There may be moments in your marriage when you realized that for one reason or the other the love, joy and peace you once enjoy in your marriage/relationship have deteriorated so much that all you and your spouse is thinking now is if there is any way to end it, maybe through divorce.
It may have been because of some emotional or physical abuse, quarrels and fighting, unsettled disputes, infidelity, addiction to alcohol, drugs or phonograph, or even from long disconnection from each other due to work, or personal choices.
Although all these are happening in your marriage, but you don’t want a divorce, you can’t stand losing your marriage and you have been trying so hard to see if things will turn around and be the way it used to be before. But you realized something strange in your partner’s behavior.
There seems to be no atom of interest left in him anymore, and you are asking if it is possible to single handedly save your marriage?
Here is my answer to your question: )
It is true your partner didn’t want to read those marriage self- help book, meet a marriage counselor with you: it’s true that all you get from him is a pale face or those encouraging words that all will be ok and you yet you are looking at the years going without any difference.
You have seen a lot of others with this same problem, and while some is either getting good supports from their partners, some got fed up and left the marriage believing it is much better to be alone, or get to someone else with better promises of a good life.
But, you are not getting support from your partner, and yet you have a plan to stay and work on your marriage.
Let me give you this good news now; it is true that some marriages are destined to fall flat, no matter how much you have invested on it to make it work.
But since you have a dream to work on your marriage, then you can actually save your marriage when you are so determined to take the steps, and I will share those steps with you in this article.
The very reason why most people go through life of sorrows and pain in their marriage or relationship is because of their inability to understand the key ingredients that make a marriage fail or succeed.
However, whether your partner is impassive about the whole issue or not, you know quite well what you feel about your marriage and you believed you can single handedly save your marriage and make it work successful again, then congratulations!
The reason I am writing this report is to show you some steps that will help you to single handedly save you failing marriage and make it happy once more.
But have this in your mind that it may not be easier for you in the beginning, but just one step at a time and you will see things changing for the better.
If this is really what you want to do, then I will show you how you are going to achieve that very fast.
Now let’s go;
Just relax your mind and believe all will work out at last.
Below are to simple steps to follow
Change from inside:
One sure step to take when you are on your road to changing anything is to change from inside, look at the man in the mirror and start the change from there; it is possible that all the troubles started from there.
Also your perspective about things must change too, always try and see things from a different point of view. Most times you think you are very sure of your partner, you think we can vouch the way our partner thinks, feels or act.
Sometimes your spouse reaction to certain things may be driven by fear, and probably you have not taken time to understand exactly he/she is afraid of.
I believe your next step should be to understand what makes him or her very defensive or aggressive whenever you are having a conversation.
You may be shocked to understand their reasons; so instead of making things worse from the way you react too, try and know the reasons for those actions.
Let the whole focus of change begin with you, your relationship will start taking a new shape if you will make up your mind to change yourself and not your partner. Of course you cannot force someone else to change and be what you want, it is impossible.
However, when you change your actions and your attitude, then you are half way into saving your marriage.
The reason you should change is to become a more caring and more loving person than what you were before and it begins by changing your attitude.
A Greek philosopher said “people are disturbed not by things that happened to them, but by the principles which they form concerning those things”./ Simple put, never attribute your grievances to other but yourself.
The best thing to do when things are not working well is to change your physical or mental response towards them.
You can only achieve this by focusing on the good side of your spouse, and overlooking the inconsistent behaviors. Have in mind that no one is perfect even you. Take every of your spouse mistake as a process of growth and learning instead of a good invitation to nag.
Identify where the problem is.
Before you decide to start the journey of saving your marriage single handedly, you must try and understanding the real cause of the problems in your marriage.
Things don’t just happen, there must be a reason why your spouse is behaving like that, and until you know, it may be difficult for you to achieve your aim.
Sometimes we are so ignorant of what our actions and manner may be causing in our marriage.
One day, I asked my wife to write down some of the things about me that need urgent change, I was so surprised to see her list, it was endless and to my utmost surprise most of the things in the list were the things I thought I was doing well.
Things like comparing your spouse with others outside, not taking care of the needs, not being there when you are needed most.
All these things I mention sound so simple, but it can kill your marriage before you realized it.
Why not try such a thing; ask your spouse to score you on what you are doing well and were you need to change.
You will be surprised too; you may even want to start defending yourself or trying to tell how wonderful a partner you are, but that is not necessary.
All you need to do now is to show how willing you are to becoming the best souse from that moment on.
So many marriages are breaking up because people think they are doing their best, but they are actually doing the worse. Emotional abuse is the worst thing that can happen to any marriage.
Just think about all those things that need to be changed, and start working on them this minute. How is your communication; believe it or not any marriage that doesn’t have a good communication is as good as dead.
If there is no communication at all, then try and build it, if it is poor, then improve it. Know when to talk and when to listen.
Carefully choose the words you use during the heated moments; it can be very easy to forget someone’s actions, but words are always there in the heart. Just try and learn new communication skills if possible.
Understand the type of conversation that hurt your marriage and eliminate the, but concentrate more those that inspire you and your spouse.
Another thing to check is the level of trust that exists in your marriage; trust is another important factor when you are trying to single handedly save your marriage from collapsing. Think back and know if there is anything you did in the past that has made your partner loss trust on you.
From the list my wife wrote about the things I need to change about me, one of the things that appeared many time is trust.
Trust is very important when you are trying to build strong intimacy in your marriage. From my wives list, I realized that I promised so many things that I did not do; I promised to get some gifts and I forgot, I promised to fix a bulb in the kitchen and didn’t do it on time.
All these little promises made her to lose confidence in some of my words. There may be ways you have betrayed you trust; just look back, and when you realize what it is, the next step is to start rebuilding the trust.
Building trust takes time, so you must be patient, consistent and resilient too. If you think this is what you cannot do alone, you can chose to employ the services of a marriage therapist.
They may be exactly what you need to get your failing marriage well. But make sure you look for the therapist who has experience in saving a marriage.
When you consider the cost of losing your spouse and filling for divorce, you will realize that it is better to take the step of saving it. The first is that you are losing the love of your life, and secondly is that you are spending you hard earned money doing so too.
However, in this journey of trying to single handedly saving your marriage, you must be sure it is something you sincerely want to do, because there are so many things that will want to hinder you.
But when you know that you are trying to get back your marriage to its better days, then you are sure your actions is worth the result you will get in the future, so just keep on working for the better days, your marriage will be happy once more.
I am still your friend murphyaik.
Feel free to let me know how I can be of help to you.
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