in the future.
I know it well that raising children is in the hands of God, but God gave those children to you to take care of, and you will be answerable to Him for how you raise them here on earth.
Start early and show them the part that’s worth treading showing examples with yourselves as the parents.
Children learn very fast, and they look up to you the parents to know which is right or wrong and believe me when I told you that whatever they see you do is good.
And so when you tell lies in their presence, when they grow up, they will also tell lies without fear and at that time, you’ll be wondering where they learn from.
For example; When you look at most of the broken homes closely, you will find out that their parents didn’t live together; it is not magic, it’s a proving fact.
According to Paul Amato a sociologist from university of Pennsylvania in his book called “Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages”.
He quoted that “every family structure transition a child experiences in his or her family of origin cumulatively increases the likelihood of negative outcomes for that child’.
Did you see why it’s imperative to do everything right as you train then, remembering that they are following your foot steps as the parents.
However, if you have failed at that early stage, there are things you can still do to train and make your children responsible children and I am going to share them with you here in the next 5 minutes.
From research, there are 4 styles of parenting and it’s important to know which you belong, as well as which is more effective way of raising good children.
These four classes of parenting were created by Diane Baumrind in 1960, and since then it has become a more referenced parenting categories.
They are : =))
– The permissive style:- in this type of parenting, the parents are usually so loving to their kids and so let their children do whatever they want without offering any guidance or direction.
They do not expect more matured behaviors from their children and they most likely want their children see them as friends instead of parents.
They instead of seeking to know their children’s every move, they lax and often try to force rules or structure on their children.
Like I earlier said, they are very loving to their children and so they do not bother so much as to control or even discipline them.
This is the reason most children raised by the permissive parents lacks self control and self regulation.
One good fact to note about permissive parents is that they are not bad parents at all; they are nurturing, loving and do things for their children without looking back at all.
Their lives are so centered around their children, but in doing these; they neglect the “Teaching” which is also the more vital part of parenting. Even when they set rules, they are inconsistent in enforcing it.
Sometimes also they resolve to bribing or rewarding their children to make then do certain things.
This type of parenting is usually not good at all, because when parents set rules and do not enforce it, threatening punishment and don’t carry it out, it gives the children upper hand, and also makes them have the notion that you “never meant what you say”.
- Authoritarian or disciplinarian style of parenting:- This is the type of parenting where parents have high expectations from the children and yet low responsiveness.
The parents have many rules and standards set for the children and which they expect them to follow it to the last without mistakes and when they make mistakes they take it more seriously and usually yell or give corporal punishment for it.
They usually have many rules in place to help them control the child’s behavior and activities and most of the rules are “arbitrary” and never explained to the children, because they think that the children should know them.
If the children fail to adhere to the rules, whether implicit or explicit, they believe they failed out of incompetence or defiance.
But could this be the best type of parenting?
Let’s see what researcher said about it.
According to research by Martin Pinquart, “Harsh and psychological controls were the biggest predators of worsening behavior problems over time”
The kid involved in this type of parenting style usually develop strong “externalizing behavior” later as the day goes and they are more likely to be bullies, and also find it hard to fend for themselves.
- The uninvolved parenting:- These are the neglectful parents who makes few or no demands of their children.
They have little involvement emotionally with their children.
Actually, they do everything they should to provide the basic needs like shelter and food for their children, but they are completely impassive about how the child lives.
This type of parenting is so detrimental to the child’s emotional well-being and growth.
According to studies, children raised by neglectful parents becomes social “recluses” when the grow up and they never do well in school and are prone to mental ailments such as depression as well as fall victim of substance abuse and bullying.
And finally is the
- Authoritative parenting:- These are the most responsible, nurturing parents with good and concise expectations for their children.
This is also the most beneficial parenting style for children, because the parents have good and frequent communication with the children with every reason properly explained.
The big question now is: =}}
Which style out of the four described above best described your parenting skills?
You are in the best position to answer the question.
However, in the beginning, I promised to share with you the best way of parenting that will enable you raise mature and responsible children and I am not joking.
Because you have read to this point, that means you are interested and so let’s move forward.
Raising matured, and responsible children.
If your desire is to raise good children, then you must follow what about one hundred (100) women from ( 20) countries of the world said about parenting.
From the analysis, they listed
1) Teaching your child life skills for the start:- In today’s high-tech world, it’s important to teach your child life skills on time else they will make a mess up on those “practical life skills”.
Start by helping him/ her out, until they learn how to do it alone.
It will be easy for the child to learn faster if you can do it with her cheerfully and without caring much about the mistakes.
A good way to do that is – for instance, you want to teach her how to wash dishes, then take another sponge as you hand the other over to her and wash along with her.
Always have in mind that she is still in the learning process so don’t judge her mistakes of you want her to learn.
When you are judgmental, it will make her become defensive as well and things will not work out that way.
However, make your child understand that there’s room for mistakes, and that she can always correct the mistakes.
If he/ she scatters his school bag and shoe all over the place, pick them up, and then hand it over to him and order him to keep it well, also tell him the importance of cleaning up after every mess.
Remember to be kind as you say all that.
This training has to continue this way until you he/ she is out of your home.
If you continue in a much friendly and positive ways, your child will grow fast and become a credit to you.
2) Always be responsive to your child’s needs:- Successful parenting is such that’s neither permissive nor authoritarian, it is the model of parenting that’s good at supporting and caring about the feelings and the un- met needs of the child.
Understanding and meeting your child’s needs on time makes them feel secured and less stressed.
Neglecting a child’s needs can take many forms like lack of housing, medical care, food, inability to teach him/her the basic personal needs as well as not showing affection and love for him/ her.
When a child is neglected, the basic needs are forgotten and not been met by the parents.
Neglecting a child’s need can inflict a permanent scars on his well being and self esteem.
When he is left alone without support and one and one time with the parents, they tend to have so many unmet emotional needs.
They are also not told the importance of moral values, respect for others as well as for himself.
I therefore implore you to make spending time with your children a priority and then try to understand what their needs are and then meet them.
Remember, successful parenting is all about being the parents and not the friend of the child.
If you allow your child to meet their own needs, they grow up to become sullen and angry.
So no matter how busy you are, take good care of your child.
3) Learn how to cooperate and talk with child:- Learning how to cooperate and talk with your child is one of the pleasurable part of parenting.
Parenting becomes more interesting when a good parent – child relationship exist.
Of course we know that good communication is vital to building mutual respect and self- esteem.
One of the skills of good communication with your child is to give good listening ears to him or her.
As they go through their day, they experience so many frustrations and exhilaration.
Often times the activities of you own day may not give you rooms to know about emotions.
However, one way to help them is to learn how to make them relax, and listening to them is the only way to know their disappointment and frustration.
Good communication with your child improves bond with them and makes then listen to you too.
Here is few check list of how to improve communication with your child.
– Have time for conversation with your child
– Discuss about your days
– Be open to talk about your feelings, joys, fears and frustration with him.
– Know his/ her body language.
– Work as a team in solving his problems.
4) Be firm, but loving in discipline the child: – It is the parent duty to discipline their child, however, the attitude and manner you disciplines the child will determine your level of success in achieving your goal.
Firm discipline mixed with love is what makes a happy, matured and functional child.
This simply implies that you must be discipline as parents before you teach your children to be one; let it come natural, let them see the disciplined parents and they will emulate from you.
Most often, it looks like parents and their children are in cold wars of “wills”; the child has developed strong resistance to the parents wills and the parents are bent on pushing their grounds to establish their wills.
Naturally, it is every child’s nature to push boundaries and to know where they will get with it
Yes they like to test their limits, they like to know what’s acceptable in the society and that makes them become though and immune to punishments.
But you don’t have to yell, humiliate to discipline him.
Adopting authoritative method of parenting will give you the rooms to set boundaries for your children as well as use a loving and worm manner to make it acceptable to them.
Authoritative parenting creates a sustainable developmental outcome, because while the parents set the boundaries, they also open up “dialogue “among the family members.
This makes the children understand that you don’t only make them do what you want, but that you considered their opinions too.
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