Its may come as a surprise that many people in a marriage still feel single even after several years. Such a feeling is generally not a good one as it works against what a marriage is all about. Recognizing that you still feel single in a marriage is really the first step towards addressing the issue. However, many couples feel that divorce is the only solution when this situation occurs.
What is Feeling Single?
Basically, you are taking actions, making decisions and doing the things based on your own self interest rather than looking at it from a couple’s point of view. To put it simply, you think of “I” instead of “We”. While couples are comprised of two individuals who have their own set of goals, the difference between those who think as a couple as opposed to being single is based on putting your own self interest above your marriage.
For example, when you are offered the chance to play poker with the guys, do you quickly say “Yes” and then wonder how you can get this past your spouse or do you make your decision based on what’s in the best interest of you and your partner?
Many happy marriages have both the husband and wife pursuing their own interests, but all decisions are tempered by making them from the point of view of the couple, not the individual.
How Can Feeling Single Harm your Marriage?
There are many ways that feeling single can harm your marriage. This is because such behavior does not happen suddenly, but over time when the passion of being together at first becomes replaced with simply living with each other. Unless a marriage is stoked on occasion the fire will soon die out and leave you with nothing.
Thinking Only for Yourself: This is the most obvious sign of feeling single in a marriage and one that can wreck your relationship. Basically, you make decisions that do not take into consideration your partner. But more than that, you look at your spouse as someone that you have to deal with, not as someone with whom you make decisions together.
Lack of Communication: Being single means keeping a lot of things to yourself. The thought process is that they only affect you and that they are none of your spouse’s business. A happy marriage means communicating about what is affecting you with your spouse because it affects the both of you.
No More Couple Time: Good relationships are built on spending time together away from the kids and responsibilities of your lives, even for only a few moments. Since you are thinking for yourself, such time is not spent in working on your relationship, but rather in what else you would like to be doing.
Recognizing the signs of thinking for yourself is the starting point of working out issues with your spouse. Such actions can start quite small, a text message here or a gift there to let them know how your really feel about them and if you work on it then the attraction that brought you together will start up again.
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