So many articles have been written on how to have a happy marriage but not on how to deal with a narcissistic spouse
Today, I am going to give you clear and easy steps on how you could do just that.
If you are reading this article now, that means you probably married a narcissist, your friend or someone you know married one, or you are planning to marry and don’t want to marry someone like that. This write-up will solve your problem.
However, if you are not sure of who a narcissist is, and then let me tell you a little about it.
Who is a Narcissist? –
A narcissist is someone who is always very full of himself (self-importance) they love to dominate in things like prestige, vanity, and power. One thing about them is the inability to understand the damages they are inflicting to others around them or even themselves.
I am sure you now have a little knowledge of who a narcissist is. Does that describe the character of your man? Then you have nothing to fear. The step by step tips will guide you into having a successful and happy marriage with your narcissist spouse.
How to deal with a narcissistic spouse fast.
1) Write down your reasons:-
The first thing to do to deal with a narcissist spouse fast is to write your action plans down.
It is not an easy job to live with a narcissist, but if you have made of your mind not to leave that narcissist you love, then you must take a note pad and a pen and write down 3 reasons why you love and not want to lose him or her.
These are the lists you will continually look at when the going becomes tough and then get refreshed in the things you have planned to have in the near future time.
Your list may look something like this
- I have made up my mind to stay with my spouse through good and bad times.
- I know that my spouse is a wonderful person and will be superb shortly.
- As I remember the love that brought us together in the beginning, I promise to stand firm in my marriage.
- I will not try to change my spouse, God will someday make him/her change.
- Marriage is for better or worse, so I will be with my spouse through thick and thin.
Declare these words daily, things will fall into place as time goes on
2) Tell God About it:
You must know that only God has the power to change the situation. Prayer is the only weapon we have to talk to God so why not tell God about your spouse’s challenge and believe things will change. It will change.
Prayer changes things and will work for you too. But you have to have faith that it will. It has worked for others and it will work for you.
3) Know what to negotiate with your spouse and the best-negotiating style to adopt:
One thing the narcissist believes is that they know everything and never go wrong. There may be some behaviors that will repel you, what is best for you to do is to overlook it, just allow it to slide.
Whenever you want to talk about anything, you must know the best time to do so and the best strategy to use. Always start your negotiations with the key convincing words. You have a few minutes to get his/her attention. Never argue.
Tell your spouse how your marriage is slowly going down because of his/her lifestyle.
Let him or her know that you are being affected negatively by your actions. It may take a little while, but don’t be surprised to see your spouse responding slowly to what you said.
4) Upgrade your self-esteem:-
Your self-esteem is challenged because your narcissistic spouse constantly wanted to have his way every moment and not yours. Never mind, just try and bring back your self-esteem.
Here are a few things you can do to Improve your self-esteem.
- Use Words Of Affirmation:- Speak good words of encouragement to yourself every day. Reassure yourself that you are strong and intelligent and nothing can take away your strength.
- Be Nice To Yourself:- Be attentive to those little inner voices that always tell you that you are a weakling and disregard it. Change it to a good prophecy for yourself.
- Always Strive To Be Your Best: Think big, and do big things. Even when it is a must for you to do small things, then do it in a big way.
- Keep Moving:- Many things will want to stop you. You will fail also, but get up and keep moving.
Choose to say nice things to yourself at all times. That will help to re-affirm your faith in your spouse.
5) Learn Proper Negotiating Skills:-
Another way to deal with your narcissistic spouse is to learn how to negotiate effectively. One of the things that bring great problems between you and your spouse is the ways and many you communicate with each other.
Most times you may want to negotiate with them on certain things, but fail because you don’t know how to do that. Learning how to negotiate will show you what is negotiable and what is not.
Look away from the things you don’t like about them, especially when it is not threatening your life.
However, don’t let everything slip under the table unless you will become a slave. When you know what is negotiable, feel free to negotiate. You can succeed as you try.
6) Learn To Enforce Your Boundaries:
Never accept or do anything you don’t want to do just because you want to please, your narcissistic spouse. Keep enforcing your boundaries from the beginning.
It may not work in the beginning, but they will get tired of trying to manipulate you when they see that you are firm on your feet.
They will feel bad and frustrated about that, but don’t feel perturbed and don’t look at their faces. Be sure not to cross his boundaries and maintain that yours should be respected.
7) Don’t Allow Them To Gaslight You.
One of the things the narcissist know best to do is to humiliate and undermine their preys.
That means you have to be observant of your spouse’s actions every time. Whenever they say things and deny they didn’t or blame you for not hearing what they said when they didn’t say anything, you are being gaslighted.
If you are not careful you will be thrown off balance. So don’t allow that. They will give up trying when you resist it. Once you succumbed to that, it becomes his winning strategy on you.
Don’t Keep Quiet:-
it is not always good to discuss your relationship outside. But it is important when it comes to letting people know how much or what you are going through with your narcissist partner.
Let your friend, family, and your spouse’s family be aware. This is not the best time to isolate yourself. Your partner will force you to do that, don’t allow him.
When you let the cat out, you will get some advice and suggestions that will empower you to deal with your narcissistic spouse.
It is not a must to live with a narcissist. Meanwhile, If you insist to live with them, then the points in this post are enough for you to deal with your narcissistic spouse.
It may not change immediately if you keep pushing, you will scale through.
You must always understand that the change may not be imminent, but you are sure the change must come since you are committed to doing the things you are supposed to do to stay happily married with the narcissist you love so much.