Sex is at the top in the lists of the keys of a successful marriage. Sex is purely and indispensable factor in any relationship. You really have to have it no matter what, especially if you want to have a good marriage.
Recent study have clearly shown that so many couples (as much as 15%) of them are going through lack of sex in their relationships and so many things are also cropping up in the relationship because of that.
In a book (The sex starved marriage) written by Weiner Davis, she described extensively about how important sex is to a marriage. She also said that “when sex is good, couples have great opportunities to receive and give physical pleasures to connect spiritually, physically and emotionally” it engenders closeness, intimacy and also makes them feel belonged together.
question is, If sex could helps marriage to succeed and also make couples enjoy closeness physically and emotionally, why then are couples refusing to have sex?
Here are the reasons =:))
Most common causes of lack of sex in marriage.
Many couples can’t even guess what made their marriage sexless, however, it is good to know that many long term couples are usually likely to experience this dryness at some points in their marriage.
Shannon Chavez, a sex psychologist said that “it is more common when couple encounter a period of “sexlessness”.
Here are the mains causes of sex in marriage.
– psychological/ medical reasons:- Most times, the main causes of diminished sex in marriage could be attributed to psychological or health reasons. For example, hormonal imbalance in women, menopause and childbirth could be a great cause for no sex also vaginal pains (due to vaginal dryness), illness or chronic pain, also drugs like (antidepressant, child control pills) also contributes to it.
– Stress and tiredness:– Couple go through a lot on the daily basis (taking care of the children, daily hustles and domestic chores) and become so weak after going through such and with little or no energy left for sex. Also infertility and other life stressors also effects our sex life.
– Financial stress:- If there’s money problems, it could also effect couples sex life, especially when it causes much arguments between couples.
– Sex rejection:- When there’s great difference in couples sexual drive, there tend to be some problems; one person may be rejected sexually for a long time that he or she starts withdrawing from sex.
– Sexual addictions:- Many couples are turning to phonograph and masturbation or even cheating. This sometimes cause disconnect, especially when they become addicted to the acts.
– Personality disorder:- Anyone with “schizoid” personality disorder can display so many signs. They either love to be left alone( have no close friends) or they don’t want to have sex (no feeling of sexual activities). They are always emotionally cold people and don’t give attention to sex.
Effects of lack of sex in marriage
Not having sex in a marriage is a serious business and the longer you allow it to linger, the more things are getting damaged. Here, I want to show you some effects of lack of sex in a marriage.
1) Cheating:- There are many reasons why people cheat, however, lack of sex in a marriage is one of the reasons. Sometimes, when you ask a cheater, you’ll realize that they still love their partner so much, but, they cheated because they can’t live without sex.
Although there’s no good reason to cheat on your partner especially when you consider the effects on your marriage, but when he/she is not getting the satisfaction desired in a sex, there’s bound to be infidelity.
That’s why you should hurry up and fix your boring marriage sex.
2) Relationship loss:- If sex disappears in a relationship, it can cause a disconnect, separation and eventually divorce. I have seen a marriage break because the man’s sex organ is relatively small, think about when there’s no sex at all. Although some couple claims lack of sex is not the reason they separated, but 33% of them also said they wanted to leave their relationships because of sex problems.
3) Self Esteem lowered:- One partner usually feel less wanted, unloved and rejected when sex disappears in a relationship. It makes them feel they are no good at all and their self esteem is greatly effect.
3) Feeling failed:- Many couple believed that without sex, a relationship can’t work. To an extent is true, but so many relationships also survived without sex. However, when people think that way, and they are not fulfilling their sexual obligations to their partner, they feel somewhat failed. But they should know that marriage can as well thrive without sex.
4) Feeling depressed and anger:- To the serious lovers of sex, when they are not getting or giving sex the way they desire from their marriage or spouse, they feel depressed internally, but physically they exert their anger on their partners.
5) You feel trapped:- Sometimes, when you have gone deep into a relationship and realize sex is lacking all of a sudden and you know you love your partner and do not want your marriage to fail, you will start feeling trapped without clues of what to do next.
Now you’ve know the causes of lack of sex in a marriage, as well as how it effects a relationship, let’s now look at what you should do to heal your marriage from it.
How to deal with Lack of sex in a marriage.
How to fix a Sexless Marriage.
– Know the cause:- It’s important your firstly understand what the real problems for the lack of sex is before trying to fix it. There may be reason why your husband want sex more and your wife withhold sex.
Michael Moore, a professional marriage counselor says” The common stereotype of husband who wants more sex and the wife who is holding out is approaching the myth statue”. What he is saying is that understanding the cause is paramount to solving it.
Of course, there may be testosterone issue as in the men or hormonal imbalance, painful etc in women,
First step is to know what the reasons are, and you are on the track to fix it.
– Set up a good time for discussion:- Now you’ve known what the real issues are, the next step will be to talk about it with your partner. It’s therefore important you find out the best time discuss with your partner to know how to fix it.
– Understand your relationship needs:- You should understand that relationship changes with time. There will be years when things will look alright and not alright as well. But, all you’ll not fail to do is to always reassess the emotional and physical needs as partners.
It’s also comparative to not let your partners past problems stand in the way. Stop punishing him because him/her because of what was said or done in the past, especially when you have talked about it.
Things have changed and you are no more who you both were before you got married. Embrace the new changes and continue bringing new innovations that will improve your relationship.
As you allow yourself to change, your marriage will also change and your sex life too.
– You sex organ is not all you have and so work around your erectile dysfunction:- Laurel Steinberg, a New York based psychotherapist said that ” Erectile dysfunctions like premature ejaculations, or lack of vaginal lubrication often makes partners apprehensive about having sex”. The reason is that they don’t want either to let their partner down sexually or have a discouraging sexual experience.
However, to deal with the issues of lack of sex, couple should try and change their mind set and understand that the body don’t always work exactly as the mind wishes.
Laurel also say that couples should always try and expand their views about what quality sex is all about.
It is also important that couples understand that that there are other ways to delight each other sexually without even using the sex organ, I mean your hand and other parts of your body.
If you also sees those as a your sex tools, then you wouldn’t be depending on only sex to satisfy your partner.
Finally, Understand that sexless marriage exists and has affected so many marriage, but it is not the end of life.
Because you are reading this post, I am sure you want your problems to be over.
My prayers is that you’ll be able to put all that I have written down here into action, and you will be able to deal with all the effects of lack of sex in your marriage and start enjoying your marriage once again.
Please, don’t be selfish with this post, try and share with friends. Remember that caring is sharing.
I am still your friend Ikenna ( murphyaik).
Keep keeping on.
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