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Category: Communication

Good communication can boost your relationship. Discover the secret trick to good communication.

improve marriage

How to improve your love life with your wife

 

 

improve marriage, Improve your love life

 

Getting married to the one you love is one thing: but keeping the love strong and happy after a long time: that’s where the work is. However, if you’ll learn how to improve your love life with your wife, then you are on the right track.

 

At the early stages of your marriage, you don’t have to search the internet or read a book or even visit a marriage counselor to understand how to improve your love life with your wife, everything comes naturally because you were so much in love.

 

Research from the sociological says that ” couples record great happiness in the early stages of their relationship, but, when the kids start coming, there will be a downturn in the happiness, they both stop investing in the relationship.

 

Here is why :-))

 

While the women focus more on the children, the men focus on their job.

When these happen, there tends to be a disconnect. The love starts deteriorating, resentment sets in and then marriage starts crumbling.

 

In this article, I will show you how to improve your Love life with your wife.
If this is what you really want, then be ready to read this post to the last page, because I will also show you what you should do to make your wife fall in love again with you.

 

If you are ready, then let’s go on.

 

 How to improve your love life with your wife.

1) Create a Balance between Togetherness and individuality: – So much has been said about couples being strong by having time together. Of course, mutuality is a very important aspect of marriage success.

However, in as much as couples need to share time together, the need to create a good balance between togetherness and individuality will help you improve your relationship and make it successful whether you are still planning to get married or you have been married for a while ago.

 

David Olsen says “Couple who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with each other is in the best position to succeed “.

The truth is that a moderate level of being close is optimal for a good relationship to thrive

To achieve this balance, you have to –

1 Make it known to your partner and to yourself about your own needs and wants.

2 Set aside some personal time: – You and your better half don’t need to be together on every waking hour because it is the quality of time you stay together that matters and not the quantity of time.

It is important two of you sit down and discuss the convenient time when you can have time to attend to your personal interests.

 

3 Learn to moderately say yes or no: – Remember you don’t need to say yes to everything your partner says and you don’t need to say no to everything either especially when you have not tried it out.

Always be open to trying new things, because you can eventually discover a new hobby for yourself.

 

2) Care for yourself: – We always get so overwhelmed in making sure our partners feel happy, that we forget our very self.

However, it is good you take care of yourself, pamper yourself, try going on alone dates, and get yourself good gifts.

 

3) Work as a team: – When you look at most of the successful marriage, you will find out that they have one thing in common, and that is the ability to work together as a team.

 

I love how Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. describes it “Teamwork is essential for combining various talents, skills, and bodies of knowledge in attaining a common goal”.

If you want to achieve greater success in your relationship, then try working as a team.

 

Many marriages fail because the couples are so interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires and that brings fight always

But, coupled with good communication and negotiating skill stays together for a long time.

 

The president and CEO of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, who also authored many books on how to improve relationships in his quote said: ” Learning to see your partner as a teammate rather than an opponent will help your marriage grow closer and stronger “.

 

Of course, storms will come, and there may be some disagreement, but you will always pass through it because you have one common motive and that is to make things work out.

 

Here are a few ways to build great teamwork.

a) Be selfless
b) Create core values
c) Discover the things that need change and find solutions for them.
d) Give up blame completely.
e) Always think about a solution and not problems.

 

3) Keep working every day: – To some people, marriage is a very critical institution, while some others believe it isn’t that hard in as much as you are doing the needful things on a daily basis.

Most couples wait for far too long to get their marriage back on its feet again, but, the real thing is to start working immediately you noticed some irregularities.

 

Just the same way you do to your car, you check the oil and make sure it is changed once it’s run one thousand kilometers; you top the water and quickly see a mechanic once you notice an unusual sound:

You have to always check up your relationship daily and start repairing it before things get out of hand.

 

If you really want to improve your marriage, then you have to take care of it, and it’s all about your daily and consistent maintenance.

 

Here are a few daily steps to take.

 

1 Try and demonstrate your love daily.
2 Bring your best into the marriage every day
3 Avoid daily arguments.

 

Doing these things will help you build security in your relationship.

 

Try asking your partner maybe once in a week about the things you have not done well the previous week and make proper use of the answers you get.

I have tried it so many times and I found out I have made so many mistakes that my spouse was not happy about.

 

If you wait for a long time or wait for your marriage to sink before you talk about your grievances, then it may be disastrous.

Commit yourself to the daily nurturing and you will not regret it.

 

4) Solve your problems fast:– There is absolutely no relationship without bumps and trials, the only disparity between the successful and the failed relationship is the ability to solve the problems encountered.

 

The worst marriage destroyer is to let some problems unsolved for a long time.

 

Gottman said, “Happily married couples do not have less conflict/tensions, but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand (before negative sentiment overrides the positive ones)”.

 

What he wants us to know is that not settling problems earlier has a way of bringing a disconnect and resentment to a couple that eventually breaks the marriage.

 

Improving your marriage means working ceaselessly in settling your disputes.
Mostly couple’s problems fall into 3 areas like – sex, parenting, in-laws and money, etc although there are many other areas, however, when this area is resolved fast, it takes care of others.”

 

Linda Mintle Ph.D. in her book ( I married you and not your family) described Five different ways couples respond to problems

1 The fighter
2 The avoider
3 Calm resolver

Depending on which area you fail into the advice is that you find out the style that walks best for you to solve your problems and keep your marriage aflame and alive and adopt it.

 

4) Improve your communication:- Many marriages have failed because there is no strong communication and many can be saved if couples can improve in their communication skills

 

The main reason for poor communication is due to the state of emotional connection between the two.

When there is a good connection, communication flows well, but the opposite happened when there is a disconnect.

 

So to improve your communication, look at your emotions and check if all is okay and then try improving it if need be.

 

Almost every couple has these communication problems, but healthy couples try hard to solve theirs.
If your relationship fails to the category I described earlier then you should learn the best way to increase communication effectively, let that be your priorities.

 

Though it is may not be that easy, but there are few tips that will help you.
a Learn to listen carefully.
b, Learn how to encourage.
c Remove all distractions
d Empathize

If you put all I’ve mentioned above in place during your conversation, then you are having a wonderful communication and it will help to improve your love life with your wife

 

5) Build trust in your end:– In marriage, trust plays an important part. No relationship can stand without trust no matter the type of love both have.

Trust can be seen as the glue that holds things together.

The absence of trust is fear and the Bible said that “Fear has torment”
That simply means your relationship will be tormented without trust.

 

Trusting your spouse means you believe, rely on, you can vouch for him/ her, have confidence and you feel secured with them.

 

Therefore to improve your relationship, you should try everything to build trust from your part, which is making your partner trust you again.

If your partner can say “yes my spouse can’t do such a thing” then you’ve gone to start building trust again.

Trust me it is not rocket science to build trust, although it won’t be a day or months thing, if you start today, then you will start seeing the effect in the near future.
The fact is that you are ignorant of how to start the journey, but I am here to help.

1 Discover where you breached the trust and make amend.
2 Forgive yourself first.
3 Apologize
4 Start being transparent in all your doings.
5 communicate openly

Finally:

When you put all these I mentioned into practice, you will find out how easy it is to improve your love life and make it better than what it has always been.
If this post helps to solve your problems, please share it with your friends.

I am still your friend
Murphyaik.
See you at the top.

Things your wife needs from you to be happy

It’s no lie that there are so many great differences between a man and a woman, starting from the way of thinking to the choices they make. But no matter what the differences are, there are some particular things your wife needs from you to be happy.

 

That’s the reason it is sometimes difficult to know what your wife needs from you to be happy at a point in time.

 

Results of the Studies from the doctors and the scientists clearly states that “It is clinically important to differentiate between a man and woman because they need different types of attention

 

If only you will understand what those differences are, then you can tell what your wife wants from you to be happy.

 

In this post, I will take you by hand and show you some of the things your wife will appreciate most if you do them to her.

 

 

Here they are

 

6 most amazing things your wife needs from you to be happy

 

(1) She wants to feel secure:

Every wife wants to have that feeling of security from her husband.

 

As men, we only think providing security is only when we defend our wives from someone that disrespected her or protecting her from harm.

 

Those are good, but providing security for your wife means more than that : )

 

What actually does security mean?

 

It is your ability to extend comfort, love, and safety to your wife.

 

Your wife wants to count on you for her well being and happiness and it is your duty to make her get those things by working hard to provide them to her.

 

You are responsible for giving her a feeling of stability.

 

Whenever there is a challenge, she trusts that you will make everything okay again.

 

(2) Your presence:

She wants to know that no matter what happens, no matter the pressure outside, that she is your top priority.

 

happy marriage, committed marriage,happy couples

After all the day’s activities, which include your job,  give her full attention whenever you’re home with her.

 

Understand that she is not your property and she doesn’t owe you her “soul”,

 

It is your duty to earn her soul and you do that by being present when she needs you most.

 

She wants you to be there when she has so much in her heart to share and she will love you to listen to her without distraction.

 

If those things I mentioned are missing, then I implore you to get them back and watch how beautiful your relationship will become in due time.

 

(3) Put down and switch off your gadgets: –

It’s time to stay with your wife after staying away the rest of the days outside, but your gadgets are still standing in the way.

 

There are no more secrets that technology is seriously affecting our relationships

 

Those devices in our rooms and both in our hands have brought a good decline in the ways we communicate.

 

We have lost those one and one moments we share together.

 

If you can learn to put off your Smartphone, your TV, and your computer in the evening time for at least one week, or even a reasonable time in a month, then it will help to inject some dose of intimacy and togetherness back into your marriage.

 

(4) Compliment her always: –

Your wife wants you to compliment her all the time: even when you feel she already knows how pretty she looks, go ahead and tell her.

 

Tell her that she looks beautiful in that new dress.

 

They always crave to hear those things from you every time.

 

I learned this from my wife.  She feels bad when she knows that I didn’t recognize her new hairstyle and she will ask me if I didn’t see her new cap.

 

You know that they love to compare themselves with the other women, and they want you to assure them that they are more beautiful than they are.

 

So always tell her those sweet things, it will help to boost love.

 

(5) Love Her:

The most important of all I have said here is love.

 

Men always forget to affirm their wives, and they want it, they need it, and can never do without it.

 

They love it when you reassure them of your love.

 

She desires more of that tender, thoughtful, heartfelt, and soft affirmation you present without demanding sex in return.

 

couples,happy husband and wife

(6) Support her:-

Your wife wants to know that if any other one fails,  that you are always by her side.

 

She needs to know that your shoulder is there for her to lean on.

 

Remember this doesn’t mean you should agree to everything she says.

 

If your wife stressed herself so much before getting home, she needs to see you care for her when she is around you.

 

If she is feeling overwhelmed with caring for the kids, she will feel good to see you offer to relieve her.

 

Show he loves in any way you can because out of all the girls out there, you choose her.

 

Bonus

You may also want to read these

1) 10 deadly mistakes to avoid in your marriage

2) 11 ways you unknowingly kill your wife and destroy your marriage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

happy marriage, communication styles, husband and wife talking, settling disputes

7 Quick wins to get your spouse talking

husband get your spouse talking

One of the questions I get from my subscribers is this “I had a quarrel/ fight with my spouse and he has not been talking to me all the while- What should I do?’ How do I get my spouse talking again?

If you are among those that asked that question and you’ve been wishing to get your spouse talk to you again or listen to you after you had a little argument, then this post is specially written to help you get him talking again.

Some times in every marriage, there tends to be a time where couples quarrel and even fight each other. Unfortunately, that’s inevitable in every relationship.

But that doesn’t mean the marriage has failed, and I don’t think it is peculiar to your marriage either.

It is normal.

It is sincerely a normal and healthy thing when couples disagree or argue in so many things.
Remember both of you are two different people, from different families and sometimes different backgrounds.

So there are bound to be different opinions also. However, one thing you should know is that the way you act after the whole heated moments is what matters the most in making your marriage survive.

Probably, you realized he/she doesn’t want to talk to you again and you are thinking of how to get him to talk.

I have written some quick win steps that will help you do that.

Here is how!

communication in marriage, settling issues

How to make your husband talk to you again after a little fight?

 

1 Take time to ponder on why the fight happened:-

“This is a very important thing to do if your plan is to make peace and calm the situation.

Fights usually come when there is a misunderstanding or when there is an intentional or nonintentional mistake.

But, most times people cannot say for sure that this is what brought the fight, and sometimes also the cause of the issue is known, but no one wants to accept the responsibility.

However, the first step in settling the argument is to take responsibility for the cause of the fight; and to do that, you have to ponder over what actually happened to know what your contribution was, that is when you will have the upper hand in settling the disputes.

 

2 Give your spouse some moments to cool off before talking:-

Actually, during the heated moments, anyone can say anything, but once the words or actions have been done, it has to either destroy or save the other person.

After pondering on the reasons why there was a fight, and you found out you have offended your spouse, and now you feel sorry, then going to him/her immediately will be the worst mistake to make.

That will only make him/her flare up once more.
It is true that you are genuinely sorry about your actions, but the other person needs time too to cool off.

Give him/her that time they needed and then plan well to make your first move.

 

3 Start with saying sorry, and let it come from your heart:-

Saying sorry when you offended your spouse is important, but it is more important when you say it from your heart.

Any time you apologies, to your spouse, he/she is always willing to accept you, especially when he/she believes you are doing that sincerely.

communication in marriage, talking with your spouse

 

You may think this is easier said than done, or impossible, but that is not the issue. If you truly have taken the time and really desire to reconcile with your spouse, what you have to do is to throw away you’re ago from the whole issues and go to him/her with an open heart.

He must accept it when the emotions and heart reflects in your “demeanor and words.

 

4 Always lit your face and pass a little smile when you see your spouse coming:-

Smile has a way of easing tension even when the situation is severe.

Don’t think am asking you to smile like a lunatic or as if you are posing for a selfie, but just to let you know that you must look natural and humble and never allow negativity overshadow you, just be pleased with your face lit up and a little smile; you will definitely make your spouse’s heart meltdown and feel happy to come to the point of settlement.

5 Offer help without being asked:-

There are times when your spouse whom you offended may need help, it may be your opportunity to initiate a conversation, especially when you are there to give the helping hand he/she needed.

But, here is what you must not do: )
Do not go and create the situation so he/she will resort to your help, you may be caught and dealt with because of that.

Remember, that this is not a Hollywood movie scene.

If the situation didn’t come by itself, then look for other ways to be the help.

So be by his side always, the opportunity may present itself to you.

6 Talk to a professional:-

If after the fight you are still finding it hard to see each other eye to eye, it could be that the issues aren’t over in your minds.

In that case, I suggest you look for a professional (someone who knows how to deal with marital challenges).

Seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor can help you know your feelings and how to work through to achieve your goals.

 

7 Communicate effectively: –

There is no doubt that effective communication isn’t the most important way of settling disputes in a relationship.

But to get on the right track with your spouse, it is imperative to communicate effectively and sincerely about how you feel about the issues and conditions at hand.

  1. You must let your spouse know your stand in the matter.

 

Over to you:-

I have shared some important points with you now, which I believe will help you achieve your aim which is to get your spouse talking again with you.
The remaining part of the game is left with you to do. So I implore you to try and see how things will change for the better.

 

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