Dealing with the issues in your marriage in 5 simple steps
One week one trouble and you are thinking if there is a way to dealing with the issues in your marriage. Have you ever wondered why other people’s marriage is strong and rosy but not yours? Have you ever thought if it’s possible to swap your marriage with one of your neighbor’s you admired?
You are not alone, everybody was there and you have not committed any crime for getting married to that your lovely spouse.
One thing very common with all the marriages is that the trying moments will always be there, there will always be fights and quarrels, there’ll always be one time you ask yourself have I made mistakes to marry my spouse, sometimes you may think of throwing in the towel.
What usually matters is your ability to deal with the issues in your marriage and move on like nothing happened.
Just as gold must pass through fire to become gold, all the marriage must pass through one issue or the other before it will stand firm.
So if you are asking whether your marriage will ever become happy again, my answer to that question is yes, but here are few things you must know as you read this : )
– It is something that has worked for other couples, and am sure it will work for you too.
– Nothing good comes easy and you should not expect these to be a quick fix, but if you are serious to see it work, you will have the result you desire.
– Since all marriage are not the same, some of the points listed here may not properly work for you; so just choose what will work for you and your spouse and get to work at once.
If you are ready for this, then let’s move on; just get yourself a cup of anything you like, for me I am having a cup of coffee here with me.
Just like I told you in the beginning, there is no marriage without trouble, but while some couples choose to deal with the issues of their marriage and move on, the others decides to get down and settle it in court through divorce. But that is not a good decision to make.
Instead of going for a divorce, here are 25 common marriage issues and ways of dealing with them.
Lack of communication: So many books have been written about this topic and yet couples are still falling victim of this. Poor communication is one of the big problems every couple experience one time or the other in their marriage.
Even when couple loves each other so much, yet if they do not have a good communication, the love will be lost in a flash. Of course there is communication between the two of you, just that it is brings more problems than it solve.
A couple once told me that each time they want to have a conversation, one issue may come up and the next thing is quarrel and that made them to start avoiding themselves.
One common thing that brings communication failure among couples is when one partner feels not understood by the other. Everyone feels bad when they are not understood and may react with action, silence, or any other way that may be inimical to the relationship.
However, the reason you are often offended when you think that you are not understood is that you always focus on people not understanding you, have you ever thought if you understand the other person.
Your marriage may be better if you think more about understanding your partner than being understood. This will reduce the quarrels and hurts in your marriage.
You can learn some communications skills that will help your marriage, below are few tools to help you.
– Develop good listening skills.
– Understand the best ways to respond.
– Have a good timing when conversing.
– Discover the communication skill that inspires your marriage instead of hinders your marriage.
– Taking each other for granted: When your marriage was young, you were so much engrossed with pleasing your other half, you were so interested in putting the first foot forward, there were still so many things to learn about your spouse and everybody want to be good to each other.
As the marriage advance, when you have fully known your partner too well, you started down playing his /her abilities and destroying his dreams.
It is true you still loved your partner so much but so many other thing have slowly taking his position; the children, the job, the domestic works and friends have taken over.
Of course there is need to take care of those things, but if it lingers so long the valley it will create between the two of you may be more than enough for you to fill which in turn brings divorce.
All there is for you to do is to turn around and refresh your relationship the way it was.
Here are quick tips to help you.
Accepting that the situation exists and make up your mind to make amend: Two things that normally impede success are blaming people or things for your failures on other people and inability to take decisions.
Once you say “yes I have been taking my partner for granted and I want it to stop now” that is the first step and the beginning of stopping it.
Quit pointing fingers and learn how to work together as a team and start showing appreciation when it is necessary.
– Stop disrespecting one another: In a marriage where couples are good at shouting and screaming at each other, there is a clear evidence of disrespect.
There are three ways you can disrespect your spouse.
– Verbal disrespect: This is when you are speaking to your partner with shouting and screaming. The partners that indulge in this type of communication always think that the best way to be understood is by shouting. However, they are harming their marriage instead of healing it.
– Technological disrespect: Technology has helped us in so many ways and communication was one of them. It has also increased disrespect among couples. You spend much time chatting, and texting that you neglect your partner.
When you are married and you are chatting on the social media as a single, then you are disrespecting your spouse.
– Physical disrespect: We all are versatile with this type of disrespected. It is more of an action. It is when you abuse your partner physically. One way you display this type of disrespect is being distracted by your gadgets or any other even when you are in the mist of conversation with your partner. This can destroy any marriage any minute.
How to stop being disrespectful
– Know your limits: You have to understand your limits and where your spouse’s starts. Always see everybody as someone important.
– Learn never to talk back: when your partner is taking, you are expected not to talk. If you are not comfortable with what your partner is saying at that moment, never talk back. You can wait for another opportunity to make the correction.
– Never argue: Argument is an easy road to fights and quarrel, it is best you avoid any discussion that will bring arguments among you and your partner if you must stop being disrespectful.
– Turn on yourself and turn off anything that will cause distraction during conversation with your spouse.
– Past unresolved baggage: Marriage is a relationship between to different people that had different experiences in their lives.
If your partner grew up from a family where there is always fight and abuse, or unfavorable atmospheres, He or she may bring the same baggage into the relationship and the couple from a good background will bring such to the relationship too.
This is mostly what brings issues in marriage. Because like attracts like. It is possible for someone who came from a home where there is no proper conflict resolution to get married to another with the same attitude. I am sure you know exactly how that marriage will be.
There will always be assumption where old baggage exists. Once anything that looks like what you experienced happen, you will be quick to think this is exactly how you saw it.
You may start blaming your partner of cheating when he or she comes late from work, because you saw something like that while growing up; but that may not be true.
It may be true that you have some bad experience when you were growing up, but it will be proper if you come clean into your relationship knowing that the past is behind you. You should be conscious about moving forward with your new relationship.
Experts revealed that the best way to get over the past is reveal all your personal info (relationship problems) to your spouse, which will help you to feel supported and valued as well. That will help you unload some of your emotional baggage.
The most reason why marriages break is because of money; this is because couples find it very hard to get back on their feet after having argument about money than they do after any other argument.
If money argument is one of the main reason for divorce, then couple must try all they could to get their finance in other so as to avoid it from coming.
Here are few money problems that can kill any relationship:
– Inappropriate spending habit: The way you spent money when you were still single can never be the same as this time you are married. Now the responsibilities have multiplied and it is expected that you meet up with the current responsibilities.
However, lavish spending may be harmful to your income, which will also affect your responsibilities and when you can’t take care of your family, the next result is hurts and then divorce.
– You are not on the same money train: Another money problem results when partners don’t plan how they spend their money, sometimes they are stuck in the middle because of lack of planning.
Solution to money problem: It is good you have plans with your spouse about your daily weekly, monthly and yearly spending that will help you to be on the same money train; so when there is an emergency, you will know how to handle that. In a marriage where couples don’t plan for their expenses, they usually have misunderstanding.
Have a family account and make sure you are dedicated to having money in the account; that is specifically for anything about the expenses of the house, from the children’s school fees to the feeding. That will help you save more for the future.
Problem of sex and intimacy: Sex is one of the important things that bring quarrels in marriage; it is either there is no sex at all, or the sex life is boring. There is also the issue of intimacy, no better husband and wife relationship. I have heard some couples say they are no more in love with their spouse.
Let me tell you this now. If you are experiencing all these, it does not mean your marriage is over, it shows you are maturing.
Solution to sex and intimacy problem: If you are interested in dealing with the issues of sex and intimacy in your marriage, the first step to take is to spend more quality time together, that is when you should discuss about the thing that are not working well in your marriage.
Feel free to tell your partner how to help you reach orgasm, or what makes you feel good. Remember there is nothing to hide for your spouse.
Don’t think it is his/ or her responsibility to know.
I have seen people complain that marriage is hard, but that is not true. It may be hard for you when you are not sure of what to do.
I have tried to show you most of the issues you may have in your marriage and how to solve them. Remember, there must be issues in your marriage, but this article have given you and edge over the problems.
I hope this will be a very good help to help you deal with whatever you are seeing in your marriage.
Over to you now; just get to work, and watch how things change in your marriage.
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