Abuse: Five seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage
Your dreams were to get married someday and be happy with your spouse and your children, but, what you are currently seeing is completely far beyond your dreams. Your happy ever after dreams is now a mirage to you.
What makes you cry mostly is that the hurts are coming from the same person that promised to love and take care of your well-being.
You are not alone :=))
According to National Coalition against Domestic Violence, “A woman is assaulted or beaten every 9 seconds in America.
And a research in Nigeria also shows that 25 percent of women go through ordeal of domestic abuse and violence.
However, this day, not only women are abuse; men also fall victim of abuse.
From this book Ignite your marriage, you will learn ways to go through all the storms in your relationship.
In this post, you will understand 5 interesting ways to approach abuse in your marriage.
Here are few ways domestic abuse and violence starts
- Abusive behavior usually starts when your partner tried to have and maintain control over you.
- All your partner wants is to intimidate you, wear you down and keep you lying low under his thumb, using guilt, fear and shame, sometimes also he will inflict hurts on you and also threaten to hurt anyone around you.
Simply put, abuse is all about and power, and it normally comes in 3 different forms
1) Emotional Abuse:- This happens when your spouse always try to manipulate your emotions.
It usually don’t leave a scar on you, however, it can create a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence.
It is not always understood in the beginning, but when you partner always –
- Saying things to always frighten you.
- Swear or call you names
- Crosses your boundaries repeatedly.
- Monitors your whereabouts and times.
- And constantly point out your flaws.
Then you know you are experiencing emotional abuse.
2) Verbal abuse: – This is one of the most common abuse in our society now. It occurs when your partner takes time to shout, curse, degrade, belittle, insult or accuse you.
It’s also the wheel that drives the other forms of abuse, because once your partner abused you with words, he/ she can likely move to another level of abuse.
And finally the
3) Physical abuse:- This occurs when your partner uses physical violence against you.
As I earlier said, abuse usually breeds from verbal and emotional violence and then progresses to physical actions.
Causes of abuse in marriage
Research has shown that there is no specific cause for abuse in marriage.
It is neither caused by loss of control, anger, provocation, not mentally health issues.
It is just a choice made by someone and so when your partner tried to blame it on something else, he/she is simply trying to justify his/her behaviors’.
Again, most times whenever abuse is mentioned in relationships, we believe it is only a woman that’s abused.
Men are also abused, beaten and battered by their wives.
So if you are a man in an abusive relationship, then understand that you are not alone.
Thousands of men from different works of life have gone through and are still experiencing it as am writing this.
But men are physically stronger than women do how can he be abused you may ask!
Sure men are strong physically, but how do you describe it when a woman spits, bites, throw things, destroys possession or even attach a man while he is asleep just to make up for a little quarrel?
This post is just to help you understand what you can do, if you are abused and battered in your marriage.
Here are things you can do to stop the violence.
5 seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage.
- Decide and take actions:- if you are in an abusive relationship, then never try to excuse or explain the behavior, neither blame yourself for anything.
You are the one wearing the shoes so you understand properly whether to endure the pains or throw in the towel.
No one out there can help, if not you.
You will agree with me that no type of abuse is better than the other so the first thing to do in changing the situation is to be truthful to yourself and accept that you are in an abusive marriage and be quick in doing whatever you think is best to make you free from the abusive situation.
Though it will not be that easy, because sometimes you are so frightening, or you still believe things will be better in the future.
It’s even harder when you are being isolated from your friends and families.
However, if you are still trying to make up your mind to stay or leave, here are few steps to take for your safety.
- Know the safe places in your house:- It’s important you know which area of your house where you can run to when he/she starts.
- Identify his/her red moments:- Always be fast to know when he starts getting angry and seek a good reason to leave the house.
- Be ready for any Emergency escape:- Always be sure there’s fuel in the car, have spare key to the next door, and keep emergency money to enable you disappear when the madness starts.
It is up-to you now to know what to do starting now.
2) Understand that you can’t change an abuser:- It is not your responsibility to make your abusive partner know that he/she is hurting you.
Even if you try all you can, you’ll not succeed.
Abusers never change when they receive your compassion; they only change by learning to “act with compassion”.
And so if you wish to stay forever hoping that one day he/she will change, then you are only hurting yourself.
However never overlook how much pain he/she inflicts on you.
It is not that interesting to be with someone who can’t show any respect to you.
3) Seek professional Help:- If you are a victim of an abusive relationship and you have exhausted your power of trying to manage the process all by yourself, then seeking to employ the services of a profession helper To Help you out.
There are people like the therapist or psychologist who are specially trained to help out in certain conditions, and your collaborating with them may be a quick help in solving your problems.
The work of a good therapist or psychologist will go a long way in helping you through the emotional aspects of the abuse.
In my article HOW TO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST, you will discover how you can get a good and qualified therapist to work with in every condition.
You can also search the internet for other helps that are available for an abused or battered partner.
4) Never fight back:- All the abuser are good manipulators and they are ready to provoke to the point of making you almost go mad, and at the same time they will want to blame you for everything.
My advice to you is to hold yourself strong and never try to fight back no matter the intensity of the insult.
I know it may not be easy for you to do, but remember all those things are well set out traps for you and at last, you may be the one bearing all the blames at last.
So let him/her go ahead and shout at you: all you should do is to control yourself and just walk away.
5) Reach out to others:- Try and establish a good relationship with as many family and friends you can.
It is true many abusers will want to cut you off from people, but they may sometimes forget some others.
Try and build relationships with them and let them know what’s going on with you and your partner to whenever they don’t hear from you they will understand.
Also have a coded text massage or words they understand very well.
Any time your abusive partner starts his/her madness, secretly forward the massage to them, that will make them know you are un trouble.
Finally, understand that abusers a not normal, and so take good precautions for any action you want to take.
Make sure you plan yourself properly and finally understand that leaving the abusive relationship is the best solution as your life is more important that hoping for things to get better.
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